WHITE OUT
by Emom
Summary: Complete! Sometimes saving someone is only the beginning of the journey. Johnny, Roy/Kanda.
1. Chapter 1

WHITE OUT

Winter must be cold for those with no warm memories. ~From the movie _An Affair to Remember_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

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><p>CHAPTER 1<p>

She stood alone in the modest bedroom. The walls were covered with various posters of rainbows, unicorns and Tinkerbelle, along with delicate pink lace curtains draped over the windows. Picking up a picture frame she clutched it to her chest and let the tears stream down her cheeks. His warm arms then wrapped around her waist from behind; his soft breath on her neck, whispering gentle words of love.

"Let me help."

All she could do was nod as they together began the task of packing. For the most part her mind had been kept busy with all the repairs that needed to be finished, deciding what needed to be stored and what must be packed up to go with them. The weathered log walls were filled with memories that she couldn't bear to face right now and they flooded her at every turn. Saying goodbye to this cherished place was simply the culmination of her week of enduring hell on this earth.

If it wasn't for him staying by her side she would have not made it this far. His words were always kind, his patience never ending and the ring on her finger reminded her that he still wanted her after all the bad that had happened.

But, she was broken; broken in spirit, heart, mind, and soul. Her constant questions to him of why never seemed to bother him. Why would he want her now? Why was he still at her side?

It wasn't his tall slender frame, hidden muscle and strength behind that lanky stance that had caught her attention. Not even his soft curly dark hair that she could never have enough time to run her fingers through. No, every time she looked at him she was drawn to his wide mischievous smile and chocolate eyes that had melted her heart from the first time she saw him. They were eyes that never spoke of anything harsh, or judgmental, only love.

They moved from one room to another, then to another. Cleaning, packing, and getting it ready to be shut down for good. You couldn't count the number of times she had played here in all seasons; going back to before she had even learned to walk. Family vacations on the mountain were a mainstay growing up and an inherent part of her being. When her mother started having health problems they had stopped coming and it had an abandoned air to it now.

But each corner held the past like ghosts pulling at her heart. She ran her finger across the small etched marks scattered at intermittent levels from the floor up the door frame, they made her smile. Her dad had done that every summer they came up to vacation. The second set of marks stopped about waist high and elicited a new tear as she knelt down and kissed the last one. She had hoped to one day share this place and all its treasures with her own family, her own children. Her breathing hitched as the sob caught her off guard. He was instantly beside her, so attuned to her now and her needs.

"We're almost done baby."

She turned to his chest, allowing his shirt to soak up her tears. Would she ever feel normal again? Could she? Did she even want to?

Dinner time was approaching and the smell of it caught her attention. His cooking was a nice distraction and even if his coworkers didn't appreciate it, she did.

"Smells good," she said softly as she worked on drying up the tears.

He pushed her hair back, avoiding the nasty bruise on the side of her head. "Your favorite." His smile could always make her heart lift again.

She smirked, "Is the spaghetti recipe yours this time, or his?" She giggled knowing what the answer would be.

"Actually," he began, "It's his. I just added a few special touches." He winked at her.

"Special touches huh, should I be scared?"

He feigned a hurt look, "Don't trust me?"

She gave him a big hug. "Forever."

They consciously kept the conversation light over dinner. It was his eternal attempt to try and keep her spirits from falling further. Mindless distractions that he knew wouldn't cure her, but still were worth every effort. This trip up had been hurriedly unplanned and dangerously rushed. When she made the decision to get this done there had been no stopping her and since he would never let her face it alone it had turned into a long hard week for them both.

She couldn't relax. Physically she was in pain and emotionally she was spent. The cabin had been in worse shape than she remembered. Had it really been that long since the last time up? Despite it all they had worked well together and gotten a lot done.

A beeping sound distracted her from her revere and she looked to see a flashing red light on the weather radio.

"Anything we should be worried about?" She asked.

He shook his head. "I don't think so. If we head out at sun up like planned we should be able to stay ahead of the storm."

Her nod was soft. She had no desire to be stuck up here in the mountains. Their only task was to close up the cabin for the duration, not knowing if or when they would ever come back. At this point supplies were essentially nonexistent and more than that she couldn't bear the thought of lingering here any longer than necessary.

It was time to go.

They kept busy through the evening knowing that stillness brought memories and those memories brought tears. She was good at busy work too. Bruises and discomfort kept her from moving at her usual pace, but she refused to let it slow her down. The howling wind outside combined with pouring rain was a constant reminder that rapid temperature drops were on the way and soon the world around them would be buried in snow.

* * *

><p>They say that the time between awake and asleep is the twilight of memories so real you could reach out and touch them. She turned her head to the voice, soft and singing, in the hallway. Her smile grew wide as the air filled with her sweet fragrance and tingled with her boundless energy. Instinct made her want to jump out of bed and go join the joyful laughter that resonated through the rooms of the house, but something was holding her down. There were arms wrapped around her holding her tight and not allowing her to get up. The more she struggled the tighter they became. Those precious giggles that called for her were drowned out by the sound of someone shushing her and although the voice was gentle, it angered her. It kept her from what she needed more than life itself and as what she wanted faded more and more she was drawn closer to the one who held her.<p>

Then reality hit.

He was holding her as best he could in an attempt to keep her from hurting herself again. Her tears broke his heart, her sobs tore at his soul, and her pain screamed in his ears. When her eyes popped open and she knew where she was all her energy evaporated. Collapsing in his arms he knew this nightmare was over, but many more were to come. Getting her back home to LA was his only priority now.


	2. Chapter 2

WHITE OUT

I will not carry a gun... I'll carry your books, I'll carry a torch, I'll carry a tune, I'll carry on, carry over, carry forward, Cary Grant, cash and carry, carry me back to Old Virginia, I'll even hari-kari if you show me how, but I will not carry a gun! ~Hawkeye, M*A*S*H, "Officer of the Day"

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_AN: Thanks to those who took the time to review for me, it always means a lot to hear back and see if I am on track with my thoughts. As a writer, knowing that someone is out there makes all the difference in the next chapter :)_

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><p>CHAPTER 2<p>

"I told him it was none of his business!" The teen boy ranted. He was about 16, young and obviously very angry. He stood there donning a shredded shirt and for some odd reason only wore one shoe.

John Gage, paramedic, held out his hands. "Look now, we're not saying who's right or wrong here. We just need you to put down the bat and let us check him out." He wanted to roll his eyes. He wanted to throttle the kid. Neither of which were possible. Would nothing go right today?

"He wouldn't stop talking about her. I couldn't get him to stop." The boy started to stammer. "I wasn't trying to hurt him. I just wanted him to shut up about it."

They both heard the hesitation in his voice.

Roy knew this was the time to act. "We know you didn't mean it. That's what we're here for, to help out." He took easy steps forward, his hands palms up and slightly extended. He glanced down at the victim who was lying between the medics and the outraged teen. Even just a visual assessment told him they didn't have time to waste here.

Glances to the street by Johnny hoped for police back up quickly, but for right this moment it was just them. "Yea, man. We just want to check on him," Johnny said in a casual tone. His racing brain was anything but casual, but there was no reason to let the kid know that. He could see his stance relax just a fraction and the bat lower just a hair, followed by a fleeting expression of confusion across the young man's face.

Johnny caught movement in his peripheral vision and quicker than he could gather the thought of '_no_', he realized that Roy was moving. The impact sent the teen down hard with the bat flying out of his hand and out of reach. Roy grunting with the impact knowing his shoulder had hit something hard and didn't appreciate it. Prepared to fight and hold him down Roy was surprised when the kid simply rolled over and gave up.

His anger was now spent and exhausted out. Roy's quick evaluation surmised that the boy was unhurt and after getting them both to their feet he turned the now stoic youth over to the approaching police. Johnny was already at the other boy's side doing an initial exam. Quickly beside his partner, Roy looked up with a glance of assurance that he was also fine, feeling Johnny's stare.

Mutual worries put aside, they fell into their routine.

"Pupils unequal and sluggish, Roy. He has a large area of swelling and bruising at the base of his skull and there's clear fluid in both ears." He grimaced, "There's also moving bone. Pulse is 50, respirations 10 and aginal, blood pressure is 60/30. He is unresponsive to pain and reflexes are absent."

This kind of call saddened Roy. It was so senseless and such a waste of a young life. They would go through the motions, but he knew that the boy was already gone. His skull had been shattered by a bat wielded in anger and an impulse that could have been avoided. As he relayed the information to Rampart Joe Early's voice confirmed the prognosis.

_51, IV D5LR, immobilize neck and spine, transport as quickly as possible_.

"10-4 Rampart, IV, we are immobilized and ambulance is on the scene. ETA 11 minutes."

The men moved quickly and efficiently knowing that time was short. Every second was precious to this young man if he had any chance at all. Roy loaded up the boxes while Johnny rode into Rampart with the victim. It didn't take words between them for the medics to convey feelings, concerns, and resolute knowledge. He knew just as well as Roy what the outcome of this call would be. It wouldn't be the first loss and definitely not the last for the team. Going through the motions was part of the job until you were absolutely sure those motions were no longer necessary. And often, even beyond that.

Knowing they had done all that was possible during their short time with the young man they completed their portion of the death paperwork, gathered replacement supplies and headed back to the station. Both were quiet and at a point of inner reflection for the time being. The words would come later when they were ready. After this many years of friendship and working together they would know when it was time.

It had been a week of work like no other. Most things you can just shrug off to the job, knowing the next shift has better prospects, however, some things you can't. Certain runs get under your skin and become hard to shake. Roy watched Johnny from across the table, knowing it was all bothering him and that the time to talk about it had come.

"Hey, Junior."

Johnny looked up.

"I think we better make a run to Rampart to restock."

Johnny just nodded, "Okay." He knew what his partner was doing. It was the art of distraction and Roy was very good at it.

In the truck was a good time for Roy to get Johnny to talk about anything that bothered him. This was his chance. "You doing okay?" He asked casually.

Johnny shrugged his shoulders and ran his fingers through his dark wavy hair. "Yea, I guess so. I mean, I know it's just part of the job and that not every rescue has a happy ending."

Roy nodded, "Yea, but that doesn't always make it easier."

Johnny wrinkled his forehead. "Sometimes it's just frustrating to deal with the lack of, of ...well I don't know what. I mean, what happened to caring about your fellow man in the world?"

The week had seen a lot of violence. A random careless injury would be a nice change of pace and was exactly what they needed about now. Roy knew Johnny's heart was not easily numb to the rising criminal element of the big city. It may be another side of the job, but not the best side of it. Being able to vent to each other, the frustrations and stressors, helped them to remember they weren't alone in the feeling.

_SQUAD 51, GUN SHOT VICTIM, 415 EASTMONT AVENUE. APARTMENT 21. POLICE ARE RESPONDING. TIME OUT 8:48._

They both took a deep breath and turned towards the next job. Each call had to be approached with maximum optimism, anything less would burn a medic out quicker than a firecracker fuse. By the time they arrived at the scene there were already several police cars in the parking lot and a crowd gathering.

Jumping out of their seats they quickly grabbed boxes and the oxygen tank. After a quick _here we go_ glance to each other they headed up the worn and rusty metal stairs. The outside corridor was thick with on looking neighbors and police working to get control of the scene. As they approached the open door, where most had gathered, Roy was almost knocked over the railing by a large male. Johnny instinctively reached out to grab his arm and keep him from going over completely. Quickly regaining his footing on solid ground he realized the man that about ran him over was in handcuffs. His next glance was to Johnny in silent thanks for saving his skin, again.

"Get off me pig!" the man yelled. His voice was deep and raging with anger. "She deserved what she got!"

_She? _

Just the word sent chills down Johnny's spine and it quickened his partners pace. He was right on Roy's heels as they moved into the room, pushing past more officers that seemed to now be coming out of the woodwork.

"Over here Roy," Vince's voice called through the chaos.

Each man moved to one of her sides and began their instant assessments. It was years of experience that allowed the team to work undistracted by the commotion that surrounded them. Johnny was grateful to see that her eyes were open, being conscious was reassuring for the moment. He also understood the unspoken panic she conveyed as he watched her eyes dart all around the room.

"Miss, we're with the Fire Department. We're here to help you," Roy's calm voice caught her attention and she focused on him. "I need you to try and relax, okay?" His soft smile and gentle eyes soothed her into relaxing a bit as Johnny worked on gathering vital signs.

When he put the blood pressure cuff on he felt her flinch under his touch. "Easy there, we're here to help you. It's okay." Her eyes were wary and far from a state of full trust, but she was at least listening to them.

Vince knelt down next to Johnny with the gun to show him. "45 and close range."

He shot Vince a look, "thanks Vince, now can you get rid of that thing, you're making me nervous here."

Roy opened up the Viacom. "Rampart, this is squad 51, do you read?"

Kelly Brackett's voice came across. _Go ahead 51_.

"Rampart, we have a female, approximately 20 years old with multiple gunshot wounds. There are 2 in the upper right chest, just below the clavicle, 2 in right quadrant abdomen. She also has multiple bruises and lacerations over her face and arms. Blood pressure is 90/60, HR 130, Respirations are 26 and labored. Rampart she is conscious and in respiratory distress. Breath sounds are diminished on the right side. We have pressure applied to the wounds."

_51, begin oxygen, start IV of lactated ringers, wide open and continue to monitor vital signs closely. Transport as soon as possible_.

"10-4 Rampart, oxygen and IV LR. Ambulance is pulling up now."

Johnny was already getting her IV started as Roy placed the oxygen mask on her face. As Roy got the fluids ready Johnny repeated her vital signs and checked her pupils. He was growing concerned about her increasing drowsy state of consciousness.

"Why?" She whispered as she looked into his eye.

He had to lean in closer to hear her. "What did you say?"

A single tear ran down her face, "Why?"

Johnny felt a shaking sadness for her and that he had no answers to give. This week had brought the same question to his mind over and over. Why did things like this have to happen? Was he losing faith in his fellow man's ability to show compassion and faith? Before he could answer she drifted off.

"Roy, her pressure is down to 50 palpable, HR 140. She's still bleeding from the sites."

Roy knew what it meant. Her ability to clot was compromised and she was bleeding to death right before their eyes. "Rampart, this is 51. We have a new set of vital signs."

_Go ahead 51_.

"Rampart, our victim continues to bleed from the sites despite pressure applied. HR is now 140, BP 50 palpable. She is now unconscious and unresponsive."

51_ begin a second IV, LR wide open. Place esophageal airway if needed. When can you transport_?

"Second IV of LR and ambulance is now on scene."

_10-4 51_.

They left the trauma room exhausted, mentally and physically. Brackett had run the code for over an hour. Johnny knew they had done all they could though it didn't make the loss any easier. It never did.

"You guys did a good job Johnny. I hope you know that." Brackett said as he approached the desk.

He leaned back on the counter beside Dixie. "Thanks doc. It's just senseless that it happened to begin with." Johnny said through frustration.

"Did you ever find out what the fight was about?" He asked the medics.

Roy shook his head reflecting his frustration. "Something about her wanting to move out and he wanted her to stay."

Dixie was appalled. "So he tried to convince her to stay by shooting her? That's just crazy."

Johnny tapped the HT against his hand. "Yep, crazy is exactly what it is."

The ride back to the station was quiet and Roy let him mull things over in his mind for a bit. As they pulled into the station Roy turned to his friend and partner.

"Quite a week huh?"

Johnny sat motionless for a moment, his thoughts heading in a new direction. A direction they needed to take or continue to linger and allow the negative to consume him. He opened his door and climbed out of the squad, leaning in on the window to see Roy. "Yea," he paused. "Yea, it has been but you know what?"

Roy was afraid to ask. "What?"

"I just figured out the perfect plan for my days off." Johnny was grinning ear to ear now.

Roy climbed out of the cab and leaned on the hood of the truck. "And exactly what might those plans be?"

Johnny rubbed his hands together. Just the thought of escaping the reality of work for a few days was getting more enticing by the minute. "Well, a friend of mine has a cabin in the mountains. He's been trying to get me to come back out for a while now. You see I help him with some minor repair work and I get free room and board. I think I might just take him up on it." Then a look of revelation came across his face. "Roy, you should come with me. Fishing, relaxing, hiking….." He said in a luring manner to his friend.

"Well, that sounds like a great idea, but the kids have me booked up for the entire week I'm off. Between baseball games with Chris and a dance recital for Jenny, I see no fishing in my future." He tried to sound woeful, but Johnny knew him better than that. It was clear that Roy loved every minute he had with his kids.

"Okay, fine. You get out of it this time." He turned on his heels and waved a finger at his partner, "this time."

With a renewed bounce in his step, Roy knew Johnny would be fine.

Besides, a vacation would do him good.


	3. Chapter 3

WHITE OUT

"Those that say you can't take it with you never saw a car packed for a vacation trip."

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

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><p>CHAPTER 3<p>

Packing up to leave had been a breeze since he kept all his camping gear together after each trip. Johnny was in a great mood even after the last week of work had done its best to try and drag him down. This was his reprieve from reality and he planned to enjoy every last minute of it.

It was a beautiful drive up the mountains until rain hit towards the end of the journey. Even then he refused to let it sidetrack his good mood. As someone who had traveled in all extremes of weather he knew one had to expect pretty much anything, especially when you stayed up this high.

As the elevation increased he could feel the temperature fall and it brought out the kid in him as he watched the rain gradually change into snow. The sun was just coming up and it revealed the gray winter sky and the progressive dusting of snowfall as he continued up the mountain.

Leaving early was part of his plan, to make the most of each day he had up here. His last stop before reaching the cabin would be to pick up a few grocery items at the isolated high mountain store. It was one of his favorite places to come when he was in this area. Not much more than a one room log cabin, it had become a mainstay for many years for the locals and visitors as an entrance to the wilderness that lay beyond.

Since the early morning was showing an early arrival of the predicted storm he didn't plan to linger for long. He didn't mind the incoming storm as long as he didn't have to be driving in it. Pulling into the little gravel parking he was actually surprised at how many vehicles there were around him. Getting out he did a catlike long stretch to straighten out his back from the stilled position during the drive. Feeling the nip in the air he grabbed his old faithful winter parka and slipped it on.

He held the store door open for a young couple coming out and chuckled at their conversation. They were arguing about who could drive better in the snow to get them back home.

Inside the store he was wrapped in warmth and quickly shed the coat as his eyes took in the floor to ceiling assortment there was to buy. Looking to the register he quickly found the familiar face.

"Hey there, Buck." He ginned as he extended his hand to shake.

"Well, well, long time no see." Buck was the store owner. Sixty years old with a long grey thinning beard and mustache he was the classic symbol of the outback store. Clothed in tattered overalls, worn and weathered hiking boots he appeared as something from the Beverly Hillbillies. He eyed Johnny with a mischievous smile.

Johnny chuckled. "Oh, you know how the work world is. They don't let me escape too often."

"Yep, yep, I know exactly what you mean son." Buck was taking items off the shelf as he talked. It never ceased to amaze Johnny on how the man could remember such details. Actually, he just didn't realize how much Buck thought of him as part of his own family.

"Now, let me see here if I got what you need."

"As usual Buck, you got me pegged," Johnny said as he eyed the items waiting for him. It was exactly what he always got, as usual. "I'm surprised you got this much business today." Johnny looked at the as sundry of folks shopping in the store.

"Well, these folk is all leaving, heading out." Buck laughed then leaned across the counter to Johnny, "They's all in a panic over the snow coming in last night. You'd think there was a serial killer on the loose up here." He let out a loud laugh at the image of tourists running screaming down the mountain.

"Not you," Buck continued. "Don't surprise me a bit to see you coming in, stead of running off."

Smiling at the old man, "Oh, snow doesn't bother me a bit. I'm looking forward to several days of peace and quiet."

They both turned their heads at hearing the front door bell ring again. "Not many folks come up here prepared like you do. We see more and more tourists this way now every season and they think they were born Daniel Boone." He shook his head. "They's more worried about how they look than if they git off this mountain alive."

Johnny stepped back with a fake look of hurt on his face, "I don't look that bad now do I?"

Buck let out a bellow laugh that nearly rattled the timbers and the startled shoppers. "Ha! No my boy. In fact, I keep waiting for the trip where you ain't by you self no more."

Johnny handed him the money and gathered up his supplies in a cardboard box. "Never know Buck." He chuckled. "Never know."

"True, true," the old man said with a smile. "Now, yous be careful up there and call if ya need anything. They saying this ain't no big deal, but these bones is telling me different."

Nodding back, "I sure will Buck, thanks. See ya on my way down."

Getting to the cabin wasn't a problem. He had been there many times before and knew the road by heart. Even the gradually disappearing landmarks posed no risk because Johnny knew the natural markers as well as the locals by now. He could feel the drop in temperature with the corresponding climb in elevation and his tires could feel the ice formation under the snow layer.

Pulling up to the cabin was a feeling of coming home. Even though he hadn't been up here much recently, he had grown very fond of the place. It was a pretty good setup with his friend Kevin, to have a place to stay in exchange for some help with keeping it maintained. Loading up with gear he headed to the front porch only to land flat on his back with a loud grunt.

"Dang it! Good job Johnny." He muttered to himself. "Just get here and already trying to break a leg on the ice."

The next load had the salt bag which he generously sprinkled onto the steps and front porch making the rest of unpacking much safer. Even then he gathered up the groceries and inched his way inside. A couple of more trips had him unloaded and ready to begin his vacation.

A much needed few days of relaxation.

* * *

><p>The alarm clock went off. He didn't even hit the snooze because he was more than ready to get off this mountain. Momentarily he was disoriented by the darkness of the room and double checked the time with his watch. Realizing the time was correct he jumped out of bed knowing the sun may not be completely up yet, but it shouldn't be this dark still. Horror struck him as he looked out the window to see snow falling hard and fast. The ground was already covered.<p>

The storm had arrived early.

"Emily, Emily!" He roused her, trying to urge her sleepy movements to move faster. "The storm is already here, we have to move fast."

The urgency in his voice was unmistakable and it sent a fear through her. She knew he could handle the roads since his job called for driving in all kinds of weather so if he was this frantic to leave then she had not realized the severity of the weather in his voice last night. Awake and alert now, she quickly dressed and closed up her ready suitcase. They had packed up all the boxes last night into the truck bed, leaving only their own personal bags to grab.

As the sky began to lighten up some under the thick winter clouds, they buckled up and pulled away from what had been at one time her home away from home. The anxiety about the road before them didn't completely take away the pain of the past she was driving away from.

She could feel the truck slipping on the layer of ice underneath the new fallen snow. Her grip tightened on the seatbelt and she knew she had to calm down and looking over to Jeff she was reassured by the smile that he gave her. When he turned back to focus on the road, she mentally said goodbye to house that she left behind.

"Slow down, please," her voice had a begging plea to it and he understood why. Of all people he knew what she had been through and the incredible toll it had taken on her. Taking a deep breath to steady his own rising anxiety over the dismal weather he willed his grip on the steering wheel to calm.

The road to the cabin was basically a long narrow driveway that connected to the main road through a maze like passage. It required at least three road changes and had not been maintained in the last few years. Arriving was complex enough and that was during dry sunny conditions. His concern was growing at finding the markers in the rapidly evolving blizzard.

He flashed his best effort at a calming smile. "Sorry hon, we're okay. We have time." Even though he knew time was growing shorter by the minute he resolved to keep all concerns to himself for as long as possible. His peripheral vision caught her snow white knuckles fisted in her lap. It was a complicated effort to sooth her fears, especially knowing deep down that she was teetering on the edge of holding it together. Right now getting her down this mountain was his only priority.

In clear weather the road was nonthreatening and easy to follow. It was the lack of road, on the edge of a sharp dropping shoulder that was holding his tight focus. Even with snow chains intact he was repetitively feeling the tires lose their grip on the ice that layered underneath them. The first winter snow of the season whipped around them with an intensity that neither had ever seen before.

Silence filled the truck cabin and the air was thick with anticipation for every inch of ground they covered. In the same fraction of a second that the tires lost their grip on the downhill road, she screamed. His frantic counter actions with the steering wheel made no difference, coupled with useless brakes sent them rocketing to the edge.

Then over.

* * *

><p>He didn't think he could ever grow tired of the majestic beauty that surrounded this place. It was nothing short of incredible. When his time came to retire, many years from now, this was going to be a part of it somehow. Standing on the front porch Johnny leaned against a post and watched the afternoon snow fall. Shuffling his feet he scattered the salt pellets with his toe, making sure of no more back flips in his near future.<p>

Chuckling under his breath he thought of Roy lecturing him for getting injured while on vacation. Thinking of Roy then took him back to the station and the recent losses they had experienced. He constantly tried to balance them with the rescues and all the good outcomes of the job. It was a never ending internal battle, but up here, at least for a while there was peace.

Being a paramedic was completely a part of his being; however, some weeks wore at him more than others and this past week just happened to be one of them. He knew that as the city grew in size they were just experiencing the good and bad elements of it. Rescues that came from violent events were something he never wanted to grow numb too however. It was just a part of his nature to keep believing that people could care about others, even when shift after shift had shown him differently. These few days were his time to heal.

Moving back inside to the warmth of the cabin he proceeded to clean up after lunch and stoke the fire to a blazing roar of warmth and security. Part of his responsibility at the cabin was to do some routine upkeep. The tool box had been easily located in the hall storage closet and he began rummaging through it for some items. Looking over to the fridge he reviewed the 'to do' list that Kevin had left him. Now, he wouldn't say that handyman work was the fun part of a vacation, but none of the tasks were complicated and he would easily trade a little work for being here.

* * *

><p>Cold.<p>

Wet.

Quiet.

It hurt to open her eyes so she simply sat unmoving until her brain could orient a bit. By sensation she knew she was no longer sitting upright. _Side maybe? Laying on something cold, hard_. _Metal._

Gathering up some strength she decided to open her eyes. Being greeted with a blinding light she quickly shut them again and grimaced from the pain that shot through her head. Silently she counted to ten then decided to try again.

This time she was more prepared for the glaring brightness and somewhere deep down she remembered that it had snowed. The only movement of her body was the growing shivering that she seemed to have no control over. Straight ahead she could see out the front windshield, the ragged edges told of its shattered state.

Next, she did a body review to try and determine how badly hurt she was. Her head hurt the most and reaching up she found the fresh cut along her left temple. _Great, another bruise to add to the old one_. Sore ribs were to be expected since the last bang she took hadn't even had time to heal yet. Moving her trunk she didn't feel any more pain than expected and she was actually grateful for that. It was guaranteed that soreness would rule her body for a while.

Again, she closed her eyes trying to figure out what had happened. The last thing she could remember was cleaning the house. Why was she so cold? She could feel her heart racing, her breaths quick as they tried to generate some internal heat. _The house_, yes, they were cleaning.

_They?_ Yes, Jeff was with her. She shook her head to clear the fog and was greeted with instant pounding pain. _Still,_ she told herself_, stay still_. As the pain diminished again she tried to re-gather her thoughts.

Why was it so difficult to focus?

She was with Jeff. They had left the house. Yes, that was it. She was in the truck. She listened and the quiet brought a new growing fear. Opening her eyes again she turned her head, slowly, to the left, looking towards the driver's seat. A sob left her as the tears ran down her cheeks.

He was still buckled, slumped over towards her. The harsh impact with the steering wheel to his head was easily seen, his body looked broken in half, only held in place by the seatbelt.

His eyes were open and vacant.

Closing her eyes she allowed the cold and darkness to take her.


	4. Chapter 4

WHITE OUT

I believe that there is a subtle magnetism in Nature, which, if we unconsciously yield to it, will direct us a right. ~Henry David Thoreau

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_AN: Thanks again for all that review. I love hearing from you guys. Reviews to a writer are like sprinkles to a 3 year olds ice cream cone._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 4<p>

Consciousness came to her again, and once again she felt confused over where she was and what had happened. As she opened her eyes she was flooded with the memory. He was gone. Just like everyone else, he was gone. Despite the pain that tore her heart out, her body was screaming for her to move, to get warm quickly. Driven by some unconscious drive of self preservation she worked her fingers to try and unbuckle her seatbelt. This was difficult because they were numb with cold and she couldn't control her shaking. After several minutes she managed to get loose and began very slow movements to see what worked and what didn't. Her mind was also numb, unable to focus on anything but getting out of the snow that had been accumulating on her. It seemed that the actions were overwhelming and she closed her eyes to pause for a moment.

Catching herself coming too she realized she must be intermittently blacking out, each time waking disoriented, and regaining the memories. This made the going slow and even more painful. Looking out the window all she could see was white and forest. Her bearings were completely fragmented and she had to admit that she had no idea where they were. The house had disappeared from her view as they drove and with her distraction she had no recollection of how far down the road they had been when the accident happened.

No one knew they were even up here. She sighed. This meant no one would be looking for them. She was hurt and more alone than she had ever been in her entire life. Jeff was gone and he was the only one that knew how thin her thread to existing was. He had been her anchor in more ways than even he had realized. It was painful to look into his eyes knowing there was nothing she could do for him, that there was nothing she wouldn't have done for him.

Moving was more difficult and exhausting that she expected. The numbness from the cold made her fumble and fall, each time making it harder to regain her footing. Standing up in the truck, which was on its side, Jeff was right in front of her. His skin was so cold and her shivering made it difficult to touch him. Gently she closed his eyes and kissed his lips one last time. Swinging her leg, then body, into the back seat she grunted with the pain and panted with the effort. Their suitcases that had been back there were now tossed and the contents spilt out. Pushing clothes out of the way to the best of her ability she curled up somewhere in the middle of the stack. She was shivering hard; exhausted by the actions and with one last look at him she saw no reason to move anymore. Even the desire to self preserve was leaving her spirit.

She no longer cared.

* * *

><p>Johnny marked another job off the list. Nursing a finger with an ice cube he noted "replace old wiring" next to the check mark. Knowing the heating unit had fuel, the wood was stacked up and ready, and the ham radio in the little office was working helped him to feel ready for his vacation. Propped up on the couch he pulled out the old map he had found in a drawer and started planning his trip out in the morning. Some hiking and a little fishing was on the schedule along with a whole bunch of relaxing.<p>

The little cabin was snugly warm and as he drifted off to sleep on the couch he was thankful for all he had in life, job, friends, family, and places like this.

One would think that an alarm would send him straight to his feet. However, his body and brain knew a day off from a work shift. Not every firefighter could say that. In fact many would say the very opposite was true for them. Johnny however had no issues with hitting the snooze on those nice off days, usually. This morning was different though.

Scooting out of bed quickly he left on his long johns and pulled a couple of layers of clothes ending with his boots. There would be no fire this morning since he was leaving soon, so the air in the cabin stayed chilly as he nursed a cup of fresh made coffee. Mentally he went through his back pack list making sure each needed item was there.

Looking out the window he found a crystal clear day and the snow fall had stopped for now. Blankets of pure white stretched as far as he could see only broken by snow laden evergreens. It was going to be a great day to hike. He hummed to himself as he cooked up a nice hot breakfast and swigged down another cup of java.

With a warm breakfast in his stomach, caffeine circulating in his system and eagerness to get going, he finally decided he was ready. The day was planned for hiking to the nearby lake which was just a few miles away. He was prepared to stay overnight and would not return to the cabin until the next day. With a last minute check of the weather and making sure everything was secure he put on his snow shoes and headed out. The path he determined was one he had made before, but it had been a couple of years and he knew that landmarks change in the forest. The map was clearly marked and provided excellent instructions for the on foot journey.

The handmade traditional show shoes crunched through the fresh fallen snow. Few sounds permeated the crisp cold air this early in the morning and Johnny felt he could hear his own heart beating. The thick powdery blanket of snow covered everything as far as he could see and everything was so sharp and clear in the glistening sunlight.

Stopping intermittently for water breaks he was able to take in the scenery and make notes on the map of any additional markings that seemed to stand out to him or changes in the natural markers. Occasionally he would see a mule deer or small family of squirrels dart away from hearing his approach. For the most part though there was silence as he traveled and somehow there was healing between the sounds.

As the wind picked up he was thankful for his long parka and warm layers. Pulling the hood closer to his head, he viewed the next landmark up ahead, a large outcropping of rocks. Out here the signs were more subtle to guide your way. It might be a grouping of rocks, a tree with unique features, or even a mountain line visible from up high. He needed the view from the rocks to lay his next line of travel.

Standing on the massive boulders he was able to obtain an amazing view of the large valley below. The sun was high in the sky by this point and he pulled out his simple lunch as he soaked in some warmth from the sun. In the stillness he watched a gray fox down below forage for food then scurry off to his own den for the evening. Beyond this valley he compared the mountain crest with his map knowing that on the other side lay his destination.

The route to descend into the valley was tricky. His snowshoes off and attached to his backpack, he moved carefully over the frozen landscape in an attempt to not go down head first. There were no trails this time of year as they were covered with snow and left nothing visible on the ground to follow. It was more of a natural path he tried to follow, the one of least resistance one might say. Eyeing the ridge above him was his only gauge to the direction he needed to keep.

Rocks, low branches and unseen dips in the path were all obstacles he had to be wary of. When he stepped on a fallen tree trunk he was caught off guard by the sheet of ice that coated it. In an instant his feet were underneath him as he slammed down on his back pack. Grabbing branches to slow his descent down the slope he finally got a solid grip on something and came to a stop, just before the steep drop off that loomed before him. Working back to his feet he quickly assessed himself for injuries. Aside from some bruises and soon to be felt soreness he felt okay and was ready to forge ahead.

The fall had taken him off track, leading him downwards towards the valley in a different direction. However, with the obstacles in front of him his options were limited to get down the rest of the way. This is why he came prepared for the unexpected. Pulling out his map he recalculated the direction and only hoped that no major blocks would be encountered.

After about a quarter mile he came on a level area, about half way between peak and valley. The change seemed man made to him and he paused to examine it more closely. Taking a colored string from his backpack he wrapped it around a tree to mark is departure from the planned path. The tree line was clearly demarcated as a line which meant there was probably a road underneath him. Moving up the snow buried road it didn't take long to visualize a small cabin in the far distance. It not being marked on the map was a bit strange to him, but not completely unusual given the wilderness environment. Not every map would be updated with every detail, especially a homemade map like the one he relied on. It could have been here for years, hidden with its own drive in path. There were no lights seen, no cars in the front, and no smoke from the fireplace visible. It had an air of being abandoned.

Nature had already thrown him off track once and he was determined to keep his direction in order to make it to his destination before dark. Knowing the lake wasn't far off and the snow had begun to fall once again he knew that he needed to make camp before dark found him. As he worked his way through some thicker brush he found himself grumbling a bit over falling from his original path.

Finally reaching the base of the valley he was grateful for the level ground. Working his way around a large downed tree he looked down and noticed something strange. It was a crumpled cardboard box with items such as paper towels, household cleaners, and broken dishes. He bent down to brush the snow off of it, his mind trying to figure out what this was doing in the middle of a forest. Glancing back up in the direction of the house he shook his head, not making the pieces fit.

Moving forward he tried to refocus on where he needed to be in the next few hours. The box bothered him and he couldn't shake a feeling that was growing deep down. It was just too odd. After another fifteen minutes of walking he stopped to get a drink of water and take a few bites of his granola bar. A loud screech brought his attention over head as he watched a giant eagle soaring above him. He watched it land in the tree just ahead and was amazed at how majestic it was. He cocked his head to the side, seeing something odd.

Then he froze.

In the tree branches were scattered clothes. That spot in his gut went cold. Something was very wrong here. Quickly putting his backpack over his shoulders he started to move hastily forward. There was nothing in his sight, but something was pulling him now with an alarm growing inside. Pushing past a grouping of low branches he came to a small clearing on the valley floor with a frozen stream running through it. His eyes scanned and instantly focused on the bright blue truck that lay a few hundred feet from him. Breaking into a run he closed the distance quickly, going across the stream and breaking the frozen layer which splashed up onto his pants.

It was a newer model Ford pickup lying on its side, crumpled on all sides indicative of a significant rollover accident. He could now look up and trace its fall down the steep incline. It had been a long way down. His approach was from the truck bed and clearly everything had been thrown out, now scattered all around in disarray. The driver's side was straight up and his rescue knowledge could see that the door wouldn't come open without tools, which he of course didn't have. There was way too much damage.

Moving around to the front he found the windshield paritally shattered and his worst fears were realized at seeing the driver suspended and unmoving. Kicking the glass to clear a path he worked his way close enough to assess a pulse from the dangling arm. Carefully stepping around in the glass he looked over the items in the front seat where they gathered near the passenger door, which now lay on the ground. A box of supplies, tapes, cleaning rags, several foot of rope, and unopened bottles of water. Peering into the backseat he saw more of the same, an assortment of clothes from a couple of broken open suitcases.

Moving out of the broken glass he stood and debated. He couldn't leave the man like that, but getting him out of here would be even harder. Maneuvering around the ragged thick windshield shards looked too risky and he decided to work from the top. Pushing on the truck to determine the stability of it he decided it was stable enough. From the underbelly side he climbed up to the driver's door and began breaking out the loose glass. Working up some heat he stopped and opened up his parka. Making sure he had a good grip with one arm, he reached around the man and struggled at unbuckling him. Pulling hard he jerked back and gasped as his side came in contact with a sharp edge feeling it slice into his skin. Trying to balance and pull up his shirt at the same time proved challenging. He was bleeding like a stuck pig.

Regaining his footing he took out his pocket knife and cut the belt, releasing the man and allowing him to pull him free of the truck. Getting him to the ground he could more clearly see the massive head wound and dark abdomen of internal injuries. Johnny suspected he was killed on impact, if not quickly after. He placed the man's coat over his face and sat down to tend to his own wound.

Pulling up his shirt he winced at the movements as he tried to twist and see the cut. Grabbing a random shirt that was lying in the snow he pressed it against the opening and applied pressure to stop the bleeding. The gash was about five inches long and didn't appear to be very deep; however, it definitely needed stitches.

"Good job Gage. So much for a vacation." He was ill tempered with himself, with letting it happen, with being in the middle of nowhere and needing help. Carefully navigating his way into the opening of the front windshield he grabbed some of the spilt supplies. Using a rag he cleaned up the wound with some of his water then pulled the edges together with tape. It was the best he could do out here.

The sun was past its peak and he knew that darkness would come soon. The bleeding stopped and tape holding the wound together he felt ready to move again. Knowing he couldn't get back to his cabin before dark he looked at the map and decided the abandoned cabin back up the crest was his closet bet to getting help. Taking out his pen he marked the truck site and put his parka back on yelping at the pull on his side.

The temperatures were dropping again and the gentle snow was now coming steadily. With heaviness in his heart, for the life that had been lost, he headed back to where he had come from.


	5. Chapter 5

WHITE OUT

With ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable. ~Thomas Foxwell Buxton

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 5<p>

His own footsteps were disappearing quickly as the steady snow fell. Pulling his parka tighter he winced at the sharp pain in his side. Luckily the cabin wasn't far, just uphill and the temperatures were dropping quickly. He had hoped to be near a lake, setting up a tent, and building a fire at this point, instead he focused on his new and less exciting destination.

Crossing over the creek at a point that looked more solid with ice he could see the bushes he had pushed through earlier, and a quicker way around them. As he walked, he passed numerous items tossed all over the ground. A broken open tool box, more cardboard boxes with spilt items, and a couple pieces of broken furniture. His eyes registered the items though he didn't let them slow him down. That is until he passed a single item that caught his attention, it was purple with white polka dots, small, and square.

As he recognized it as a ladies pocketbook, his heart skipped a beat. Racing over he ripped his gloves off and began rifling through the contents. Random make up, pens, a pocket mirror, and then a wallet. Pulling it out he ignored the purse to dropping to the ground. Inside the wallet he found a drivers license with her name and a picture of her. There were also other pictures and with those his heart raced. It was pictures of her and the dead man.

He looked up and rapidly scanned the area. "EMILY!"

Calling her name, over and over, he quickly moved all along the outskirts of the cleared area. Finding nothing he headed up the direct path where the truck apparently came down, but still was unable to find anything. He felt frantic, his heart racing. She was here somewhere and he wasn't leaving until he found her.

Back at the truck he got down low and looked under for any clue that someone might be trapped. Leaning back on the hood of the cab, he paused to collect his breath and clear his brain. He was running out of ideas, but he wasn't giving up.

"EMILY!" He cried out one more time, this time with desperation in his voice. _Please, answer _he prayed. _Please._

* * *

><p><em>It was very far away, the voice that she dreamt of. Curled in a fetal position she was no longer shivering, her body so cold it was numb and finally there was no more pain. Instead of listening to the voice, she opened her eyes and watched her daughter play in the snow. Her blonde hair sparkled in the sun and she giggled while making snowballs to throw. Here there was peace for her and she didn't have to face the horrors of the world. Here she was content. <em>She was ready to join her daughter and let out a soft cry.

He was out of ideas and didn't know where else to look. The only thing he knew to do was start from the beginning and go over the territory once more. Turning back to the truck he looked inside the front cab again, there was just nothing there. Still he couldn't seem to bring himself to leave. She was here and he could feel it.

Then he heard it. A cry so faint it could have been mistaken for an animal sound in the wind. It was close to him. Climbing back into the front seat he leaned over the back and began frantically tossing the pile of clothes out the front window. Finally his next handful resisted his pull. Looking closely, in the fading light, he could make out her shape. Curled up tight like a cat and she wasn't moving.

"Emily, can you hear me?"

It was only hope in his heart that decided she had to be alive. He simply refused to think of her as dead. Tracing her arm down to her wrist he felt for a pulse. _Please, please, let me find one_, he thought.

It was there, weak and slow, but it was there. His actions went into full paramedic rescue mode.

He knew time was short for her by the feel of her cold skin. She was suffering from moderate hypothermia at the least. If he didn't get her warmed up fast, any other injuries would be a mute point. Backing out of the truck he went straight for his backpack. Pulling out his one man tent he quickly popped it up and placed it right beside the truck bed, using the truck as a wind block. Once the sleeping bag and bedding was inside and ready he returned to Emily.

Haven't gotten no response from her yet, he worked quickly to ignore his own pain and very gently lift her up and over to the front seat. Her eyes remained closed, her breaths were slow and shallow. There was a large gash on her forehead, but he also noted old bruises that had yet to heal. Feeling down her arms and legs he determined they were intact. Taking his fist he gave her a sternal rub and was pleased to elicited a groan of pain. At least she was responsive in some manner. Placing his head to her chest he could hear the irregular beating of her heart. It was a dark sign of deep hypothermia. Next would come coma and death.

He had to move her carefully knowing that rough movements could cause her irregular heart to change to ventricular fibrillation, something he had no ability to reverse here. Carrying her in his arms he slid her into the little tent and quickly worked at removing her clothes, noting some were frozen solid from being wet earlier. As he zipped her up in his sleeping bag he was able to do a more thorough assessment of her injuries. Amazingly he found nothing broken and only that her body had not recovered from some previous injury with scattered bruises.

Her breathing was irregular and he feared she would stop at any time. Pulling his backpack right beside him in the little tent, he quickly undressed down to his shorts and climbed in beside her. Sharing his body heat would work faster than anything. Outside the tent the snow fell steadily and the wind howled. Inside he focused on every breath she took and every beat of her heart.

If his will power alone could save her, he would get her out of here alive.

* * *

><p>Her breaths were so slow. He felt himself catching his breath as his respiration became synched with hers. Each pause he waited for the next breath and waited for her too slowly warm. Heat was leaving him and transferring to her like she was a magnet drawing all his warmth away. He began to shiver. Still, he didn't worry. Shivering created heat and was a good reaction. He just pleaded with the forest around him for her vital signs to stabilize.<p>

He decided that her breaths weren't improving fast enough and he feared the complications associated with not ventilating well enough. _Come on Emily. Don't give up on me, breath_. Leaning over her he began to give her breaths. Even then he hoped that his warm breaths would fill her lungs and give her a chance. He couldn't tell you what made him so determined to not stop, to not give up. It simply was not in his nature.

There was no sense of time here. Only the two of them, hibernating from the cold in his below zero protective sleeping bag. He tried to time his breaths with her weak ineffective ones, to pace himself and not tire too quickly. At some point he felt her take some deep breaths and he leaned back to watch her. They were still shallow but coming more steady. Checking her carotid pulse he felt it was stronger and more regular. Perhaps she was out of danger. Also, he could feel her slowly re-warming next to him.

The sun had set long ago and the tent offered the protection from the elements that they needed so desperately. Feeling her stir just a bit he felt she was coming out of the danger zone and finally resting. Snacking on some jerky he laid awake for a long time making his plans for the next day and how he was going to get them out of this mess. His thoughts went to Roy and how much he wished he had traveled with him.

Finally feeling some confidence that she was past the worst of the danger he allowed himself to drift off for some much needed rest. He was ready to feel some relief from his own discomfort as his side ached from the day's activity.

* * *

><p><em>A warm fireplace and the crackling of wood embraced her dream. Her mom, dad and daughter were sitting around laughing and having fun, but when they looked at her, their faces turned sad. Why are you sad Maggie<em>? She asked. Maggie took her little hand and rubbed her cheek, _I love you mommy, always_. She smiled back, _I love you too baby, but why are you so sad?_ _It's time for you to wake up Emily_, her mom said in a sweet tone. She shook her head. _No mom, no._

As the images faded her mind came to recognize the feeling of warmth all around her. She still felt disoriented and her head was pounding. Opening her eyes she worked to focus them on something, anything, as all she could see was black. Pulling her hands up to rub her eyes she realized she was trapped inside something and panic began to set in. Crying and squirming didn't seem to get her anywhere as her motions were weak and ineffective.

Johnny was adding wood to the fire when he heard her cries. The sun was up and the air was warming as he heated up some coffee. Moving to the tent he unzipped the top part of the sleeping bag and smiled to see her awake.

"Hey hey, calm down for me, you're okay," he said recognizing the panic in her eyes. He gently pushed her shoulders down, feeling like she still didn't need to move around too much at this point. "Easy does it now."

What took him by surprise was the look on her face. Shock? Recognition? Did she know him?

"Jeff?" She whispered even though she knew it wasn't possible. It had to be another dream. She reached out to touch him.

Johnny took her hand, "John, my name is John Gage."

Her look was puzzled as she scanned his face and features. Then sadness washed through her realizing it wasn't real. Next fear set in and she tried to get up again. Pain washed across her face as he restrained her.

"Now, listen to me. You need to take it easy okay. I'm not here to hurt you." He could see confusion still clouding her eyes. She looked like a lost child. "Do you remember what happened?"

Leaning back and no longer resisting she simply nodded 'no' to him. With the realization that Jeff was truly gone she felt no need to actually talk about it. Johnny saw the sadness in her face and suspected she remembered more than she was ready to share. Her skin felt warmer and she was no longer shivering with her vital signs stable, however he was still concerned about her injuries and the effects of the hypothermia.

Stepping out of the tent he got a cup of warm coffee for her.

"Here, sip on this for me," he said as he cupped her head with his hand and lifted it up. Placing the cup to her lips she took a couple of sips of the warmed liquid then pulled away. She didn't want to feel better or be all warm and toasty inside. He didn't push it, simply grateful that she was still alive when the sun came up.

As he packed up he let her doze knowing it was the best thing for her right now. The only word she had spoken was 'Jeff' and he worried about her mental state as much as her physical one.

Using the rope he found he fashioned some branches together and crafted a makeshift stoke. Scooting her, sleeping bag and all, he positioned her into the carrier and covered her with a blanket. She didn't stir and after another check of her breathing and temperature, he secured her onto it.

With the sun rising quickly in the sky he knew they needed to get moving. The closest place was the cabin on the hill and that was still his goal.


	6. Chapter 6

WHITEOUT

Give sorrow words; the grief that does not speak whispers the o'er-fraught heart and bids it break. ~William Shakespeare

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off, and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 6<p>

Each footstep was deliberate as he was not willing to take any risk of falling. He knew that on this incline, if he went down, they both would be badly hurt. Her head was closest to him and when he paused for a drink, he would also check on her. She remained quiet, eyes closed with even breathing. Her temperature had chilled a bit as evidenced by her occasional shivering, but he knew the only solution for that was to keep moving and get them inside by night fall.

It was slow going with his muscles tiring and his side burning with the exertion of pulling her up the mountainside. Periodic breaks had to be balanced with watching the time. The temperatures were steadily dropping again with heavy falling snow.

Cresting that last point and pulling her to more level ground was the greatest feeling in the world. He had finally reached the road and the cabin was now in site. The day had quickly passed and looking at the sun moving behind the trees he knew it would be dark soon. Finally, he felt a real glimmer of hope for them both.

Reaching the front steps he released the rope ties from his waist and headed up them, sliding around on the solid sheet of ice. Struggling to keep his footing he grabbed the door handle for stability only to find it locked. Looking back she still appeared to be sleeping and he doubted she would have a key on her. _Damn, there was probably one in her pocketbook_. He had to chuckle. There was no way he was going back for it. Spotting a small stack of firewood kindling at the end of the porch, he took one and broke through the window pane closest to the doorknob. Reaching in he was able to unlock the door and let them in.

He started to pick her up until he felt the tape pulling against his cut, threatening to pop the wound open again. Instead, he opted to pull the sleeping bag into the doorway and to the living room area. First order of business was getting some warmth going for them both. It was bitter cold inside and the invading darkness would only exacerbate their discomfort. Jogging down the hall he located the thermostat and clicked it on. A grunt of frustration came out when it didn't kick on. It didn't seem to do anything.

Running outside again, and forgetting about the ice, he landed flat on his back and slid down the four front stairs landing in the snow with a thud. His mixed groan of pain, and frustration with himself, slowed him down just long enough to catch his breath. _Okay John boy, get it together or it's gonna be a really bad night again_, he muttered under his breath. Regaining his footing and rubbing his aching back he worked his way to the back of the cabin to find the heating unit. He wasn't an electrician, but he knew it was bad news to see the melted wiring inside_. Just great_.

The wood pile on the side of the house was also empty except for two small logs that he picked up on the way back inside. He had left her inside the sleeping bag for now, at least she was warmer there, but as the temp dropped with the sun he knew they needed a source of heat.

By the time he prowled the kitchen, the panty and the bedrooms he was frustrated beyond belief. There was nothing here. There was nothing to eat, or drink, no dishes, linens, blankets or wood for the fireplace. They were better off than being outside, but not by much. Checking on her he found her shivering again, her breathing slightly faster and more concerning was the fact that she hadn't woken up all day. She was responsive and would moan with stimulation, but the last time he had seen her eyes was early this morning.

He had managed to gather enough wood to make a descent fire and moved the couch right next to the fireplace. Leaving her in the sleeping bag for the night, he situated her on the couch in hopes she would be warm and comfortable. After a while her shivering ceased and she seemed to rest better. Rationing his own food supplies, he ate very little and contemplated what his next step would be. He had hoped this place would be a safe place and one where he could find help. But there wasn't even a weather radio here, much less a phone. It had truly been abandoned. He sat in the floor between her and the fire and quickly fell asleep.

* * *

><p>The stirring next to him was what awoke him. He turned to see her blue eyes open and staring past him out the darkened window.<p>

"Hey there, do you remember me?" He stood up and reached to check her pulse, but this time she flinched back. "It's okay. Remember, I'm Johnny. I got you out of the truck and helped you get warmed up some." He knew it was a simplification, but it gave her enough to stir some memories.

"Truck," she whispered as a tear ran down her face.

"You're gonna be okay." He wondered how much she was remembering. The ring on her finger spoke of an engagement which meant an even deeper loss she was experiencing.

Her eyes darted around the room, "here?" Her voice was raspy.

He looked around too, "yea, is this your place?" The assumption was there.

She didn't respond back to him. How could she wind up back here? Would this hell on earth never end?

"Is there any food stored anywhere?" He asked.

Only a quick shake to the negative.

"How are you feeling? Do you hurt anywhere?"

"Head."

"Okay, let's get that cleaned up." He moved to the kitchen. When the water didn't turn on he hung his head down. Ugh! _Does anything work in this place?_

He took out his last water bottle from his back pack and using one of the rags from the truck he began to clean up her face. His touches were gentle and his smile soft and kind with her. She was a beautiful lady and it hurt him to see such sadness that she held.

"I don't have anything to give you for the pain. I need you to tell me if you start to feel worse okay?" Her only response was to close her eyes and drift back off the sleep.

He turned to the fire next and threw on the last of the small logs he had gathered, stoking it back up to last until morning.

* * *

><p>Morning greeted them with a fire that had burned out and dark threatening skies speaking of a storm front that wasn't finished yet. His thoughts went to Buck and reminded himself to never doubt the old man's bones again. A quick check of her breathing showed that she was sleeping quietly and appeared in no distress.<p>

Firewood was his goal of the morning. He was limited to a pocketknife so he knew no big wood was going to be obtained easily. After a couple of trips with arms full of branches and twigs he got the fire going again and warmed up his hands. Next he decided to search the cabin more thoroughly in hope of finding anything useful.

The bedrooms were stripped clean and so was the bathroom. There was a small office off the living room with a desk so he sat down and looked at his map. If he could get them to his cabin, at least they would have food, water, and heat. More important than those he had a working radio to call for help. Having her in tow meant a slower trip, at least a full day's trip. He just hoped to avoid another night in the tent. It also depended on how she was feeling. If he could give her one more day to heal she might be able to help him get over the mountain faster.

Hearing her stir again, he got up and left the map on the desk. When he got to the living room she was trying to sit up so he helped her. Clasping her hand to her head he knew she was still in pain. More than likely a concussion, at the very least, he thought. He only hoped it wasn't worse knowing there was nothing he could for her out here. When her eyes reopened she looked at him again and slowly shook her head, as if she was trying to push some disbelief from her memory.

"He's gone isn't he?"

The sadness in her voice tore at his heart. "Yes, I'm sorry." His voice softened.

"Why didn't you leave me there?"

That took him aback. "I could never leave you there. Why would you say that?" He said with disbelief in his voice. But she only looked away from him.

"I should have died with him."

Surely she didn't mean that. Johnny was shocked at the implication in her voice. Why would she want to die like that? But he knew that grief was harder on the soul than death itself. His concern grew as she seemed to tune him out with a lost look.

No, it was more like a vacant look.

He took her by the shoulders, "Emily, now you listen to me. You're here and alive and we are going to make it out of this. Do you hear me?" He found his voice escalating in intensity seeing that his words were making no difference. "Emily, do you hear me? Emily!"

There was no response. She was simply staring at the fire now, unfocused on really anything. Johnny stood up and staggered back. His mind was reeling. For the first time in a while he thought of Roy and how he wished his friend had come with him. For the company, for the help, and more than anything, for Emily. He had a way about him when it came to communicating with desperate souls.

* * *

><p>The rest of the day was quiet. The only noises were the crackling fire and his footsteps. When she would attempt to get up, he would help her to the bathroom and grant her privacy. She never again spoke or made eye contact with him. Keeping her warm, letting her rest, and watching her vital signs were the only things he knew to do and she had even stopped protesting at that.<p>

As the sun set, he stoked the fire. She had refused food and only taken small sips of water or soup when he put it to her lips. At least he could keep her hydrated for now. When she drifted back to sleep he moved back to the desk. He needed to move them soon. His rations were almost gone, their only drink was melted snow and finding firewood was getting harder and harder.

Also he knew the longer he waited the weaker they would get. With a plan forming in his mind he robotically reached down and pulled open the top drawer of the little desk. Other than a couple of pencils it was empty. The next drawer held some newspaper clippings that caught his attention. Pulling them out he began to look at them.

The first one was dated only two weeks earlier. Its headline said LOCAL FATAL CRASH. He glanced over to Emily, then back to the paper. He continued to read.

_Local authorities have confirmed the fatal crash of a local family off Hwy 92 last evening resulting in 3 fatalities, one of which was a child. The 1968 Corolla was heading south when it lost control and left the road, hitting a telephone pole. Those listed as dead on the scene were Tom Bradley, 55, Alice Bradley, 52, and Maggie Jackson, age 4. The sole survivor was Emily Jackson, mother of Maggie and daughter of Tom and Alice Bradley, who was taken to the hospital with critical injuries. The cause of the accident is being investigated by the state patrol. Funeral announcements will be listed when available. _

The next article:

_Authorities have determined that the fatal crash of January 6__th__ was the apparently the result of Mr. Bradley's heart condition. Ms. Jackson remains hospitalized in serious condition. Funeral arrangements will be through Jennings Funeral Home. _

The next paper wasn't an article, but a piece of paper from a local hospital. Johnny was shocked at what it was, an AMA form with Emily's name on it. Only 5 days ago, she had checked out against medical advice from the hospital. That meant she had refused further treatment and walked out. Suddenly Johnny understood the bruises that covered her body and on her head. And an instant later he felt worried for what her true condition was. She wouldn't talk to him anymore and she definitely wouldn't tell him if anything was getting worse.

Her implications had been made clear, she had preferred to die. Now he understood why. She had lost her parents, her daughter and now her finance in the last two weeks. A heart could only take so much and he grew deeply concerned that she had surpassed her limit and had given up.

How was he supposed to save someone that didn't want to be saved?


	7. Chapter 7

WHITE OUT

Good decisions come from experience, and experience comes from bad decisions. ~Author Unknown

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 7<p>

The next day Johnny awoke to howling wind. Moving against aching muscles he looked out the front windows to see a raging snow storm with zero visibility. It was not what he anticipated for today and he felt mild panic rise in his throat. He wanted them out of this cabin today and headed to his. Could he risk it in this storm?

No. He knew he couldn't take the chance. Getting lost in this type of weather was how people died. The fire had faded to just embers and the cabin had grown cold again. Emily was quiet and he zipped up the sleeping bag around her. She opened her eyes, but didn't protest his actions. He knew he couldn't even go looking for wood until the storm settled down some. Last thing he needed was to get lost only 50 feet from the cabin and not find his way back.

In the bathroom he lifted his shirt and winced at his cut. It was red, inflamed, and warm to the touch. He needed antibiotics. This was a complication he couldn't afford right now. Washing it off and redressing it was all he could do. Next he moved to the bedrooms and looked at the beds. Two rooms had metal frame beds, but the smallest room had a wooden bunk bed set. He began to dismantle it.

* * *

><p>The shift began as any other shift. Roy was tying his shoes when Chet came into the locker room.<p>

"Well Roy, how were those days off?"

"Busy. I'm glad to come back to work for the rest." His tone had a light sarcastic tone to it. Chet knew to not take it to heart.

Chet chuckled, "Sorry to hear that Roy. What about Johnny boy, where's he at?" Chet pointed to Johnny's locker.

"I don't know, haven't talked to him since he got back." Roy said as he tucked his shirt in.

"Well, must have been a good time seeing how he's gonna miss roll call. Cap's not gonna be happy." Not that Chet was actually concerned for Johnny's welfare when it came to Cap, and Roy knew it.

"He'll be here." Roy glanced at Johnny's locker and the same fleeting thought passed his mind. _Hope being late is worth it pally_.

Everyone moved out to the bay for roll call with Captain Stanley. Clipboard in hand he began reading through the names not even bothering to look up at his men.

Chet. "Here Cap."

Marco. "Here."

Michael. "Here Cap."

Roy. "Cap."

Johnny. Quiet.

"Johnny?" He looked up at the lack of response. Then his eyes tracked to Roy. "Well, do you know where he is?"

Roy shook his head. "Sorry Cap. He was supposed to get back in last night and I haven't heard anything from him." He shifted his feet and found himself looking over to the empty spot beside Chet.

Hank groaned under his breath. "Use the phone in my office and wake him up. Vacation is over." With that Hank stomped off while muttering something to his self about kids, vacations, and the paperwork involved. The others moved to the kitchen for coffee while Roy followed Hank to his office.

With his back turned slightly and the phone pressed to his ear Roy was very aware that Hank was watching him closely. "Uh Cap, there's no answer at his apartment. You want me to drive by and check on him."

Even Hank could hear the subtle edge of concern to Roy's voice. Despite John Gage's antics over the years, Roy's instinct was usually spot on. "Yea, I'll put you 10-8 until you get there. Let me know as soon as possible what's going on and if I need to call you in some help."

"Sure thing Cap, thanks." Roy was grateful for the close relationship Hank had with his crew. They had enough experience working together to know that something wasn't quite right.

Pulling out of the station Roy began to play his last conversation with Johnny in his head. They had discussed the days off and each other's plans. Now what had Johnny specifically told him? _Going to a friend's cabin. What area? Come on Roy, remember_. He was sure that Johnny was coming back home yesterday knowing he worked today. Roy had even kidded him about cutting it close and maybe needing a vacation from his vacation.

Pulling into the apartment complex he circled around to Johnny's building. The Rover wasn't there. Perhaps he had passed him on the way. Just to make sure he decided to go check the apartment. Upstairs he knocked on the door once, twice and a third time with no response. Pulling out his keys he let himself in.

The lights were out and it was very quiet. Looking around Roy grew concerned. The kitchen was clean, no evidence of coffee, bedroom clean and the bed didn't look slept in. But more than anything was the absence of his camping gear.

That spot in his gut began to grow.

Picking up the phone he called the station and let Hank know his concerns. His next call was the hardest of all to make. He had to call Kanda, Johnny's sister. There was no answer so he just let a message to call him when she got in. If he predicted right, she would already be worried about him. She had a connection with him that even confounded Roy at times. On th e drive back to the station he came up with endless reasons why Johnny wasn't back yet. _That Rover is always breaking down, he's probably just on the side of the road somewhere worried sick about being late_. Numerous reasons why…..right?

Then why did the pit grow? Because, he knew Johnny and something told him it had to be big to keep his friend and partner from getting home and especially not contacting his family.

* * *

><p>Johnny focused on keeping the fire going and getting nutrition into Emily. He found himself carrying on conversations that remained one sided, but the silence was becoming unnerving to him. The only sounds were of the wind gusts around him and the groaning of a cold cabin. They both slept most of the day away and fixing some freeze dried noodles over the burning embers represented the last of the rations he had brought. In the last moments before sleep, he thought of his friend, and brother Roy and the sister he loved so much, sending out a silent plea for help in hopes they could hear him.<p>

The dawn broke on another day and Johnny was up with the sun. A quick assessment revealed that the storm had passed and the weather was tolerable for now. With no weather radio there was no way to determine the fate of the next twenty four hours, but they had to leave today.

This place was rapidly becoming a death trap.

Sitting her up, he explained what he was going to do. Her eyes briefly shifted to him, but they remained vacant of all emotion. She would submit without a fight to whatever he decided to do. Honestly, at this point, he was fine with it. It would take less energy to just go, than to have to force her the whole way. He was very grateful she wasn't fighting him over it. He was tired, achy and felt bruised all over. And if that wasn't enough he was sure he was running a fever.

He stuffed some of the few items he found in the cabin along with the items he had gathered from the truck spill and put them into a trash bag. The way things were going he was going to take advantage of anything fate put his way. Once his backpack was ready, he guided her outside and helped her get into the sleeping bag. Securing her, the backpack, and the trash bag onto the stokes he pulled out his map and was ready to go. His goal was heavy travel and reaching his cabin by nightfall. He wasn't convinced they could handle a night in the open.

Pulling away from the cabin he prayed he was making the right decision. The weather was fine for right now, he also knew it could change in a heartbeat. With map in hand and plan in mind, he set off on the most direct path possible to his place.

The problem with a most direct path was that it didn't necessarily mean the easiest path. He knew there were pros and cons to his decision before he started out. Right now he stood and stared at one of the cons. Now as a lone hiker this rocky face wouldn't intimidate him. He would simply climb up, seeing the numerous foot and hand holds along the way. However, he wasn't alone and he knew she wouldn't be able to make it on her own. Pulling out a length of rope he secured it to her wooden sled and the other end to him. Looking at the slack between him and her, he prayed it was enough to let him get to the top.

"Emily?" Her eyes opened. "I have to climb up, and then I will pull you up. I have you good and secure so you won't fall, okay?"

Not expecting a response he moved to the rock face and began to work his way up. Another factor he failed to consider was the increasing pain in his side. Having to force himself to ignore it, he placed one hand over another and advanced up the rock face. Every muscle screamed at the lack of rest, lack of good nutrition, and the general abuse he had put on himself in the last 4 days.

Knowing the top was only about five good steps away he almost lost his grip when the slack between him and Emily ended. The taunt line meant the last steps would mean him pulling her with him, or she would pull him all the way down. In an effort to lighten the weight he pulled her up some and wrapped the slack around a jutting shard of rock. That gave him just enough room to slide over the top and lay down. For a moment he simply laid there, panting, and rested. Breathing hard in this bitter cold only increased the fatigue he felt.

Rolling over and peering over the edge he could see she was quiet and still. Sitting up he found some footholds and began to pull her upwards. This was one time he sure did miss having Chet at his back helping out. Slowly she ascended as he grunted with every pull. When she appeared at the edge he gave one last giant pull and the sled tumbled over onto the top.

Quickly he checked on her and found her eyes open and she looked frightened. He was thankful to finally some emotion from her. "Hey there, we made it, you're okay." He flashed her a John Gage smile, one that faltered when he saw the tear run down her cheek. Was she simply afraid of the journey or afraid that the journey would be successful? He still didn't trust her emotional stability and decision making skills.

Having got a few moments of rest under his best he turned towards his cabin and continued the journey. The sun was already at midday and he knew the daylight wouldn't last much longer. They still had a steady journey ahead of them if they had any chance of getting there before dark. He refused to stop for food and took minimal sips of water along the way for them both.

The path varied from forest, to slopes, to open flat areas. He of course was grateful for the level ground since it made pulling the stokes easier. As he emerged from a wooded area the opening before him revealed the next con to overcome. To his right was a rocky face, to his left a long dropping slope to a gully below. There was plenty of room for him to navigate the both of them around the path. Shortening the slack between him and Emily would make it easier to control the sled. He advanced slowly and slightly untrusting along the unmarked trail, each step testing the ground underneath. When he heard a cracking under his feet he stopped and held his breath to listen closer. Looking down he could see the layer of ice, not firm ground, under his feet.

Another crack. There was nowhere to jump, to run or leap for safety. In the split second that he looked back at Emily with a heartfelt apology in his heart, the earth fell out from under him.

* * *

><p>Roy spent the entire shift pacing the floors. The initial comments of Johnny being okay fell on deaf ears so they finally decided to give him his space. Marco said extra prayers in hopes that his friend was safe and they would hear from him soon. Chet let the jibes of what Johnny was up on his skipped day of work rest while Mike quietly told Roy to let him know if he could help with anything. Hank had already notified the Chief of Johnny's absence and their concerns.<p>

Roy understood where they were all coming from and despite the calming messages he just felt that something was wrong. There was an ominous feeling in the air all day. He had located the number Johnny had left him for the cabin, but calling had proved useless because the phones were down due to a storm. Calling the authorities had proved fruitless because Johnny was an adult and couldn't be reported missing for 24 hours.

Begin trapped at work and unable to find anything out left him alone with the dark pit that seemed to be growing by the hour. It screamed that something was very wrong and he couldn't fight the feeling that something had happened to Johnny, something bad. To make matters even worse, Kanda had called and voiced her own fears that Johnny was hurt and needed them.

He was stuck at work; she was stuck in San Diego covering for another physician. For now, there was nothing they could do but worry and hope that all their fears were unfounded.


	8. Chapter 8

WHITE OUT

Though you lose all hope, there is still hope, and it loves to surprise. ~Robert Brault

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thank you SO MUCH! for all the great reviews. This chapter is a bit longer, I just couldn't find an easy stopping place as things are getting busier for the E! family. I also added a bit about Kanda as a reminder. She first arrived as an OC in Goodbye and Hello._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 8<p>

As the ground below him disappeared his arms desperately tried to grab at anything to slow his descent. Only finding ice and snow he rocketed down the slope. The sensation of falling was short lived as his body was jerked to a stop by the rope which was now up under his arms, the only thing that linked him to Emily. Before the panic could form in his mind he looked up and watched the sled crest the edge, knowing that each slip he felt meant she was moving closer to him and danger.

"EMILYYY!" He cried out as he watched her crest the edge then slide over. In the seconds that past until his body impacted with solid matter again all he could think of was how he had failed her.

Then darkness took him.

* * *

><p>She stood outside the office and glanced at the sign 'Medical Director'. Taking a deep breath she steadied herself for the upcoming conversation. Her work at Rampart General Hospital as one of the physicians over the pediatric resident team was one of the loves of her life. Last week she was called to help with coverage at San Diego's Children's when the flu bug had hit the physician staff and they were short handed. It was never easy to leave Johnny, Roy, or the farm, but it was a great opportunity for her to extend her professional courtesy and experience a new facility.<p>

That was until something happened to Johnny. The problem was she didn't have any proof that something had happened to her only brother. It was only the hand that squeezed her heart until she felt the pains in her chest, the cold grip on her lungs that made each breath hurt. Something was very wrong and even though she didn't know what, or where, or why, she did know that she had to leave quickly.

"Kanda, welcome." The older man stood up and greeted her, motioning to her. "Have a seat."

He was well known, distinguished, and highly respected in his job. If Johnny had been working in San Diego when she finally found him, she would have happily started her new career here under his knowledgeable hand. However, she settled in LA and there she waited until he was ready to make contact with her. It had been a long and painful road the siblings had traveled as children and it took her nearly losing him to actually find him for good. Now they were closer than ever and it had closed a hole in both their hearts. She was doubly blessed at finding Roy during that journey and just thinking about him brought a smile to her face.

"A pleasant visit I hope?" Mr. Lessner said returning the smile.

Kanda re-gathered her thoughts for the task at hand. "Unfortunately not I'm sad to say." She watched the smile disappear. "An emergency has risen in my family and I need to return home as quickly as possible." Now the frown had turn into a look of frustration.

"Kanda, you know that we are very grateful for all that you have done to come and help us during this crisis. I still need you though."

The butterflies in her stomach began to flutter. "I know and I'm so sorry that this has happened. I could return as soon as possible."

She watched him stand, feeling mildly intimated by the large man, his position of power, and a small worrisome feeling that stirred in her gut. Her encounters with him had been brief, job related and to the point, but the rumors were still there regarding his opinion of her heritage. It wasn't a new feeling, being Native American it was something she had spent her entire life feeling. She only hoped it wouldn't be true about him.

"You signed a contract to provide services." The pleasantries were apparently over. "I must hold you to that. I hope you understand Doctor."

The internal battle was brewing between her professional obligations and her 'feelings' about what was going on with Johnny. "Sir, with due respect, my brother has been injured and I need to be there with him."

"Oh, I'm sorry to hear that. What hospital is he at?"

_Great_, she thought. "Well, right now he is still missing and we are doing all we can to find him."

She didn't like the smile that crossed his face. "Missing? And you presume he is hurt. So this is all based on some feeling?"

"Well," she started to say, but was quickly interrupted.

"Doctor Gage. I realize you might think you have some kind of special powers being you're of," he paused, "well, not American. However, here we up hold our obligations."

She caught her breath, feeling as though the wind had been knocked out from underneath her. American? How could someone so educated be so ignorant? Taking a few seconds she stilled her pounding heart and took a couple of cleansing breaths. Standing up she faced him.

"I'm very sorry that you feel my concern for my brother is misplaced. I will work on finding a replacement as soon as possible." Not waiting for an answer she left the office before what she really wanted to scream came out.

With a heavy heart she called Roy and let him know of her decision to stay, for now. Knowing the police report had just been made and they were crippled by the storm in the mountains she was unable to be of any use pacing the floors in LA. She could hear the concern in his voice, for Johnny, and for her. For that she loved him even more, if that was even possible at this point. Returning to her floor for rounds she knew she was biding her time. Something told her that soon she must leave no matter the consequences of that action.

* * *

><p>She had been vaguely aware of the man's activities. John was his name, she remembered that much. Running away and hiding until he gave up looking for her had been one of her ideas early on. She knew he was too strong and quick for her though and would have just brought her back. It was then she decided to let him have his way; however, she didn't have to help him 'save' her. She simply chose to no longer resist him; that took less energy. When he put her back into the sled she didn't ask where they were going, she accepted the sips of water along the way, and in between she slept.<p>

The ride hadn't been completely smooth so she had quickly become accustomed to the bumps along the way. When the sled jerked her awake by its sudden movement she was alert when he screamed her name. Before she could comprehend what was happening she felt the odd sensation of falling. Her name echoed in the air around her and she knew it was John. Then she hit something hard and blacked out.

When she started to regain consciousness it was a recurring sensation of disorientation. Before even opening her eyes she knew she wasn't in a normal position. The cold wind on her face helped her to focus on the task of opening her eyes. What greeted those eyes was nothing short of terrifying. She was suspended face down, at least two or three stories high. The ground was sloping behind her, she could tell that much, full of rocks and only a few scattered trees. Also visible was a rope which seemed to originate at her with its end dangling in the wind.

* * *

><p>Kanda was sitting on the edge of the hospital bed, reading to a little girl when she felt a sudden wave of nausea so abrupt she wasn't sure she could get out of the room in time. Quickly escaping into the hallway she leaned against the wall trying to catch her breath.<p>

In that moment of silence she knew.

Rushing to her office she called Roy. "I'm coming home today." She could hear the hesitation in his voice. Even knowing what she risked in leaving, he supported her. He understood and the worry in his sighs was easily shared. After placing a couple of more calls she quickly packed up her things and headed to the apartment. In less than three hours she would be home.

* * *

><p>Her mind still felt clouded as she struggled to remember what should be on the other end of that rope. No, it wasn't a what, it was a who. The man… John. Her eyes started searching the area and then she found him. Tears formed in her eyes as she located his body at the base of the slope, crumpled like a broken doll. There was no way he could have survived. It was Jeff all over again. She knew why she had purposely avoided contact with him, because he reminded her of her love. Not only did the man, she thought hard, John look like Jeff but his mannerisms were similar also. Now John, who had risked his life to save her, had lost his life because of her.<p>

Closing her eyes she accepted her own end. She had finally gotten what she deserved and her only sadness was that the kind man had suffered because of her. In the silence of the woods she let the peacefulness surround her, until a guttural sound was whispered in the wind. Popping her eyes open they immediately tracked to Johnny. Almost holding her own breath she looked below and studied him closely, waiting for any signs that the noise came from him. Just as she was about to give up, she saw something. It was small and subtle, but it was there. He moved.

Something stirred inside her that she hadn't allowed herself to feel for a very long time. Hope. He was alive, though she didn't know how badly hurt. She had to live long enough to check on him, to live long enough to help him. First things first, she had to get down to him. She wasn't sure if her muscles would help her or only get her hurt at this point. Tracing the rope that was hanging down she realized it was not tied to her directly, but to the wooden sled he had made and now intertwined in the tree limb that suspended her. She was unsure of the sturdiness of what held her. The thought of moving scared her.

She tried to mentally visualize how she was held in. She was in the sleeping bag and could feel the zipper on the side. The sleeping bag was held into the sled by rope that she could feel wrapped around her maybe 3 or 4 times. The only thing she didn't know was what was holding the sled to the tree. If she tried to undo the ropes she could cause the entire thing to fall straight down. If she could maneuver out of the sled and lower herself to the closest point of ground contact, she could use the ropes to work her way down the slope to him.

Using the inside zipper she gently moved it down, feeling her weight bearing down on the rope that secured her to the sled. Taking a deep breath she wrapped her wrist around the rope and allowed her body to work its way, very cautiously, out of the bag. The creaking of the straining limb above her reminded her how precarious her situation was. Gradually she allowed the rope to take her weight with the strain on her wrist growing. Before she was completely free of the sled she reached over and worked at untying a couple of knots. After she watched the backpack and large garbage bag drop to the ground below her she took a deep breath and sliding out of the bag allowed the rope to hold her full weight. The final drop brought a grunt of pain as her shoulder felt the stretching and sudden weight added. Wrapping her legs around the free end of the rope she began the tedious task of inching her way down.

By half way down she was already exhausted by the effort and afraid her muscles wouldn't hold out, making her fall the remainder of the distance. She was worried about getting hurt with a straight fall down. The only option that came to her mind was to try and reach the slope before reaching the bottom. However, that meant swinging the rope and timing letting go of it. Looking up she wasn't sure how much longer she had anyway. The sled was bowing between the branches and would soon be heading her way. With her mind set she began to swing her legs with each swing bringing her closer to the snowy slope. Poor timing would cause a farther fall and more contact with the rocks.

Counting to herself she picked the time and let go. Making contact with the cold snow wasn't as traumatic as she expected. Her arms felt like jelly and she was now shaking making her footing feel unsure. The remainder of the trip down was slow and tedious. After what seemed like forever she made it to the bottom. Just as her feet hit solid flat ground she heard the loud cracking from above just in time to see the homemade sled tumble below, right towards her. Jumping out of the way she watched it land beside her with a thud.

She smiled. She was beating the odds and it felt good. It gave her a bit of the strength and confidence that would be needed to try and help him. And besides she had rope again.

Getting to her feet, she brushed the snow off and for the first time felt the bitter cold around her. Being all snug in the sleeping bag she had not required a lot of clothing. This was brought to her attention quickly. Locating the backpack she pulled out a couple of shirts and a pair of sweat pants. Pulling them on as quickly as she could move warmed her up enough to be able to focus on her biggest fear, checking on John.

He wasn't far from her and as she approached she feared that he was already gone, he was so very still. Lying on his back she immediately noted that his right leg was in a very unnatural position and his right arm was behind his back. Kneeling beside him she placed her hand on his chest and leaned in closely to listen for his breaths. A sigh of relief left her as she felt the rise and fall of his chest. It was slow, but it was there.

She wasn't a medic or a nurse, but she had taken a first aide course at work in the past. Starting with a head to toe assessment she saw a few small cuts on his head. Feeling around she found a little bump at the back of his head. At least there was no bleeding. His left arm seemed okay so next she gently pulled his right arm from his back and laid it straight beside him. The action elicited a moan from him. At least it was a sign of life. It didn't seem obviously broken but she could see some swelling at his shoulder.

Opening his parka there was no visible blood on his shirt and she was thankful it had offered him some protection from the freezing temperatures. Next were his legs. She was scared to move the broken one at all and first felt down the leg to see if any bone was sticking out. Halfway down the lower leg she felt the protrusion. Reaching into his pockets she located the Swiss Army knife he had used before. Cutting up the pant leg she exposed the open fracture. There was some bleeding but it wasn't copious or free flowing. The other leg seemed to be okay to her. Moving over to his backpack she grabbed some small fallen branches then pulled out a couple of shirts and was surprised to find one of them was hers. Something he must have picked up from the truck

"Emily?" He said weakly.

"Yes John. I'm right here." It seemed strange to talk to him after all the avoidance she had been practicing. "Please be still, your hurt."

He didn't even nod. Every part of his body hurt. "Tell me."

"You have some cuts on your head and a bump on the back, but they aren't bleeding." Her hand trailed to his right shoulder. "There's some swelling here. I can't tell if it's broken though."

"Yes, feels broken, shoulder." His words were short and to the point.

She continued, "Your right leg has an open break below the knee, it's bleeding some. I've got some clothes to splint them up."

She could feel him staring at her and knew what he saw. Pale, exhausted, and scared to death was all she exuded. He needed her now though, just as she had needed him. Worry clouded his eyes along with the pain and it was obvious he doubted her ability and mental state to handle all this. Hell, she doubted herself also.

"Clean wounds best you can. Splints." He directed her, making the tasks simple. That would help. She knew if he started yelling she would fall apart right here in the middle of nowhere.

Every movement was excruciating and she could see he was trying to not cry out with pain too much as she slid the shirt under his back, tying it into a sling for his shoulder. Next she took a pair of pants, pulled them behind his back then across his arm. The final touch was using the rope to secure the arm to his chest.

Moving the leg she dreaded the most. It was going to be agonizing for him and she had nothing to offer relief. With slow deliberate movements she put the leg in normal placement. She flinched as he screamed out in pain then watched as his good hand went to his head, presumably with pain there also. With relief, he passed out at the final leg adjustment. Emily took advantage of that time and quickly cleaned it; put a clean cloth over it then using the branches built a splint to secure it. Taking the last shirt available she cut it into strips and wrapped it from above the knee down to the ankle.

Next she brought over the sleeping back and worked at rolling him to his side and sliding it under him. His skin was getting very cold and she knew he needed to stay warm. Checking his breathing she took advantage of his unconscious time and popped open the tent. Exhaustion wracked her body but she knew she couldn't stop yet. The sun was setting and time was growing short.

Moving through the brush she used her bare hands to dig below the snow in her search for something that would help him. It was a slim chance that anything much was still around given the temperatures, but she hoped the sudden drops in temps had allowed some roots to survive a bit longer. Ignoring frozen fingers and bleeding knuckles she scavenged for what looked useable. Returning with a couple of items she only hoped it would be enough.

He seemed to be restless, his face grimacing with discomfort when she entered the little tent. Perspiration beaded on his forehead and she gently wiped it away with the corner of her shirt.

"You're hands," he whispered to her.

She smiled at his concern. "It's okay. I got something that might help out a bit."

He nodded gently as he looked around the tent.

"Not bad huh?" She said, watching him, watch her. The pain was easy to read on his face and for the first time she questioned what she was doing. How was she going to help him? Getting him into the tent wasn't hard, but her heart fluttered at what to do next.

The sun was down now and the temperatures were dropping quickly. For tonight, there was nothing more she was able to do. It was about staying warm enough to survive the night. She nestled underneath the left side of his sleeping bag, wearing his parka and covering her hands and face with a curled up position. Sending out a prayer for them to see the morning come, she drifted off to sleep.

* * *

><p>His sleep was intermittent, restless and in waves of pain. He could feel her tucked underneath him and hear the even sound of her breathing. It was obvious that exhaustion had wracked her body and despite his pain he had to let her sleep as much as possible. Her words of wishing death flooded his thoughts. She had given up; he had seen it in her eyes and through her sadness. What they faced now was the worst it could be. She had to be strong, determined, and demand life now.<p>

Anything less and they would both die out here.


	9. Chapter 9

WHITE OUT

You must take personal responsibility. You cannot change the circumstances, the seasons, or the wind, but you can change yourself. ~Jim Rohn

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 9<p>

When the sun began to warm the tent she begrudgingly struggled to wakefulness. She was cold and shivering which told her it was time to get a fire going. Looking over she saw John was sleeping for the moment and didn't want to disturb him. His breathing was even though it seemed a little fast to her. Touching his face he seemed warm, actually, very warm. For a moment she wasn't sure if he was overheated in the sleeping bag, which she really doubted, or if he was running a fever. The later was more likely and it frightened her.

Working her way out of the tent she quickly gathered up some wood. Flinching back when something hit her hands she remembered they were pretty torn up this morning from all of yesterday's activities. Rope burns inside and scraped knuckles outside. Using his lighter from the backpack she managed to get a little fire started after several attempts and some mounting frustration with herself. Taking the drinking cup she set it in the flame and added a few of the berries and broken roots she had gathered last night. Stirring them with a stick she crushed them together then added a little snow to melt with it. Having no sugar available she knew it would taste terrible and hope he would be able to keep it down.

Back inside the tent she awoke him, "John?" At first he didn't respond which alarmed her. With a little jostle of his chest he moaned and slowly opened up his eyes. "Can you hear me?"

"Yes," he whispered.

"I need you to take some of this. It's going to taste bad but it will help, okay?"

He focused on her a bit more, "what is it?"

"Just some elderberry and eucalyptus, it will help with your pain and fever."

He brought up a small crooked smile. "How?"

Putting the cup to his lips she tipped it slowly and heard him swallow a couple of times. "Someone a long time ago." It was something she really didn't want to talk about, so she quickly moved the conversation along. "That's enough for now. Too much is dangerous." Looking at the horrible grimace on his face she gave an apologetic smile, "sorry."

"Sokay," he said as his tongue smacked like a cat fighting with peanut butter on the roof of its mouth.

"Here, just a sip though," she said as she offered him some water. "I'm not a medical person John. I don't know if you have any internal injuries or not."

He shook his head, "I'm sore, but no pain in belly. Chest hurts, probably a cracked rib or two." Panic crossed her features. "Don't worry. I'm not having trouble breathing, so can't be too bad."

Where she felt lost in figuring out his injuries; he seemed at ease. So the next question was hers to ask, "How?"

"Fireman," he said. She didn't remember him saying that before, but then there was a lot she had not heard from him. The reasons still were there, down deep only temporarily buried.

"Okay." He was hurt and needed her, but she still needed him too. "We can't stay here, but I don't know where we are."

"Pocket in coat, map." His tongue was still trying to get rid of the bitter taste.

Searching through the pockets she pulled out the little map. It was primitive and hand drawn and reminded her of something her grandfather would have made for their journeys together. His finger came up and pointed to a spot along a marked trail.

"Us."

"Before we fell?"

"Yes." Next he pointed to a red dot. "My cabin. Need to get there." There wasn't enough energy in him to list all the reasons they needed to get there. "Not far," he rasped out.

She shook her head, "no, we can't go there." As she oriented herself to the rough map doubt was rising up in her.

Now it was his turn to sound concerned. He had to make her understand how important it was to not stay here. "Why not? Closest, stocked."

"We can't John. We're in a ravine and there's no way I can get us back up it." Putting the fear behind her wasn't coming easily. She wasn't strong enough to pull him up and the thought of being trapped down here was terrifying. Fighting back the tears of doubt she felt his hand cover hers.

"Can do this. Together." The smile he shared was small and weak, but it got the point across.

"Maybe if I just follow the creek," she mumbled to herself. Old memories were coming back, some helpful, many haunting and they were not allowing her to think clearly.

"No no no," he said urgently.

The anxiety in his voice was shaking her confidence. What did he expect from her? She rocked back on her heels and wrapped her arms around her knees. His faith in her was wavering quickly and she was finding it hard to find the conidence needed to make decisions right now. She was overwhelmed.

"To easy to get turned around, need to follow path," he said quickly.

Shaking her head she started to crawl out of the tent. "I'll be right back."

She needed some air and a few minutes to clear her head. Taking a long deep breath she closed her eyes and found herself picturing the land around her. When she opened them again she studied the landscape, the arches in the mountain tops, the ledge along the ravine, and the curve of the small dried up creek bed in front of her. Mentally taking what she remembered from hiking with her family combined with what the map told her she decided what direction to take.

Back inside the tent he was still awake and looked upset. "Emily, listen. We have to get to my cabin."

For the first time, in a long time, she felt some confidence. "I can't get you up the sides. I'm just not strong enough, but I've hiked around here and I know where we are now. It's not a true path that we will have to take, but it's the shortest path to reach help." She could see the doubt and frustration in his eyes. "I'm afraid it's our only chance."

"How far?"

"At least 2 days at best." She knew all the implications that included and the risks they faced.

"What if you go for help?" He suggested.

Anger flashed across her face. "NO! I won't leave you so don't even go there. Never will I do that again!" Realizing that her outburst had sent a look of shock onto his face she quickly toned it down and prayed he didn't start asking questions. "I won't leave you. It's not an option."

The articles came back to him and all that she had been through. Perhaps it was understandable that she didn't want to deal with this alone. However, her not again stuck in his mind for later reference.

"Besides, there is only the one tent and sleeping bag. I would never survive the elements and neither would you. If for no other reason, for that we must stick together." Logic and reason now dominated her tone.

"Okay, don't have a cow," he said with a little smile. "Together we do it."

"Is the pain a little better yet?" He seemed more comfortable. Placing her hand on his forehead he also felt a bit cooler.

"Yes, it's helping." He sounded exhausted.

"Good. Now it's time we get moving."

* * *

><p>They were all stuck until the bell rang at 7am. One more hour of pacing and Hank thought he might have to order new flooring if the next shift didn't show up soon.<p>

"Roy, we'll find him." Hank said, trying to catch his attention on a pass by.

He nodded quickly, "Sure Cap." Then circled the squad one more time.

Marco stood up from working on the engine. "We'll figure out what's going on Roy."

Again a quick nod, "I know Marco. I just." He trailed off and glanced up to Hank.

"What Roy?" Chet asked.

He didn't know if he could really say what he was feeling. They were all looking at him. He knew they acknowledged the tight bond he had with Johnny. It had saved their lives more than once in the past. "I just have a gut feeling that something bad has happened to him."

They all knew what their friend was feeling. It had been written all over his face since yesterday. This morning they were going to Johnny's place as soon as the shift was over and from there they would decide together what the next steps would be. At least now they could officially report him as missing. Even then Hank wasn't sure what could be done. Finding the cabin wasn't a big problem, it was the massive dump of snow over the last 72 hours that had shut down all roads in that area that ground them to a halt. The local authorities reported they were severely limited until the weather improved.

End of shift finally arrived and they were anxious to get out the doors and on the road. As promised they all pulled up in the parking lot and it was apparent the Rover was still missing. Once inside the apartment Hank called the police station to make the report while Roy looked through the papers on Johnny's desk for any hint of other places he might have gone. He knew that honestly, something could have happened anywhere between the apartment and cabin and back again.

Once Hank was off the phone Roy's next call was to Rampart. Dixie had also been concerned and had requested Roy to update her. Her offer to call hospitals along the route helped and Roy accepted the assistance. He was also incredibly grateful that Kanda had arrived home safely. Going straight to the farm to make sure everything there was okay she had later joined the crew at the station for dinner. It was mutually comforting for them all to be together and of a common mindset in the hunt.

Now, at Johnny's apartment he gave her a morning call. "Roy?" Knowing she was worried about Johnny, him, the farm, and work concerned him.

"Hey babe, I'm okay. We're at his place now. We've called the police station for the missing person report and Dixie is making sure he's not in one of the hospitals."

She could hear the sadness in his voice. "No, he's not in a hospital. He's still searching somehow."

"Searching for what?" Roy asked.

"I don't know really, maybe for a way to get back home."

It was mixed news. At least she confirmed his gut feeling that Johnny was still alive though at the same time anxiety as to having no idea how to reach him. Saying his goodbyes to her he left her to deal with issues at the ranch, settle things with the hospital, and then with plans to see her tonight.

Hank stepped towards him. "We have the police involved now. They will be in contact with the local sheriff's office and the roads in between. As soon as they can access the higher elevations or get a chopper in the air they will start searching."

Roy looked up. "Thanks Cap. I just hope he can wait that long."


	10. Chapter 10

WHITE OUT

'Ohana means family - no one gets left behind, and no one is ever forgotten. ~Chris Sanders and Dean DeBlois, _Lilo & Stitch_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thanks for all the wonderful reviews, reads, and favorites. I love hearing your thoughts about Emily and their journey. Keep um coming because my mind is swirling with all the possible outcomes for our duo._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 10<p>

It took her a while to repair the fallen sled knowing it was still better than starting from scratch. The fates had been kind and let her keep it so she planned on making good use of it. Looking in to see him sleeping she sat by the little dying fire and reflected for a moment at the newly gathered roots and plants in her hands. She was actually a little surprised at how much she remembered. It had been so long ago and she had worked so hard to suppress the memories around it. John had asked about them and she was grateful he didn't press the topic or protest taking them. The strength of certain combinations had been passed down to her and even if she had put those memories away a long time ago, they were returning to her when she needed them the most.

One thing she had to do was go through the backpack and the big bag to thin them out. Anything absolutely unnecessary had to go. She was already apprehensive about carrying his weight; more to slow her down couldn't be tolerated. It amazed her how some of the items affected her and she wondered why he brought them along. Forcing herself to put them aside and opt for the useful items she knew to questioned her sanity when she couldn't let go of a metal pot and silver spoon. A simple memory of making oatmeal and she was doomed to fit them into the pack.

With as much ease as humanly possible she slid him out of the tent to a flattened surface and covered him with the blanket while she packed the tent up. The task of getting him into the sled was much more challenging as she tried very hard to not jostle him too much. He struggled to not cry out and it hurt her heart to do anything that caused him more pain. With him warm in the sleeping bag she donned his parka and gloves, now grateful for their warmth as the sharp bitter winds blew around her. Securing the backpack with him and tying the sled to her hips she decided it was now or never and took her first steps into the snow.

* * *

><p>The going was slow as she tried to pace her energy. Her strides were much shorter and her endurance less than his. It took determination to ignore the icy breaths in her lungs that burned, the soreness of her legs as they trudged through the snow, and even the raging headache she had. Her goal was set and she had no plans to vary from that path. For now the way was pretty level and she was very grateful for that. She knew they had one elevation to overcome before they could finally have help and she tried to not dread it just yet. The clouds overhead were thick and a mild snow swirled all around them in the fierce wind. Having it to her back was actually a bit helpful and gave some push that eased each step.<p>

When the sun was at mid day she stopped out of exhaustion. Walking back to check on him she was comforted by the fact that he was sleeping and seemed to be fairly comfortable, though his color was pale. Sitting down beside the sled she leaned back in the snow and closed her eyes. The tears were so close and she almost let them just flow. The logical side of her protested at how tears would be useless and had made nothing better in the past. _I'm sorry everyone. This is my penitence for all that I did wrong towards you. Peace will never be mine. _"I don't know if I can do this," she said to herself.

"Emily," John whispered.

The sound startled her and she quickly wiped the tears away and leaned towards him. "Yes?"

"You're doing good, don't doubt that okay?" He cleared his throat and grimaced. "Don't give up on us."

The tears rolled down her cheeks. Who was this man? He didn't know what kind of horrible person she was, all the bad things she had caused. Looking at him she shook her head and stood up. "We have to keep moving," she replied softly as she worked on making the tears go away.

She didn't stop often. To keep walking meant no conversation and one step closer to being out of this insanity. The problem with long periods of silence is how your mind wonders during that time. She tried so hard to not think, to not remember so instead she stayed focused on each step she took. One foot in front of the other, one step at a time and her only clock was the light of the sky.

* * *

><p>Sipping some water she sat next to him and tried to block the wind from his face. She worried about the slow pace she was moving. He seemed to read her mind.<p>

"Getting closer," he said.

She kind of chuckled, "barely."

"I know it's hard."

His patience was reassuring when she needed it the most. "Once more unto the breach," she muttered as she stood up and was surprised to hear him reply.

"Follow your spirit, and upon this charge cry 'God for Harry, England, and Saint George!'

When the light was just beginning to fade she knew it was time to stop. Her check on John was brief and without waking him. Before losing sunlight she worked on gathering some branches for a small fire. The land around her was becoming more elevated and had numerous bushes and low hanging evergreen trees. These would be useful for some block from the wind that continued to howl and keep the temperatures low. Once the tent was set up under a shelter she pulled him into it, collapsing beside him knowing it wouldn't last long. She still had to get the fire going.

During the move there was only a moaning response from him. Leaning in closely she listened to his breathing. Once again she noticed he wasn't working hard to breath but it seemed fast, also his skin was hot to the touch again. His fever had returned.

"John? Can you hear me?" She nudged his shoulder. "John?"

His eyes opened though he seemed very groggy. His lips were dry and she put some water to them for him to drink.

"Thanks," he whispered.

She was concerned over his fever and unzipped the sleeping bag to check his leg. Peeking under the makeshift dressing she saw there was no bleeding, swelling that was expected and it didn't seem too red. Puzzled she checked his shoulder dressing which also seemed to be holding up pretty well. Reaching around to zip him back up she brushed against his side and his cry of pain made her jump back. When she opened up his shirt she was shocked to see the marked swelling and extremely red inflamed area. No longer could you even see the original cut. The edges puckered out and the center was white with infection. This was grave and she began to wonder if she could get him out of this alive.

"It's bad John."

He briefly closed his eyes to take a deep breath. "I know what to do, but I need your help."

Hesitation clouded her eyes, "Okay."

Following his directions she we outside to build a fire. It was extremely frustrating getting it started with the wind fighting her every move. Finally getting the flame to catch and hold she groaned at the time lost already with darkness already closing in. Gathering the needed supplies plus a few of her own she returned to the tent with butterflies in her stomach at would need to happen next.

He was still awake and the beads of sweat on his brow revealed how much pain he was in.

He took her hand and held it tightly, "you can do this Emily. I know you can."

She nodded even though the confidence was not there at all. Pulling up his shirt she cleaned the infected site with warmed water. Taking the pocket knife that she had heated the tip in the fire; she inserted it into center and allowed it to slide down about a quarter of an inch.

He cried out with pain and as she tried to soothe him with calming and encouraging words her voice remained comforting despite the shaking of her hands. His hand twisted in the sleeping bag and he gritted his teeth trying to not scream as she pressed on the wound to cleanse it out. Not once did he try and stop her. Another rinse with water boiled by the fire and cooled, she finished up by pressing a natural made salve into the opening. By the time she covered it with a cloth and secured it with tape he was completely exhausted.

"Try and slow your breathing down," she encouraged him gently. "Here," she placed the cup of her recipe tea to his lips as she held his head. Without other words spoken his eyes said 'thank you' and he drifted off into sleep. Nearly collapsing with exhaustion herself, she tucked in as close as possible to him and fell into a deep sleep.

* * *

><p>As the sun set over Carson, Roy sat with Kanda at the dinner table. There was little conversation as they both felt the same way and couldn't do a thing about it yet. No positive news had come down the pike yet from the local authority which was nothing but disheartening. The only reports were of continued bad weather on the mountain and closed roads. He was sick of the police reassuring him. The look in Kanda's eyes told him all he needed to know. Johnny needed them.<p>

They tried trivial conversation about the farm, the kids, and work without escape. Finally giving in to the silence they snuggled on the couch and stared at the fire simply taking comfort in each other's presence. As the evening progressed he decided that come morning he could no longer just sit like this and feel helpless.

"I know this is going to sound crazy," he started.

She smiled, "I bet it doesn't."

"Good. I'll call Hank first thing in the morning and let him know we are leaving."

"I have a feeling we won't be alone in this."

Roy quickly agreed, "I know we won't. Maybe having us in their face will get him found quicker."

With the plan agreed upon they opted for an early bed knowing the next twenty four hours would test their strength and endurance.

* * *

><p>His sleep was restless and when he woke up he could hear the soft sobs next to him.<p>

"Emily?" He couldn't move or reach her because she was tucked up under his side. "Emily."

His voice startled her, "yes? Are you okay?" Her concern immediately was for him. She didn't know what time it was, but the darkness and feeling of no sleep meant it was far from dawn.

"I'm okay," he whispered. "I'm worried about you."

Shaking her head, "don't worry about me please," she begged.

"The herbs. Who taught you that?"

She hesitated. "My grandmother."

"Pretty impressive, I think they're helping. My sister knows a lot about herbal medicine."

Staying tucked close to him she kept talking. "She was a mountain healer. Poorly educated in the real world, but her and my grandpa were very wise in their own ways." Talking about them didn't seem as painful as she feared. It was almost comforting to think about them and feel them close.

"Like a doctor?"

"No, only what was handed down through the generations. Things related to natural healing."

"Very wise woman," he smiled in the dark. It was good to hear her talking.

"She was always so funny. I spent part of each year with them when my parents were away." Some sadness entered her tone.

"What did your grandpa teach you?"

"He had actually gone to college when younger, but never liked the big city. He was always more at home in the wilderness. I leaned a lot about navigation from him." She chuckled, "he might be disappointed in my fire skills though."

"You did it, that's all that matters." He was actually amazed at what she had done. It was far more than he had ever dreamed she could accomplish in her emotional state.

"I guess so." There wasn't a lot of confidence behind her tone.

"Do you still get to see them?" There was a long pause and Johnny began to regret the question.

"No. They passed away a few years ago. I still miss them."

"I'm sorry, but thankful for what they taught you." His left hand patted her back.

"It's okay and I'm glad I can remember too. Try and get some rest. Tomorrow will be here soon."

When she could hear the even breathing of his sleep she settled into her own dream filled world.

* * *

><p>Having no idea what time it was she was only aware that the sun was trying to rise. That meant it was time to get moving again. This time it was much harder. Her muscles protested every move and when she took a deep breath she began coughing. Like the cold wind moving in her lungs, they burned as she coughed. When the fit was over she turned to John to check on him. His fever was a bit better and she made sure the wound dressing was still intact. Knowing they didn't have time to waste she knew it was time to get moving again. Once camp was packed up, John was tucked in and secured to her, she started the slow march. The weather was relentless in wind and light snowfall. Only this time the gust was against her, making her efforts even more exhausting.<p>

She stopped to study the tree line on the ridge above knowing that soon it would be time to start climbing. In a healthy person it would be a challenging hike, but doable in about two hours. In their state she estimated most of the day just to get up there. As the slope increased so did the number of rest breaks. Her coughing was almost constant as she walked and only eased off when she rested.

At one stop she laid down to rest as Johnny slept. Her mind swirled with the events of the last two weeks, then the last 48 hours. Looking at the man who had saved her she felt a flash of anger. She didn't want to be saved or rescued or drug into this nightmare. It was a brief flare of emotions that she quickly reined back in knowing he had risked everything to help her. Sitting up and surveying the area around them she knew they needed some form of nutrition tonight. One skill she had to dredge up from memory was what was edible out here for them. The options were few and buried under the snow. Taking a few minutes she worked at rolling over rocks, gathering plants and saving some bark. Tucking it all into the back pack she wearily got back to her feet, falling once before regaining her balance.

With John in tow she resumed her one step at a time.

* * *

><p>Kanda woke up with raging nausea and ran to the bathroom to making it just in time. Roy heard her and quickly followed. Wetting a washcloth with cold water and pressed it against her forehead. "Kanda, what's wrong?" His voice was thick with concern at the look of overwhelming grief on her face. She started crying and he knelt down and pulled her into his arms. "Kanda, talk to me."<p>

"Johnny." Was all she got out and his heart sank. Were they too late? He took her face into his hands and wiped her tears. "Please talk to me."

Looking into his blue eyes she took a deep breath, "we have to find him, their time is running out."

A quick moment of relief to know they weren't too late was quickly taken over by a thought of what Kanda had said._ Their time?_

"What?" She looked up at him puzzled by his look of confusion.

"You said _'their time'_."

She narrowed her brow and slowed her breathing down. "I don't know why I said that."

Putting it aside for now Roy helped her get up. "If you get us packed I'll make the calls. We'll leave within the hour."

* * *

><p>"Cap?"<p>

Hank was caught off guard by the near panic sound in Roy's voice. "Roy, what's happened?"

He was shaking his head as he talked, "There's been no word yet, but we have to get up there right away."

Hank jumped up, "What's happened?" One thing he had learned long ago was to never question the brother bond of Johnny and Roy.

"We don't know Cap, but Kanda thinks he's running out of time."

Looking quickly at the clock he estimated a time. "Be at my house in an hour. We'll take Emily's van and head up there."

A sigh of relief escaped his lips. "Thanks Cap."

Kanda worked at gathering a bag while Roy called Joanne to keep Jen and Chris. By the time he was off the phone she was ready to go. With an all understanding hug between them, they were on the road to Hank's.

* * *

><p>Entering the Stanley residence Roy wasn't surprised to find Mike, Marco, and Chet already there and waiting. He was grateful for the heartfelt presence of his coworkers. No questions had been asked and no explanations were needed. They simply knew that Johnny needed them.<p> 


	11. Chapter 11

WHITE OUT

We cannot command Nature except by obeying her. ~Francis Bacon

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thanks to all that reply, it keeps me inspired! (and happens to make me type faster too)_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 11<p>

It was a quiet drive to the little town that held the closest sheriff's office to the mountain entrance. Everyone knew that the unknown awaited them and the amount of help and cooperation was just as unpredictable. Small rural counties often had very limited resources to call upon in an emergency.

Kanda leaned against Roy with her eyes closed and in hopes that she was sleeping he tried to not disturb her. The concern she carried for Johnny was exhausting her mentally and physically. In the front seat Hank was driving with Chet acting as navigator with map in hand. Roy smiled at how Johnny would react to Chet being the one to lead the charge to his rescue, then he only hoped he would get the chance to tell him. Behind him Marco was writing in a notebook while Mike finished his book. To any unknowing observer they were simple travelers. To Roy they were a God send. They were a true band of brothers that would run into a fire to save another. When the call to help Johnny had come, no one hesitated.

* * *

><p>Tendons protested and muscles screamed with the weight she was pulling uphill. After an hour of focusing on one foot in front of another she held onto a small tree and bent over double coughing. Each breath was more difficult now and she knew that even pausing was a risk of not being able to start again. She didn't dare even look at John. He had been quiet and she knew there was nothing she could do until they reached the level part at the top. The two hour climb had already stretched into four and darkness was fast approaching.<p>

There was no where safe to set up a camp since the terrain was so rugged and rocky. She was falling often leaving her pants ripped and her legs cut up. Each stop was only long enough to make sure John was still with her then she moved on. Behind her she heard a retching noise, one that made her stop and rush back to him. Turning his head quickly to the side, she held him as he threw up again. His skin was hot and she knew they were running out of time.

Needing a break she rested at the base of a giant tree and worked to control the coughing. She looked back at the man who had risked everything to save her and felt angry at him for saving her. She didn't ask to be rescued or brought into this nightmare. But in the same breath she knew he risked his life to save hers. She just had to get him to safety, what happened after that would be her own personal atonement.

His moaning brought her back to the present and she knelt down beside him once again drawn to getting him through it. His color was so pale and he looked very sick. Mechanically she returned to the climb. There was nothing she could do here and only reaching help would save them at this point. The weight of it was heavy on her heart and the thought of failing someone else tore her apart inside.

* * *

><p>They all gathered around the small wooden desk in the conservative little office. Sheriff Mason leaned over the map with the men as they oriented themselves and where the missing man might be. Glancing to the waiting room Roy kept an eye on Kanda. She had been unusually quiet and his concern was growing for her. When their eyes met his heart ached to ease her worry.<p>

"This is the approximate location of the cabin you're looking for. There's the problem." He pointed from one point on the map to a small county road in the upper elevations. "This access road is shut down because of this storm." He looked up at the men, "there's no way to reach that cabin except by air right now."

"Then let's go," Marco said.

None of them like the shaking head, "I've already tried. Air rescue won't fly until the winds ease up a bit." He sat down in the chair behind the desk.

Roy sized up the man. Late 50's grey headed, tall at about 6'1, with extra weight on him. The man's eyes were compassionate and spoke of understanding in regards to how they felt. However, he could also see the resignation which Roy refused to accept.

"There has to be a way up there," Roy said as he paced the room.

Mason leaned back in his chair. "Let's say we target the cabin and the five mile radius around it. That's a lot of ground to cover. We're talking wilderness out there fella's."

"So you're saying it's impossible?" Mike asked with frustration.

"No, not impossible son, but in good weather it takes a full search and rescue team to find someone up there. In this weather we are severely limited until Mother Nature cuts us a break." He moved from around the desk. "Look, you have my full support at trying to find your friend, but I'm saying nothing can happen today."

Roy wanted to scream and his glance to Kanda revealed she was near tears. "When is the weather expected to break?"

Going back to his desk he rummaged through some papers and found the latest weather report. "Continued high winds through the night. Decreased snowfall over the next twelve hours with clearing skies by tomorrow night."

Hank spoke up, "so what does that tell us?"

"Tells us we will have no air support until tomorrow."

The freak winter storm had waged war against any efforts to begin a search and rescue. High winds had kept all the helicopter rescue units grounded also. The 'we have to wait' answers were no longer heard by Roy. He watched as Kanda moved to the map without speaking and began looking over it. Her eyes seemed to scan it over and over until they settled on a point.

"Sheriff Mason," she started. "Can you get us here?"

"Why there?"

"He's there," she said to Roy. Roy and Hank moved closer to the map and saw nothing in particular marked where she pointed.

Feeling Mason's stare at him Roy nodded, "that's where we start tomorrow."

"Well darling, that's nowhere near the cabin it's in the opposite direction."

Of course the sheriff didn't know about the bond she had with her brother, an almost tangible link she held with him since they were small children. He looked up to Roy and the other men with definite doubt in his expression. "I don't think it's wise to stray from the original search plan. The more ground we try to cover; the more likely we are to lose him altogether."

This family stood by what she said with an absolute resolution that he could never understand. Hank approached him. "We appreciate all you're doing to help us Sheriff, but there's a reason we need to let her be our guide. If we could take the time in the morning to check here you would have our gratitude."

Mason still looked a bit uncertain and glanced over to Roy.

"That's where we go." Roy said. It wasn't a question. It was fact and the next plan of action with or without the Sheriff's help.

They seemed so sure that Mason decided to not argue the point with them. Tomorrow they would decide what was best. He gave them directions to the motel in town and even put in a call to make sure they would be well taken care of. There was something about the group of friends that seemed special and he felt compelled to help them all he could.

* * *

><p>Darkness brought noises she didn't like and the howling of the distant wolves seemed closer than ever. For the first time in two weeks she felt afraid. Not nervous, cautious, or wavering, but true fear. The bright full moon brought her some light in the dense woods, allowing a glimmering ray to pierce though on occasion and shimmer off the snow.<p>

With her strength so low the walls of resistance were down and her mind was flooded with memories of those from her past. Without realizing what she was doing she began to talk to them as she hiked. First she thought of her grandparents and all they had taught her and how she was using that knowledge now for John. She apologized to them for not being there when they passed, her mother had not let her return to their place after what happened to her brother. That thought led to David and her sadness over his death when they were children. Children led her to Maggie, the one true blessing she had in her life, now gone. Even that cherished gift had slipped away from her too soon. One loss after another.

She didn't know how, but somewhere in her ramblings to the trees they had crested the ridge break. Tears filled her eyes as she fell to her knees and felt like kissing the ground beneath her weary feet. She didn't have the energy to build a fire, but after checking on John she knew he needed his wound taken care of before she let exhaustion take over completely. Her only focus was on him. His fever was high and his pain obvious. Following the same procedure as before, she reopened the wound and gave him the last of the herbs she had saved. There was no longer a sense of time for her and nothing left to do but give in to the cold bitter night with a prayer to see the sunrise one more time.

* * *

><p>The men sat around the table at the café just off the hotel lobby. Kanda leaned against Roy and showed no interest in eating. In fact they all stared at their food knowing as they sat warm, comfortable, and fed, their friend was lost, cold and hurting. The entire day had been spent figuring out available resources, getting access to a snowcat for the morning, and collecting supplies they may need for the rescue. All important things, but not comforting as the darkness settled in for the night.<p>

Hank watched the men play with their food and not really eating. He had worked with this group of men for a while now and considered them an extension of his own family. If Johnny could only feel a fraction of the concern that sat here he would hold on long enough for them to find them. His voice gathered their attention, "Okay, eat up. We can't do anything else tonight and if we aren't at our best we can't help Johnny tomorrow. Now eat."

Roy took the first bite and the others followed suit. They knew their captain made perfect sense and despite their misgivings they were hungry.

"Kanda, try and eat something," he whispered to her.

"Another night."

"What babe?" He asked.

"Another night he's out there." Her voice seemed like a lost child.

"I know, but we're here now and nothing will stop us tomorrow."

The other men watched Kanda knowing she was the looking glass connection to Johnny's wellbeing. The continued decline in her sadness and worry left them uneasy with each quiet hour that passed. What was their friend doing that hour? Without further conversations they retired to their rooms for the night knowing the morning would bring resolution, one way or another.

* * *

><p>Not sure if it was a dream he listened to the soft lullabye singing close to him and drifted off to sleep as the words played in his mind.<p>

Baby mine, don't you cry  
>Baby mine, dry your eyes<br>Rest your head close to my heart  
>Never to part, baby of mine<p> 


	12. Chapter 12

WHITE OUT

Faith and doubt both are needed - not as antagonists, but working side by side to take us around the unknown curve. ~Lillian Smith

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thanks once again for all the reads and reviews. You guys are the Thin Mint to my cookie jar!_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 12<p>

Consciousness came to her slowly and painfully as her muscles protested any movements she tried to make. She had no idea what time it was as the gloomy sky masked the sun again today. Feeling like she had slept very little she leaned over to check on him.

"John, I need you to wake up for me okay?" This time he wouldn't respond, his breathing was fast and shallow, his color pale and gaunt looking. The fever persisted now despite anything she tried to do for it. Her shaking hands reached for a pulse and though she couldn't count it without a watch, she knew it was fast and weak.

Crawling out of the tent she looked at her surroundings and felt her heart sink. Moving in the dark last night weary and dazed she had lost track of where they were supposed to be. Had she gotten them lost? No. Things seemed familiar, but she felt like her mind was thick with fog and the worsening cough only seemed to rattle it more. She knew the general direction to take what she lost was her sense of time, how far they had walked, and how close they were now to help. Her fear was that she was making very poor progress and still too far from help.

She did the little bit of packing up and started moving again. Today her breaks were frequent and long. The coughing took her breath away and she was stumbling a lot from exhaustion. Each stop she checked on John and was only able to ascertain he was still breathing, but he no longer talked to her leaving her feeling even more alone. Resuming her conversation with past relatives occupied her journey and she was comforted to feel Maggie holding her hand.

* * *

><p>Rest wasn't exactly what you would call what the men got. It was more of a fitful night of unsetting dreams mixed with a great deal of tossing and turning. Roy wasn't even sure if he closed his eyes since he spent most of the night holding Kanda close and listening to her breathing. He never spoke, just in case she was asleep, but he doubted that she rested much either. The sun rose finding all the Carson family standing in the lobby sharing thanks with the manager for hosting them for the night and pouring much needed coffee into their bodies. When Mason pulled up in his truck they were more than ready to go. The sun was peaking through the thinning clouds and the decreased wind was immediately noticeable.<p>

Unfolding his map on the hood the sheriff pointed to where they were headed. "We'll be meeting Karl up here. He's got the snow cats stocked up then will head our way. I've also already put in the call to search and rescue who will be working their way to the cabin as soon as weather permits." He looked up at the sky, "yep, skies are gonna clear some for us today."

Roy was impressed. This was good news, help was coming. "What about the chopper?"

Mason nodded, "I just talked to dispatch and they will meet up with us as soon as possible. Reports are coming in all over the county regarding emergencies as folks try to dig out of this mess."

Roy could easily imagine what they faced in recovering from the storm. At least they had ground support and hopefully air coverage soon. Medical supplies, backpacks of rope and rescue gear had them as prepared as possible to get started. It was time to get moving and the air of anticipation was thick.

* * *

><p>Her teeth chattered until she thought they would break and her skin felt numb from the bitter cold. She frequently felt disoriented and had to remember what she was doing and why she was out here. The sun had peaked from the clouds and even though she could feel some heat from it she felt cold down to her core. The wind continued to talk to her along the way, not as loud as before, but the occasional gusts would whistle in her ears. Sitting down beside John she opened up the back pack and rummaged for something. After a few minutes she realized she didn't know what she was looking for and felt a little disconcerted. Lying back in the snow she closed her eyes and felt the sun on her face for the first time in days.<p>

There were times when the wind spoke her name and urged her to keep going, other times it seemed to laugh at her. When the wind roared in her ears she thought of her brother who would play zoo with her and he loved to be the bear. She almost laughed at how real it sounded. Only with the next roar did she shake her head to clear the cobwebs and begin to wonder if it was real. With a sudden jerk she recognized the mountain cat as very real, very alive and watching her from not 100 feet from her. However, her grandfather had taught her more than fire and compass skills.

Maintaining eye contact with the creature she dug into the backpack and pulled out that precious pot and silver spoon from the cabin. With slow movements she unbuttoned her parka then carefully stood up, pot in hand. With all the energy she had left she began screaming. Lung power was not her strength, but she screamed none the less while waving and banging the living daylights out of the pot. Moving arms and legs, flapping her coat open while making a racket that echoed into the woods she looked like a possessed crazy creature.

The big cat hesitated as it sized up the threat to see if it was worth the effort. She didn't even look back at John because she knew if this didn't work it wouldn't matter anymore for either one of them. Even as she coughed she never stopped moving and stomping, waving and acting insane. Then when a miracle was needed most, the big cat turned away. Watching it saunter off into the woods she sank to her hands and knees and cried. Her coughs were extremely painful now and she didn't even notice the bloods specks as they appeared on the crystal white snow.

* * *

><p>When she came too she was curled up in the snow just a few feet from Johnny. Feeling extremely weak she crawled over to him and felt for a pulse. She was so cold she couldn't feel anything, only the slow rise and fall of his chest told her he was still with her. Rolling onto her back she let the flakes fall on her face as she stared at the sky.<p>

_Em_? The voice was familiar and she turned her head towards the woods to see no one around.

_Get up Em_. This time she saw the shadow over her head and focused on the figure.

"Go away," she said softly and looked away.

_You're going to hurt my feelings Em_.

This time she looked into his face. It was still so youthful, vibrant, and had sparkling blue eyes full of mischief. "Sorry," she whispered, "I never meant to hurt you."

He sat down beside her. _Oh Embear, you never hurt me. Haven't you figured that out yet?_

She closed her eyes trying to make him go away. This memory was just too painful right now.

_I'm still older than you so you better listen to me!_

"Or what, you gonna tell mom?" She stuck her tongue out at him, making him laugh. That almost made her smile.

_Brat._

This time she did smile,"butt breath." She watched his expression soften.

_Will you listen to me now?_

"Why should I? Last time I listened to you it destroyed my life." She was mad at him.

_I know, but we can't change it, it was just an accident. You have to stop hogging the blame._

"Well guess I'm just selfish that way." She looked away from him back towards the sky.

_Embear, I love you and always have._

A tear ran down her cheek. "I miss you so much."

_I miss you too sis, but it isn't your time and I need you to get up right now._

"Why," she said with flat resignation.

_Because he still needs you Em, don't forget about Johnny._

She knew he was right. "I'm so tired David. I don't think I can go any further."

_You don't have to Em. It's time to rest now and be warm. Now get up for me._

She rolled on her side and pushed herself to a sitting position. When she opened her eyes he was gone. "Goodbye," she whispered to him. She crawled over to the little tent and opened it up. With the last of her strength she inched him into the shelter, covered them with the blanket and curled up next to him. No longer could she carry him, out of breath and struggling to breath she drifted off to a dreamless sleep.

* * *

><p>The journey seemed to take an eternity to them all. The snowcat moved slow and steady despite the anxiety that they all felt. As they moved up in elevation they were able to see the true effects of the harsh winter storm. Trees were down, all roads had become invisible and the temperatures were bitter cold. The good news was the wind was settling down some and air search assistance might be coming soon. Local resources might be limited, but they saw how hard they were trying to help the crew find Johnny. Their knowledge of this area would be critical in the search effort.<p>

As they progressed through the pristine crystallized world two small log cabins appeared in the midst. The first had a store front, labeled _High Mountain Store_, the other they assumed was the owners home. It was simple, unadorned and seemingly abandoned if not for the steady flume of smoke coming from the chimney. Mason pulled the snowcat up close to the front door. Climbing out into the icy temps they all shivered and pulled their coats tighter. Chet took the lead since he was the least happy about the frozen tundra and was eager to get inside the shelter. When he tripped over the unseen and buried stairs his legs when right out from under him. Mike leapt forward to catch him where they both landed with a thud.

Hank stood over them and just shook his head. "Can't you twits manage to walk inside without a fanfare?"

"Sorry Cap," Chet said as he brushed the snow off him then started dusting off Mike.

"Just get inside." Hank said as he helped them to their feet. He didn't have the heart to give them a hard time knowing how much stress they were all feeling.

Mason knocked on the door loudly and was immediately greeted with a gruff voice on the other side.

"Who's banging on my door!"

"Buck, it's me, Mason," he hollered back.

The sound of the door unlocking was followed by the sight of ole Buck greeting them. "Well, git in here out of the freezing cold."

The group all moved inside and quickly found the hot crackling fire. Buck closed the door back and worked his way through the now crowded little room.

Mason started, "Buck, these men have a friend that came up here to Marshall's cabin off Bitter Mountain road. He was due back a few days ago and no one's heard from him. Have you heard or seen anything up here?"

Buck shook his head. "The stores been closed since the storm hit. I've not seen hide nor hair of any living creature in days." He paused, "Marshall's cabin you say?"

"Yea."

Roy reached in his wallet and pulled out a picture. "His name is Johnny and we think something has happened to him."

Buck looked at the picture then up to Roy, "I know John. It was good to see him, been a while. He stopped at the store on his way up the mountain, but I ain't seen him since then." He shuffled to the fireplace. "I don't think you need to worry about that boy. He's one of the smart ones up here, always well stocked and prepared to sit out a storm."

Mason stepped forward again. "Well the phone lines are down and these folks seem to have a funny feeling that something is wrong."

Buck rocked back on his heels sizing up the group of men. He quickly decided the worry was genuine for their friend. "What'cha want me to do?"

It was a long shot and Mason was the first to comment on the odds, especially since he thought they were way off the mark on the search. "We need your equipment and some extra gear to do some search and rescue work."

"Course, anything you need Mas, it's yours." He shook his head. "I sure hope that young man is okay. He's one nice fella and I hope nothin has happened to him."

Roy echoed the same thought in his head. "We appreciate the help very much. He's part of our family." He only prayed they weren't too late.

Mason's radio squelching startled everyone. "HT to base, what's up Karen?"

"Dispatch reports the chopper is available when you're ready Sheriff, but the conditions are iffy so they don't know how long they can help out."

"Understood Karen. Send them to the cabin coordinates. Out." He looked at the men, "they will help us hit two areas at once."

Roy knew that Mason thought they were in the wrong area. His concern was when they found Johnny the airlift might be needed urgently and he hoped they could recall them in time.

While Mason talked to dispatch Buck walked up to Kanda. "Miss?"

She looked up and gave him a soft smile, "Yes?"

"I'm sure you're gonna find him, don't be worrying okay?" He took ther hand and patted it.

Kanda was flooded with warmth and calm at his touch. She returned his smile. He had a gift of his own.

"Thank you sir, for all your help." Yes, she knew deep down they would find Johnny soon and she tried to not let the worry overtake her.

* * *

><p>Mike, Marco and Hank climbed back into the snowcat with Mason. Buck took Roy, Chet and Kanda around to the back of the cabin to a large metal shed. Unlocking it he pulled open the doors and turned back to them beaming with pride. Inside were 2 brand new looking, top of the line snow mobiles.<p>

"Now, these are my babies and I hope you all will take real good care of um for me. I wouldn't borrow them out to just anyone ya know." He scratched his beard, "but John is important and we need to make sure he's okay."

Roy had to smile at the man, and Johnny. Even up here in the middle of nowhere he had made a friend for life. Ole Buck was willing to hand the keys over to strangers for their Johnny.

"Don't worry, we will take good care of them," Roy said as he took the keys. He passed one set to Chet while he and Kanda would take the other one. Leading her by the hand he guided her to the vehicle and put the helmet on her head. She was quiet and seemed to be very focused. He didn't dare disturb that concentration to much because he knew it could mean the difference between finding Johnny sooner than later. Her backpack had all the medical supplies they could rustle up at the last minute plus some items she had on hand at the farm.

Mason waved for their attention as the snowcat moved around to the back with them. He held out a HT to Roy to keep them in closer contact. The plan was to move in a parallel pattern keeping each other just in site hoping to cover more ground quicker. Spacing out they began the tedious search into the wilderness. There was no set plan, no hints on where they were and their friend was now the proverbial needle in a haystack. Roy knew that time was running out and basically it was now or never for Johnny. Something deep inside told him another night would be too late.

Fighting the urge to move at a quicker pace they moved slowly across the white out landscape and scanned every inch possbile. Mason was heading in the general direction of Johnny's cabin knowing that was the most likely path he would have chosen. He could see Chet to his right and the snowcat to his left. They didn't even know what they were looking for at this point. Roy didn't doubt Kanda at all. If she said he was here then it was their job to find him. Suddenly he felt a hard tug at his coat. Slowing to a stop he turned to see her and was shaken by how pale and uncertain she looked.

"Kanda, what's wrong?"

"Something's not right Roy. He's so close, but we're missing him."

Roy needed more help with navigation, "where, just tell me where to go."

He saw Chet pull up to them and the snow cat stop in the distance as Kanda slid off and looked around the woods. The forest was fairly dense here with ancient evergreens heavy with snow. It would be so easy to miss him. Roy and Chet watched her literally turn circles in the snow like a lost child. Maybe this was too much for her and Roy began to feel uneasy with concern.

When she turned back to them her face was full of fear and tears were forming in her eyes.

"Kanda," Roy said as he reached for her. "What?" His heart went into his throat.

"Kanda!"

"We have to turn around!" She became frantic. "Roy, we're going in the wrong direction!"

She shook her head. "We missed him. He's back there. Roy, we have to hurry." Then her voice lowered, "it's like he's fading from me."

He knew what she meant and he didn't like it at all. Taking her arm and putting her back on the snow mobile he turned it around and radioed Mason to follow them. Chet had watched what transpired and although he didn't understand it, the implication that they might lose their friend was enough to make him move in double time. When Buck's cabin was finally back in view Kanda pointed in front of Roy to keep going, passing with it on the left side. Only Roy could hear her soft whispering in his ear, her encouragements to her brother to hold on, they were coming.

Mason was about to send his protest over the HT when he realized they were going right back to where they started. Perhaps enough was enough and they would let him handle this rescue at this point.

Putting the cabin in the distance behind them Roy caught the shimmer of something up ahead. He continue to focus on the tiny orange spot they were approaching. It had to be Johnny. Resisting the urge to leap off the moving vehicle he waited with baited breath for the distance to close between them.

When they came to a stop Roy and Kanda were the first ones running to the tent with Chet hot on their heels. They could hear the snowcat coming up behind them. For a millisecond he paused almost afraid of what he would find.

Dare he hope that Johnny was alive?


	13. Chapter 13

WHITE OUT

Faith is believing in something when all the facts around you say it's impossible.

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 13<p>

Unzipping the front enclosure of the tent he turned at the approaching footsteps to see the rest of the crew run up behind them. The inside of the tent was barren except for a backpack and someone in a sleeping bag with a blanket laid over them. As Roy leaned in he felt his hand come in contact with a leg under the blanket and he quickly discovered that another person was curled up under him.

"What the..." he said as he lifted the blanket and pulled back the parka hood to reveal a young woman. Two of them? Briefly Kanda's words reflecting he wasn't alone came back to him. Turning to Kanda he could see the same revelation on her face. He quickly turned to Hank. "Cap, we have two victims, but there's no room to maneuver in here."

Hank pulled out his pocket knife and cut an opening right through the middle of the tent with Marco and Mike helping to rip it apart for instant access. She was curled up on her side, partially tucked under the one in the sleeping bag. When his hands reached to her neck for a pulse he was shocked at how cold she was. Her pulse was slow and steady, her breathing labored.

"She's alive," he said out loud. A rapid assessment found no obvious broken bones or bleeding.

Looking up he could see Kanda directly across from him, her hands accessing the second victim who was wrapped up like a mummy inside the sleeping bag. Pulling back the blanket over his face the collective sigh of relief with finding him was quickly replaced with fear they may have been too late. Johnny was as pale as the snow and didn't appear to be breathing. She gently placed her fingers on his neck with a silent prayer. _Please Teetonka, don't leave us now._

Relief washed through her, "Roy, he's alive too."

Next was getting them out of the cold and Roy knew they had to move fast. Both were suffering from hypothermia and they were not out of critical danger until he had them in shelter. When he looked up he was shocked to see Buck's cabin in the distance and wondered if they had any idea how close they had come to reaching help.

Hank moved up beside him, "how are they?" His deep concern was easily heard.

"Their alive, but if we don't get them out of this cold I'm not sure how much longer they will hang on."

Hank followed his eyes and they both instantly had the same idea. "Can they be moved right now?"

Roy looked back, "they worked hard to get this far, a few more hundred feet won't make any difference. Let's get them inside."

* * *

><p>Hearing the approaching equipment Buck was standing on the back porch watching them come in.<p>

"Thank the Lord, ya'll found him." He got busy quickly helping to clear the path to the living room.

"If you can get the cabin nice and warm for them it would be a great help." Hank encouraged.

Buck slapped Hank on the back, "I can do that young man."

Roy and Chet carried Johnny, sleeping bag and all, to the couch near the fireplace. Mike had the young woman wrapped snuggly in the blanket and Roy directed her to be placed on the floor near Johnny and the warmth. Mason got on the HT to coordinate the evac chopper while waiting Buck stoked up the fire to warm the little cabin to the point everyone else was rapidly shedding clothing. Roy worked on getting Johnny out of the sleeping bag to assess his injuries while Chet and Kanda worked on getting the parka off the lady. Buck then brought out an armful of quilts for them to use.

Roy focused on Johnny while Kanda took care of the mysterious lady. To his surprise and then concern he found Johnny to not be ice cold, in fact he was warm. Not hot like a fever, but warmer than expected considering the conditions they had endured. As he felt around Johnny's scalp he found the head bump and wasn't sure if his unresponsiveness was from a likely concussion or something else. Pulling up his shirt he was shocked to find the red inflamed wound on his side. Lifting the cloth dressing he frowned at the green mush that was packed inside.

"Mike, can you get me some water and clean towels?" Roy asked feeling an urgent need to clean the wound.

"Sure Roy." Mike turned to Buck who was already gathering the supplies for them.

While he waited he worked on un-wrapping the homemade splints and was actually impressed with how well they had stabilized the shoulder and leg fracture. When Mike and Buck returned with the supplies he gently cleaned the wounds and covered them with a simple sterile dressing from the first aid kit. Frowning at the glob of green paste he watched Kanda reach over and rub it between her fingers then smell it.

She shook her head with a little smile, "amazing."

"What is it?" Roy asked with a notable scowl on his face.

She smelled it again, "several things actually, different roots and herbs." Putting the interest to the back of her mind she returned her focus to the unconscious lady beside her.

Johnny was also unresponsive, but Roy was grateful to at least have him in front of him again. Knowing there was nothing more he could do for his friend until more help arrived he had Marco wrap Johnny in a quilt as he turned to help Kanda. He didn't know a single thing about this unknown lady except she had some how gotten Johnny this close to help and if she was important to Johnny, then she was important to him. As Kanda examined her he took note of the multiple bumps and bruises on her face, arms and legs. Some appeared old, some still fresh. They didn't need a stethoscope to hear the congestion in her lungs. Her wet breath sounds and raspy breathing were ominous signs. As her skin slowly re-warmed it remained slightly dusky in color and he was frustrated at having no oxygen to give her. Carefully he cleaned the many lacerations along her legs and also wrapped her up to keep her warm.

While they waited Kanda stayed close to Johnny with constant gentle encouragements into his ears. The other men worked on making plans to move them again in the event the chopper couldn't get in. At this point it was nothing but a waiting game. Limited to first aid supplies Roy and Kanda were both frustrated at being so restricted knowing the best they could offer them at this point was warmth.

* * *

><p>Finally they heard the chopper approach and land outside. Hank met the two flight medics at the door and they quickly placed a couple of bags with supplies at Roy and Kanda's feet, along with a HT. Roy was perplexed; they didn't have a medic relay program out here. The supplies were great, but he wasn't sure who he would be contacting through the HT.<p>

The medic reached out and shook Roy's hand, "I'm Logan Marks, and you're Roy?"

Roy shook his hand, "Yes, I'm Roy." Again confused at how he knew his name.

The medic smiled, "I was given a message to relay to you from Dr. Kelly Brackett."

Kanda stood up, "Kelly's here?"

"Yes mame, he's waiting for you at Southern Inyo. Here's the frequency to reach him." He passed a paper to Roy. "Dr. Brackett wants you to contact him right away."

Roy smiled, "Thanks Luke." It was all coming together now.

He passed the medic bags to Kanda and dialed in the correct frequency to reach Brackett. Kanda looked to the two medics that remained in the cabin, "let's get some vitals on them, and Roy we'll start both with an IV with LR right away."

Roy acknowledge the medical direction and was reminded how thankful he was to have her here with them. As Roy retrieved IV supplies Luke worked on obtaining vital signs on both patients. The second medic, now introduced as Kirk began setting up the leg splint. Kanda dug through the bags, found the antibiotics and began the mixing process. Once the IV's were inserted Roy hung the fluids got the antibiotics infusing.

Roy turned on the HT and called into it "Mountain High to Southern Inyo, do you read?" He didn't even realize he was holding his breath until the familiar voice replied back.

"This is Dr. Brackett, Roy?"

"Doc it's really good to hear from you," Roy said then exhaled with relief.

"How is he Roy?"

"He's alive doc. BP 80/50, heart rate 140, respirations 18. He is febrile at 102. There is a bump on the back of his head and he is currently unresponsive. Right shoulder is fractured and splinted, right femur has a compound fracture which has been cleaned, also splinted. He has a large laceration along his side that is inflamed and infected. Pupils are sluggish but equal. We have an IV of LR at KVO and Kanda is starting the antibiotics now."

"Okay, sounds like you have him as stable as possible for where you are. Let's get him in here right away."

"Doc, we have a second victim."

There was a moment of hesitation, "Go ahead."

"Female, approximately 27 years old. When we found her she was suffering from moderate to severe hypothermia and is now slowly re-warming, temp is up to 96. She has multiple bruises and contusions over her body, some of them appear old and healing. It looks like she had a previous head wound also. She is comatose at this time. Blood pressure is 90/50, heart rate 128, respirations are 30 and labored. Bilateral breath sounds are coarse with audible rales and rhonchi. She isn't oxygenating well with a dusky color."

"Do you already have an IV started?"

"10-4, IV of LR at KVO also. She is also getting her first dose of antibiotics."

"Administer an amp of Sodium Bicarb and be prepared to intubate her if she doesn't improve rapidly."

"10-4."

Luke pulled out the bicarb and passed it to Roy who pushed it into the IV port.

"Damn," Kanda cursed as she listened to her lungs. "She's stopped breathing." She looked up, "Kirk can you ventilate her while we get supplies ready to intubate?"

As Kirk took over the bag and mask giving her breaths Roy passed intubation supplies to Kanda. Roy was in full medic mode at this point and struggled to not let personal feelings interfere while they struggled to save her life. Watching Kanda easily place the tube into her trachea they continued the ventilations and waited for signs of improvement.

Luke shook his head, "her colors not any better."

"Roy, repeat that bicarb. Let's give her deeper breaths and increase the rate. I suspect her pneumonia is severe and we are going to have trouble ventilating her." Kanda ordered. "When that's in let's get them out of here."

Luke grabbed the bags and headed to the chopper returning with two stokes and blankets. Once each patient was secured and wrapped up they said quick goodbyes and climbed into the waiting transporter.

As Hank, Mike, Marco and Chet watched the chopper take off they prayed to find Johnny in better condition at the hospital than he seemed here. They knew by the look on Roy's face things were not going well.

"Let's go men, time to get off this mountain." Mason said to the dazed group. Then to Buck, "thanks for everything Buck."

His distraught look begged another question, "Something wrong Buck?"

"I think I remember seeing that young lady at the store."

That caught Mason's attention, "Do you remember when?"

The mountain man shook his head, "I was so busy this past week before the storm. So many folks coming and going I didn't know. I just remember her because," he trailed off.

"What Buck?"

"I remember how everyone was excited or all fired worried about the storm, well thats missus was sad."

"Sad?" Mason wondered why that was so remarkable.

"No Mas, I mean deep down sad like something was very wrong."

"Okay. Well let me know if you can remember anything else about her since she had no ID on her." They ended the encounter with hand shakes and climbed into the snowcat for the long slow journey back down to the cars.

* * *

><p>The flight to the small community hospital took about 20 minutes. It was 20 minutes of watching and praying. Neither had responded at all, remaining comatose and raising the concerns if recovery was in their future. Roy and Kanda locked eyes and a mutual understanding occurred that they wouldn't leave either one's side until they knew they were going to be okay. Touching down on top of the hospital Roy was amazed at how small it seemed compared to Rampart. Honestly he had never even heard of it before, but Kanda knew of it vaguely. He hopped out of the chopper behind Luke and they got Johnny and the lady onto stretchers. By the time they reached the door, Brackett was standing beside them.<p>

"How did you know to be here?" Roy asked.

"Dixie told me you were headed up here to search so I contacted an old friend and drove up early this morning. He's Chief of Medicine and didn't mind an extra hand at helping with a potential trauma coming in."

"Well, we're glad to see you Kelly," Kanda said as she gave him a quick hug. "There in bad shape," she said sadly.

"Let's get them to the ER and stabilized. I'm already working on transport to get them to Rampart as soon as possible. They aren't equipped here to deal with multi-trauma cases."

Stepping off the elevator they moved down the hall into what functioned as an emergency room. There were two rooms and a small desk for the nurse on duty. Roy and Kanda exchanged wary glances about having the resources needed to stabilize them. The oncall physician was waiting in the room as they put both of the stretchers next to each other. Roy continued the ambu bagging of the woman while the lone respiratory therapist pulled in an ancient looking ventilator and set it up. Despite the visitors misgivings the man moved quickly and efficiently to get it ready for use. The nurse began obtaining new vital signs on both while Brackett worked on quick assessments.

"I gave her two amps of bicarb," Kanda updated him. "I'm concerned about the hypothermia effects."

"Agreed. She's at very high risk of organ failure and acidosis, never mind the severe pneumonia looks like we'll also have to deal with."

"Doctor her BP is 60/40, heart rate 80 with no spontaneous breathing." The nurse reported.

Brackett shook his head, "she's still not oxygenating either." He knew he better do something very fast or she wouldn't survive long enough to transport. "Fluid bolus of 500 cc LR, let's get a chest x-ray, blood gas, and increase her ventilation support. We'll also add a second antibiotic to her."

"Plasmanate?" Kanda asked.

"Already checked. They don't stock it here. We'll have to make due with bolus's for now." He quickly wrote an order for blood pressure supporting medication and asked for it urgently from pharmacy. He then turned his attention to Johnny and the concern clearly showed. "This wound looks several days old and is grossly infected." He then paused, "what's that smell?"

Kanda pulled out a tissue with the green potpourri they found on him. "This was packed in the wound when we found him."

"What is it?" Kelly looked horrified.

"Actually, it's an amazing combination of items that focus on reducing fever, pain relief, and natural antibiotics. It also acts as a wicking agent to draw the contaminated blood from the wound."

"Really?" Roy said with a bit of surprise in his tone.

She nodded, "yes and if you ask for my opinion I think it may have kept the infection from spreading faster, buying him more time to get to help."

Brackett wasn't so easily convinced thought. As he examined Johnny's abdomen for internal injuries Johnny moaned.

"Johnny," they all seemed to say in unison. However it was only a combination of mumbling and painful grimaces until he said one word clearly.

Emily.

Their mysterious other patient now had a name.

When the x-ray tech came into the room Kanda ordered a full series on both patients while Brackett consulted someone in orthopedics regarding Johnny's shoulder and leg fractures. Honestly he wanted them repaired in LA where specialists were waiting; however, if they needed to be taken care of sooner then he would assist in the OR. Johnny's fever still raged despite the dose of antibiotics and fluids being given. The risk of surgery at this point must also be taken into consideration. This facility just wasn't capable of dealing with this kind of critical patient.

Standing at the x-ray box he just shook his head. Both of Johnny's breaks were complex and could not be operated on here. Emily had what appeared to be healing rib fractures at least 2 weeks old and her lungs were atrociously full of fluid, raging with pneumonia.

Returning to her side Brackett was pleased to see a slight improvement in her color though he knew she was border line on her oxygen levels at best. When the lab tech handed him the blood gas report his suspicions were confirmed. Her oxygen levels were still below optimal and they had her on as much oxygen as possible. They were getting nowhere fast with her. Kanda wrote to change her antibiotic to one more targeted for respiratory infections and repeated her bicarb dosage to battle the acidosis that was causing havock in her body.

They stood against the wall of the little room and weighed the pros and cons of moving them to Rampart now versus later.

"I don't know Kelly the flight is risky for Emily, but she's going to require high level intensive to have any chance of making it through this." Kanda said.

"I agree. I'm not convinced we can pull her out of this pneumonia, never mind the after effects of the hypothermia she will be facing in the next week."

"What about Johnny?" Roy said feeling like his stomach weighed a hundred pounds.

"He needs surgery, but we have to get his infection under control first. If we try to operate with him septic I'm not sure he could survive the anesthesia. I do think he is stable enough to transport and honestly," he paused, "I really want him where I can watch him close."

Roy exhaled with relief. No part of him wanted to leave Johnny up here where intensive care wasn't available.

Brackett continued to consult with the on call physician who readily agreed they needed a higher level of care and finished the arrangements for the return home. Within twenty minutes the ambulance was waiting to take them to the airport to meet the medical flight to LA. One last phone call by Roy to the sheriff station updated the office staff so they could report to the incoming 51 family soon.

* * *

><p>When the doors to the plane closed Kanda was secured next to Johnny with Brackett watching over Emily. Roy sat across from them with the flight medic and knew the next two hours would seem an eternity until they had them home and in the good hands of Rampart Hospital.<p>

No one was willing to say what the future held for the critical pair. Only time would tell and they prayed for the chance that only time would grant.

_A/N: I have to admit this is a critical point for Emily and my typing fingers. I have contemplated many outcomes for the end and the debate still rages. Readers input would be awesome at this point. Let me hear from you :) Thanks to all that review!_


	14. Chapter 14

WHITE OUT

I think we dream so we don't have to be apart so long. If we're in each other's dreams, we can play together all night. ~Bill Watterson, _Calvin & Hobbes_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: WOW! Such awesome responses through reviews and PM. Thank you for letting me know you are rooting so much for Emily esp since I've grown kinda attached to her also at this point. I think my decision has been made...hehehe, and soon you will know it also. Your reward is a nice long chapter._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 14<p>

The hospital was familiar, the faces recognizable, and the routine was, well routine. However, that didn't make the wait any better. Kanda watched Roy pace the waiting room outside of the ICU until she couldn't take it any longer.

"Roy?"

He looked up as if startled out of a daze, "yes?"

She almost smiled at the tired blue eyes, "slow down or Dixie will charge us for a new rug."

He ran his fingers through his hair and sat beside her. "Sorry."

"It's okay, I know."

The two hour flight had been nerve wracking as they monitored every breath the two patients took. However, as they reached Rampart Johnny's fever spiked to 105 and they had to ice him down to prevent a seizure. Now with both patients being settled into the ICU they were on the waiting end and Kanda was convinced it was going to send Roy over the edge soon if they didn't hear something. When they heard the doors open they saw Early and Brackett come through them. They both stood up and nervously awaited the update.

"Roy, Kanda," Joe greeted them with a soft smile.

"How are they Joe?" She asked with trepidation.

"Johnny has stabilized. I think adding the second antibiotic has started to help his system fight the infection. His temperature is down to 101 and his vital signs are more stable."

"Has he regained consciousness yet?" Roy asked.

The negative shake made the weight on his shoulders heavier.

"And surgery?" Roy was worried about waiting on the repairs.

"If he stays stable through the night McDaniel will operate tomorrow morning. Then we can be more comfortable with subjecting him to the anesthesia."

Kanda nodded, she understood the rationale behind the plan. What she didn't like was the pain he would continue to fight until the fractures were fixed.

Joe seemed to read her mind, "don't worry, we're giving him plenty of medication for the pain."

"Can we see him," she asked.

Brackett smiled, "Dix is getting him comfortable right now, go on in."

They took a step forward then stopped. Kanda deeply feared the next question. "Emily?"

Their expressions changed and it wasn't for the better. Brackett shook his head, "I'm not sure if she will make it through the night. She's on a lidocaine drip for the arrhythmias that persist despite her now normal temperature and even with blood pressure support her pressures are still low."

"Can we see her before going to Johnny?" Kanda asked.

"Sure, she's in room 4. Johnny's in 5."

Roy took Kanda's hand as they entered the ICU. This area of the hospital wasn't new to them, but it was never a pleasant place to be. The worst of the worst sickly patients resided here until they took a turn for the better or lost their battle. Reaching room 4 first they stood in the doorway and soaked in the almost overwhelming medical onslaught of equipment. Between the ventilator, a re-warming mattress, multiple IV pumps, and cardiac monitor she seemed like a lost child in the bed.

They knew she wasn't a child even though she was lost to someone. The police were working on finding out who she was and who might be looking for her; however, for now, she was Emily with no last name. Kanda was determined that she wouldn't feel alone. Part of winning the battle was to have an overwhelming desire to win. Kanda couldn't feel that coming from her and it scared her. Walking up beside the bed she took her hand and rubbed it.

"Emily. We're here for you. You got Johnny to us and now we will be here for you. Please fight and come back so we can show you how grateful we are for what you did." Tears formed in her eyes. Roy stood behind the woman that he loved so dearly and softly rubbed her back, for support, for concern, but mostly out of love. He also hoped they would learn about who she was soon and find the ones that loved her to be at her side. The monitors beeped steadily, but looking at them they knew the numbers weren't normal. Her heart rate was slow and irregular, her blood pressure barely survivable. Kanda stood up and kissed her on the forehead, "don't give up."

When they entered Johnny's room he seemed to be surrounded by quiet compared to hers. Dixie was talking to him as she adjusted the elevation of his leg splint. She turned to see them and reached out to hug Kanda.

"He seems to be resting well now." Dixie looked exhausted.

"How long have you been on duty Dix?" Kanda asked.

She tried to shush it away until she saw Kanda was serious. "Well officially my shift ended about 4 hours ago. I wasn't leaving until I knew he was back here safe with us and tucked in."

Roy smiled, "Thanks Dix." He knew exactly how hard her days could be.

"Well you know Johnny means a lot to us and I plan on seeing him through this." She pointed to the chairs in the room. "I know you want to stay with him tonight so I got you a recliner. I figured you could take turns sleeping."

Kanda took Dixie's hand, "Thanks Dix."

Roy put Kanda in the sleep chair first with a pillow and blanket and all but demanded that she get some sleep. It had been a very long day and they had a very long night to see Johnny through until surgery.

* * *

><p>Emily drifted in a world of white. No matter how much she squinted to see, everything around her was a white out world. She knew that before there had been cold, so much cold, but now the white surrounded her in warmth. Faces drifted in and out while she struggled to remember what she had been doing. It seemed so important, like earth shaking important only now her mind no longer cooperated and kept leading her astray. One thing she knew, here there was no pain, no fight, no struggle and it was something she liked. Voices whispered to her that were familiar from her past and even though she couldn't tell what they were saying, they seemed comforting. When the new voices spoke she was afraid and moved away from what they asked. No matter how fogged her mind was it knew the primal difference between before and now.<p>

* * *

><p>The night passed with them taking alternating turns at getting some sleep. It was frequently interrupted by the nurses who were making rounds, giving medications, and keeping a close check on Johnny. At one point Roy was awakened by Hank while he dozed in a chair.<p>

"Roy?" Hank actually hated to wake him knowing that exhaustion was probably his middle name about now, but they anxiously awaited news about Johnny.

Roy startled to his feet and instantly looked to the doors. Hanks hand on his shoulder got his attention, "easy there, it's just us."

He was grateful to see that the others had arrived home safely knowing it had been a long journey and day for them also. "Good to see you guys."

Chet stepped forward, "how's Johnny?"

Roy updated them on their friend's condition and assured them he was resting well so far tonight. It brought a sigh of relief that was almost audible to the nurses' station behind the doors. Mike passed Roy a cup of coffee which he thanked him for and they sat down to catch Roy up on what had happened after the chopper had left.

"So Buck knew her?" Roy asked.

"Yea, apparently she had come into the store about a week before Johnny arrived. The problem is Buck eventually remembered that she wasn't alone."

Roy let that sink in, "but we don't know anything about who she was with."

Hank continued. "Apparently she was with a guy and Buck assumed they were married. Beyond that we have no idea who they are or where he might be. There are so many off roads up there and cabins they could have been headed anywhere."

Roy shook his head. They were no closer to knowing who she was than when they started. He looked at his watch, it was 3am and he could tell how tired everyone was. "Kanda and I are staying until Johnny's surgery tomorrow. Why don't you guys get some sleep and come back in the morning."

They all nodded in agreement knowing Roy would contact them if anything changed in Johnny's condition before they returned. Saying goodbye he returned to the ICU and wandered into Emily's room to check on her before going back to Kanda. Everything appeared the same and she seemed to be holding steady for now. He pulled up the chair to sit right next to her bed.

"I wish you had someone here with you. I mean, we're here, but to have family close is different. I'm sure there's someone out there who is looking for you." His eyes monitored the numbers that surrounded her. "You fought long enough to get Johnny here; can you keep fighting for him?"

He felt someone's hand on his shoulder and looked up to see Kanda standing there beside him. "Sorry, didn't mean to interrupt."

Taking her hand into his, "its okay, just chatting."

"Since you're here I'm going to get some coffee too."

"Okay, see you in a bit," he said as she leaned down to kiss him.

When he came into Johnny's room he noticed the monitors were indicating he was not resting well. His heart rate was up a bit, his breathing faster. Roy started to call to the nurse's station when he saw Johnny trying to open his eyes. Roy's own heart beat a bit faster seeing Johnny finally start to show some signs of consciousness though he didn't like seeing the pain on his friends face. He pressed the button for the nurse to come then leaned in close to him.

"Johnny? Can you hear me?" He could see Johnny struggle but the pain was taking over his attempts to come around. When the nurse entered Roy updated her and she returned to the nurses' station for his medication. "It's okay Johnny, we're getting you more pain medicine."

Johnny shook his head even though he never opened his eyes.

Roy wasn't sure what he was wanting. "You're safe at Rampart pally. You're going to be okay."

That seemed to appease him a bit. That and the morphine that flooded his system sent him back to dream land and stable vital signs. When Kanda returned Roy was ecstatic and updated her on what happened. Together they felt hope grow now.

* * *

><p>"Roy?" Hank asked as he got off the elevator with Chet.<p>

He shook his head. "No word yet. He's been in surgery for 2 hours now." He continued his pacing and ran his fingers through his thinning hair.

"Well, you know they will update us as soon as they finish." Chet said as he passed Roy a drink.

"I know. I just hate waiting."

"You were never good at waiting", Kanda said as she came through the ICU doors from checking on Emily.

"How is she?" Hank asked.

"Same. There's been little change." It was easy to read the heartache that Kanda felt for the young woman. Roy pulled her to sit next to him and as she leaned on his shoulder he rubbed her back.

It was another anxiety filled hour before they finally saw Brackett and McDaniel come through the ICU doors. Everyone stood up and quickly read the faces of the two men for any signs of bad news.

"How is he doc?"

Dr. McDaniel spoke first. "We set his broken leg and shoulder and cleaned up the stomach wound."

"How bad does the infection look?" Kanda asked.

Brackett shook his head, "Honestly I'm at a loss to explain why he didn't' succumb to the sepsis. What did you say the stuff looked like from his wounds?"

"It was herbal medicine. She knew exactly what she was doing."

Brackett was amazed, "Well I don't know what it was, but something kept the infection more localized instead of allowing it to overtake his system. They'll be returning him to ICU in about an hour then we'll see how he wakes up."

Kanda took both doctors hands, "Thank you so much." Then to Dr. Brackett, "Thank you for being here with us and coming for Johnny, it means more to us than you could ever know."

A big smile crossed his face, "Johnny means a lot to us here too. I'm glad I could be there."

"Doc, how's Emily doing this morning?" Roy asked.

The smiles faded. "She's still in a coma, in critical condition. It's hard to know exactly what happened, but she seemed to have sustained previous injuries that had not fully recovered. Add the damage from hypothermia and it's a dangerous combination."

"We think she saved his life," Kanda whispered. "Please keep us posted."

He shook Roy's hand, "Sure will. Let us know if you find out any more information about her."

Roy stood beside his bed as Kanda held his hand and talked to him. He was still on the ventilator, full of tubes and covered with monitors. Scanning the numbers he could see that Johnny was stable and resting quietly.

"Tee Tonka, we're here. They got your leg and shoulder all fixed up so it's time for you to wake up for us. " She smiled when he squeezed her hand back even though he didn't open his eyes. "Rest for now."

Seeing him resting Roy moved out to check on Emily. Walking to her side he took her hand and could feel the fever she was now battling. There no breaths of her own, only what the ventilator provided for her and the monitors showed borderline vital signs. She was teetering on an edge that he wished he could pull her back from. He also wondered where was the man that had given the ring they found on her finger.

He looked up to see Hank standing in the doorway with Mason. "Roy, can we talk to ya for a minute?"

"Sure," he said as he gave her hand a squeeze before leaving.

He moved into the hallway to talk to the men anticipating an update about the mystery woman.

"Cap?"

"Nothing yet Roy. There's no missing persons reports matching her description and they finally made it to Johnny's cabin and found nothing there to help either. There are other cabins in the area, but it will take a while to reach them all." Hank felt for the lady also. He didn't know anything about her except she had risked her life to save a friend and colleague. "How's Johnny doing?"

"He's been stable. We're just waiting for him to wake up now."

"Roy?" He turned to the voice to see Kanda standing in Johnny's doorway. He moved to her, taking her hand.

She smiled, "he's trying to wake up."

He returned the smile as they moved into the room. Johnny was restless and the respiratory therapist was trying to pull the airway from his throat. Kanda moved close and spoke to him.

"Easy there little brother. This will help you feel better, just relax for us." Her words calmed him a bit and the airway was removed and replaced with a nasal cannula.

The nurse gathered his vital signs and listened to his lungs carefully to see how he was doing off the ventilator. "You sound good Mr. Gage. Can you wake up for me?"

But Johnny didn't wake up instead he remained restless and seemed unable to settle. Dr. McDaniel came in the room and ordered a sedative for him. Kanda voiced her dismay at drugging him as opposed to giving her a chance to calm him. His orthopedic surgeon was new to Rampart and although he had excellent skills he wasn't familiar with the station 51 family. She made a mental note talk to Kelly about it.

* * *

><p>Every time Johnny moved the nurses were sedating him and Kanda grew more and more frustrated. When he began to grow restless this time she knew he needed to hear from her and Roy, to truly know they were there for him.<p>

"Nurse, when is his next medication due?" They could hear McDaniel at the nurse's desk.

Kanda and Roy went out to the desk to see what was going on. The nurse reported how frequently the doses were being given and he shook his head.

"Well obviously it's not holding him and we need to up the dosage." He turned to see the couple standing behind him.

"Kanda, Roy. Don't worry we will get him comfortable quickly."

Roy realized then that the doctor was doing what he thought Johnny needed to sleep in an effort to make him rest easier.

"Dr. McDaniel, we'd like for Johnny to wake up some at this point." Roy said.

"No, it's too soon. Tomorrow. Tonight I want him quiet and resting. We had to do a lot of manipulation on that shoulder and when he comes to he's going to be in a lot of pain."

They both seemed to take a deep breath at the same time and just as quickly the doctor was down the hall into another patient's room. Resigned to no change in the plan of care for the night they returned to his room and made plans to get dinner for the night.

Another night passed at having the snow bound patients home. At least they knew it was Johnny's home, Emily was still known as Jane Doe. Roy had managed to convince Kanda to return to the ranch for the night, shower, eat, check the horses and get some true rest. The 51 crew were returning to work today with Roy filing for a short leave until Johnny was more stable.

The dozing in the chair was only intermittent and when he awoke this time it was to a nurse trying to hold Johnny's arm good arm down as he thrashed in the bed. McDaniel was at the desk for early morning rounds and came running into the room with Joe Early right behind him. Of course the first order was for medication and Roy erupted.

"No more drugs." He then looked to Joe, "let me talk to him."

Early didn't question Roy's request. He had seen more than once the close bond between Johnny, Roy and Kanda. Roy stood beside Johnny and began talking. "Junior, you're at Rampart now, you're home. We need you to relax or they will have to keep giving you drugs to calm you down. Calm down and work on waking up for us." He put his hand on Johnny's arm and gave it a gentle squeeze. "You're going to be okay, we found you."

Johnny began to calm down and listen to his friend. Early just chuckled, it never ceased to amaze him and only left McDaniel completely perplexed.

"Doc, either me or Kanda will be with him until he wakes up. We want to avoid sedating him if possible."

"Okay, we'll try it Roy. I don't want him moving around too much so if he doesn't settle quickly call the nurses for some pain medication. " McDaniel conceded.

Roy breathed a sigh of relief, "thank you."

For the rest of the morning Roy dozed in the reclining chair beside Johnny. Each time he grew restless Roy was able to simply talk to him and he would drift back to sleep. Sometimes the conversation would be about work, current news in the city, or stories about Jenny and Chris missing their uncle Johnny. It seemed that Johnny simply needed reassurance he wasn't alone.

The next time Roy awoke it wasn't over hearing Johnny, but the warm kiss on his cheek.

"Welcome back," he said as he kissed her back.

"Well, I ran by and took Jenny and Chris to lunch before dropping them off at Hank's house. There gonna spend the day with his girls," she said as she pulled up a chair beside him. "How's he doing?"

"I finally got them to agree to stop the excessive sedation. He's tried to wake up several times."

She could hear the relief in his voice. "Good. Maybe now we can convince him to wake up for us."

Roy didn't question her. He learned long ago that her connection with Johnny was stronger than his partner/brother bond and more than once was very grateful for it. She sat down on the edge of the bed beside him. All he had now was an IV, the casted shoulder and leg, and a heart monitor. She ran her fingers through his dirty curly hair.

"If you don't wake up John Gage, I'm gonna have to give you a bath today and the explanation of that scar on your rear will make for some very nice stories to the nurses." She laughed in her sing song way. "So, it's time to come to the present and join us again. We have lots of questions and there's a very pretty young lady next door is very lonely."

"Yea Johnny, we want the scoop."

They looked up to see Dixie come to stand on the other side of the bed. "How's he doing Kanda?"

"Better Dix, thanks. He's just being hard headed as usual."

"Oh, I know about that hard head of his," Dixie said as she took his hand. "Johnny, we need you to tell us about the lady that was with you when you can. She needs to know you're here."

Roy looked concerned, "Dix?"

Dixie moved around the bed to him, "It's not looking good Roy."

"Just keep us posted Dix," Kanda said.

"Sure will. You two go grab some lunch. I've got to change his IV fluids, so I will be here with him."

She shot a fake frown at them when they started to protest. "I'm perfectly capable of finding you if we need you."

They had to admit the small break from the little room was nice. "I keep trying to figure it out Roy. How did Johnny wind up so far from his cabin on foot? And they were both hurt and sick. And he had to be worse or he would have never let her go without the sleeping bag."

"I've thought the same thing. They're still trying to check the local cabins and see what they can find."

"There so much sadness in her Roy, it's all I can see when I'm around her. I just don't know why."

As darkness set Roy stood at the window and watched the lights of the city sparkle like something from a Hollywood movie. Johnny's room had remained fairly quiet as they waited for him to fully awaken and he worried about the increased activity next door knowing Emily was losing the battle.

It was only a whisper but he heard it.

"Roy?"

He turned to see Johnny's eyes open. "Hey there, how are you feeling?"

Johnny swallowed hard showing his throat still hurt from being intubated, "tired."

Roy smiled, "I bet. Do you need something for pain?"

He shook his head, "not yet." Looking around the room it was obvious he was trying to clear the cobwebs. "Rampart?"

"Yea. Do you remember what happened?"

Closing his eyes with concentration Johnny paused for a moment. "Cabin."

Roy felt a surge of relief. Johnny was remembering. "You went to the cabin for a few days."

A quick nod. "Storm."

"A bad one actually." He didn't know how much to push Johnny about Emily. "Johnny, do you remember Emily?"

Johnny's eyes opened, "Who's Emily?"

_A/N: Don't hate me lol. More to come soon. Send me reviews!_


	15. Chapter 15

WHITE OUT

My momma always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." Forrest Gump

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: The wonderful ideas continue to come in and I wanted to share my thanks with everyone reading. This chapter might shock you, but it's not the end. Perhaps its just the beginning..._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 15<p>

"Memory loss isn't unusual under the circumstances Roy." Brackett tried to reassure him. "Johnny's been through a great deal of trauma and also dealt with hypothermia."

"I know."

Kanda watched him pace the waiting room. "Is there a chance he will regain those memories? We just hope to know more about Emily."

"We do too trust me. Give him time to come off some of the medication and we'll just have to see what happens." Brackett was just as frustrated. "Oh, we're also moving him downstairs today to a private room."

It was good news, actually great news so why didn't they feel overjoyed? Brackett watched the reaction. "You're still welcome to come see Emily anytime you want."

Kanda smiled, "thanks Kel."

"Well, right now we're the only family she has so I think it's important."

The transition to a new room went smoothly and Johnny was up and eating more solid meals now knowing it was the quickest way to get rid of his IV. He could feel the tension regarding his memory loss from those around him and slowly bits and pieces were coming back to him. He remembered the drive, the beautiful snow fall, seeing Buck again, and reaching the cabin. Beyond that it was in pieces. For now he held onto the little pieces like a baby clinging to its mother, until they were making more sense to him. It was like he needed one missing piece to bring it all back, that one elusive link for it all to make sense to him.

Roy or Kanda had been by his side almost nonstop and he was grateful for their patience with him. They had told him about the mystery woman up in the ICU, what she looked like, what little they knew about her. She had saved him. At least that's what they told him. He knew there was something very important to remember, to know about her and to share with others and that was the missing piece of the puzzle that was driving him nuts.

"Johnny?"

He turned to see Kanda watching him. "Just thinking." She worried and he knew it. Big sister and all.

They both looked up to see Roy come in with Mason.

"Johnny, this is Sheriff Mason, he helped us to find you and bring you off the mountain." Roy said.

Johnny reached out and shook his hand, "thank you Sheriff, I'm in your debt."

"No thanks needed son just doing my job." He looked over to Roy. "Roy tells me that you're not able to remember everything that happened up there."

"Only pieces so far."

"Well, we've had the search and rescue team tracking down as many cabins as possible looking for other folks that might have been stranded by the storm like you were. One of the cabins they searched was empty but they found these there." Mason passed some papers to Kanda. "Maybe these will help."

Kanda took the wrinkled newspaper articles and read through them. Tears formed in her eyes as she looked to Johnny. "Her name is Emily Jackson. Her daughter and both parents were killed in an auto accident recently."

They focused on Johnny and Roy stepped forward as he saw the color drain from his face, "Johnny?"

"Can I see the articles?" His voice seemed distant.

Kanda handed the first one to him and watched him read it. It seemed to take him forever to finish as they all waited with baited breath.

"I need to see her."

Roy shook his head. "I don't know Johnny, you just had surgery."

Johnny's eyes pleaded with him, "I have to see her, to know… to be able to put this all together."

"Okay," Roy said then turned and left the room.

When he returned he had Joe Early with him.

"Roy's told me what's happened. Do you feel up to this Johnny?"

"I have to do this."

"Okay. We'll take you up by stretcher."

Kanda stood on the other side of Emily's bed with Johnny's stretcher on the other side. Roy, Mason and Early stood at the end of the beds. Johnny looked at her. Her color was pale with dark circles under her eyes. The respirator continued to breathe for her and when he reached over to touch her he flinched at how cool she felt. Cold. His hand moved up her arm then touched the healing cut on her forehead. The room was silent except for the beeping monitors and swish of the ventilator. No one dared to break his concentration knowing this was a turning point for Johnny and the past.

"Her name is Emily," he whispered to Kanda.

Kanda leaned over Emily, close to him. "Yes Johnny, do you remember her?"

His eyes watered up, "yes."

* * *

><p>They all re-gathered in Johnny's room. He was exhausted and in pain from the trip, but he needed to talk and they needed to know. With detailed accuracy he told of his hike, finding Jeff then rescuing Emily.<p>

Bracket and Early focused on the details regarding her previous injuries and knew they could get the records from the hospital. They were concerned that she had experienced that degree of hypothermia not just once, but twice. Then with heartfelt grief he told them of her deep depression and her desire to die.

Kanda sat down tears flowing as she now understood the pain and sadness she felt from Emily. Roy knelt beside her putting his arms around her and kissed her knowing how easily she felt the pain of others.

"Can you find her family now?" Brackett asked.

Mason shook his head. "We contacted her aunt, her mother's only sister. The family blames her for the accident and the death of her parents." He shuffled his feet with the disheartening news. "They won't have anything to do with her anymore."

Johnny was horrified, "what? How can they do that to her?" He couldn't imagine not having Kanda and Roy to help him when he was sick or hurt.

"I got the impression it's a pretty dysfunctional family. She has no other living relatives. Apparently her grandparents have passed and she had a brother that died from drowning when he was 15."

"David."

"Did she talk about him?" Mason asked.

Johnny shook his head. "Not to me. I just remember hearing his name, like she was talking to him."

"Well they blame her for that too even though it was years ago."

Roy stood up again. "She has no one."

"And no reason to even try to live," Kanda said softly.

Mason got an idea of where Jeff's body could be found and headed back home. Joe and Kel moved back to the nurse's desk discussing the medical implications of Emily's past while Roy and Kanda stayed with Johnny until he was asleep. In the waiting room they found Hank and the crew who had come to see Johnny. Roy updated them on what they had learned.

"It's not right," Chet said angrily. "She risked her life to help him. Who are they to say she isn't worthy of them?"

Roy could see how angry it made them, just as it had the rest of them earlier. "I don't know Chet. But she has us now."

They all agreed. Emily was now a part of the Station 51 family and they wouldn't give up on her.

* * *

><p>"Chet if you don't quit changing the channels I'm gonna…"<p>

"Gonna do what Johnny boy?" Chet laughed, "Take the remote from me?"

Yes, Johnny who was flat on his back, right shoulder casted, right leg suspended into the air and still utterly dependent on those around him. He was ready to choke Chet.

Hank came in and would never admit to how glad he was to hear the bickering between the two friends. "Chet, will you please stop annoying the patient?"

"But Cap, he started it."

Johnny looked indigent, "I did NOT!" Taking the pillow from behind his head he tossed it at Chet who failed to dodge fast enough and got smacked right in the side of the head. Johnny then groaned in pain from the effort and Chet jumped to his feet.

"You need some pain medicine?"

Hank just shook his head. If he ever compared them to an old married couple and they over heard, his life would be in jeopardy. "Just give him his pillow back for starters twit."

Closing his eyes hearing the two men talking Johnny sighed with the comfort of knowing he wasn't alone. Now sometimes he prayed for aloneness when Chet was his only company, but even that was better than no one caring. They did care, they always had and family they were to him. He was constantly trying to remember the almost dreamlike memories of Emily talking when he was hurt and not always fully cognizant of his surroundings. He remembered her sometimes talking nonstop as they walked and felt that somewhere, in those ramblings might lay a key to saving her. Even when all hope seemed lost there must be a thread to hold you together. Something that she could grasp like a lifeline. The problem was that everyone she spoke of and remembered was now gone. As the voices of his friends and family surrounded him he easily found sleep and dreams.

* * *

><p>They continued the vigil with Emily, just as before only this time with a new found commitment to see her through and help her find a will to fight. Kanda constantly told her of the amazing job she did in taking care of Johnny, getting him to help and bravery through it all. They were all words of encouragement to fight like hell and come back to those who truly cared about her. And no matter what happened she wouldn't be alone.<p>

It had been a week since they had arrived at Rampart. Johnny was making amazing progress and had started the endless complaining about IV fluids and being confined to bed. Soon Dixie would be threatening him to stay in bed and leave the nurses alone. For all the joy they felt in Johnny's healing they felt grief for Emily's failure to improve. Kanda had even taken it upon herself to try and talk to her family and grew so angry that she hung up on them.

Roy and Kanda sat with Emily, as they often did when Johnny was sleeping. When Joe came in with another man neither knew concern grew.

"Roy, Kanda, this is Dr. Gibson. He's an endocrinologist from LA Medical Center."

They both stood up and shook his hand. "We've asked him to come and consult on Emily because he's doing a lot of research into the complications of severe hypothermia."

Gibson took a step forward. "I've been part of some research about the after effects of this type of cold injury. The concern with Emily is that even though her lab work has shown improvement she has remained in a deep coma state."

Joe added, "We don't know that anything is wrong with her brain function, but it will take some special testing to see if what is going on can be reversed."

"What kind of testing?" Roy asked.

"We'll start with an EEG to look at brain activity, then a CAT scan to look for any areas of damaged tissue." Gibson said. "She should tolerate both procedures without problems. We will also draw some special lab work to look at levels of hormones, thyroid function and amino acids."

The news left mixed feelings. Some things had improved which seemed to only leave more questions. And now feeling like worried parents they said goodnight to their lost child and retired to another night of worried sleep.

The next morning they returned to the hospital with Roy checking on Johnny and Kanda going to Emily's room. She had been anxious all night regarding all the testing that would be done today. Roy tried to figure out what had her so upset, but even Kanda admitted she wasn't sure what was going on.

When she went to Emily's side the electrodes were all around her head for the EEG. She knew this would show the level of brain activity and she sat quietly beside her until it was completed. Her own medical knowledge had left her perplexed regarding Emily's continued unresponsiveness suggesting the most likely reason was something deep inside of her had given up. Their words and encouragement had not made a difference so far and she knew that they were not family and their voices would be less likely to be heard.

The test went uneventfully and she knew the final results would be determined by Joe Early later in the day. Her quick look at the scan left her with comfort that Emily was not brain dead and somehow she was still inside there waiting for something.

"Morning Kanda."

She looked up to see Dixie in the doorway. "Morning Dix."

"Any changes?"

Kanda shook her head. "Status quo."

Dixie nodded. "Well they drew her lab work early this morning so maybe we will know something soon."

"When is the CAT scan?"

"Now," she said. "I'm here to take her downstairs. Want to walk with us?"

"Thank you Dix that would be great." It would satisfy her need to stay close to Emily today.

When they reached the radiology department the technician led them through a maze of corridors until they finally reached an exit door. Kanda had taken this walk with a couple of her pediatric patients in the past, but this was the first time she was here on a much more personal level.

The CAT scan hadn't been around for very long. It was huge, bulky, and very noisy. Children were rarely subjected to its mechanics because there were risks associated with the technology. More than once had she read the long and complicated consent forms to parents with the expectation they would sign in the best interest of their children. Why would they question such awesome new technology when they were surrounded by medical specialists telling them it was necessary?Now she stood here with Emily. She wasn't a guardian or family. She had no say in whether it should be done or not, or if the risks were worth the possible knowledge obtained. Despite all that she wanted to be here, no, she needed to be here for this young woman who had no voice.

Paperwork was passed back and forth and the absence of consent was overlooked since she was unable to give permission and no family stood with her. Kanda held her hand as long as possible and when they placed her on the narrow bed of the machine she had to step behind the glass booth with the rest of the spectators. The ruckus at the back of the booth didn't distract her as she kept a close eye on Emily while they dialed in the settings needed for the scan. When a hand was placed on her shoulder she turned to see Brackett standing there.

"Kel?" The look of shock on his face sent a thrill of fear through her. Had they already found something horribly wrong? Something that would never allow her to be the Emily she once was?

The technician was quiet while he awaited the direction to begin the study. The look on Dixie's face said she had already been told and it was almost in contrast to Kelly's.

"Kanda, some of her tests have come back already and I'd like you to be part of the discussion." He was speaking slowly like she was a frantic mother of an injured or sick child.

"Sure Kel." Then she realized Brackett wasn't alone. Dr. Gibson was standing there also and he didn't look happy at all.

They moved into a tiny office in the back of the room and took the chairs while Dixie closed the door behind them.

Brackett spoke first. "You know that several studies were drawn today looking at various blood levels."

"Yes, of course." Her anxiety grew as they seemed to skirt around the main concern.

"Well one of those tests really surprised us and has actually put us in a position of," he paused and looked at Gibson, "let's say disagreement."

Kanda leaned up in her seat, "Kel, I'm not a child or an uneducated bystander. Just say what you need to say."

"We have encountered a significant complication."

She took a deep breath.

He leaned forward in his seat, "Emily's pregnant."


	16. Chapter 16

WHITE OUT

Life is easier than you'd think; all that is necessary is to accept the impossible, do without the indispensable, bear the intolerable, and believe in the unbelievable. ~Kathleen Norris

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 16<p>

Kanda was frozen in place. The news was nothing short of amazing. Brackett saw the expression come over her face and honestly it was what he expected, Dixie had reacted the same way. He had other concerns and Gibson would be nothing short of war.

"How?" Kanda asked.

Brackett raised his eyebrow, "I would think the normal way."

Kanda smiled, "No, I guess I mean how far along and I don't understand how the pregnancy has survived through all this."

He leaned back in the chair. "We don't know exactly how far into the pregnancy at this point. By the hormone levels I would suspect around 10 weeks. As for how it has survived I'm just as surprised as you are."

She was up and pacing now. "This is amazing." Her mind was twirling with the implications of what it would mean.

Brackett leaned forward in his chair. "Kanda, this is complicated."

As she worked to pull her mind from the joyful side of the news she looked at him as doctor to doctor and saw what he was thinking. Pregnancy changes a woman's body more than just giving her a full round belly. The volume of fluid circulating in the body increased, the work of the heard increased, and more was asked of every body organ as the baby grows. Emily's struggles with her blood pressure, her heart load, and kidneys were possibly being complicated by the pregnancy. Then she caught a glimpse of what he was about to suggest.

"No Kel." Her tone was matter of fact.

"Kanda, I'm not calling for that right now, but if she continues to deteriorate it might be our only option."

"Option? It's not an option Kel. She's in there and just needs a reason to come back to us. This baby will be what saves her Kel."

"Can we please now proceed with the CAT scan?" Gibson wasn't impressed with the current conversation.

Kanda was appalled. "You can't do a CAT scan on her now. Kel?"

He lowered his head. He knew this was going to get very complicated very fast.

Gibson pointed, "I need that scan on her to find out what's going on."

Kanda stood resolute. "She's pregnant and that scan will NOT happen."

Brackett came to his feet. "Okay, everyone settle down." He looked to Gibson. "I agree with Dr. Gage, we have to hold off on the scan for right now."

"She is not family and has no right to interfere with my patient." Gibson sounded ready for a fight.

"Need I remind you that you were invited here on a consult? I am her physician."

Kanda wouldn't be forgotten. "Turn on that machine and I will pull you in front of the medical board so fast your head will spin. I stand as proxy for her and _will_ speak for her best welfare."

Now Brackett was standing between them and Dixie had moved to Kanda's side.

"I'm her primary physician and will make the decisions here so everyone better settle down." He looked to Gibson. "The scan is canceled for now. She is a now a pregnant patient."

Kanda took a deep breath. She had bought Emily and her baby some time and she planned to make good use of it.

* * *

><p>"Johnny will you stop scratching," Roy said as he took the straw away from him.<p>

"Aww come on Roy, I'm dying here." He continued to try and dig his fingers into the edge of the cast in an effort to gain some relief.

He tried to not show how close that statement hit home. "If you don't quit scratching Dixie's going to have your hide. Last thing you need are infected scratches under those casts."

Johnny laughed. "Hey, I'm on double antibiotics. Might as well scratch while I can."

Roy rolled his eyes. There was no arguing with him, it was like trying to rationalize with Jenny. When Kanda came in the room her expression was one of anger and immediately caught his attention.

"What's wrong?"

She stood at the end of Johnny's bed while they both waited. "There's something new with Emily."

Roy knew the young lady couldn't take anymore setbacks at this point.

"What?" Johnny asked with anticipation.

Kanda took a deep breath then smiled. "She's pregnant." She paused and let the news sink in.

"What? How? What?" Johnny stammered.

Roy caught the hesitation. "Is this good news or bad?"

"Both."

"Whoa whoa, how can this be bad news? We've been racking our brains trying to figure out what will give her the desire to live and you call this bad news?"

"Of course we know what this could mean for her Johnny. The concern is about how the pregnancy is affecting her right now. It could be the reason they can't get her past the heart issues or why her lungs are struggling with the extra fluid." Sadness entered her voice. "It could be the reason she doesn't survive."

"You don't believe that and you know it," Johnny was upset now.

"Kanda?" Roy asked as he put his arm around her. "What do you really think is best for her?"

"Brackett is battling the issue. Gibson doesn't care and is just more interested in getting his research data out of her." She shook her head. "Roy we can't abandon her now. Somehow we have to tell her and make her understand."

He kissed her cheek. "Then we make her understand and help her fight."

Johnny nodded, "better believe it."

* * *

><p>Roy went with Kanda to Brackett's office and found him working on some papers behind the desk. When he looked up he knew what they wanted and what they would ask.<p>

"Roy, Kanda, have a seat."

"Thanks Kel." Deep breath. "We know that we aren't family and that what we want for her has no legal standing."

"But."

"But we will fight for her and her baby. We want everything done to save the pregnancy."

He leaned back and tapped his fingers on the chair arm. "I've been doing some research. It seems that only 2% of pregnancies survive maternal trauma and the statistics on exposure to severe hypothermia don't even exist."

Kanda smiled. She knew where he was going. Brackett was about to once again prove how good of a man and doctor he was.

"With that being said, as her physician, I feel that we cannot make assumptions regarding how this pregnancy is affecting her current condition and thus have no right to assume that it is preventing her recovery." He paused, "At this point."

"So?" Roy said with hesitation.

Brackett rested his elbows on the desk. "This fetus has survived against all odds so far. Tell her, convince her to live and prove all the statistics wrong."

"And Gibson?" Kanda said.

"Gibson will no longer be consulting on the case."

"Thank you Kel, thank you for giving her a chance." Kanda's heart was full of joy.

He returned the smile. "She's family, right?"

* * *

><p>Now they stood beside her. They were there as friends and even if she didn't know it they were there as family. With them was a man who was unknown to everyone except Kanda. He was an old friend that she called in urgently to help her with the healing ceremony. Through this she hoped to reach Emily at all levels of consciousness.<p>

"Emily?" She gently pushed the bangs from her forehead. "This is Tiokasin. He's here to help you so I need you to listen to the music and listen to our words. We have so much to tell you Emily. Let us in."

Behind them Tiokasin stood in his Native American robe, a handmade necklace of ivory and bone adorned his neck. His mood was solemn and the cedar flute he held in his hands was the instrument of the sacred healing ceremony Kanda had called upon him to perform.

Dixie reached up and turned the volume down on the monitors and quieted the nurse's call box. The only sound in the room was their breathing and the sound of the respirator. Johnny was in a wheelchair beside her and held her hand. Kanda began speaking the Healing Prayer, the same one she had spoken to Johnny long ago when he was fighting for his own life. The call to the Great Spirit was an ancient one and prayed for wisdom and strength. Behind them the flute began to sing and surrounded them in its own beautiful lyrics.

Its music was for Emily's healing, but they all felt the energy that swirled around them. Perhaps it was their imagination or even wishful thinking but none could deny that something good was happening. Kanda whispered into Emily's ear reciting traditional prayers and sharing the news of her baby that was waiting patiently for her to awake. She tried to dissipate the negative energy around them and give Emily all the strength she needed to fight her way back. When she finished they listened to the music conclude and fade into the distance. No one moved and it seemed no one breathed.

Their goodbyes were just as quiet and peaceful as they shared gentle hugs and forehead kisses with her. When they left the room her vital signs were stable and she seemed to be resting with peace. Dixie gave Roy and Kanda a hug as she moved Johnny back to his room. The air was expectant, but no one wanted to speak and break the spell that had been spun.

Now they waited for the miracle they all prayed for.

They rest of the day was relatively uneventful. Hank had joined Roy in keeping Johnny company while Kanda stayed with Emily. Vital signs were taken frequently, her medications given, and the vigil continued. When Brackett did evening rounds he found Kanda sleeping in the chair and gently woke her.

"Have you been out of this room yet?"

"Yes, I got some dinner earlier. How's she doing?"

He shook his head. "Stable and I really mean stable. Whatever you're doing keep it up."

She smiled. "One step at a time."


	17. Chapter 17

WHITE OUT

Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for a while, leave footprints on our hearts, and we are never, ever the same. ~Flavia Weedn

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: This chapter is dedicated to Emily. Thank you to all my readers._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 17<p>

Roy stood in the doorway with his hands on his hips. He was mildly frustrated with a touch of concern to find Johnny's room empty. Where could a double casted immobile man disappear too? He saw one of the nurses come around the corner.

"Kate, is Johnny at x-ray?"

She stepped into the room and looked at the empty bed with almost as much surprise as Roy. "No, he doesn't have any procedures ordered for today."

Roy took a deep breath. Johnny was doing great in his recovery so he seriously doubted anything major had happened and tried to not let his imagination run away with him. "Maybe Chet took him out for some fresh air."

Kate nodded, "True, but I'll check at the nurse's station to make sure."

As Roy followed the nurse he heard Kanda call him from behind, "Roy?"

He turned and smiled at her. She was still as beautiful to him today as the day he first saw her. Since Johnny was doing well she was planning on returning to work in the morning. Pediatrics was only 3 floors down and she could still keep an eye on her brother through the day. She ran up to him and gave him a kiss.

"Everything okay?"

He smiled, "Oh, you know Johnny. He's off wandering around somewhere and we're trying to find him."

Her face softened. "I bet he's with Emily."

Of course he would be. He had been visiting more since he had become more wheel chair mobile in the last week. Although Emily was now off her heart and blood pressure medications and had entered the category of stable, she had remained in a coma. Her visitors had been steady between the 51 family, Dixie, and the nurses. Kanda had even come in once to find Joe Early reading her an article from a magazine. Johnny's visits had been more recent though, finally able to get up without as much pain medication on board. Even though he had continued to fill in details about their journey and his impression of who she was, her true being was a mystery to them all.

As they stopped at the desk he looked at the nurse who was on the phone, she nodded to him and pointed up, to the ICU. Roy chuckled. Johnny was very good at illegal escapes from the confines of his room.

"Thanks, we'll go get him." Roy said.

"Okay great, he has meds due in an hour." At least she was one of the ones that just smiled, knowing Johnny would be Johnny.

Turning back to Kanda, "How did the stop at the gallery go?"

Her eyes lit up. "You'll never guess what I found out."

He laughed. "You're my Sherlock Holmes so I'm sure it's good."

"Roy, she owns it."

"What?"

"It's absolutely beautiful there. The building is right near the beach and it's a gorgeous design."

He loved how excited she was. Kanda had taken Emily under her wing and was determined to find out who this woman truly was. Mason had been able to come up with some clues for contacts, but each tip required digging since there was no help from any family.

Kanda kept talking as they got on the elevator. "I couldn't get a lot of information from the girl working here because apparently Emily has never been to the gallery. She paints and has it sent there by courier. They've never even met her and had no idea something had happened."

"How can they not know?"

"Apparently it's pretty easy to stay anonymous in that line of work. But Roy, her work is amazing. She does watercolors and acrylic art and even sculpture." Kanda now had even more reasons to want her awake. She wanted to know more about the paintings and what inspired them.

When they reached the nurses' station they could see Johnny sitting by her bed carrying on a one sided conversation. Roy didn't want to sneak up on him so he cleared his throat as they entered.

"Hey," he said with a smile.

"How's she doing, Johnny?" Kanda asked.

"So far so good."

The room was much less busy at this point with some of the IV's gone. Her color remained washed out but the scratches and cuts were healing well and soon there would be no trace of her past ordeal. Johnny grimaced as he tried to get situated.

"Exactly how did you get up here this time?" Roy asked as he hid the smile.

The innocent look came on his face, "Can't a guy go out for walk without getting the third degree? Geesh."

"Uh huh," Roy muttered as he took the wheelchair and headed towards the door.

"Say goodnight Johnny."

Sounding dejected, "Goodnight Johnny."

Roy turned to Kanda. "I'll be right back."

She just laughed. "Goodnight Tee Tonka."

As Roy wheeled Johnny back to his room Kanda pulled the chair up beside Emily and pulled out her book. Continuing with chapter 8 she began reading to her.

"Sounds like the villains are going to get away."

She looked up to see Joe come in. "Sorry Joe, not giving the ending away or Emily won't have anything to look forward to tomorrow."

He smile was soft. "Then I won't say a word." He moved over to her bed, pulled out the stethoscope and listened to her lungs."

"Today?" Kanda asked with anticipation.

He nodded. "I think she's ready."

Taking a deep breath she watched the respiratory therapist pull the tube from her airway allowing her to breathe on her own. Her pneumonia had continued to improve and she was off her antibiotics now. Without realizing she took a breath as Emily did. For the first time since they had found her frozen in the wilderness she was breathing all on her own.

"She looks good Kanda," Joe said as he watched her.

"Yea, she does."

"But, why won't she wake up, right?" He knew what she was worried about, just as they all were.

"Maybe I was wrong to fight the CAT scan Joe." She sat down in the chair. "It's been almost three weeks."

"We've come a long way in that time too. Don't forget that. I suspect that as her body is healing, so is her brain. Today was a major step. Give her some more time."

As the room emptied again and became quiet Kanda resumed reading the book. Taking a pause she closed the book and began talking to her about her art and the baby. The next thing she remembered was Roy nudging her awake.

"Hey, no ventilator huh?"

"I know she's been doing great."

"Kanda?" They looked up to see Dixie in the doorway.

"Yea?"

"There's a man here to see you. He says he has information about Emily."

They all filed out of the ICU into the waiting room to find a man in his 50's, balding with glasses, well dressed and looking a bit anxious. Kanda greeted him with a smile and extended her hand.

"Hello, I'm Kanda and this is Roy."

The man kindly took her hand, "I'm Joseph Kindle. I am the executor of Emily's estate. I just found out that she is here."

Roy motioned to the chairs. "So, you're not family?"

He shook his head. "No, but I have known her for several years. How is she?"

"She is recovering from severe exposure and pneumonia. Sadly she remains in a coma." Kanda said.

He lowered his head. "I'm very sorry to hear that. She is a wonderful young lady."

"Is there anything you can tell us about her?" Roy asked.

"I met her just before her daughter was born. She hired me to help manage her business because she never wanted to be tied down to a building." He smiled. "She's a very free spirit. So I helped her with her art gallery, from the ground up, and watched it become very well known in its own right. Have you seen her work?"

Kanda beamed. "Yes, I went there today. They are beautiful."

"She loves to paint and draw, but had no interested in standing in a building selling them. For her it was pure pleasure only. When her daughter was only two her husband up and left and she never heard from him again. That was a very hard time for her and she delved into her interests even more. She and her daughter traveled a great deal and that is when she met Jeffery. Even though he was a very nice young man her family greatly opposed him."

"Why didn't they like him?" Dixie asked.

"Well, he was younger than her, wild and brash with crazy ideas of saving the wild life of the world. They did a great deal of work here locally with the Wildlife Rescue Foundation. It seemed everything she did put her at odds with her parents. Their poor health didn't help matters either."

Kanda shook her head. "She's been through so much."

He looked a bit puzzled. "If you don't mind can you tell me how you know her?"

"My brother Johnny was the one that rescued her from the accident where Jeff was killed. Then when he got hurt she risked her life to get him to safety."

Smiling, he said, "Yes, that would be Emily. The last month isn't reflective of the Emily I know though. She has suffered horrible heartbreak at the loss of her parents and her daughter." He sighed. "And now Jeff."

Kanda stood up. "Would you like to see her?"

He shook his head, "No. I wouldn't do well with all that medical stuff going on. I just wanted her to know that I was here and was still taking care of her affairs for her."

"The gallery?" Kanda asked.

He stood up. "Yes, the gallery, her home and her other belongings." He reached out his hand to Roy. "Thank you for standing beside her. It's been a very long time since she had people around her who cared. I pray that she awakens soon."

Kanda didn't shake his hand yet. "Emily is pregnant."

He paused and seemed to take a moment to collect himself. "Her baby is okay through all this?"

"So far yes."

"I'm not sure what to say." He seemed a bit shaken. "May I ask a favor of you?"

"Sure." Kanda replied.

"Tomorrow morning, first thing, could you please send me documentation of the pregnancy from her physician? Emily would want to make sure the child is well taken care of if anything should happen to her."

Kanda and Roy agreed, they thought she would desire the same and promised to get him the paperwork.

"Thank you so much for letting us know a little more about her," Roy said. "She's kinda been a mystery for us."

"Understandable. I think you should know that Emily is a very special woman."

"Mr. Kindle, we are quickly discovering that."

Exhausted from the day and the encounter they both headed for home. The morning would bring work for Kanda with Roy handling the paperwork to be delivered. As they drove they discussed the days turn in events, so much had happened.

"It seems like the puzzle is very slowly coming together," Kanda said quietly.

Roy nodded. "One piece at a time is better than none at all."

* * *

><p>Roy parked outside the large office building and was impressed with its size and fancy structure. One of those modern art buildings down town that spoke of money, lots of money. Inside he found the correct name in the directory and worked his way to the 4th floor. Stepping off the elevator he was immediately at the desk of a receptionist.<p>

"May I help you sir?"

She was well dressed, behind a nice marble desk adorned with photos, trinkets and a candy dish.

"I'm here to see Mr. Kindle."

Her expression seemed to doubt the validity of that request. "Do you have an appointment?"

"Well, no. He asked me to drop off some papers." Roy started to say.

"I'm very sorry then. You must have an appointment to see Mr. Kindle." She went back to her tapping on the typewriter.

Roy took a deep breath. "I just need to give him these papers."

She sighed with a bit over exasperation. "And what is this in regard to?"

Roy was happy to leave. This wasn't his neck of the woods and he was more than ready to get back to Carson. "They are from Emily Jackson."

Her expression changed. "Ms. Emily Jackson?"

He nodded, "Yes."

Apparently that changed things as the lady immediately picked up the phone and dialed her boss. "Yes sir. I have a…" she covered the phone receiver, "your name?"

"Roy Desoto."

"A Mr. Desoto is here regarding Ms. Jackson." Pause. "Yes Sir, I will."

She stood up. "He is on another call at the moment, but will be right with you. If you wouldn't mind waiting," she said as she motioned to the waiting room with leather chairs and crystal vases."

"Of course not," Roy said.

"Can I get you some coffee or juice?" She was all eager to please now.

"No, thank you. I'm fine."

She smiled as she moved back to her desk and returned to working.

Within a few minutes Mr. Kindle emerged from his office and greeted Roy warmly, "Roy, it's good to see you again. How's Emily this morning?"

"About the same, thank you." He was guided into the office.

Kindle was dressed this morning in a sharp business suit. His demeanor was different, much more professional and he was definitely more comfortable in his own element. Roy passed him the folder of papers.

"I hope that's what you need. Dr. Brackett said if not to just let him know."

He looked through them. "No, this is perfect. My job is to look out for Emily's best interests and I want this little one recorded in her documents as soon as possible."

Roy felt confused. "I'm not sure I understand. The baby's not even born yet."

"Do you have a few minutes?" He motioned for Roy to sit down.

"Sure."

He sat behind the large mahogany desk. "I talked with Dr. Brackett and he shared with me the love and concern you have shown towards Emily, and how you have essentially taken her into your family."

"She saved my best friend. To us that makes her family."

He nodded. "Yes, I see that. Roy, do you know anything about Emily's family?"

Roy shrugged his shoulders. "Not a great deal." He briefly shared what they had learned so far about her.

"The brother you refer to was David. They were playing in a creek in the mountains on her grandparents land. David was caught under a branch and forced Emily, who was only 11 at the time, to go for help. When she returned he had drowned in the flash flood of a spring rain. Her parents blamed the grandparents and banished Emily from seeing them and they were the only stability she had really ever known. They passed away before she was able to return."

Roy listened intently.

"She loved her parents, but they were very critical of her choices in life and when Maggie was born they tried to take her from Emily. They felt Emily's traveling was harmful to the child, when it was exactly the opposite. I helped Emily through that difficult time. Now," he leaned forward on the desk. "I'm sure you'd like to know where this is all leading to."

Roy was almost afraid to move.

"When Emily's aunt received the news that she had been injured and Jeffery had been killed their concern did not lie with Emily. They quickly moved to seize her assets in her proxy due to her condition."

Roy was shocked that any family would have such misplaced interests. "That is when you became involved."

"Yes, as soon as I heard. It is why Emily placed her company with me to protect, not from outsiders, but from her family."

"Her company?"

Kindle smiled seeing that Roy truly didn't know who Emily was. "Emily began with a small art gallery on Catalina Island many years ago. She continued to expand, doing shows, displaying artists locally first, then branching out over the years. Right now she owns 18 art galleries."

He was almost speechless. "Here in LA?"

"No Roy, around the world."

Roy slumped back in his chair as it soaked in. "The family wants her money?"

"It's all they ever wanted from her, but proof of a child, an heir, will protect her until she can defend herself."

"An heir?"

"Yes Roy. Emily is worth millions."


	18. Chapter 18

WHITE OUT

Sometimes there are no second chances; so forgive the past, remember the present and prepare for the future. It's the only life you're given.

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thank you so much to all that are reading along with me. I appreciate the time you take to review and give feedback._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 18<p>

"Well I know Johnny's luck at picking women so this had to be blind dumb luck." Chet said with a big grin on his face.

"Shut up Chet, it's not like that." He looked to Roy as they soaked in the update on Emily. "Would they hurt her?"

Kanda sat on the edge of his bed. "No, I don't think so. They are petty and greedy, but I really don't think they'd hurt her. Besides, they don't even know exactly what she has. She managed to keep all that from them."

Roy added, "Kindle said they only think she has the one small gallery on the beach. But even that they are trying to get control from her. Apparently after the accident where her parents and daughter died they attempted to have her committed. That's why she left the hospital AMA."

Johnny was seeing the pieces come together now. She hadn't been running from just loss she was running from those that should have been protecting her. Why should she trust anyone?

"What happens if she doesn't wake up?" It was everyone's worse fear.

"Joe said to give her more time, but without the CAT scan it's hard to know if there is injury to her brain."

Johnny wouldn't have any of that. "No, no, I won't believe that, we can't believe that."

Kanda stood up. "I agree Johnny. We won't give up on her." She looked over to Roy, "Time for me to get back to work."

"I'll walk with you. Johnny, see ya tomorrow when I get a run to Rampart."

Johnny said his goodbyes as the room emptied leaving him alone to go over in his mind what they had learned. Deep down he felt she was still there making her decision. He pushed the nurses call light and asked for some help.

"Just where do you think you're going?" The evening nurse said.

"I want to go see Emily for a little while."

"Well, visiting hours for the ICU are over and you need to rest." She worked at tucking him back into bed.

He pulled the sheet back out. "We can see Emily anytime we want."

She tucked the sheet back in and pulled the blanket up. "Now, Mr. Gage we need you to settle down."

"Well _we_ need you to let _us_ up," he grumbled as he tried to use the one working arm to pull the sheet back off him and his leg to push the blanket down.

Her voice got deeper. "Do I need to get you some sedation?" Her tone was threatening and Johnny knew it was a losing battle.

He slumped down into the pillow. "Pretty sure I'm allowed one phone call Warden." There was no smile on his face.

She put the phone beside him in bed. "There's no reason to get smart."

_Oh, you're about to see smart_, Johnny thought to himself.

Twenty minutes later Mike came through his door like a thief in the night. "You're going to get me in trouble one of these days."

"Why, I'd never do anything like that Mike." Johnny flashed a big smile. "Did you bring it?"

"Of course." He rolled his eyes at Johnny's mellow dramatics. Glancing in the hallway looking right then left he pulled in the wheelchair and got Johnny situated in it. With another stealthy glance down the empty corridors he pushed the escapee to the elevator.

"You better hope we don't get stuck in this thing," Mike grumbled then yawned.

"Oh, but what a great story it could make," Johnny chuckled gingerly.

When they reached the waiting room of the ICU Mike picked up the phone and handed it to Johnny. "Good luck and feel free to lose my number."

Johnny laughed, "Ah, Mike if it were only that easy to get rid of me."

By the time the doors opened to let him in Mike was headed back down the elevator and home. The ICU nurses were familiar with his mysterious appearances and just helped him into Emily's room and close to her bed.

He reached up with his left hand and rubbed her arm. Her skin was healed now, warm and soft. For all intense purposes a seemingly healthy person. Only this one was still buried in pain. For the next hour he sat and talked to her.

"What are we going to do with you?"

He looked up and smiled at his sister. "Sorry."

She shook her head but smiled back. "I'm trying to get out the door to home and get another surprising phone call about how you are mysteriously out of your room again. What?" She threw her arms up, "Do you have a trap door in your room?"

He made the motion of zipping his lips.

"Okay, fine. Can we get you to bed now so I can get home?"

"Yea, I just wanted to say goodnight to her."

"You might want to wait a few more minutes."

They both looked up to see Kel standing in the door.

"It's late Kel, everything okay?" Kanda asked.

"She's stable I just have something I would like to try." Behind him Dix wheeled in a large machine.

Kanda got excited. "Is that the new Ultrasound machine?"

Dixie patted it. "Sure is. Brand spanking new too. We just got it from engineering."

Johnny was lost. "What is that thing?"

Kanda ran her hands over it. "It's a portable ultrasound machine. Not really new, but this one is the latest technology." She realized Johnny wasn't catching on yet. "Johnny, we can try and see Emily's baby with it."

"Won't that hurt the baby?" He was suddenly feeling protective.

Kel nodded his head. "No, it's very safe. It uses an ultrasonic wave to create an image instead of radiation."

Dixie pushed the machine close to Emily's bed, pulled down the sheet and adjusted her hospital gown to expose only her abdomen. Kanda was so excited she couldn't be still. Kanda stood behind Johnny so they could both see the small television like screen of the machine. Kel squirted the clear gel onto her skin and turned the machine on. The only sound in the room was the hum of its motor as they all waited patiently for him to dial in the appropriate settings. When he placed the hand held rectangular box onto her skin the monitor screen glistened with white streaks and shadows that meant nothing. But as he adjusted the dials for the correct resolution they began to see darkened shadows appear. First there was a clear separation from the white streaks to a dark circle that could be compared to a black watermelon in white vines. Then a shape appeared. Ultrasound technology was still relatively crude and although ultra-fine details were lost they all saw it. As Kel moved the device over the shape it could be seen more clearly. The large head, smaller body were now easier to discern and when the legs kicked Kanda gasped.

He _was_ alive.

"He's strong Kel, look at that," Dix said with her own amazement as the image.

Kel started pointing at the features. "Nose, ear, hands, feet, and," he paused and looked up at them.

Johnny was worried. "What? Is something wrong? Is there something extra?" He was expecting an extra leg or something with the dramatic pause.

Kel chuckled. "No Johnny, there's nothing extra. The baby looks normal from what I can see. In fact, if anything something is missing." He looked at Kanda to see her smile.

"What!" Johnny was going to have a nervous breakdown over it all.

Kanda put her hand on his arm. "It's a girl."

* * *

><p>Johnny was back in bed and Kanda left him bouncing around like a child waiting for a best friend to arrive. Kanda returned to Emily before leaving for the night to find Dixie getting her cleaned up and tucked in.<p>

"It's amazing Dix to see something like that."

"Sure is. I don't think I would have believed it if I hadn't seen it for myself. Kel is going to call for an OB consult in the morning for her and after they study the images better we will know exactly how far along she is."

Kanda leaned in very close to Emily. "Emily, we saw the most beautiful thing today. We saw your baby growing so fast and so healthy." She paused as she held back the tears. "Emily, it's a girl. You have a beautiful girl inside of you."

"Kanda?"

She looked up to see a look of shock on Dixie's face. "What's wrong?"

"Look." She was pointing to Emily.

Kanda looked on the other side of her face and saw it. A single tear.

"I'm gonna get Joe." She quickly left the room.

Kanda began talking nonstop to Emily about her baby and waking up. When Joe came in he did a quick neuro exam on her then stepped back.

"Well?" Kanda asked anxiously.

"She might be trying to come out of it. There are subtle improvements in her reflexes and motor functions." He looked serious. "We still have a long way to go."

She nodded, "I know, but it's a step in the right direction."

"It is definitely that."

The next few days had them all at Emily's bedside whenever possible. Sometimes it was before work, during breaks or after getting off shift. Between the 51 crew, the doctors and nurses she was never alone. Roy came in to find Marco and Chet giving her the run by run play of the football game on the TV.

"Do you want her to stay in a coma?"

Chet looked hurt. "Don't say that Roy. She might like football, you don't know."

Marco looked more like he had been caught falling down on the job. "Sorry Roy. Guess where not too good at one-sided conversations."

Roy laughed. "It's okay. Why don't ya'll go grab some dinner."

The men stood up and stretched hard. Roy was perplexed when he saw Chet freeze. "Chet?"

Chet was afraid to move almost questioning what he could possibly be seeing. Roy followed his eyes to Emily and felt his heart skip a beat.

"Emily, can you hear me?" Her eyes were open and seemed to be staring at the ceiling. "Go tell the nurses we need Dr. Early."

Marco ran to the desk.

"Emily look at me," Roy said in a firm voice feeling his paramedic mode kick in. Her eyes moved to him and she suddenly looked afraid. "You're okay, you're in the hospital." She just continued to stare at him like he had three heads on his shoulders.

"I know you're scared, but you're not alone."

Her eyes moved to Chet who was standing just behind Roy then back to Roy.

"Do you remember anything that happened?"

Again nothing. He was grateful to see Joe come through the door.

Joe stood beside her. "Hello there." She kept staring at Roy. "That's Roy he's one of the friends that has stayed with you." He took the pen light and shined it in her eyes thus diverting her attention to him. "Can you follow the light?" He moved it up, and then down, side to side, however, she kept her eyes on him.

When they started to fill with tears he gave her a soft smile. "Don't be afraid. You're in a hospital and safe."

With that she closed her eyes and went to sleep, drained from the short encounter. Roy was elated and Joe was amazed and relieved. It had been nearly a month and even he had begun to lose hope they would reach her. Heading to the elevator Roy, Chet and Marco were so thrilled you would have thought they had personally brought her back to life. Chet swore it was the football game while Marco defended the discussions over stationhouse dinner menus. Roy didn't care he was simply saying thanks above for her coming back.

Roy leaned back into the couch with Kanda curled up beside him, her head on his chest while they mindlessly watched TV. It had been a crazy month since they had found Johnny and Emily and finally there was joy instead of heartache and worry.

"I hope Johnny isn't upset that we didn't tell him right away."

Roy ran his fingers through her hair. "Knowing him he's already beamed himself back into her room."

She laughed, "How does he keep doing that?"

Roy narrowed his eyes. "I have my suspicions."

She looked up at him, "Oh really?"

"It's always the quiet ones."

She laughed deeper. "Mum's the word here. Well, tomorrow is a busy day for him anyway."

"Yea, he can't wait to get that cast off." He paused. "Then he'll be home, where do you think he would be most comfortable?"

She turned so she was looking up, her back pressed against him. "I've been thinking about that too. I was thinking he could stay here. I've been able to make arrangements for home physical therapy at first. I don't think he can go back to his apartment until that cast is off."

"Okay, we'll see what he thinks tomorrow."

After so many weeks of chaos, things finally seemed to be coming together. Soon they would have Johnny back home to finish healing up while they waiting for Emily to keep improving. Her moments of consciousness were brief and she hadn't spoken yet, but they were thankful for each day of improvement.

* * *

><p>"I can't do this if you don't be still Johnny."<p>

"Sorry Doc, but it tickles," Johnny said as he squirmed from the cast saw under his arm.

Brackett shook his head. "Only you would consider this ticklish."

With a final cut he began to peel the cast of Johnny's shoulder. "Looks good Johnny. Now remember you have to wear the shoulder brace for another 2 weeks. The physical therapy will get your mobility back."

Johnny rubbed the shoulder, it was stiff and sore. "What about the leg doc?"

The cast reaching from his toes to the top of his leg was covered in signatures and pictures of all colors. "It stays on for a full six weeks. That break was pretty bad and it needs the full time to heal."

"But I can go home now?"

Brackett just grinned. "Yes Johnny, you can go home today." He turned to Kanda, "He needs to still take it easy."

She looked at Johnny with a soft scowl. "Oh, he'll behave, trust me."

Johnny got all wide eyed and innocent. "What?"

When everyone had cleared out Kanda helped him get cleaned up and the itchy plaster washed off. "Physical therapy is going to put the splint on downstairs, you ready to go?"

It was finally easier to move around but he was still limited by the shoulder. He was not looking forward to therapy at all. "I guess."

"Don't be a chicken," she said as she pushed him down the hall.

"I'm not a chicken. I'm just smart because I know it's going to hurt."

"Well, if you behave I have a surprise for you."

"A surprise? Should I be afraid?"

She laughed, "Nope, it's a good, one."

When she rounded the corner they came to the PT door inside there it was fairly busy with patients on tables getting treatments, some practicing going up and down stairs while others were lifting various weights. A young man about 25 years old came over and greeted him.

"Hey Johnny, it's good to see you up and about."

"Thanks Erik, wish I was excited to be here."

Erik laughed. "Oh, we're not that bad are we?"

Johnny just took a deep breath and prepared for the worse. Kanda wheeled him over to the wide lowest table and helped him out of the wheelchair. While waiting she took a seat near the main desk and waited for the next patient to arrive.

When Dixie came through the door with her patient in a wheelchair also Kanda greeted her with a huge smile. "Emily, it's so good to see you up."

Kanda had spent a lot of her time with Emily since she had woken up and although she had not yet talked to anyone she seemed at ease with Kanda nearby. The fella's had changed their visits to only that, brief visits to say hello and check on her but they sensed her anxiety with their presence now. Johnny seemed to be the only exception and often sat with her in the evenings until she fell asleep. Even with little said he seemed to put her at ease.

Emily looked at Kanda and easily projected her fear over the next step in her recovery. This was her first trip to PT also and after being confined to a bed for so long she was as weak as a newborn kitten. "I'll take her over Dix."

"Okay. Someone will be back in an hour to take her back to her room." Dixie leaned down and patted her shoulder. "Don't worry okay? They will take good care of you."

Erik was placing heat packs on Johnny's shoulder to begin the work of loosening up the tight muscles. When he saw Kanda coming up beside him a big grin broke out on his face, "Emily!"

"Ahh, my other patient has arrived," Erik said with a mischievous grin. He reached out to take her hand and she pulled back.

"It's okay," Johnny encouraged her.

She allowed Kanda and Erik to guide her from the chair to the table knowing there was little protest in her very weak muscles. Helping her to lay back Kanda stayed close to her as Erik began gently working her arms and legs in exercises.

"It will take a while to get your strength back, but Erik here is a pro at it." Johnny told her.

Johnny always worried about the fear in her eyes and the sadness behind it. They had gotten her out of the coma and back to life. She even did whatever they asked without protest and was frequently seen rubbing her belly and the life that flourished now inside. Even with all they had accomplished he voiced to Kanda and Roy his concern with her continued silence. He was able to spend more time with her now, watching over her, since her room was on the same floor as his. Now, his worry was that it was almost his time to go home. And coming back and forth to the hospital to see her would be next to impossible for a couple of weeks.

They had all reassured him that she would be well watched over, but that did little to ease his worry. She had fled in the past. What would happen when she was strong enough to get around on her own?


	19. Chapter 19

WHITE OUT

Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart. ~Author Unknown

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: This is a different point of view and only for this chapter. Thanks for reading._

* * *

><p>EMILY<p>

I was perfectly content in my white world of no pain. I had voices around to keep me company even if I only recognized some of them; the others though were strangely comforting. For the most part it was easy to tune the majority of them out with the exception of a couple and I struggled to understand and remember who they were. It was like my heart was being called in one direction while my mind was confused over who kept drawing me back to the world of hurt. So for a long time I lingered in the middle.

Before all this happened I had the greatest dreams, full of color and life, but here even they were gone and I was alone in this blank world. There seemed to be no purpose. Sometimes I would disappear like I was fading in and out, only then did I ever feel afraid until the voices would appease me again. I clearly remember the melodic voice which always seemed to draw me closer and closer. It was like nothing I'd ever heard before and it seemed to enter my very soul. I could sense that the pull my from my world of peace was growing stronger and though it was compelling I was still troubled and hesitant.

Then something changed and brought the pain again, even here. The voice was talking about my daughter and I found myself engulfed in memories. They flashed before me and around me starting with her miraculous birth to her death in my arms that night on the road. Why? Why was it doing this to me? I tried to push that voice away. Then I sensed, or maybe felt, I'm not really sure, but something was different. The difference wasn't something I could see because the white was the same. It was just that now it seemed warmer, if that was even possible. Can a color be warm?

But that warmth became more solid and I envisioned a baby.

That little life made me smile and I craved to have her in my arms. I remember that feeling was stronger than anything I had experienced so far. It was like I knew exactly where she belonged, but the more I reached for her the more frustrated I became. She was mine, I was sure she was even though she always stayed just out of my reach. As the fog cleared around her I could feel the joy in the air and somehow I knew then. I knew she was going to be mine soon and the love I had for her was instant and overwhelming.

I began to focus more on the sounds around me and I'm not exactly sure when my memories of John returned. Did I link the voice to the memory or the other way around? I wasn't sure but I abruptly knew him. Of course thinking of him then led to memories of Jeff, then to Maggie, mom and dad. I don't know, this time the ache was still there but it seemed diminished and I even had the fear of forgetting them. No, deep down I knew I could never forget them and the new life that grew inside needed me to pull it together.

Now, when I heard his voice I could see him like a vision of the past. And the more I heard him inside my head the closer he became. The effect seemed collective because the more I listened to him and the melodic voice the more I was pulled to their world of harsh lights and thundering noises. The first time I opened my eyes I was so scared because I didn't know where I was nor did I recognize the faces around me. When they talked they were familiar and I heard "_friend"_ many times over the following several days. My brain felt confused in this real world unlike my peaceful one and I gradually learned that the faces surrounding me were John's friends and family.

I admit it was a huge relief to be off the mountain and John seemed to be doing really well now. I had forgotten his striking features of dark wavy hair, warm chocolate eyes and olive skin. Each time he came to see me visions of Jeff returned. Not identical by any means, but amazingly similar. He's been visiting me more than anyone and it reminds me of having Maggie around sometimes with his energy and love of talking. I can't complain about the time he's been here, in fact I'm thankful for the company. I'm just grateful he's content with the one sided conversation for now.

I'm just not ready to talk to them yet. There's a fear that if I open my mouth all the horrible in me will come spilling out and they will know all the bad I've done. They seem so nice now and even worse, what if they stayed nice and wanted to get to know me more? No, I don't want to know them, not _really_ know them because then it will only be harder when it's time to leave.

One of my near constant companions has been John's sister, Kanda. It was her voice that was the clearest in my world of white. The music is gone but I'm pretty sure she was the melodic one that offered the most comfort though my memories of those voices are now fading fast. She seems to be a beautiful lady inside and out. I think if we had known each other before all this happened we could have been good friends. During our quiet times together she told me some about her growing up and maybe I feel comfortable with her because she knows what it's like to experience painful loss.

Roy is her, well, boyfriend I assume. They seem married in all ways except for wearing the rings. I've heard several stories about his job with John as his partner at work. It seems like the telling of adventures helps pass the quiet time that I don't contribute too. And I have to admit some of the tales are pretty amazing. When the two of them are here at the same time it's easy to see the close friendship they have. In fact the three already seem like a family.

I hope they know how lucky they are.

Others have come by often and said things like thank you, friend, we're here for you, all friends of John. I'm not sure if I like all that. The attention almost seems like too much. They are well meaning I can see that. Maybe I'm just jealous that he seems to be surrounded by love and it never works that way for me. I don't know yet. The doctors are also nice to me and most of the nurses are too. Dixie seems to check on me often even though she isn't a nurse assigned to my care. I watch them all together and it almost makes my heart ache. She seems to be part of that family feeling too. I've honestly never seen anything like it before.

One thing I have found is the utter frustration of being helpless. I hate needing help for every single task including eating, bathing, and going to the bathroom. Not being in control is stressing me out on many levels. I don't like having to rely on anyone and even if I don't have a choice right now I _will_ heal soon and I plan on being ready. There are other things I've learned by laying around a lot. I've come to know what their routine is, when my medications are due, where the exit doors are. I've done it before. It's not difficult to one who is observant.

Yesterday John told me they had met Kindle and he told them about me. I'm not really sure how I feel about that. I mean I like John, Kanda and Roy, but I've spend most of my life seeking out privacy and they seem to be one large happy family. I'm not surprised to be here alone with no visitors from my own life. It takes a lot of energy to block everyone out of your life so you're very aware when you're getting the job done.

Aunt Rose and her family were cruel to me at our last encounter. I had lost Maggie and mom and dad and wound up in the ICU myself after the accident. I was hurting, but I wasn't crazy. Calling me crazy? They were the ones that showed their true colors that day. Everything I've worked so hard for over the last few years would have been squandered away before the year was out in their hands. Yes, it should have hurt me inside, but I had already locked them out of my heart a long time ago.

That's something I'm good at.

The daily routine here is just that, routine. Kanda greets my mornings before she heads to work and updates me on the news in the outside world. She keeps me posted on how my baby is doing and was the one that introduced me to the stranger OB who comes in occasionally to check on me. The day comprises of nurses in and out with a pop in visit from Roy. He's pretty quiet when here but I do remember he was a voice from before. I can tell he doesn't want to make me feel uncomfortable and he doesn't stay for very long.

John comes to see me often, especially now that I'm out of the ICU and only a few rooms down from his. He comes in the door talking and doesn't stop. More than once I've had to bite my tongue with desire to answer back or tease him over his antics regarding sneaking around the hospital. I just can't yet. Yes, I know I need to begin to feel normal, I know I do. I just don't know if I can ever feel that way again.

This morning was the worst of all. Dixie came in and cheerfully informed me of physical therapy today. It was fluffed with lots of 'this will help you get around faster'. For now that would be my motivation.

I admit I was really glad to see Kanda sitting there when we came into the PT department. I couldn't help but smile which only made her smile grow bigger. She always seems to be concerned with how I'm feeling. Again, I couldn't help but smile when I saw John sitting on the PT table with his cast off. Down inside I was thrilled that he was doing so well. The memories of pulling his broken body through the storm had never left me. I had also come to peace with how much like Jeff he was. It wasn't a feeling of love, but there was a connection there with him I couldn't really begin to explain. He looked so different now. He was happy. The expressions of pain and worry were gone and he just radiated energy and excitement. That was definitely something I didn't have yet, energy nor excitement.

"Emily!"

I nodded to him then was distracted by the stranger trying to pull me by the arm. Kanda's encouragement helped me not be a total wimp at getting out of the chair. I have no muscle strength yet. One doctor said I had muscle damage from the cold temperatures. Being helpless is the pits.

"I thought it would help if you could be here with Johnny and not feel so anxious." Kanda said.

That was true, my biggest worry had been going through it alone. It was kind of eerie how well she seemed to read me.

"Well, I'm not excited to be here so I'm definitely glad you're here to keep me distracted."

John, no, they call him Johnny. I have to remember that. Distraction? Well, not sure about that since I'm the silent mute patient for the time being.

"Got my cast off, did you see?" His smile was contagious. I nodded to him and he seemed to soak it up.

"Don't worry about anything down here, he's got our back."

The therapist was moving my arms and legs in range of motion exercises and asking me to resist and push back. It was exhausting, but I worked hard at it. I had to get stronger. They next removed Johnny's heat packs and put him through the same routine though it was obvious his was more pain than exhaustion. I found myself wanting to stop the therapist. I didn't like him making Johnny hurt like that. Maybe it was because I had seen him endure so much already.

"It's okay Emily. Johnny's shoulder is healing up great it's just stiff from being casted so long." Kanda's voice was always reassuring and without realizing it I found myself leaning against her after they sat me up.

Like a child they played games with me. First I had to catch a giant ball rolled to me then put blocks from one box to another. It seemed quite normal to them and yet amazingly difficult and strenuous for me. I was quickly drained from the whole trip.

"You're doing great. Don't get frustrated with yourself. It's going to take some time to get strong again."

I have found that when your only participation in a conversation is silence you quickly learn facial expressions, even subtle ones. I saw hesitation in her eyes. Something was amiss. Was she hiding something from me?

"Okay Johnny, you're good to go." The therapist worked on putting a splint contraption on him. "I think it will be Sara coming to the house to see you for therapy."

What? My breathing hitched as I looked at Johnny. Part of me wanted to scream. I knew my eyes were wide with fear and I could feel the tears were ready to come.

He was going home? When I looked at Kanda she had a soft smile on her face and took my hand.

"Don't worry just because Johnny is getting discharged today doesn't mean we will stop being here for you too."

Today? Now? No, it wasn't reassuring at all. Kanda was here for John so were all those friends that came in and out. They were his family and there was no reason to look back once he left.

Damn, the tears would betray me.

"Kanda?" Johnny said with concern as he watched me roll away from her and fight to hold them in.

She wrapped her arms around me and I found that I could only bury my head in her shoulder and cry. Stupid stupid stupid. Even worse, it was weakness.

"Oh Em please don't cry. We're not going to leave you." Her voice was soft and pleading to me.

I couldn't help it though. The tears flowed and even their voices seemed to fade away as my fear increased.

"She's okay Johnny. I think she's just scared of being left alone." She moved me back and pushed the hair from my face while drying the tears from my cheek.

"Emily, will you listen to me?"

I don't want to listen. I'm tired of hearing goodbyes in my life. When I looked at her she was looking at Johnny and nodding.

"Let's get you back to your room. I think that's enough for today." She squeezed my hand. "Everything is going to be okay."

Once I was back in my room and in my bed Kanda promised me she would return quickly. Every part of my body was drained and beyond exhausted and for the first time I really hated this room, this now empty room. I knew it wasn't really the room and cursed myself for being so vulnerable to them. I mean hey, I'm the one pushing them away. I simply was getting what I wanted, right?

Yea, it was what I wanted. Damn them and me.

I guess I feel asleep because it was a gentle shake by Roy and Kanda that woke me up. Beside them were the two doctors that were caring for me. The older gray headed man wore a smile that always seemed genuine and they called him Joe. The dark headed one called Kel didn't seem as happy this visit.

"I just don't know about this Kanda. It's only been a week since she came out of the coma." He said.

Kanda sat on the edge of my bed and took my hand. Her smile was so warm. I would have returned it if it wasn't for the tension felt in the room. She spoke softly to me and helped me tune out the others. "Emily, I have a really big question for you."

My heart was beating faster than normal.

"Roy and I want you to come and stay with us while you recuperate. Johnny is staying with us too and we could help you with your therapy and get you to your appointments."

Underneath that calm exterior I could see she was as giddy as a child holding a cupcake with extra sprinkles. I guess my first thought is why they would do it. Why would they want me in their house as just another burden?

Roy stepped closer. "Your family to us now Emily and we would love to do this for you. Please say yes."

"What if she has a setback Kanda?"

"You know that I'm perfectly capable of watching after her and will bring her in if there is anything I'm concerned about. She's off IV fluids and most of her medications. We already have therapy coming out for Johnny and I'll hire a nurse to help us out until she's moving around better."

I could see the concern in the doctor's eyes and the wavering. He took a deep breath. "Okay but not until tomorrow. Johnny can stay another day and we'll discharge them together."

"Emily? What do you think?"

I was scared to say yes and for some reason even more frightened to say no. All I could do was fight back the tears and nod yes. Kanda's warm hug seemed to seep into my weary bones and I couldn't help but return it, weakly but it still felt good.

"Oh yea!" I looked around Kanda to see Johnny in the doorway with a big grin.

While the others continued the discussion of plans and arrangements Johnny sat beside me and talked nonstop about the farm I would be going too. There was no denying his excitement.

As everyone finally emptied from the room I was left alone and my last thoughts as I feel asleep were that they would someday forgive me when the time came for me to leave.


	20. Chapter 20

WHITE OUT

Keep your fears to yourself but share your courage with others. ~Robert Louis Stevenson

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: Thanks to all out there reading and enjoying it. _

CHAPTER 20

* * *

><p>Emily leaned against the window of the Rover as they slowly left the city behind them. Watching the landscape it began to change from bustling suburbia to the rural countryside. She pressed her hand to the window and felt the sunshine against her skin and on the warmth on her face as the buildings disappeared and the ground turned from brown and dry to lush rolling hills of green.<p>

Kanda was driving and kept a quiet watch on her new charge. Brackett had still opposed the early discharge, but something told Kanda it was much more damaging to leave her there at this point and she had no intentions of leaving her behind. Johnny was in the backseat with his leg propped in the seat rambling on about finally getting to escape the bonds of Rampart, terrible food, and something about cranky nurses. Kanda doubted Emily was even hearing him. There was a look of peace on her face.

A quick glance in the rearview mirror reassured her that Roy was close behind in the truck and she was thankful that he had taken a day off to help her get the two settled in at the ranch. Things were going well between them and even though they spent a great deal of time together both had remained hesitant regarding the next step in their relationship. He stayed in the city with Jenny and Chris, keeping them in school and close to their friends while she continued to maintain the ranch. It was a lot of juggling as they moved around, the three of them, her, Johnny, and Roy to help each other out and keep things going. With an internal sigh she knew that personal desires would remain on the back burner for now.

Johnny knew the long white board fencing signaled they were almost there and he couldn't help but babble with the excitement that built. Kanda and her husband had rescued this abandoned farm and it was now one of his favorite places in the world.

Emily watched the car turn under a large arch her neck stretching to read the words above.

"It says 'Wakhan Thanka nici un'." Johnny said as he leaned up to Emily. "It means May the Great Spirit go with you and guide you." He smiled, "Pretty cool huh?"

Emily returned the smile as it disappeared behind them. The long drive way led to a picturesque setting that included a grand two story historic white home, a huge red barn off to one side and a massive great oak complete with a child's swing in the front yard. It was beyond charming to Emily and a little bit of her anxiety about coming here seemed to ease. Kanda parked and waved to Manuel her ranch foreman and the man who helped her keep the farm under control no matter where she was.

"Welcome home Ms. Kanda," he waved back as he headed to the car to help out.

"Thanks Manny, do you mind grabbing the things in the trunk?" She moved around to the passenger door and shared a big smile. "Welcome to home away from home Emily."

The smile was returned and even Johnny could see the child like excitement in her eyes. Roy quickly pulled up behind them, hopped out and jogged to her side.

"I'll take her inside first," he said.

"Okay, I have the couch ready for her, she'll be comfortable there."

He looked down at Emily, "Ready?"

She crinkled her eyebrows with a nervous smile. The 'are you sure about this' question was easily apparent.

Roy chuckled. "Don't worry, I do this every day."

Kanda elbowed him. "It's nice to have a fireman handy."

Emily grinned at the exchange and nodded with a bit more assurance. Roy reached into the Rover and scooped her up into his arms with ease. It was a bit unnerving to feel the lightness of her frail body. It was one of Brackett's biggest concerns, her weight loss and border line appetite. She leaned against him as he carried in with Manuel holding the door open.

Once inside the door the living room was just to the right. A large soft couch was ready with extra pillows and a warm quilt for her. Roy gently put her down and helped her to get positioned so she was partially sitting up, and then laid the cover over her legs.

"Comfortable?" He said with a smile. Not expecting an answer he was content with the gentle look on her face and went for Johnny next. "Be right back."

"Gonna swoop me up into your arms next partner?" Johnny said with a mischievous grin.

Roy rolled his eyes. "Don't even start."

Kanda snickered as she went into the house to check on Emily. Roy helped Johnny slide out to the edge of the seat then let him lean on him as they worked at hobbling into the house. Johnny getting around with the limited motion of his shoulder and unusable leg was more of a challenge, but hopefully the cast would come off soon. Once inside Roy guided him to the padded chair and put the ottoman under his leg. Stepping back he could see that both patients were exhausted from the effort. It was going to be a long two weeks and for the first time he worried that maybe Kanda had bitten off more than she could chew.

Emily was asleep within minutes while Johnny leaned back, sipped some tea, and watched a movie on TV. The small spare bedroom downstairs would be Johnny's thus keeping him from having to navigate the staircase. Upstairs Roy put the few things that belonged to Emily into the bedroom next to Kanda's.

"Do you think she will be okay in here?" He said as he looked over to the antique dollhouse that sat along the farthest wall.

"I think so. She has a lot of memories to face while she recovers. I can't hide everything from her."

He nodded. "Can you do this?" Work, home bound patients and managing a farm, would it be too much?

She sat down on the edge of the bed. "I'm not saying it's gonna be easy, but it's the best for them Roy. I'm sure of that. Manuel can run the farm without me. The home nursing will start tomorrow so they will never be alone."

He sat beside her and took her hand. "You know I'll be here as much as possible. Jenny and Chris are looking forward to coming to visit."

She smiled. "We can make this work. That's what families do, right?"

"Right," he said as he kissed her.

"ROY!" Johnny bellowed from below.

Roy hit the ground running and Kanda jumped up with him to race down the stairs, their hearts pounding by the time they reached the bottom. Roy reached him first.

"What?"

Johnny looked sheepish. "I dropped the remote."

Without a word he reached down and handed it to him and walked away. Kanda tried to not laugh while shooting out a stern big sister look.

"What?" Johnny said in his most innocent voice.

"Uh huh, don't push your luck Tee Tonka."

Moving to the kitchen Kanda began putting together a simple dinner. Joanne had the kids so Roy was going to stay the first night until the home health company sent the nurse out to help her. Dinner was simple though the way Johnny chomped it down you would have thought it was prime rib. Emily sat up again for dinner and seemed to only pick at her plate.

"If you tell me what things you like to eat I'm stopping by the store tomorrow for supplies." Kanda said knowing how important nutrition was to her healing and the baby's growth.

Emily looked a bit sad. Not ready to talk and yet not wanting to hurt her feelings she reached down and took a few more bites. Kanda took a deep breath reminding herself to not expect too much too fast. She had gotten her here that was step one. The next 100 steps would come as she could handle them.

One at a time.

With the dishes cleared and dark settling in everyone was spent. Emily spent most of the time sleeping and when Roy picked her up to take her upstairs she didn't stir. Kanda tucked her in and when she briefly awoke she reminded her of the bell by her bed to call for anything. With a weak nod she was back to the world of dreams quickly. Johnny stretched as much as his body would let him and yawned deeply as Roy guided him to bed for the night. Beside his bed was a wheelchair that would allow him to get up with a little bit of independence in the following days. Following a much mumbled goodnight Roy moved to the living room to sit with Kanda for a bit.

"Well, day one down," she chuckled.

"We won't count how many left to go." He said as he helped her pull the braid from her long dark hair. The time needed for Johnny was pretty predetermined. He even already had a goal date set for returning to work. Emily was another story. They really had no idea how long the process of recovery could take for her then add the complication of pregnancy and depression it seemed daunting.

"She needs time and love."

"I hope that's enough."

Upstairs Emily softly cried herself to sleep.

* * *

><p>The next day started before the sun had barely come up. Kanda's alarm went off and she pushed herself to consciousness then shuffled down the chilly hallway to the bathroom. Peeking in on Emily she saw that she was sound asleep and purposely left the door open as she made her way down the stairs. She smiled at Roy who was still snoring on the couch and proceeded to the kitchen to make coffee to wake up her brain. Now more alert she quickly dressed in some jeans and a pull over sweater, slipped on her boots and headed out the back door to the barn. Manuel and a couple of the farm hands were already up and going also.<p>

"Good morning Ms. Kanda," he greeted her with a tip of his cowboy hat.

"Morning Manny, how's everyone looking today?" She moved from stall to stall greeting each one with a rub and some stolen carrots from the fridge.

"They are good today, but I think they know the storm is coming." He continued to shovel the stalls out as they talked.

She looked up at the dry erase board mounted in the barn near the tack room. "They are smarter at predictions than we are." She pointed up. "Did you remind the clinic about Smokey's appointment?"

He stuck his head out the stall. "Yes ma'me, two days ago, then again yesterday. They will be here."

She laughed. "Don't know what makes me think you need me around here Manny."

He suddenly looked serious. "No, Ms. Kanda. They know exactly who they belong too. They look forward to your visits and time here at the barn."

Rubbing the black horse's neck she got quiet for a moment. "I miss you guys," she whispered to him.

It was always a fine balance, the responsibilities of her life yet she wouldn't trade any of them for anything. Each had a reason and purpose and was an important part of that life. Looking at her watch she said her goodbyes for now and headed back to the house.

Coming out of the barn she heard the car coming up the driveway moving a bit faster than she preferred. Standing on the porch Roy sipped a cup of coffee wearing the same frown she carried. The little battered Mazda screeched to a stop sending a dust cloud up into the air around them. Kanda was propped on one leg with her hands on her hips.

Waiting.

A young lady hopped out of the car seemingly oblivious to anyone around her, headphones in place with music blaring so loud even Kanda could hear it. She reached in the backseat and grabbed a gym bag and slammed the door shut with a resounding bang. When she turned towards the house she jumped with surprise to see them watching her intently.

"Hey! I'm Amy," she hollered at them over the blasting music in her ears.

Kanda looked to Roy with amazed eyes. This is what she trusted her treasured patients to?

She bounced up to her and extended her hand giving a hearty handshake just after pulling the stereos out of her ears.

She looked up to Roy, "You the patient?"

Roy looked dumbfounded, shook his head and wandered back into the house. Kanda would handle this much better than he would. Besides, he wasn't really awake yet. Amy turned back to Kanda and shrugged her shoulders.

"This is the Gage house right?" She said as she smacked on her gum.

Kanda walked over to her. "Yes it is and you are?" Her face was stern reflecting her expectation of more professionalism, and quickly.

Amy took out her gum and stood still. "Sorry, I'm Amy Cline. The home health agency sent me to help you out."

Kanda didn't budge. "Well, Amy Cline exactly what is your job title?"

She swallowed hard, "Well, I'm a Licensed Practical Nurse and I'm trained in home rehabilitation."

"Thank you Amy. I'm Kanda Gage and I have a couple of requests before we begin."

She nodded with wide eyes.

"First, this is my home and right now it's an important place of healing. Please drive up with a little less fanfare and when you arrive I need your mind to be focused on what needs to be done."

The young lady nodded again. "I'm very sorry. I really want to do a good job."

Kanda smiled and she instantly relaxed. "Good. I'm not a hard nose, but these two people are very important to us and we want the best for them right now."

Amy stood a bit taller. "I understand."

"Good, now let's go get the day started."

Roy was already getting Johnny up and tended to so Kanda guided Amy up the stairs to Emily's room. She was lying on her side but her eyes were open.

"Emily, this is Amy. She's our nurse helper for a while. Ready to get up?"

Emily nodded and pushed the blanket off her. Amy went to stand on the other side of her as they helped her sit up; putting her slippers on her feet then with arms under her shoulders they guided her to the bathroom. Kanda knew that every action was strenuous for her but also knew that she had to push her muscles some to help them grow stronger.

Careful navigation down the stairs took time and Kanda actually shooed Roy away knowing they had to figure this out knowing he returned to work tomorrow. By the time they reached the couch Emily was nearly in tears. Amy got her positioned and warm then asked Kanda for a run down on her medications. The rest of the morning proceeded quietly with breakfast being served, Amy getting to know Emily's history and needs, and Johnny's routine.

Roy sat with Kanda at the dining room table as she put her head in her hands.

"One day at a time," he reminded her.

She looked up with a crooked smile, "Am I totally insane?"

He rubbed her arm. "Not yet, ask me again Friday."

* * *

><p>Emily sat on the front porch swing with her legs stretched out in the seat enjoying the afternoon breeze that blew her hair about her face. She leaned against the big pillow that Roy had provided for her and watched him watching Kanda saddle up one of the horses. Johnny was sitting by Roy and they were discussing the disadvantages of some type of equipment at work and the friendly banter between them was almost relaxing. Amy kept close to both patients and worked hard at keeping them comfortable and focused on offering Emily small snacks on a frequent basis. Kanda walked the horse up to the front porch steps and called to Roy.<p>

"I won't be gone long just need to check the back fences near the creek."

"Okay, be careful." She looked so at home in the saddle and Roy really didn't have any worries about her work on the farm.

Emily closed her eyes as the wind gave her a gentle swing, the men talked in the background and the distant neighing soothed her to sleep. Roy kept a vigilant eye on her while Amy was in the house.

"What are the kids up to today?"

Roy turned back, "Joanne was taking them to see her sister for the day."

Johnny nodded. "That's good, but I can't wait until I can see um again." He leaned forward and tried to stretch the kinks out of his back.

"Hurting?" Roy asked with concern.

"Just stiff. I dread PT, but have to admit it will be good to move around again." He looked up at the truck coming down the driveway. "Speak of the devil."

Roy chuckled as he watched the look of doom cross his friends features. They were both surprised to see someone else hop out of the truck. He waved as he headed towards them.

"Erik! What are you doing here? I though you said Sara would be coming out." Johnny was momentarily distracted by why he was there.

"Her mom had to have surgery so you're stuck with me." He shrugged his shoulders and strode over to them. "You ready for this?"

Johnny's excitement deflated again and he laughed out loud. "I'm not that bad!"

Roy stood up knowing that Johnny wasn't going to jump at the opportunity to volunteer, "Let's go partner."

PT went as expected to everyone except for Johnny who declared it torture hour. Kanda was still gone so Amy woke up Emily then Roy moved her to the couch for her exercises. As usual her work out wasn't painful, only exhausting.

Roy walked Erik out to his truck and he could see the medics concern. "Don't worry Roy, they are both on target and the improvement will come. I'll be here three days a week and just encourage them to work on the exercises in between."

Roy nodded, "Will do. Thanks."

As he drove away Kanda appeared around the corner of the barn. He walked over to greet her. "Everything look okay?"

She shook her head, "No, got fence down from the last storm. I'll work on it this weekend." She slid out of the saddle and passed the reins to one of the ranch hands waiting on her. Looking up she saw the scowl on his face. "It's okay Roy, just part of ranch life."

He shook his head. "I know, it's just bad timing for you."

"Pfffttt, repairs are never good timing," she laughed. "How did our patients do?"

They walked back towards the house. "Just as expected." He smiled. "Johnny complained and Emily talked his head off."

She shot him a look and instantly read the joke. "Funny."

"Hey, you never know," he laughed.

"Soon."

He knew by her expression that it was more than a wish; it was something she predicted and that was enough for him.

With another day down Roy and Kanda had to say goodnight because he had to work the next day. She now sat in the rocking chair beside Emily's bed and was reading aloud from their continued story until she was sure she was asleep. When her own weary bones gave up the fight she never even heard the book drop to the floor.


	21. Chapter 21

WHITE OUT

Children make you want to start life over. ~Muhammad Ali

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thank you for the PM's and emails. I love hearing from you guys._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 21<p>

He eyed the new petition that had been placed on his desk with a frown and a few choice words grumbled under his breath. Leaning back in the leather chair he contemplated the last phone update he had gotten on Emily from Dr. Brackett. It had been a mixed bag of news. Apparently she was doing well enough to be discharged, interestingly enough in the care of the family of John Gage. Although he didn't explain what the situation was Brackett had made it clear she was not ready for upsetting news. He knew that if this had caught him off guard, it would be devastating to her. The problem was that this issue had a deadline and the months would pass quickly.

Sooner or later she would have to face it.

* * *

><p>Kanda stood in the small exam room while Emily gripped her hand like she was the last life preserver on the Titanic. Sharing the reassuring smile wasn't easily done when she was just as nervous as the patient lying on the exam table. Emily flinched at the door opening and a middle aged, slightly balding, man entered the room and put on some gloves.<p>

"I need you to step out during the exam," he said without making eye contact with Kanda. As her fingers turned white from the death grip Kanda knew there was no way she was leaving the room.

"Emily wants me to stay with her."

Thankfully he didn't debate the issue and began his exam on Emily by lifting her shirt up to expose her abdomen. With gentle palpations to estimate size and position, he simply grunted and then placed the small handheld Doppler to find a heartbeat. Kanda found herself holding her breath with anticipation and looked down with excited eyes to Emily only to find a worried face. However, when the beat, beat, beat could be heard she took a deep breath and let a single tear escape.

"Heartbeat sounds strong." Standing up he stripped off his gloves and picked up her chart. "I'd like to see more weight gain. The baby is small for size right now and isn't growing well. How is your appetite?"

His eyes stayed on Emily and Kanda grew a bit frustrated. She gave Emily the time and opportunity to answer, but deep down knew she hadn't reached that point yet in her recovery.

"Her appetite is improving slowly. We're offering her about 6-8 healthy snacks a day and she's drinking the nutritional supplements too."

His dissatisfaction was evident. "Well, she needs to get some weight on her or the outcome of this pregnancy will not be good." Before waiting for an answer he was gone out the door.

Kanda felt Emily's hand leave hers and she was instantly furious. Helping Emily sit up she couldn't even get her to make eye contact as she helped her into the wheelchair. Patting her on the shoulder, "Don't worry Emily I know you're working hard so don't get disheartened by what he said."

Wheeling her down the hall of the office building she entered another office where Johnny was already done with his appointment and waiting on them. He hopped up and waved his crutches.

"Look, no more splint!"

Kanda pushed her concern over Emily to the side for a moment and showed enthusiasm for Johnny's progress. He was radiating joy until he saw the hidden worry in his sister and then the quick glance to Emily made his heart rate quicken.

"Kanda?"

She patted his arm. "It's okay, I'll tell you later."

He nodded and slowly they worked their way out to the car.

"So what did he say today?" Kanda asked as they drove through the city.

"Well, I'm able to come off the splint some during the day, just use it when the shoulder tires or hurts."

"And the therapy?"

Pause.

Kanda smiled. "John?"

A deep sigh came from the backseat, "Still have to do the therapy for at least two more weeks, then back to see the ortho guy for this." He knocked on his leg.

"Okay, I'll make the appointments for the same day again. You also have a last appointment with Kel."

Johnny was getting excited already. He was finally feeling really good and getting antsy to return to work. Now, he was almost afraid to ask about Emily's appointment because she had remained distant and simply leaned against the car window with her eyes closed. He raised his eyebrows to Kanda in the rearview mirror and she shook her head with a 'later' mouthed to him. Kanda pulled out the small piece of paper that had a scribbled address written on it. She hoped that the stop by Emily's apartment would lift her spirits some and to help her bring some items of comfort back to the ranch. Pulling up to the high rise apartment building the valet rushed out to help them out of the car.

The doorman greeted them. "Afternoon, how can I help you?"

Kanda hesitated for a moment. If he didn't remember Emily they had no hopes of getting inside her apartment. "This is Emily Jackson from apartment 1016."

He looked down at her and seemed to be taken aback. "Oh, Miss Jackson, I'm so sorry I didn't recognize you. Of course." He opened the door for them with a gentle nod of his head.

Inside, the tiny lobby was sparsely adorned with minimal furnishings and commercial wall art. Johnny stepped into the elevator first and it probably reflected the age of the building more than anything they had seen so far. Kanda caught herself saying a tiny prayer to make it up safely as Johnny pulled the Iron Gate closed and locked them in. Despite the long moments of creaking and groaning it delivered them to the correct floor and they all gratefully exited to solid ground once again. The keys were already in her hands and she worked to gain entrance into the apartment. Johnny went first then held the door for Kanda and Emily's wheelchair.

"Wow, would you look at this!" He moved ahead of them, passed through the main room and went straight to the far wall which was nothing but floor to ceiling windows. Outside were the distant mountains outside LA. "Em, this is incredible."

Emily smiled at his child like enthusiasm gave and passed Kanda a small list of things she wanted to pick up. The shorter time here the better for her. It was just another place of memories that she didn't have the energy to deal with right now.

The apartment was essentially a giant loft that was open except for the bedrooms and bath. Kanda moved slowly through the living space and admired the numerous paintings that adorned the walls. Each one was a separate work of incredible art and several held the tiny initials of EJ in the corner. Scattered shelves held various pictures and as she looked at each one she felt heartache for Emily, seeing the look of joy of a radiant mother laughing with her daughter. She was actually amazed at how much the young woman had changed from the pictures to where she was now. It really was no wonder that the doorman didn't recognize her when they arrived.

The pictures held a glowing fair skinned woman with long blonde hair, her eyes sparkling blue, well defined cheek bones and a quiet strength too her. Kanda took one of the pictures and put it in her bag. She then moved from room to room gathering up the requested items which included clothes, a couple of books, and some personal items. Emily's bedroom held minimal decorations and a stack of boxes near the window, each one sealed with tape marked 'Maggie'. The other bedroom had been her daughters.

The walls were now stripped clean leaving nothing but the faded marks of posters and picture frames. A white metal framed canopy bed held the sheer netting across the top and folded pink flowered sheets at the foot. Kanda moved to a small box on the dresser. Inside were small treasures, a hand painted potty bowl, a picture of Maggie with another little girl with 'best friends' written on the bottom, a handful of colorful hair bows, and lastly a small sketchbook. With a full bag she headed back to the living room until she passed a corner off the kitchen and saw something she knew had to go back with them.

"Taking everything including the kitchen sink sis?" Johnny chided her.

"Only the important stuff," she said as she looked down to see a smile emerge from Emily. "Let's get home now."

* * *

><p>Emily sat and stared at the blank canvas in front of her. They had placed the easel out on the front porch allowing her the freedom to paint when she felt it. Right now she was having trouble feeling it. There were so many things that were coursing through her mind and they didn't lend themselves to beauty. When she looked up Roy's truck was coming down the drive. Johnny came hobbling out the front door and Emily watched his face light up more than she had ever seen as two children jumped out of the truck and came racing up the stairs.<p>

"Uncle Johnny!" They both yelled as they about knocked him down with hugs.

Kanda greeted them both with hugs of her own then helped Johnny make it to a chair safely.

"Emily, this is Chris and Jenny."

Emily shared a big smile with the bubbling 6 year old.

"Hi!" Jenny said. Chris's _hi_ was present, but not as confident and he quickly moved to Johnny's side with more interest in the giant leg cast and marker waiting on him. Emily reached out to shake Jenny's little hand and nodded her head. The bouncy girl didn't even question that Emily remained quiet.

"Whatcha gonna paint?"

Emily shrugged her shoulders then passed the paintbrush to the little girl. Jenny squealed with excitement, scooted right next to her and proceeded to decide which color she wanted first. Looking back to Emily and smiling at the confirmation that it was a good choice she dipped the brush into the paint. The others quietly watched with amazement as Emily helped her to move the brush over the canvas.

Kanda nodded to the boys to follow her into the house where she updated them on Emily's visit to the doctor and some ideas she had come up with to help her recuperation.

"Is the baby really in danger?" Johnny asked with concern.

"I don't think so right now. If she keeps getting stronger the baby will also get stronger."

Roy motioned outside. "Painting again will be good for her."

"I hope so. She needs something to bring a little joy back to her life," Kanda said as she glanced outside to see the pair still painting.

After about an hour Jenny came running into the house with multiple colors of paint on her face and hands. "Daddy, Emily is ready to come inside. I think she's tired now."

"Okay honey, go wash your hands and face for dinner."

Roy went outside and helped her get back inside while Johnny tried to figure out why Chris kept beating him at checkers.

"Daddy, can I sleep in Emily's room tonight?" Jenny asked as they sat around the dinner table.

Roy shot a look to Emily thinking this was asking a bit much of the young woman. Instead he saw a glimmer of excitement in her eyes also. "I think that's okay, _if_ it's okay with Emily." A quick nod of her head reassured him it would be okay.

* * *

><p>Emily and Jenny were in bed first, both worn out from their long day of different activities. Chris sat on the back porch with Johnny talking about the merits of having a giant furry creature named Chewbacca as a co-pilot in space while Roy and Kanda cleaned up the dishes then sauntered to the front porch swing.<p>

"Roy, did you see this?" she said as she picked up the canvas still sitting out there.

It was a charming picture of the massive oak in the front yard, complete with the swing. The technique was simple and beautiful to Kanda reflecting the creative fun strokes of Jenny with the mature controlled touch of Emily. She pointed to the one corner that said 'JD' and the other side with 'EJ'. Propping it against the wall she joined him on the swing.

"I'm so glad you guys are spending the weekend with us."

"Well, figured you needed some rescue from Johnny," he said and she laughed.

"Soon the cast will be off and he can start to get around easier. That is if I can keep him off the horses, the 4 wheeler and," she turned to face him, "do you know where he was today?"

Roy was afraid to ask.

"He was on the dining room table trying to change light bulbs in the chandelier and was upset because I threatened to duck tape him to the recliner." She shook her head. "I had no idea that trying to keep him entertained would be a full time job."

Roy pointed to his own chest. "Trust me, I know."

She nodded knowing there were many years of friendship between the two men and felt a hint of sadness knowing she had missed so much of Johnny's life.

Yep, he was gonna have to have a talk with that partner of his. "Well, I'll try to keep him busy this weekend helping me with stuff around the house. Maybe we can wear him out some for you."

"I heard that," Johnny said as he came from around the back of the house with Chris.

"Hey dad, do you think we can do some fishing this weekend?"

Roy shrugged, "Don't see why not."

Kanda leaned back and planned on enjoying the arrival of the cavalry to her rescue. She was exhausted.

* * *

><p>She lay on the lounge chair and soaked up the rays of the afternoon sun. After being so cold for so long it was like she couldn't get enough of it now. Her eyes were closed and she filled her lungs with the fresh air along with the memories of her past in the mountains with her grandmother. If she listened hard enough she could hear her singing while she sewed the next family quilt. She let those good times flood her being.<p>

"I just love tulips. Hope these hurry up and bloom."

Jenny giggled. "I hope they are all yellow."

"Yellow and pink and white," Kanda replied with a wink.

Emily opened her eyes and smiled at Kanda who was on her hands and knees planting bulbs with Jenny around the back patio beside her. She was covered in dirt between caring for the horses, working on a fence, and now playing in the dirt. Brushing some loose hair from her damp forehead she managed to smear more dirt on her face. Emily wanted to laugh at her seeing how utterly happy she was in her task.

Jenny did laugh out loud. Kanda looked up and shared the smile with her. "No laughing. I'm definitely not at my best right now."

"You look like a dirt monster Aunt Kanda." She then promptly wiggled her nose up to Kanda's.

She laughed again. "I think it's time for some lemonade. Emily, would you like to go inside for a bit?"

Emily nodded and stood up with Kanda's help. It took a couple of steps to steady herself, but when she reached the steps she swayed and had to fight off the waves of nausea.

"Emily?"

Emily shook her head quickly and held her eyes tightly shut to fight off the dizziness.

"Let's sit down." Kanda turned to Jenny. "Honey, go get your daddy for me okay?"

She gently eased Emily down to sit on one of the steps and reached to her wrist to get a pulse. Within seconds Roy was running around the side of the house to her.

"What happened?" The color that had returned in the last week to her face was now washed away and she was shaking. He could see the worry in Kanda's eyes.

"She got dizzy getting up. Her heart rate is 110. Let's get her inside and I'll check a blood pressure on her."

Roy slipped her into his arms quickly and followed Kanda to the living room. Johnny and Chris were playing a game of chess and both were alarmed to see them come in.

"What?" Johnny started.

Kanda grabbed her doctor's bag and set it beside the couch. "Can you tell me if anything hurts?" She knew she wasn't likely to get an answer, but she desperately wanted to know what was going on.

Slowly Emily's eyes untightened and opened up. The look of fear in Kanda's eyes caught her off guard and she tried to offer up a small smile for her. It worked and Kanda relaxed a bit.

"Her pressure is 90/60," Roy said as he tried to help Kanda figure out what happened.

Kanda squeezed her hand. "I think you just got up too quick and it made you dizzy. Feel better now?" They watched the pink slowly return to her cheeks.

A small nod offered them some reassurance and Roy helped her to sit up a bit more.

"Up to 100/60 now," he said with the second blood pressure check.

"Good, much better." She patted her arm, "just rest here for a while."

"Do I need to take her to the ER?" Roy asked as he leaned against the kitchen counter.

Kanda finished up the high protein milkshake she was making. "No, I don't think so. We'll just keep a close eye on her. If it happens again I'll call Kel and see what he thinks."

Johnny shook his head. "I just don't have a good feeling about this."

She smiled at her protective big brother. "Don't worry John. She has three sets of medical eyes on her if anything changes I promise to take her in."

With a reluctant nod he moved back to the living room to sit with her. She slept the rest of the day, only waking when they encouraged her to eat, and only then for a short time. For the others it was a constant vigil watching over her, including little Jenny who sat at the end of the couch coloring while she slept. When dinner came Kanda walked with her to the bathroom and was reassured to see her steady steps. The rest had been good for her and it was a firm reminder to Kanda that simple things still drained her.

Sunday brought the end of another week and Kanda had a picnic planned for everyone by the creek. Roy loaded up the supplies in her Rover while Jenny helped Emily pack some painting supplies. Chris followed Johnny around as they gathered the fishing poles.

"JOHNNY!"

He froze because he knew exactly why his sister was bellowing his name. Roy looked back with a 'what did you do now' glance, but had to laugh when Kanda emerged with a handful of worms she found in the fridge.

"Thanks sis almost forgot those," he said as she dumped them in his outstretched hands.

Chris wanted to laugh, but wasn't sure if now was the best time considering the scowl on her face.

"Uh huh," she began. "Next time they will be your dinner since they seem to keep finding their way into my produce bin."

He swallowed. "That's just gross sis." He turned to Chris, "Girls!"

Roy laughed. "Come on partner. Let's get this show on the road."

Johnny and Chris sat on the river bank quietly embracing their fishing endeavors while Emily and Jenny rested under a giant oak. Both girls had a small canvas and paints and seemed to be rather busy at their art project. The temperature was perfect, the air crisp and clear, and a gentle breeze brushed across them. While Kanda and Roy relaxed on the big blanket she watched Jenny talking Emily's ear off.

Then Kanda froze.

"Roy?" She looked over to him, "Did you see that?"

He looked worried for a minute. "What's wrong?"

She shook her head. "No, watch them," she said as she pointed in their direction.

They could see Jenny's side and her face as she kept talking, but Emily's back was to them and they could only see her head nod or shake as Jenny talked. But something was different now. Jenny was nodding her head and smiling.

"Do you think?" Kanda started then saw the grin on Roy's face.

"She is a force of nature, no one can resist her."

Kanda laughed. "This is wonderful!"

"The next question is ... will she talk to us?"


	22. Chapter 22

WHITE OUT

Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind. "Pooh!" he whispered.  
>"Yes, Piglet?"<br>"Nothing," said Piglet, taking Pooh's paw. "I just wanted to be sure of you." ~A.A. Milne

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: You guys ROCK! Thank you so much for all the support and messages._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 22<p>

Amy arrived at the house early in the morning. She approached quietly so as to not awaken anyone since everyone should still be sleeping at this hour. There was a chill in the air as she left the car and it caused her to hug her jacket just a bit closer. A frown crossed her features as her shoes got wet with the morning dew on the grass, quickly soaking her to her toes. Manuel sent her a quick hello wave which she returned with a smile and then proceeded up the front steps. Once inside she quickly put her things in the hall closet and began her routine of the day. Kanda had already left before the sun came up and Roy was on shift today leaving just her and the two patients. She wasn't worried a bit, having come to love this job. If anything, she would be disappointed when they no longer needed her.

In the kitchen she put the kettle on to make some fresh coffee since Johnny was the big coffee drinker in the house. Next was to start some breakfast, get Emily's vitamins and supplements ready for the day and double check the calendar for appointments or therapies. It was an accustomed routine now and she moved with ease through the house. When she came back down the hall Johnny was hobbling to the kitchen as the air filled with the aroma of dark roast which seemed to be calling his name, even if he wasn't fully awake yet. She watched his gait, balance, and level of comfort finding a smile come to her face to see how well he was moving around each day. The cast would come off this week and she knew the challenge would be to keep him busy long enough to let it gain strength again.

"Morning Johnny," she greeted him as she came behind him in the kitchen.

"Oh, morning Amy. How are you?" He mumbled as he poured some coffee.

"Good, good. Ready for something to eat yet?"

He shook his head. "Not yet, need to wake up some first."

When he sat at the table she turned her ear to the upstairs. Usually about this time they would hear Emily working her way to the bathroom with a long wobbly shuffle on the hardwood floors. Johnny followed her eyes.

"Guess she's sleeping in a bit," she said.

He chuckled, "Well after all that talking she did yesterday she had to be exhausted."

Amy shot around to him. "What?"

A big grin came on his face, "Yep, her and Jen had a big ole conversation by the creek yesterday."

Amy felt like a giddy teenager. "What did she say? Is she doing okay? Is she happy? Well?"

Johnny waved his hand. "Oh, she didn't talk to us. Just Jenny." He paused. "That little fireball can bring out the best in anyone."

She returned his smile, "Yes she can." Sitting down with him they nursed their coffee cups and talked about the plan for the next week and everyone's work schedules. After a bit she looked at her watch.

"Well, I better help her get going for the morning. Erik will be here soon for PT and she will want to be dressed and ready."

"Me too," he said as he put his cup in the sink.

Amy moved up the staircase and secretly hoped that Emily would be ready to talk to her today. She had spent a long time having one sided conversations with her and couldn't wait to hear her voice. It was a huge step and Amy knew it. She opened the door. "Rise and shine Miss Em…". The bed was disheveled from her sleeping, but Emily wasn't there. Amy quickly looked around the room to make sure she hadn't fallen on the other side of the bed then assumed she was already up and they hadn't heard her. However, when she re-entered the hallway it was obvious the bathroom door was open and empty. It didn't take even seconds for panic to hit her. She ran into each bedroom, including Kanda's calling her name, sounding on the edge of hysterics in her own ears.

"Amy?" Johnny called from the bottom of the stairs, now dressed and ready for the day.

Amy ran down them. "Emily's gone."

Johnny's eyes got wide, "what?"

"She's not there, in her room or anywhere upstairs. EMILY?" She called down the hallway.

"Okay, okay, let's not panic. She can't be far, she's not strong enough." He pointed down to the kitchen. "Check the back porch; I'll look around front."

Moving quickly on his crutches he reached the front porch and rapidly scanned the area and didn't see anything. He was struggling to keep his heartbeat under control and not let panic take over. Amy was already almost there and with Kanda and Roy gone he knew he had to take control. With a deep breath he let his rescue experience take over. Where would she go? Where could she go? Amy came running around the side of the house and with the fright in her eyes it was obvious she didn't find her yet.

"Should I call Kanda? Or the fire department?" She was nearly out of breath.

He shook his head. "Not yet, I still think she's close by." He saw Manuel coming out of the barn and waved as Amy helped him navigate the stairs. "Manny? Have you seen Emily this morning?"

The man shook his head with a look of confusion, "No Mr. Gage, not this morning. I'll check the barn real quick." He said and turned back to the interior.

"Kanda was planting flowers by the trees on the side of the barn," he said to Amy.

She ran.

There was only one other place he could think she might be. When Amy came back he asked her to help him to the rise just behind the house. The slope was very gentle with wild grass growing to their knees. Just past the rise, there was an old abandoned well made of stone with piles of crumbled broken rock around the base. The splintered wooden frame stretched over it, but the rope and bucket were long gone. Johnny took Amy's arm and stopped her. "Let me go." He knew Amy would stay close by if he needed her and the last thing they needed to do was surprise the small figure looking down into the well. He gradually worked his way to her with a consciously noisy effort. She was sitting on the stone wall, her legs tucked under her as she leaned against one of the bucket posts. Still in her long nightgown the breeze swirled her hair all around her face.

He moved up to the opposite side from her and leaned against the well. "What ya wishing for on such an early morning?" He said as he worked to keep his voice steady and unplussed from the morning surge of panic.

She didn't look up. "Sleep without dreams."

He was determined that the shock of hearing her voice again after so very long wouldn't be apparent. Last thing he wanted to do was to discourage her talking again.

"Not all dreams are bad ya know."

She looked up at him and he wanted to wipe the tears from her face. She looked like a lost child. "Do you ever dream about what happened to us?"

He moved closer to her. "Yea, sometimes I do, but not as much since getting out of the hospital. What do you dream?" Her voice did bring back memories he had tried to bury. Memories of the only time he heard her speak, when they were at their most desperate and alone.

She cocked her head to the side as she watched him. She once again saw the John Gage that had pulled her from the truck and saved her even when she begged him not too. He was strong despite the cast on his leg; his eyes were deep, confident and full of life.

He felt the pause. "It's okay if you don't want to talk about it."

She shook her head. "It's okay." She pushed her hair from her face tucking it behind her ear. "Snow. I'm always lost in the snow and there's only white everywhere." She looked into his eyes. "I can't find my way home."

He knew the meaning of that statement was profoundly deep for her in so many ways. "I sometimes dream that we never stop walking and looking for help, like there's no end to the journey."

She nodded in understanding.

He took her hand in his. "But, you're not there anymore Em. You can find your way again."

"I'm trying."

He reached around her and pulled her close, meeting no resistance to the hug. "We know you are."

For a long time they sat there in silence and simply enjoyed the comfort of someone else who understood what they had been through in those horrible days.

"Ready to head back?" He said softly to her.

She nodded and worked her way down back to solid ground. Amy moved forward now and let Emily lean on her as they gradually worked their way back to the house. By the time they were back inside Emily was soaking wet from the waist down and now shivering. Johnny wasn't much better off with wet jeans and a now wet cast.

"Johnny can you get clean clothes while I get her in a warm bath?" Amy said.

He nodded and headed to his room as Amy and Emily moved upstairs. Turning on the water and adjusting the temperature she eased her into the water.

"I'm going to get you some warm clothes. Will you be okay for a minute?"

"Yes, thank you Amy."

Amy broke out into a full smile. Her voice was soft and gentle just like she expected.

Johnny emerged from his room and knew he needed to make a call or his sister would kill him if she found out later. When Kanda hung up the phone she wasn't sure whether to be excited that Emily had talked to Johnny or worried that she had over stressed her body by wandering off. Johnny had assured her that she seemed okay and Amy was warming her up again. Knowing she had work to finish before her day could end and get her home Kanda tucked her anxiety and eagerness away and moved forward to see her patients.

While she slept Johnny stayed close to her. It was a protectiveness that he felt towards her and that maybe, if he kept vigil, he could keep the bad dreams away. He understood in a way that he had not shared with anyone else, the haunting dreams. They had lingered with him also. Dreams of a snow filled world that never seemed to end, of pain and hopelessness. It hurt his heart to think she was going through the same thing. Tonight he would talk to Kanda.

Dinner came and brought Kanda home with an impatience that only concluded when she rushed through the door to find Emily and Johnny playing a game of chess. They both looked up with a 'what?' expression. She shook her head and tried to look relaxed. She wasn't very convincing.

"Problem sis?" Johnny said innocent like.

All she could do was smile at them and head upstairs to change clothes. Her heart lifted when she heard Johnny say something followed by Emily's laugh. When she re-emerged she was freshly showered and much more comfortable.

"So, what's for dinner?" She called down the hallway as she prowled through the refrigerator.

The voice right behind her surprised her.

"Chicken."

Kanda turned slowly and greeted the sweet face with a heartfelt hug. Emily hugged her back and whispered in her ear. "Thank you."

She knew this was monumental for Emily and didn't want to make her feel self-conscious about her rejoining the living world. "You're very welcome hon. Did you eat?"

Emily nodded. "Too much, she's protesting." She rubbed her belly.

Kanda put her hand on the same spot. "Well, this little lady can have absolutely anything she wants."

"Well," Emily said shyly.

Kanda smiled, "yes?"

"I think she would love some hot chocolate."

When Emily was sleeping and the house was quiet Kanda brought Johnny a glass of milk and a couple of cookies to snack on before bed. She knew something was bothering him and it was a good time to encourage him to get it out.

"Amazing day with Emily huh?"

He looked up from his milk, "Yea, she's doing so great now."

"Good." She waited.

Johnny leaned back after he grabbed another cookie. "She told me something today."

Kanda waited patiently.

"She's having bad dreams about when we were in the woods and trying to get out."

She took a deep breath. "That's very understandable you know. She went through a lot and who knows what she experienced during all that time in a coma."

"Well."

"More?" She asked.

He looked up to her still not sure if he should admit to his own issues, but somehow she would know sooner or later. He had no doubt about that.

"I'm having the same dreams."

This time Kanda was honestly taken aback. He'd never let on something was going on like that. "Oh John, I'm so sorry."

"I just thought that if you knew, maybe you could…."

She patted his arm. "I know Tee Tonka. Sometimes the first step is just talking about it. I can't imagine what you two went through trying to survive and find help. But, somehow you did it. Not only did you make it out John, but you did it together, helping each other get through each day. That's nothing short of incredible for strangers to fight all odds to help each other. You should be proud of what you did and how you did it. Hold onto that like a lifeline."

He nodded, afraid to say anything and spoil the moment. Upstairs Emily stood outside her door and listened and as she returned to her warm soft bed she felt that tonight might be one free of taunting dreams.

* * *

><p>Roy sauntered into the kitchen being lured by the smell of fresh coffee. After a long hard shift with nearly eighteen runs he was beat.<p>

"Thanks Marco,"

"After yesterday I don't think there is enough coffee," he grumbled.

Roy nodded in agreement and sat down at the table with Mike and Dwyer. Chet was already on the couch with Henry the dog draped over his lap like a personal blanket while he tried to read the paper.

"Henry, what do you want to read next? Personals or comics?"

"What would Henry need with the personals?" Marco asked.

Chet moved the paper down so it was lying on Henry. "Marco, I can't believe you could be so callous about Henry's love life. He works hard all day defending the station, but he doesn't get to leave like we do and have fun."

Mike chuckled under his breath. "Work? Henry doesn't know the meaning of the word Chet."

Chet cupped his hands over the mutt's ears. "Now Mike, there's no reason to be mean."

Roy sat back and enjoyed the morning banter.

"Well, I'm still waiting to see him move, must less defend," Hank said as he strolled through to get some coffee.

"Cap, it takes a lot of energy to take care of this place when we're gone. You have no idea what he does to fend off evil doers in our absence." He reached down and rubbed Henry's chin. "No wonder you're exhausted when we get back."

Roy laughed. "Henry is always exhausted, morning, noon, and night." He got up to wash his cup out.

Chet leaned in closer. "Don't pay them no mind Henry."

"That dog doesn't have any mind to begin with Chet."

Everyone looked up to the familiar voice and jumped up when they saw Johnny come through the kitchen door on his crutches.

"Johnny!" Mike, Marco, and Hank greeted him.

Chet pushed Henry off his lap and crossed the floor as he sized up his co-worker and friend. "Well, well, well. If it isn't grizzly Adams in the living flesh."

Johnny shot him a scowl but Roy knew better. Johnny was itching to get back to the station as soon as possible and though Chet would never admit it, he missed Johnny too.

"Well Johnny, you're getting around pretty good now I see." Hank said.

"I'm working on it Cap, trust me." He tapped the leg cast with his crutch. "This comes off today."

Marco grinned. "Hey Johnny, that's great!"

"So when you think you'll get to come back?" Mike chimed in.

"Not sure yet. I see Brackett next week for my last appointment. Then it will be up to the ole leg here."

Chet crossed his arms. "Old is right."

Johnny threw his head back and frowned. "Who you calling old? I'm younger than you are!" He looked over to Roy with frustration then remembered he had something to share.

"Oh Roy, Emily told me to tell ya hi." He let that sink in for a minute.

Roy paused. "What?"

"Yea, Emily said hi to everyone and thanks for all you did."

Mike was smiling now. "She's talking?"

"She sure is," Kanda said as she came up behind them all.

"Kanda!"

She was instantly pummeled with hugs from all the guys. Laughing she escaped and looked over to Roy. "He's all yours for the day."

"Poor Roy," Chet said.

"Jump off a bridge Chet," Johnny shot back.

"I'll play follow the leader."

"Will you two cut it out," Hank said and finished the conversation.

"I'm just saying." Chet mumbled as he moved back over to the couch and Henry. Kanda was already there giving the pup a good ear and belly rub. Henry rolled over on his back for her attentions.

"Such a hard working fella aren't ya?"

"Don't get that conversation started again," Roy whispered to her.

She passed him a couple of papers. "His ortho is at 8:30, then over to PT at 9:30. Feel free to take all day." She winked at him.

"Uh huh. I knew I was getting suckered into something."

"Ahh come on Roy, it's gonna be a great day!" Johnny sounded way too happy about getting out and about.

"Yes it is," she gave Johnny a quick kiss on the cheek. "Have fun, don't break your other leg, and I'll see you both at dinner tonight."

Roy knew what that meant. Don't come home until dinner time. As the next shift filtered in, goodbyes were shared and they each headed their own ways.

"Breakfast first. I'm starving." Johnny proclaimed in the car.

"Okay, that's fine. We have a little bit of time before your first appointment."

Johnny was excited. It was one appointment that couldn't come soon enough for him.

"Johnny if you don't quit squirming you're going to make me accidentally cut you," Seth the ortho tech said as he pressed the saw blade into the plaster.

"Can't help it, it tickles."

With on last cut he began peeling the plaster away from his leg. Within minutes his leg was free and seemed weightless.

"Here's your new PT prescription. Go easy on it Johnny or you'll only delay getting back to work. There is such a thing as overdoing it."

Johnny glanced back at Roy, who was clearly paying good attention. Great.

* * *

><p>Roy and Kanda gently swung in the cool evening air, his arm around her as she rested on his shoulder. Jenny pushed Emily in the tree swing as they chatted about what Barbie should wear to the next dance.<p>

"How did I ever get so lucky Roy DeSoto?"

"Pretty sure I could ask the same question Mrs. Gage," he replied.

"Just need the missing children to return and the evening will be complete."

As if on cue Johnny and Chris came around the corner and guided the horses to Manuel who was waiting for them at the barn door.

"Nice ride?" He said as he took the reins and secured them to the fence.

Chris hopped down easily, "It was great Manny."

Johnny slid down making sure to land on his good leg while Chris grabbed his crutch. "It was perfect." Turning to Amy and Jenny he smiled. "When's my turn Jen bear?"

Jenny giggled. "Silly Uncle Johnny, you're too big to swing."

He worked his way to the swing. "Hey, she's a grown up too."

Jenny put her hands on her hip. "But she's little."

Johnny couldn't argue with that and as Amy put her feet on the ground to stop he reached out to help her stand up. The cotton dress she wore hugged her body and the baby bulge was steadily growing now.

"Thanks John."

They walked up to the porch as Jenny jumped in the swing and started singing to herself. Johnny sat down in a chair and propped up his tired leg. It had been a good week. Looking over to Emily he was amazed at how much progress she had made not only physically, but spiritually. There seemed to be a peace about her that grew stronger daily. Roy and Kanda were exactly where he thought they should always be, in each other's arms. They all had struggles in their past that threatened to hold them down and make them stagnate, some more than others, but Kanda had always been right about this place. It was a place of magic, of love, and of healing; all it took was a little time.

Kanda lay on her bed reading a new book after a long day of work then home responsibilities. Things were actually going smoother with each day and now that Johnny and Emily were moving around on their own she knew the next decision was how long to keep Amy around. It was amazing how someone could become such a part of your day and your life so quickly. Feeling like she was being watched she saw Emily in her doorway.

"Is everything okay Emily?" She slipped out of the covers to the side of the bed.

"I was just wondering if I could talk to you about something."

Kanda could hear the hesitation in her voice and felt it must be something important. "Of course." She slid back in bed and patted the other side for Emily to come sit beside her. Once she was under the down comforter and comfortable Kanda gave her the time to begin the conversation when she was ready.

"My appointment with Dr. Appen is tomorrow."

He was the OB they had seen on her last visit. Kanda had an idea where this was going and she was prepared. She smiled to help Emily relax and open up to her.

"Well, I know you have done so much for me and I really am grateful for everything."

Kanda sat up some. "But, you don't like him."

Emily lowered her head.

"That's okay. I don't either." Kanda laughed and saw a weight come off Emily's shoulders. "Don't worry. I've already talked to Kel, um Dr. Brackett, and we have someone new for you to meet tomorrow. I think you will really like her."

Emily liked that idea. "Thank you Kanda." Again there was some hesitation.

"Emily, I know we are not true family, but I hope you know we are here for you in anything you need."

Emily knew that, deep down she knew. That didn't make her past any easier to share and that little part of her that knew the harshness of judgment found it difficult to bring anyone into her world of trust. Part of her recovery had been regaining memories, long buried ones. She rubbed the growing baby inside her and didn't know how to tell the horrible truth to Kanda or Johnny. How they felt about her would change, she knew it would. Their assumption was that Jeff was the father, but Emily knew he wasn't and it was tearing her up inside. How could she tell them? Would she tell them ever? And there were other things she had fleeting thoughts about including how long to stay here. Without further conversation she slid down under the covers and rested her head on the pillow.

Kanda gave a gentle rub to her shoulder and whispered, "When you're ready hon." The baby steps continued.


	23. Chapter 23

WHITE OUT

I have accepted fear as a part of life - specifically the fear of change. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: turn back.

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: Thanks for all the reviews and those who enjoy the story!_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 23<p>

"Okay, let's see this little one."

Emily leaned back on the inclined table, her head slightly elevated so she could see the ultrasound machine image. Her new maternity caretaker was Kaila, a midwife that Kanda had recommended for her delivery. She applied the cold gel to her abdomen and placed the probe to her skin. This time the image was seen quicker and it was much easier to discern what each shadow represented.

The heartbeat filled the room.

"You see her legs kicking?" Kanda pointed to the screen.

Emily was speechless, only this time with amazement. The little image kicked and squirmed and she felt her inside at the same time. It was incredible to match what she had been feeling with what she could now see.

"She looks good Emily. Her weight is on target and her size is appropriate for six months." Kaila finished the study then cleaned off her stomach. Reaching under the table she helped raise Emily's head a bit to be more comfortable.

"Told you," Kanda whispered to her and got a smile in return.

"She's been through so much," Emily said softly.

Kaila sat beside the table. "I agree Emily, she's been through a lot, but she's one tough little cookie and is doing great. The rest of your labs look good and your nutrition panel is much improved." She flipped through the chart. "I'd like you to keep taking the extra supplements for another month and I'd love to see another few pounds on you by the next visit."

Emily laughed. "The way I've been eating that shouldn't be a problem."

"Good! Not only is this helping her, but it's helping your muscle regeneration too. Now I'd really like to hear what you want to happen at the delivery."

Delivery.

Kanda internally gasped. Had it really been that long since they even found out? Time had flown in so many ways and she couldn't believe it close enough to begin those kinds of plans.

Emily thought for a moment. "My first delivery went pretty smoothly so I think I would like to stay with a natural delivery like before."

Kaila was thrilled. In this day and age of medical technology not many chose a natural path in childbirth. "Did you have any complications with her?"

"No, in fact I was only in labor for about 6 hours. They said that was fast for a first time mom."

"Actually it is. This one might come faster so when you're feeling regular, good strong contractions you need to let me know okay?"

She nodded. "I..." she paused.

"It's okay Emily. This is your baby and what you want is important." Kaila reminded her.

Emily shook her head and Kanda recognized her signal that she wasn't able to share more at the moment. "As you think of things you just let us know, okay?"

* * *

><p>She nodded to Kanda thankful for her understanding. The next couple of months held too many possibilities for her future and she wasn't even sure how to plan for it yet. On the drive back home they stopped by Johnny's apartment to drop off some of his things. Despite Kanda's concerns he had returned home knowing there were things to be taken care of. He was getting around well as his leg gained strength. Pulling up to the parking lot they saw Roy and Johnny sitting on the outside stairs. Both men were sweating and out of breath.<p>

"Morning run?" Emily said as she slid out of the seat.

Roy got up to help grab boxes while Johnny headed to the other door.

"Em!" Johnny said as he jumped up and ran over to her. "How did it go? Do you like her?"

Emily nodded. "Yea, I like her much better and she," she rubbed her belly, "is doing great. Kaila says her weight is perfect now."

"That's great," Roy and Johnny chimed together.

Roy then grabbed a sack of groceries and walked up the stairs with Kanda while Johnny walked up with Emily since she didn't move as fast. Her progress had been great, but they could still see weakness reflected in her short endurance.

"Thanks John," she said as he took her arm on the last step. "Maybe I should take up jogging."

He laughed. "I'm not so sure she would appreciate that."

Inside the apartment Emily helped Johnny put groceries away while Kanda sat with Roy for a bit before leaving again.

"He looks good," she said while eyeing him in the kitchen.

"Yea, I think he's ready. We'll see what Brackett says today."

"I know he's pushed it, but have to admit he seems to have been right." Kanda was thankful for how well her little brother had recovered from all that he had been through. Nearly dying of cold exposure and infection he had fought his way back with a fierceness that she admired.

They watched the two working in the kitchen and their casual banter as if they were the only ones in the apartment. She and Roy had spent many hours discussing Emily and her situation. Kanda knew that she could leave at any moment. She had the money and that would provide the means when she wanted it too. The fact that she had stayed this long told her how much she needed them all deep down. She wasn't ready to face this alone and despite all they had learned about her family in the last couple of months there was more she wasn't ready to share. Kanda was sure of that. It may be fear of facing it herself or her fear of their reaction that held her back. The only way to help her continued healing was to show endless patience.

Kanda had also been watching her brother's relationship with Emily. Roy was the one that pointed out how Johnny was the only one to call her Em and later she had explained that it meant a lot to her because the only other one to call her that was her brother. There was a bond between the two that was indelibly strong though Kanda wasn't convinced it was based on any sort of physical love, at least not at this point. Johnny was naturally protective and he had taken Emily into his heart like a brother protecting a little sister.

Today was a busy day for them all. Roy was going with Johnny to his appointment with Brackett and hopefully he would be released back to work. Emily was no longer doing PT, but the man named Kindle was coming by the house today to help her get caught back up on business obligations that he had been handling during her recovery. Kanda and Emily said their goodbyes as the boys got cleaned up for Johnny's appointment.

An hour later after running home for a shower Roy pulled up and honked the horn. Johnny came out and bounded down the stairs making Roy cringe in hopes that his leg was ready for the impact Johnny managed to put on it.

"Will you please take it easy partner; we want you back to work not back in the ER."

Johnny laughed. "Don't worry so much pally. This body is ready for work and you're gonna hear Brackett confirm it in just a few minutes."

Roy couldn't deny him his excitement. He'd worked hard in the last month between PT, running, and strength training. His vigor for exercise had even managed to improve Roy's own fitness. They recruited Chris into the daily run routine sparking his interest into track and field at school. Nothing like healing as a family. Roy parked in the ER parking lot and they entered the hospital through the back doors.

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

They looked up to see Dixie sitting at her desk.

"Hey Dix," Johnny replied.

More than once she had seen him carried in to this ER and return healed. This last time she wasn't so sure after what he had been through. It was wonderful to see him back to the happy Johnny she knew and loved. "So, what's the news?"

"Seeing Brackett now and hopefully he sends me back to work."

"We all hope he can go back to work," Roy replied dryly.

Dixie laughed. "I bet it's a challenge to keep him entertained huh?"

"To say the least," Roy said with a smile.

"Hello….I'm right here," Johnny shot out.

Dixie patted his arm. "Of course you are. Now, how's Emily doing?"

Roy was going to say something, but Johnny beamed with the news and jumped right in.

"Doing great Dix. She and the baby are doing great."

Counting in her head Dixie was trying to remember how far along she was. "6 months?"

Roy nodded. "Yep, and 1 week."

"Well, I'm glad she's doing so great. Does Kel know you're here?"

"I do now," he said as he walked up behind them. "Roy, Johnny."

"Morning doc," Johnny said, eager to get past this last check off exam.

Brackett leaned against the desk, sipping on his coffee. "You know we can reschedule this for next week or later if you want too."

They watched the color drain from Johnny's face. It wasn't until Roy laughed that he was able to speak.

"That's not very funny doc."

Brackett laughed, "Okay Johnny, let's see how you're doing."

Johnny shot a look back to Roy and Dixie, "Not funny!"

They both couldn't help but laugh at his expression. There was no lingering doubt that Johnny was ready to get back to work. Roy waited in the doctor's lounge until they were ready to leave. Looking at hearing the door open he saw Johnny come in bouncing and stood up.

"Good news I take it?" He asked.

"Better believe it. I'm released to work."

Roy was glad. He looked forward to having his best friend back at work and the one person he truly trusted as his partner on the job. Things were coming back to normal now.

* * *

><p>Emily was the calm one; it was Kanda that found herself doing busy work while they waited for Kindle to come to the house. She had a lot of anxiety about this meeting and was having trouble concealing that fact.<p>

The young mother watched her. "Why are you worried?" She asked as she sat down at the kitchen table while Kanda put dishes away.

Kanda took a deep breath and paused without turning around. "I don't know." When she did turn to see Emily's face the fear grew. She couldn't explain it, it simply was there.

Emily knew that Kanda's feelings ran deep. She had learned that quickly being here. "I'm doing better, right?"

Kanda knew then she had to adjust her composure realizing Emily saw her worry. There was no reason to make the young woman feel paranoid about anything.

"Yes, you're doing great. I'm okay, just thinking about Johnny today I guess," she lied.

Emily seemed to accept that since Kanda tended to worry about everyone. When the doorbell rang they jumped then looked at each other and laughed.

"I'll get it," Kanda said and headed down the hallway with Emily following at a slower pace.

"Good afternoon," he greeted her.

She gestured for him to come in. "Good to see you again Mr. Kindle, welcome."

"Thank you," he said then he saw Emily coming down the hallway. He was visibly taken aback by how frail she seemed and by how pregnant she was. It was one thing to know then another to see how much she had changed since he saw her last. Brackett had been right to keep her hidden away, to keep her safe during her recovery.

"I'm going to leave you two alone," Kanda said. "If you need me for anything I will be in the barn." She reached down and gave Emily's hand a squeeze, a move that didn't go unnoticed by Kindle.

The papers spread across the coffee table of the living room and he was amazed at how she instantly picked up on where the issues were and how to fix them. There was a natural business sense to her and it only made his job easier to do when she clearly understood all the intricate details. It was also the reason she was as successful as she was. There was nothing anyone could get past her when it came to her finances. Business was first so they discussed budgets, employee issues, and maintance concerns. When the papers were all filed and put away again he turned and watched her as she followed Kanda tending to a horse in the outside corral.

"You seem to be doing better." It was a simple observation.

"Better each day thanks to them."

He looked back out to the activity outside. "I'm glad they've treated you well."

She scowled a bit towards him. "It's not like that. They aren't like that, they are kind and loving."

He remained silent.

"They have asked nothing from me." She understood his protective nature. It was one reason she had stuck with him as her business grew. Not only did she trust him, but she also trusted his instincts. This time he was wrong though and she felt if he really knew them like she had come to know them, all his worries would vanish.

"I'm glad and honestly Emily I'm the first to say you of all people deserve to be around those who love you." It was heartfelt and she knew it.

"Thanks. Did we cover everything?"

"There is one more thing we have to discuss," he paused. "And I'm really sorry that you have to deal with family issues when you're not at your best."

"What issues?" He had her full attention now. "I thought we put all that to rest."

"Well what happened when you were in the hospital has been buried." He leaned back in the chair. "This is a new petition that has hit my desk."

"Great," she sighed. "What are they up to now?"

"It's not they, it's him."

She froze in place. A quick glance out the window to Kanda instantly brought back the kitchen conversation and the look on her face.

Kindle took the silence as the opportunity to continue. "He says the baby is his and he's asking the court for custody."

Her head whipped around, "WHAT?"

He anticipated the reaction. Her ex-husband had walked out on her before Maggie was even born and had failed in all ways as a supporter and father. It was only a few years later, when he met Emily, that he learned more about the man she had married at such a young age. Having him now re-entering the picture was nothing but trouble and Kindle knew it.

"I'm sorry Emily, but I have already filed the motion to dismiss."

"Will that work?" This was the worst news possible, to have him come back into her life again. The last time it had wreaked havoc and lives had been lost. She wanted to cry knowing she didn't have the strength to go through it again.

He wasn't used to seeing her break down and it caught him off guard. "Would you like for me to get Kanda?"

She shook her head but she couldn't stop the tears from coming. He stood up and rested his hand on her shoulder. "We'll take care of this please don't worry." He then headed out the front door. Kanda was brushing one of the horses and talking to Manny when she heard the door open. With a smile she turned expecting Emily, but instead it was Kindle that was coming towards her.

"Is everything alright?" She asked concerned by the expression on his face.

"We got through all the business issues without any problems." He stopped and hesitated on how much to say at this point.

"What's wrong?"

"Emily has another legal family issue she has to face. I can't tell you details that's going to have to be up to her. Right now she's pretty distraught and I thought you might be able to comfort her."

She glanced at the house. What now, she thought. "Is there anything I _can_ know about?"

He shook his head. "I have to let her tell you when she's ready."

Kanda huffed and stomped off, frustrated and now worried about Emily. Once inside she found Emily in her room, on her bed crying. Sitting on the bed she gently rubbed her back and sat with her for a while in quiet. When Emily settled down and seemed cried out she rolled over to face the woman who had always shown endless patience with her.

"I'm sorry," she whimpered.

Kanda shook her head. "There's nothing to be sorry for okay? We know you have been through a lot and just want to be here for you."

Emily curled up beside her, laying her head in Kanda's lap. She gently pushed the hair from the frail girl's face and ached to take all her pain away.

"I'm scared."

"Do you want to tell me what happened today?"

Silence.

Kanda took a deep breath. Patience. They sat in quiet for a while longer.

Emily looked up at her. "I don't know how to tell you. You've been so good to me."

"Oh Emily, please don't be afraid. You're part of our family now and here we take care of each other, no matter what." She knew Emily had not experienced much of that kind of family support in her life, at least from what little they knew. All she wanted her to know was how much they cared and would stick by her.

"The father of my baby wants to take her from me."

Kanda's heart skipped a beat, but was also clouded with confusion. She had assumed, well they had all assumed that Jeff was the baby's father. "Is that what Kindle was here to tell you?"

She nodded.

"Emily I don't understand though."

Emily sat up, her legs Indian style as she sat opposite of Kanda facing her. "Jeff isn't her father." She rubbed her belly still unsure if she could tell everything.

"When I was young I broke all my parents' rules and ran off with my prince charming. We did come back home after a while but by then we'd gotten married. My dad _hated_ him and later I finally figured out why. My mom though, well she was charmed by his smooth talking. It was rocky from the start, I was so young, only 18 and blind about so much. When I got pregnant with Maggie he just seemed to distance himself from me more and more. When I found out he was playing around my dad talked me into divorcing him with my mom protesting the whole way. It was horrible. What little relationship we had just seemed to crumble from that point on. I moved out, had Maggie on my own, and raised her on my own never hearing anything from him for a long time."

"Until now?" Kanda prompted.

"No, there was once before."

Kanda's heart sank.

Emily saw Kanda's expression change. Yes, she expected it, the disappointment that would come. Since she had made it this far she would finish. So with a deep breath she got it out.

"He called me one day and asked to come over. It was my stupidity to assume he wanted to see me or Maggie. He was drunk and had heard I opened my gallery." She began to tear up. "He wanted money; stupid money to pay off a gambling debt. I was just glad Maggie wasn't home at that moment. He didn't even ask about her."

She put her head in her hands. "He was so mad at me."

"Did he hurt you?" Kanda asked as she fought back her own tears for Emily.

"No, he left. A couple of days later I was meeting a friend at a club. It was really crowded that night and I was just sitting at the bar waiting on her. I was horrified when he sat down beside me because, I knew how he could act and I knew he was already mad at me. Then…." She paused.

Kanda took her hand to give her strength.

She shook her head. This was the part where Kanda would hate her. She began crying. "I was in the bar and I got sick, I remember getting sick. Then I was at home and he was there." Her body shook with the sobs. "I can't believe I did that with him. I hated him so much and I went and did that."

Kanda's wheels were turning. Something didn't sound right here.

"What do you mean you got sick?"

"I don't remember much. I had a drink and I felt dizzy and sick to my stomach. I don't even remember leaving and going home much less sleeping with him. My mom screamed at me, called me a drunken whore when she found out."

Kanda shook her head. "Emily, she was wrong. How much did you drink?"

"I was sipping on my first beer."

"Then, first of all you weren't drunk. Secondly, I think you may have been drugged."

She looked up, "What?"

"Your symptoms, dizzy, sick to your stomach, memory loss. I think he may have drugged you."

Now, it was Emily's turn to be shocked. He drugged her? Could that have been what happened? She could never picture herself willing going to bed with him, to being with him in that way. Oh God. She got very still because the worst was yet to come, the part she truly dreaded telling her. With a deep breath she continued.

"That day, when my family died, we were arguing about him and what happened. My mom defended him and blamed me; that's why we were fighting. My dad was pretty much just mad at everyone and we were all yelling in the car. Then, he just suddenly slumped over the wheel." The tears flowed. "They died because of me. I killed them."

There, it was out. The horror of what she had done and of whom she was spilt. The havoc she had caused and the worst of all, those she had killed. Kanda had been a patient listener, but now she was ready for the accusations, for the 'how dare you', 'how could you', 'murderer, 'child killer'. It wouldn't be the first time she had heard those things and she was prepared.

Kanda moved off the bed and stood up. Taking Emily by the hand she quietly led her down the stairs and out the front door. Emily didn't resist and knew that Kanda was allowed to all her anger. Maybe she was so angry she couldn't even speak to her. After all she had taken her in, fed her, cared for her only to be betrayed by her lies and family drama.

They crossed the front yard, went past the giant oak and swing until they reached an untraveled path out behind the barn. There was a small pond complete with tons of flowers surrounding it and just off to the side was a hand carved cross about two feet high. Kanda stopped at the cross and knelt down beside it gently pulling on Emily's hand to join her in the soft grass. When Emily rested with her legs tucked under her she waited for Kanda to speak.

"This is my husband. He took me in, cared for me and loved me despite all the hate I carried inside. I resented everyone, those that lied to me and called me names, and the ones that abused me on the reservation. And worst of all they had convinced me I deserved it all. It took me years to even trust him, but he was patient and kind. He waited and over time I even grew to feel love for him. Several years ago he passed away suddenly and my last memory of being with him was a fight. I was sure, for so long, that I caused his death, that my actions and words made his heart stop beating. It was a horrible memory and every day I struggled to get through to the next day."

She turned to Emily. "Self-blame is easy and convenient and most of all selfish. It blocked everything healthy and beautiful in my life because I thought I didn't deserve it. We had just bought this place and I started putting all I had left into fixing it. This place healed me. Then when I had convinced myself that I had to be alone as a price for what I had done, a car came down the driveway that changed my life. It was like a weight was lifted off my heart to find John again and I was doubly gifted at finding Roy. Emily," she paused, "you can give up, you can run and hide, you can bury your heart in grief, but the truth is you are not bad and you do not deserve to be punished. Our pasts are always hard and will always be a part of us, but we have a future." She put her hand on the baby. "And it's our future that needs us. John needs me. She needs you. They need us whole and intact and full of love to give."

Emily lay in Kanda's lap and cried. It wasn't a cry of pain or sorrow, but one that released all the ugly that she held in her heart.

* * *

><p>He sat in a tattered recliner in an apartment full of filth. Knowing he was the creator of his own circumstances only made him more angry to think she had everything she wanted. Why did she deserve to live in the lap of luxury while he moved from job to job being hungry and alone?<p>

The paper in his hand held the information he had been hunting down. His source had found out where she was staying and the broad she was sponging off of. They had worked it out together and soon they would get what they wanted, and he would get what he deserved.


	24. Chapter 24

WHITE OUT

How lucky I am to have something that makes saying goodbye so hard. ~From the movie _Annie_

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: Continued thanks for the emails and PM's. Nice to know someone is out there listening :)_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 24<p>

"I'll stay tonight."

She shook her head. "No, that's just ridiculous. We'll be fine and besides you have to work tomorrow." She looked over to Johnny brushing down one of the horses. "Can't have you missing his first day back or he'd kill me."

Roy didn't like it, not one bit. News that an upset ex-husband lingered in the woodwork having issues with Emily did not sit well with him at all.

"I won't miss work, but I'm staying."

Kanda leaned back in the swing. "You know I would rather have you here than anywhere Roy. I'm just saying we will be fine. He filed a custody petition with the court and Kindle is dealing with it. There's no reason for him to show up here when the baby isn't even born yet."

Roy frowned at her. "Yea, like exes are _so_ predictable."

She knew this ran deep for him and his own difficult divorce. "Okay, stay, its fine with me. You and Johnny can head out tomorrow as I leave for work."

"She'll be alone?"

Kanda had to smile at the man she had fallen for; his concern and compassion sometimes seemed without limits. "No, Amy is going to come spend a little while with her on the days we are all at work. Plus Manny and the crew will be here. I've already given them a heads up and they'll keep an eye out too." She patted his chest.

He clasped his hand over hers. "I know. It's just…."

"You care. We all do."

They watched Johnny stroll to the swing where Emily sat with her easel painting. A quick glance to them he smiled, but instantly picked up on their apparent conversation. He could tell by the look on Roy's face that he was worried. He chuckled thinking that his bed was probably here tonight knowing Roy. That was okay with him because honestly he would love to be waiting here when that loser showed up wanting anything from Emily. The man had no idea who he was dealing with.

"Emily, are you okay?" Amy asked seeing her sitting on the staircase about half way up.

The now very pregnant woman laughed. "Yea, it's just getting harder and harder to get up and down these things. I feel like I'm carrying a ten year old inside here."

Amy moved beside her and helped her up the last few stairs. "She's definitely growing in there, that's for sure. How big do they think she is now?"

Emily rubbed her belly. "Kaila says five to six pounds now, but Johnny is voting for seven and a half."

"Pffffttt, of course he would vote for the bigger baby, he doesn't have to push it out." She reached down and felt the little one kick her hand. "Wow, with that power kick maybe seven is right."

Emily shot her a smirk. "Hush your mouth! I have five weeks left and I have no desire to deliver a ten pound baby!"

Downstairs they heard the door open and Kanda call out.

"Up here!" Amy hollered back.

Rounding the corner with a big smile on her face Kanda came to a silent stop.

"What?" Emily said.

She seemed to dance in one spot.

"Oh, she must have some news for us." Amy said feeling the air of excitement.

That was affirmed with an eager head bob.

"Okay, spill it or I'll go into labor right here and now." Emily said standing up.

Kanda tilted her head, her brown eyes glistening. "It's here."

Amy and Emily both squealed at the same time. "Where!"

"Their unloading it now, but you have to wait to see it."

Emily visibly deflated. "Awe, you're mean." A smirk escaped despite her effort at being upset.

"Give them an hour and then you can come down." Kanda was so excited she couldn't stand it. They had shopped for weeks to find exactly what Emily had wanted. The greatest part was that Emily had no idea what they had ready for her.

Amy took her arm. "This calls for a nice relaxing bath for you little momma."

Emily grumbled as she was pulled down the hall to the bathroom. She didn't want a bath, she wanted to see.

Johnny bounded up the front step in hopes he wasn't too late. Emily had been gone, for a walk, an appointment, anything, someone had been busy working on something for her. He knew that Kanda had even stayed up late at night working on it and he didn't want to miss the unveiling.

Behind him another two cars pulled up and he quickly gestured to them to "Shhhh".

Early, weeks ago and over the course of several conversations the issue of what was best for Emily and what she desired was considered. When they would bring up helping Emily return to her apartment she would grow quiet. Over time she was able to express her fear of being alone right now. Even though they might not understand all that was involved it was agreed upon that sending her home while still in a less than perfect state and pregnant was not best for her or the baby. She was welcome with them and they had taken her into their hearts and home. No one could imagine her being somewhere else by now and especially not having her baby alone.

It seemed comforting to Emily for the decision to be made and although he continued to handle her business she knew she lacked the strength to face delivery and a newborn alone. There had been nothing but acceptance here, even after she spilt all her fears onto them. This place had become her safe haven. Her family would always be hers, but the dynamics were much different here. There was love, patience and understanding. Things she was growing very accustomed to in life.

Amy helped her out of the tub and she quickly dressed, well as quickly as you can when you have a giant belly in your way. As she buttoned up the tiny pearl buttons on the front of the sun dress Amy tied the ribbon at her back. Looking in the mirror she loved how the sheen material hugged her stomach because one thing was for sure, she loved being pregnant. There had been a lot of worry along the way, but she wouldn't give this up for anything at all.

As Amy brushed her silky hair she put on some lipstick then brushed her teeth. Roy and Kanda were taking her to dinner tonight in celebration of her birthday. She didn't even tell them and swore it must have been Kindle who would reveal such a controversial thing. Today she was 26 and for the first time in her life she was truly happy.

Kanda had taken her in and was now a big sister to her. Johnny had become her protector and the only person she could ever call brother again. She didn't tell him, but the night he went back to work she didn't sleep a wink. Apparently that protectiveness goes both ways.

Her hair now pulled back with a baby blue ribbon to match her dress she turned around and gave Amy a hug. The youngest of them all at the house she had taken the roll of little sister pretty much. They had adopted her and even though she no longer came over as a nurse she was frequently over as companion and friend to Emily.

"You'd think I'd never been out before. Why am I nervous?"

Amy laughed. "Don't be nervous. Just have fun."

Holding her arm as they navigated the large staircase one cautious step at a time Emily noticed that no one was around. "Where did Kanda go?" She was excited to see the item that had been shipped.

"Oh I bet she's in the downstairs bedroom." Amy casually pointed that way. "I'll be right there."

Emily waddled down the hallway to Johnny's room and opened the door.

"SURPRISE!"

She almost stumbled back as Roy quickly caught her arm to steady her. The room which had been navy blue, brown and white had been beautifully transformed into a pastel blue, with clouds on the walls. The far wall held a giant mural of a large oak tree complete with swing and surrounded by flowers. Scattered butterflies, perched birds, and uncounted flowers laced the walls and baseboards. To the side was a white antique baby crib with a canopy which cascaded down the sides and flow to the floor. The set was completed with a diaper changing table, a huge armoire and mirror, and a brand new rocking chair. The closest wall held a white wrought iron twin bed complete with down comforter. The baby bed they had shopped for together. The rest Kanda had picked out.

It was exquisite and if that wasn't overwhelming enough the room was full of faces she knew. Amy, Roy, Kanda, Johnny with Chris beside him and Jenny now hugging her round belly with her ear pressed against it. Dixie stood with Dr. Brackett and Dr. Early while Kaila was testing out the rocking chair. Along the walls stood the 51 crew each with grins from ear to ear.

"I don't believe this," she stammered.

Kanda walked up to her. "Happy birthday and happy baby shower Emily."

They ushered her to the rocking chair as Kaila sat beside her on the soft rug. Tears stained her face as the smile that couldn't get any bigger threatened to make her cheeks hurt soon.

"This is incredible. I still can't believe it."

Dixie moved up first and placed a present wrapped in white paper with yellow ducks all over it. "This is from me, Joe and Kel."

Emily began to unwrap it and when she opened the large box she laughed. "It's perfect, thanks!" She pulled out a baby snow parka, a soft quilt covered with dragonflies and posies, and a book called, "Family Fun in the Snow."

Jenny was next, unable to contain her excitement as she placed a tiny box wrapped in silver paper into Emily's lap. "Mine next!"

Emily pulled her close to her and whispered, "Will you help me open it?"

Jenny nodded eagerly and helped pull the bow off then the paper. A tiny card said, "From Kanda, Roy, Chris, and Jenny." She opened the lid and found a beautiful silver necklace that held a small script E and inside the E were two small stones, one to represent Emily's month, and one for the baby's.

She looked up to Kanda and Roy with thanks in her eyes since she was afraid to speak knowing she would only cry. Kaila patted her arm seeing the emotion that was growing in the room and passed her box to her. She swallowed hard and focused on the next gift which was a large round box. Removing the ribbon and big white bow she opened the box to find baby dresses, shoes, socks, onesies, and hair bows. Emily held them up to show off and joined in the ooo's and ahhhs.

Chet brought her a present that was wrapped, well kinda wrapped, more like rolled in white paper with an orange bow on top.

Johnny shook his head. "Chet, really?"

"Hey, fire training doesn't including wrapping techniques Johnny boy." Then to Emily, "This is from the crew."

"Thank you Chet, all of you guys."

Unwrapping the present she found a red dress, red shoes, white socks with red lace, and a red hair bow. She laughed, "It's perfect."

Chet blushed. "Well, believe it or not, Mike did the shopping."

Kanda stood up and invited everyone to the dining room for snacks and something to drink as she helped Emily place everything in the crib and on the dresser.

"I can't believe you did this," she said softly.

Kanda gave her a big hug. "Everyone wanted to do this for you and her." She patted her belly.

"I didn't even have a shower with Maggie."

"Well, there was no way that was going to happen here."

"Ooo," Emily said and held her big belly.

Kanda's senses perked up, "Contraction?"

"I think maybe a kick, but I think I need to sit down for a minute."

Kanda walked with her back to the rocking chair and helped her lower down. Placing her hand on her abdomen she palpated for contractions while quietly doing a visual exam.

"Everything okay?" Johnny asked from the doorway.

"Yea, I think so. Do you mind getting Kaila?"

Johnny caught the concern in her eyes. "Yea, be right back."

"I'm okay," she said suddenly a little hesitant at all the attention.

"I think so too, but better safe than sorry and that's what we have Kaila for right?"

Emily smiled, "Yes."

Suddenly the doorway was filled with everyone's faces which varied from excited to concern. Kaila worked her way through the group and knelt beside Emily. "How are you feeling?"

"Contractions maybe," she said as she breathed through another pain.

"Well, let's give it a few minutes and see okay?" She helped her up and over to the bed to lie down.

Dixie knew the silent signal for everyone else to vacate except for Joe who stayed behind in case needed. Kaila gently felt for contractions and baby position.

"They seem irregular so I suspect they are Braxton hicks, but could be early labor."

Emily started to sit up. "No, not yet, it's too soon."

Kaila smiled. "Don't worry; I'm not convinced even labor yet. Keep your feet up for a few minutes and let's see if they stop."

Johnny exited the nursery and was immediately bombarded with questions. Holding his hands up he proclaimed lack of knowledge and they backed off and began the wait again. Within just a few minutes Kaila and Emily emerged from the room to the eager crowd.

"Sorry guys, you have to wait a bit longer for a baby." Kanda laughed.

"Sorry," Emily added.

Everyone laughed and joined her in the dining room.

"Don't worry Em, when she's ready she'll make her grand appearance." Johnny said as he popped another cookie into his mouth.

"Won't be long now," Dixie added as she moved around the table to add more punch to the bowl. "Being a girl she has to make sure she's all fixed up and ready before she appears."

Kanda laughed while Roy nodded eagerly at the 'women getting ready' reference which was quickly followed by a swift smack to the chest for him.

"Hey," he said as he rubbed the spot.

"We're out numbered Roy, better behave," Johnny chuckled.

The evening was spent with friends and family visiting, laughter, and finally goodbyes until the next time. As the cars disappeared down the driveway, including Roy and the kids, Johnny lingered on the front porch with Emily. She rested on the porch swing with a peaceful air to her as the warm breeze helped her to relax. Johnny opened the front door and reached in for a package then sat down beside her.

"What's this?" She said.

"Just a little something I made for you."

She couldn't imagine what it was, it was so big. Pulling off the paper revealed a frame from the back side. As he helped her turn it around she gasped.

"I hope you like it. Of course you made the pictures, but I kinda arranged them and made the frame."

The large picture was actually a collage of pictures. Every picture she knew instantly. One was her and her grandmother in front of their old homestead, a picture of her and Maggie lying in the grass at the park, the painting that she and Jenny did of the great oak, the last painting she did of a cabin in the snow, with one empty spot left. All around the picture were elegant swirls and words in script saying peace, love, family, and home.

She looked at him with awe in her eyes. "How?"

"Well, when I went back to your apartment for you a while back I picked some of my favorite pictures, the others you did."

"And the empty spot?"

"That's for the princess who still doesn't have a name."

"I know, I know. She will, I promise." She turned and hugged him. "Thank you John, this is the best present of all."

"Now, how about you tell me about some of these cool places?"

Emily obliged as each picture held a story of a moment in her life and those she missed. Johnny loved hearing her tell about the happy times in her life because he knew the importance of putting the bad ones behind you and holding the good ones close.

* * *

><p>It had been a perfect day and Emily was exhausted. The nagging Braxton hicks continued to come and every now and then she had to breathe with them due to their strength. Still, being worn out won out over minor contractions and she quickly found sleep.<p>

It was dark outside when she awoke feeling the stomach pains that refused to be ignored even if it was 5am. She sat up and yawned with a deep cat stretch to try and wake the rest of her muscles up. First stop was a trip to the bathroom then she ambled into Kanda's room.

Now, after several years of being an intern, then a resident and now a doctor the art of waking up in an instant was a part of her DNA. A simple whisper and nudge brought Kanda to instant alertness and surprise to see Emily at the side of her bed.

"What's wrong?"

Emily just grinned at her.

"Contractions?"

"They let up for a while, but are now back. Some are getting pretty strong."

"I think she may not be willing to wait til the last minute," Kanda said as she climbed out of bed and worked at getting dressed. "Let's time them and see how regular they are."

"Okay." Emily couldn't help but feel some excitement. It was a little early but Kaila wasn't concerned so she assumed there was no reason for her to worry. They had already packed her a bag for the hospital and had a plan on how to get her there depending on who was home with her at the time. Everyone was ready, so maybe she was ready too.

They watched TV together and watched the clock. After a while a regular pattern began to emerge.

"I think I should give Kaila a call, okay?"

Emily agreed quickly.

"Yea, could be early labor but I thought I'd bring her in to make sure…..okay….yea, leaving right now….see you soon, bye."

With suitcase in hand and Emily on her arm Kanda opened the door with excitement to head to the hospital. The sun was barely peeking at the horizon and the air was cool and foggy. She expected the trip to be uneventful, the excitement to build, and the journey to meeting the princess one of joy.

What she didn't expect was the 6 foot man standing on her front porch.


	25. Chapter 25

WHITE OUT

You can't stand up to the night until you understand what's hiding in its shadows. ~Charles De Lint

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

CHAPTER 25

* * *

><p>Emily froze in her tracks.<p>

"Can I help you?" Kanda asked feeling very uneasy about the stranger in front of her.

"The only thing you can do is get out of my way," he said as he grabbed her shoulder and shoved her to the side. Kanda had to struggle to keep her feet by grabbing a chair for support.

Apparently, this was the infamous ex-husband they knew little about and suddenly Roy's words of warning were quickly coming back to haunt her. She looked at Emily who was petrified like a statue then to the front door wondering if she could make it to the phone.

It was too late though; the man now had has grip on Emily's arm and was yelling at her.

"Going somewhere?" His tone was harsh and unforgiving.

Emily was stammering for words as her eyes darted between Kanda and him. "Hospital."

It almost sounded more like a question than a statement and Kanda realized with dreadfulness that he was now pulling Emily down the stairs towards his car.

"She's in labor! I need to get her to the hospital!" She started running towards him prepared to do who knows what, but she knew that there was no way Emily could go with him. Somehow she had to stop this from happening.

Emily was now pulling against him her feet scuffling in the gravel without making a dent in his progress. Her arms were flailing and her cries for him to stop went unheard. Falling once he jerked her back up and continued the advance to the passenger door, cursing under his breath the entire way.

Kanda grabbed her arm, trying to pull it from his grip and when that didn't work she tried to pry his fingers loose while she screamed her own curses and threats at him. Panic surged deep inside the closer they got to the car.

Nothing was making a difference, their efforts like trying to stop a freight train with a toy car. Nothing slowed him. Emily was crying, her eyes blinded with tears but clearly begged for help. Kanda looked around for something; anything that she could use against him. But there was nothing so she kept fighting him, clawing and kicking, screaming at the top of her lungs in the cool night air.

When he reached the door his free hand opened it then he proceeded to shove Emily into the seat. Ignoring Kanda, he reached down and pushed Emily's legs inside and was preparing to close the door. Anger and unmitigated terror shook Kanda and without thinking she shoved the door closed with all her strength, right on his hand.

In the same moment that he screamed with pain and fury he took his free hand and swung for Kanda. Focused on Emily she never saw it coming as he impacted the side of her head sending her catapulting backwards over the stone bench that was nestled amongst the flower bed. Landing with a thud her last vision was Emily screaming out the window then darkness took her.

* * *

><p>Johnny hung up his jacket and then buttoned up his shirt as Roy finished tying his shoes.<p>

"Sorry we had to rush off last night," Roy said.

Johnny waved him off. "I didn't stay much longer, it was getting late and she looked real tired."

Marco came up behind them as they headed out the door. "It was a great surprise you guys. Kanda did an incredible job."

"Well, once she decides to have a party there's no holding her back. But, Emily really loved that everyone came." Roy said.

"For a minute there I thought we were gonna have to deliver a baby," Mike said with a raise of his eyebrows.

"You and me both Mike!" Marco chimed in.

Chet sauntered up to the conversation. "Well, I don't know nothing 'bout birthing no babies."

"Chet you don't know much about nothing so that's not a big surprise." Johnny jabbed.

"Hey, I know about a lot more than you Johnny boy so don't start up with me."

Roy looked at Mike and they both rolled their eyes knowing perfectly well how glad Chet was to have Johnny back at work. Hank had them lined up for roll call, but before they could even get past the first item of the day the klaxons sounded.

_"Station 51, man down. 164 North Clairmont. 164 North Clairmont. Time out 7:04."_

"Station 51, 10-4, KMG 365." Hank answered then passed the address to Roy before jogging to the engine.

Roy had questions for Johnny knowing that he was waiting until everyone was gone to give his present to her. He was anxious to find out how it went. His friend hadn't expressed any specific feelings towards Emily except for being protective, but Roy thought that the last few months' things might have progressed a little bit further. However, anytime he approached the subject Johnny clammed up quickly. However, now wasn't the time to think about it and he pulled out the station focused in one direction, his job.

The house was in an older neighborhood and as they pulled up they could see a crowd had already gathered. Roy and Johnny jumped out of the truck and quickly gathered the boxes. As they ran up the driveway they were waved down by a hysterical woman with arms waving and panic in her eyes.

"You have to help him PLEASEEE!" She wailed.

"Where is he?" Johnny asked while at the same time noticing that everyone was looking up.

Straight up.

As the crew looked above their heads they were shocked to see a man dangling, from a tree limb, and a rope, and apparently a power line. He wasn't moving.

"What in the world was he doing?" Johnny asked, always amazed at what he could see.

The poor woman was sobbing. "He told me he knew how to get us cable TV."

Hank shook his head. "Mike, put in a call to the power company to get this grid turned off then grab the power cutters. Marco, grab the extension ladder and some rope buddy." He turned to the medics.

"How do you want to approach this?"

The man appeared to be tangled up in a rope which originated from the end of a large branch of the massive tree. From there his body seemed to be caught between an assortment of cables that ran from the house to the main pole at the street. Roy and Johnny quickly sized up the situation and came up with a game plan.

"Cap, if I can get up to that branch and out to him I think I can lower him down," Johnny said.

"Okay, sounds good." Hank replied.

Roy was cautious. "I'm not exactly sure what is holding him up at this point," he pointed up. "That rope around him is loose. Be careful."

Johnny nodded in agreement. "I should be able to tell more when I'm up there." He placed the belt around himself with rope belay for below. Donning his helmet, having the HT in his pocket, and lastly slinging an extra rope around his shoulder he began the ascent up the ladder. Marco and Chet held tightly as Johnny neared the top and still had to stretch to reach the bottom limb. Working his way from one limb up to the next one he finally reached the one needed. Straddling the branch he began scooting his way out to the end of it. It was as thick as a telephone pole at the base and felt sturdy as he moved along it. When he neared the end of it the first loop of rope was under his hands, but the man's feet were at least another two arm lengths from his position. He paused to watch Mike check the live wire and cut the one that connected to the house.

"You're clear Gage," Hank hollered up.

Knowing the line was now dead he began to straighten out the tangles though it quickly became apparent that was an impossible task because the line at that point was pulled too taunt.

"Roy," he hollered down. "I've gotta get down closer to him to cut him free of this line."

Roy inwardly cringed. A lot could go wrong very quickly here. "Don't move until we have you secured."

Taking the rope he had, he secured himself through the clip, then to the branch dropping the remainder rope down below. Dropping just below the branch he allowed the natural swing of his body to slow down then he pulled himself closer to the limp body and the wires, which also meant closer to the end of the branch. He knew they were no longer live, but that didn't stop the hesitation he had before making first contact. The first body part he could reach was the dangling man's feet. As he lowered a bit at a time he finally reached the man's truck which was not only entwined in the rope but also draped across the wires. Quickly taking off his glove he reached for a pulse and was not surprised to feel nothing.

"No pulse Roy," he called out.

Placing a belt around the man's waist he attached the rope to secure his descent. Now, knowing they were secured from above and below Johnny began working at cutting the rope from around his chest first. When that was finished he worked on the place where the man was linked to the tree, at his feet. When the last one was cut he felt the sudden weight comes towards him. Prepared for it he took the force and held onto the rope. What he didn't expect was the crack in the tree limb that held both their lives.

"Roy, this branch isn't gonna hold us. Get us down fast."

All men backed up the belay rope and worked at getting the pair down quickly. The groaning of the branch now seemed like a megaphone yelling at them to work faster or it would win the race. Johnny held the man close to him as they lowered down, but when they were about ten feet from the ground the final creak resounded through the air and Johnny heard Roy yelling his name as they plummeted to the ground.

Roy ran over as Johnny pushed the man off him and onto the grass. "You okay?"

Johnny sat up, "Yea, I think so."

Mike quickly began CPR as Chet used the resuscitator to provide the man lifesaving breaths. Roy hooked up the monitor while Johnny opened the link to Rampart.

"Squad 51 to Rampart."

_Rampart, go ahead 51._

"Rampart we have a male, approximately 45 years old, victim of electrocution. He is in full arrest Rampart. CRP is in progress. Sending you a strip, lead two."

_10-4 51. We read v-tach. Shock immediately_.

Roy already had the paddles out and charged. The first jolt through the man's body did nothing and again Roy shocked him.

_Sinus rhythm 51. Begin an IV of lactated ringers and transport immediately_.

"10-4 Rampart. Lactated ringers and transport. Ambulance is on the scene."

Roy got the IV started while Johnny reassessed vital signs. He watched Johnny get up off the ground and noted the catch in his leg. "You okay?"

"Yea, I made sure to not land on it." He knew exactly what his partner was thinking and was secretly grateful the man kept a nice plush lawn to cushion the fall. They loaded up the patient and quickly headed to Rampart.

Johnny came out of the exam room to find Roy leaning against the desk talking to Dixie.

"Well?" Dixie asked.

Johnny patted his chest. "Fit as a fiddle."

"Sounds like a pretty nasty fall you took," she said as she eyed him closely.

"Trust me Dix, after all I went through, I protected the leg." Of course he left out the part where he put his body between the patient and the ground.

"You better. You used up your allotted time last visit."

"That's fine with me cause this body doesn't expect to go through that ever again."

"Roy?"

They all looked up to see Kaila come down the hall.

"Hey Kaila," Johnny said with a big smile. Emily liked her so that made her okay in Johnny's book. "Busy today?"

"Well, I thought I might be."

"Why's that?" Roy asked as he sipped on some coffee.

"Kanda called me a couple of hours ago saying she was leaving the house to come to the hospital because Emily was contracting, but they never showed up."

Roy put his coffee down. "What do you mean they never showed up?"

Kaila shrugged. "I just figured the contractions stopped and they changed their mind."

Roy and Johnny's eyes met and Johnny picked up the phone at the desk.

"No answer." He dialed the number into the barn office next. "Manny? Hey it's Johnny. Can you tell me if Kanda and Emily are home? Okay, thanks." He cupped his hand over the receiver, "he's checking, said the Rover's still there."

Roy relaxed a bit hearing the truck was still there. He suspected they changed their minds and went back to bed forgetting to call back.

"Yea. WHAT?" Johnny stood up straight and got real intense in his tone. Suddenly he looked at Roy while he talked.

"Listen to me Manny, don't move her, call the police and an ambulance and we're on the way."

He slammed the phone down to see the shocked eyes staring at him. "He found Kanda outside, she's unconscious and bleeding." He struggled to keep his voice under control. "And Emily's missing."

Roy called into dispatch as they ran down the hall towards the squad. "51 responding to a still alarm, 4590 Ranch Creek Road, woman down, ambulance and police responding. Dispatch engine 51."

Behind they left an anxious ER staff who knew they would soon receive a call about someone they all knew and cared for. As they jumped into the squad and headed out to the ranch the friends looked at each other with dread and fear at what they would find when they arrived.

"If he touched them," Roy whispered.

"We don't know what's happened yet Roy." He understood the worry, tension and even anger.

"She called Kaila over two hours ago."

"I know Roy, I know."

He raced down the roads that he knew like the back of his hand as his heart seemed to pound out of his chest. When they turned down the drive they heard the distant sirens of the engine as it got closer to them. Manuel was waving at them and Roy had to remember to put the truck in park before jumping out. They forced themselves to get the equipment out before rushing to her side. She was fairly hidden from view, behind a stone bench and surrounded by flowers.

Roy reached her first.

His heart sank. She lay crumpled on her side, still unconscious and her face was covered in blood. He reached for a pulse and thanked God when there was one there. Johnny set up the bio phone then put the blood pressure cuff on her arm. They didn't even see Hank and the crew run up.

"Chet, get um a C-collar and backboard. Mike, make sure the police are on the way." Hank worried about the two medics as they worked on someone so precious and dear to them both, actually to them all.

He knelt down beside Roy. "How is she?"

Roy shook his head sadly. "Looks bad Cap, but can't tell until we clean her up some."

"Emily?" Hank asked.

Again Roy shook a negative. "Manuel said he couldn't find her."

"Rampart this is squad 51, how do you read?"

_Go ahead 51. _The voice was Joe Early's, but they suspected the other end held more than one concerned friend.

"Rampart we have a female victim, aged 28. She has been assaulted with the only apparent injury being a blow to the head with a large laceration at the right temple. There has been moderate blood loss Rampart. She is unresponsive to stimulation. Blood pressure is 90/50, pulse 130, respirations 20 and shallow."

"Kanda?" Roy gently called to her. "Can you wake up for me?" He gently stroked her hair as he spoke softly to her.

Johnny watched Roy struggle to keep his emotions in check as he stabilized her neck and started the IV. His own emotions were becoming angrier at who had done this and God only knew what had happened to Emily.

Chet placed the oxygen on her as he gently brushed the bloody hair from her face. "Come on Kanda, you're gonna be okay. We got ya now," he whispered.

"How's is she Roy?"

Roy looked up to see an officer leaning over them. "Hard to say right now." That was about all he could get out. His next query sent as much pain through him as looking at the one he loved. "Emily?"

The officer shook his head. "There was no forcible entry into the house and we found a suitcase still sitting on the front porch." He saw the anguish in the medic's red watery eyes. "We'll find her Roy."

"I hope so."

The ambulance pulled up and as they loaded her up Hank came up behind them. "You both ride in. We'll be right behind you."

Words couldn't express their thanks because neither wanted to leave her side. Johnny sat beside her while Roy sat at the head of her bed. Soft words were exchanged along with heavy worry as she remained unresponsive to what they did for her.

Unloading into the ER bay was even sadder as the faces of Brackett, Early, and Dixie greeted them at the doors ready to work.

"Vitals Dix," Kel ordered even though she was already on it.

"BP 100/60, pulse 120, respirations 22."

Joe worked on his neuro exam with pupil and reflexes checked. "Pupils are equal and sluggish."

They stood together at the x-ray board as they reviewed the films. Johnny and Roy had remained silent in the wings as the trauma team worked to stabilize her. When Kel gestured to them they joined the doctors to find out what the verdict was.

"There's no fracture, which is amazing considering the apparent impact she took. I've got the laceration sewn up and we're giving her some blood to replace what she lost. That should stabilize her blood pressure." He returned to her side.

Roy stood at the head of her bed, his fingers running through her hair. "Doc, why won't she wake up?"

"All the studies look good Roy. Let's give her some time."

As they settled her into a room everyone moved into the doctor's lounge to find two police officers with Hank and the crew.

"Vince?" Johnny asked with a voice so tired and weary as he felt the battle between tears and pure rage.

"We followed up on the lead you gave us Roy and you were right. He's missing too, his place has been cleared out and no one has heard from him."

Roy sat down with his head in his hands. "We have to find her."

"We put out an APB on him and the car and they are tracking down his relatives to try and figure out where he would have taken her. Everyone is on this Roy, we'll find them."

"In time?" Johnny asked.

Vince looked determined. "We're doing everything in our power Johnny. Don't give up."

Johnny shook his head. "Never." For him, this was just the beginning.


	26. Chapter 26

WHITE OUT

Where you used to be, there is a hole in the world, which I find myself constantly walking around in the daytime, and falling in at night. I miss you like hell. ~Edna St. Vincent Millay

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 26<p>

Emily went still as they backed out of the driveway now unable to even scream anymore. Her hands and face pressed against the window as she watched Kanda's lifeless body disappear into the distance of the long driveway. Panic surged through her knowing at this time of the morning they had been all alone. It would be at least another hour before the farm crew showed up to work and they wouldn't be looking for Kanda for a while either. Johnny and Roy would be at work and the routine daily phone call wouldn't come until at least midafternoon.

Would she die alone out there? Was she already dead? She had watched him hit her, momentarily stunned at what had happened because never had he done that while they were married. Even when he would lose all patience there was never physical abuse. What had driven him to this point?

Horrified she next looked to the man she had once loved, loved enough to married him and knew that he was no longer the same person she had known years before. It wasn't the more haggard appearance or the worn by life sag of his shoulders; it was the rage and hate that filled his eyes.

He took an old rag off the floor and wrapped it around his broken hand growling with pain and hate as he mumbled a mouthful of unkind and obscene names to his attacker. Emily knew to hold her tongue no longer sure if he was capable of hitting her, even if she was pregnant.

"Is that baby coming out today?" He spat at her.

She had not even been thinking about contractions while they drove down the back roads out of the city. As she focused a bit more she realized with relief that they had eased up. She shook her head no to him.

"Good. We ain't got time for that right now."

"What do you want from me Nick?" She asked warily after taking a deep calming breath.

"Like I told that body guard of yours Kindle. That baby is mine too and you're not taking it away from me like you did Mag." He swerved around corners making her grab the handle above her head.

"I never kept Maggie away from you and you know it. You're the one that walked away, not me."

He slammed on the brakes so hard that she bruised her palms stopping her impact into the front dash.

"Let me make this very clear right now. You owe me and that baby is my payment. You're gonna make up for the crap I've endured when you left me in the dust."

It was then that she knew and her heart sank as he sped off again. She knew it couldn't be about loving this baby. It was about the money, always about the money with him. Getting away was her only hope and she didn't know when or how, but it had to happen. As the sun came up she began to orient herself to their direction and realized they were heading north. As her princess stirred inside of her the time grew shorter in her mind.

In the silence she formed a plan.

* * *

><p>Roy sat beside her in the quiet room as Johnny dozed in another chair. The sun was beginning to set outside and the colors of red, gold, orange and yellow lit up the sky. He watched TV but the sound was turned down so low there was little to focus on. When her fingers closed on his he was instantly at her side.<p>

"Kanda?" He leaned in close to her. A large bandage was wrapped around her head and the left side of her face was darkly bruised, the eye and cheek swollen. But when those lids fluttered open she was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen.

"Roy?"

"I'm here honey." He leaned in and kissed her cheek. "Take it easy."

He could watch the fog slowly clear as she become more alert and that was quickly followed by panic in her eyes. "Emily?"

Roy wanted more than anything to be able to tell her all was well, that Emily was safe at home or it had all been a bad dream. He also wanted to take the pain away because when he didn't have any answers she began to cry.

"The police are looking for him now. Is there anything you can remember?" Johnny asked her as he sat on the edge of the bed with her.

There was little to remember and that upset her even more. She could describe him but they already knew who he was. There was little distinct about the car and no plates on the front for her to identify. The more she tried to find that magical clue the more upset she got.

"Roy, I think she was in labor."

"I know," he said sadly. "That's how we found you so fast. Kaila was worried when you didn't show up."

She tried to sit up and was greeted with nausea and dizziness.

"Oh God Roy he won't help her, he was so angry with her." She grabbed her head as he encouraged her to stay still.

Johnny reached beside her and pushed the nurses call button seeing how distraught she was and the pain that washed across her face. In just a moment Joe came through the door with a nurse.

"It's good to see you awake Kanda. How are you feeling?" He quickly checked her eyes with his flashlight pen and checked her bandage.

"Nauseated some, headache."

"That's to be expected but everything looks good. You're a very lucky woman."

She shook her head. "I don't feel very lucky right now."

He patted her hand. "I know but you need to try and get some rest okay?"

"How can I rest when she's out there alone."

"You have to eat something," Roy encouraged her.

She pushed the hospital tray away feeling repulsed by the smell.

Brackett came in with her chart. "Good morning, how are you feeling?"

"Ready to go home Kel." She said without much emotion.

He eyed the uneaten tray with a frown. "I'd like to see that you can keep some food down before releasing you Kanda."

She locked eyes with him, a mix of resolute stubbornness and pleading. He sighed with resignation knowing this was a battle that he could fight and win though it would do no one any good at this point.

"Roy, try to make her get some rest at least."

He nodded knowing that it wasn't the doctor's first choice to release her so quickly. "I will."

When they were alone again she turned to Roy. This time there was determination in her eyes. "We have to find her."

* * *

><p>Emily opened her eyes to find them traveling down a long stretch of two lane road in the mountains. The previous day had been all travel with few stops along the way and only those when she threatened to wet the seats if he didn't. Otherwise she slept or nibbled on the snacks that he had bought at gas stations. It kept her avoiding conversation and allowed him to relax a bit making him feel less threatened and on edge.<p>

"I'm hungry Nick," she said quietly.

"There's food right there."

"I can't eat anymore junk or I'm gonna be sick. I need some real food. She needs food." She rubbed her belly.

He looked at her then took a deep breath. "Okay, but if you make any trouble for me," he threatened.

"I won't, I promise. It's not like I can outrun you."

A short time later they pulled up to a small diner sitting just off the side of the road. The empty parking lot gave it an abandoned air and she wondered if they could get anything here at all. He pulled around back and parked where the car was out of site.

"Stay here," he barked. Once out of the car he peered in the back window, having to rub it clean with his sleeve to even see anything. Another glance around the area was followed by his elbow impacting with the window pane knocking it out. A quick hand inside released the lock on the door and he cautiously entered the building.

Emily stayed still. This was not the time or the place to make a move and she knew it. Right now it was about earning his trust and biding as much time as the princess would allow her. Seeing him motion for her from the door, she exited the car and worked her way into the back hallway of the restaurant.

The sun was up, but the inside of the building was dark and gloomy. Nick left all the lights off until they reached the kitchen, only then turning on one light for her.

"Find something for us."

Just glad to be free of the car for a bit she began searching through the cupboards. They were well stocked but nothing was really easily instantly fixed so she chose to rummaged through the large refrigerator until she accumulated enough supplies to make them some sandwiches. She was ravaged and nibbled along the way as she gathered some carrots and a couple of bottles of lemonade.

She was startled to turn and see him watching her from the doorway.

"Can we sit down to eat?" She asked as she passed him a plate and drink.

"Of course," he said and motioned for her to find a table.

Quietly they munched as she worked to avoid his gaze. Feeling like she didn't know him anymore she was unsure as to what would antagonize him. He swallowed a couple of aspirin for his hand. There was no sympathy for his pain for every time she looked at the bandage wrap around it she ached for Kanda not knowing if she was dead or alive.

"I want to keep her safe and healthy okay?"

"I want the same thing darling."

She inwardly cringed. "Well, this would be easier if I could get access to some money for us to live off of."

He paused and she knew she had him. It had been his driving force for a long time and she knew it would be the key to her escape.

"How?"

"I only need to make one phone call. Kindle will do whatever I ask of him."

He instantly began to shake his head no.

"No, you can listen to the call and everything I say. But that's the only way I can do it. You left my bag at the house Nick. I don't have anything," she threw her hands up. "No credit cards, no ID, nothing."

He was thinking about it and that was at least a start.

"Finish eating. We need to get moving again."

She watched him stand up before her, pulling out a cigarette and looking out the window down the road. She wrapped the remainder of her sandwich in a napkin for later and ran her finger along the dust of the table before standing up and heading to the door ahead of him.

"Dare I ask where we are going?" She asked looking back to him.

"Our new home baby."

As they pulled away from the café the only thing left behind was a finger drawing in the dust.

**Help me, Emily**. With an arrow pointing north.

* * *

><p>"Roy please," she begged.<p>

"You're going home."

She looked back to her brother. "Johnny, we have to look."

He shook his head. Roy was right. She was right. Any other time it wouldn't have been a battle, but they were on the way home from the hospital after coming close to losing her.

Roy shook his head. "Kanda, the police have been there." He wanted her home, safe, and resting.

She put her hand on his arm as he drove. "Roy, I know they've been there, but they don't know her like we do. We might see something important or something missing they would miss. It won't take long. Please."

Damn. She always made sense. Roy was torn up over Emily being gone, as much as everyone else. Looking over to her he realized that just as with Brackett she was going to get her way. "For just a few minutes, then home with no argument."

"I promise."

Johnny smiled. He wanted her home to, but he wanted to do something to find Emily. If getting in his Rover and driving 1000 miles would bring her home he would leave right now. The problem was they had no idea where to even start looking.

There was no yellow police tape, it was absent of crime scene markings at the door and even the doorman didn't know what had happened yet. Johnny pulled out the key to her place and was shocked at what they found. The apartment had been ransacked. Vases were broken, chairs turned over, pictures ripped from the walls and the floor covered in glass. Roy held onto Kanda's arm though she seemed pretty steady as they worked their way through the living room.

"The police didn't say anything about her place being trashed," Johnny said. The sadness in his voice tinged with anger.

"Sure didn't. Wonder if this happened before or after?" Roy pondered.

Kanda stood in the middle of the room. "He did it."

They both stopped and looked at her.

"Look," she pointed at the walls and shelves. "Every picture of Maggie is gone and every picture Emily painted has been destroyed. It was him."

"Good detective work Dr. Gage."

They turned to see a man in a suit standing in the door watching them.

"I'm actually surprised to see you here this soon," he said.

"And you are?" Roy asked as he moved between him and Kanda.

The man stepped forward and extended his hand. "Detective Mullins, FBI, I've been assigned to Emily's case."

Roy took his hand. "I'm Roy DeSoto."

"Yes," Mullins nodded with his head. "Dr. Kanda and John Gage."

"Well seems you already know everybody," Johnny grumbled.

Mullins moved through the living room closer to Kanda. "I'm here to help Dr. Gage. We have every intention of finding Emily and getting her back home."

Kanda saw the honesty in his eyes. "Thank you detective. That's why we're here. We want to help in any way we can."

He motioned to the disaster around them. "We found this the morning she was abducted and our assumptions were the same that is was Nick her ex-husband. I encourage you to look around and let me know if you find anything concerning that might be of help to the investigation."

Johnny moved to the kitchen which held a small desk area. Someone had already thrown her papers everywhere and he picked up each one and tried to straighten out the desk. He was heartbroken and being here made it worse. It made it a reality again to know that someone wished her harm and were capable of doing it. Picking up cups he placed them back into the cabinets, wiped up the counters and picked up the fallen candles that he knew she loved.

Roy and Kanda moved to her bedroom and found the same urge to return her things to their place. Kanda sat on the bed and folded clothes that had been ripped out the drawers while Roy put the drawers themselves back into the slots of the dresser. She looked through the small nightstand for anything helpful and realized she was looking for a sign that said "I have been taken here, come get me". She knew that wouldn't happen and as the tears fell down her cheeks she realized the fear in her heart could be true. Would if they never find her? Roy came to her side and simply held her while she cried.

Realizing that there was nothing left of help in the chaos they re-gathered in the living room where Mullins was hanging up the phone.

"Any luck?"

She looked around again trying to find the smallest detail that might help only feeling dismay when nothing made itself obvious. "No, I'm sorry."

He walked up to her. "We'll keep in touch with you if anything new is learned. And in return if you would please let us know if you have any contact with her."

"Of course," Roy said.

Tears ran down her cheeks as she leaned against Johnny. He looked at the detective. "Thank you."

Kanda sat on the couch, her legs tucked up beside her as she went through her phone book. She called every number associated with Emily including the family that had only denied and shunned her before. Her voice pleaded for them to share any information that might save her or the baby's life. To her disgust she was only greeted with hang up's and cussing. Putting the phone back down on the hook she lowered her head to the couch arm.

"Here," Roy said as he offered her a couple of pain pills and some hot tea.

"I can't sleep Roy, not now."

He opened her hand and placed them in it. "If you don't get some rest now, you will collapse soon and be no help at all."

Seeing the concern in his eyes she took them without further complaint.

For the next couple of days Roy and Johnny stayed close to her concerned with her apparent grieving as each day brought no news to them. Was she alive? Was the baby alive? The stress was not only hard on Kanda, but everyone that knew Emily.

* * *

><p>When Johnny and Roy were forced to return to work the loss was felt at the station also. No one knew what to say and the feeling of heartache permeated the air.<p>

"Johnny, Roy, my office," Hank said as he gestured to the room.

"Sure Cap," they said in unison.

Once inside, they both took a chair. "I just wanted to see how you were holding up."

"Best that can be expected Cap." Roy said quietly.

"Powerless is what we are." Johnny said as he slammed his fist on the armrest.

"You know you have all our support in this and if we could go find her ourselves we would," Hank said, feeling his friend's pain.

"We know Cap and appreciate it. Just not knowing is the worst."

Hank looked at Roy and saw the strong man waver. "Come talk to me when you need too."

They both nodded and headed back out to the bay determined to just see the end of the shift soon.

Each day passed and even though the pain never lessened they had to work, take care of the ranch, stay busy with the kids, and reality began to take over. Kanda never stopped the phone calls in search of her as she called hospitals daily looking in emergency rooms and labor wards. The police kept her listed as a missing person and intermittent checks with the FBI revealed no new evidence to find her.

Never did a moment go by that the anguish lessened.

"I miss Emily daddy," Jenny said as he tucked her into bed.

"I know you do sweetie, I miss her very much too." The words were hard to even say now and seeing both kids showing grief for what happened tore at him.

"Can we call her tomorrow?" Her eyes lit up.

He smiled at her. "As soon as we get her number, we will call. I promise."

"Yay," she gleamed and nestled under the quilt.

He kissed her forehead, "Night honey."

Roy wandered down the stairs to find Kanda knowing the days were long and she had to be exhausted. After glancing in the living room he knew where she would be. A place he often found her now, in the small beautiful nursery down the hall that remained empty. She sat in the rocking chair as she held a teddy bear Jenny had got for the baby. Tears clouded her eyes and as he traced his finger along the wound on her head he wondered if the wound in her heart would ever heal after this.

"Let's get some sleep okay?" He said as he gently guided her out of the room.

"Every night I hear her cry," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder.

He wondered if any of them would heal unless they got Emily back home.


	27. Chapter 27

WHITE OUT

No power in society, no hardship in your condition can depress you; keep you down, in knowledge, power, virtue, influence, but by your own consent. ~William Ellery Channing, 1838

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home. _

_A/N: This one isn't as long but I hope you enjoy it. Thanks for all the messages of encouragement!_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 27<p>

Emily sat with her feet up on the rickety wooden coffee table and surveyed the room around her. At least the little house was in better shape than when they arrived, but it still needed hours of scrubbing to gain some control over the filth. The square footage was small though in general they didn't really need a lot of room for the most part.

A worn out couch with holes in the cushions screamed 1960's retro with its bright orange circle pattern and the only chair in the living room was a rocking chair that at least was fairly comfortable to her aching back. The kitchen had been the worse in grime and rubbish forcing her to put some much needed elbow grease into making it livable and more importantly sanitary for cooking.

They had basically established a daily routine in the two weeks of being here and it mostly comprised of doing everything possible to not upset him. She cooked, cleaned, and talked to him in a calm relaxed manner while watching him gradually relax into a false sense of self-assurance. Mornings were the worst as he still had no trust for her and following breakfast she was locked her in the bedroom while he went out to find some work. She spent the time getting a lot of sleep, keeping her feet up and trying to keep her stress levels down. It was imperative for the baby to stay inside until she was out of this situation.

Deep down she knew he was waiting for the baby to come and there was a fear for her own wellbeing once she was no longer needed. His rouse of the happy home, happy wife, and baby on the way would end soon and she had no intention of being around to see it.

"Hang in there my little princess. Not time yet, but soon." Her whispers were loving and a silent prayer for the time she needed.

When his day ended and he did come home he was tired, hot, grumpy and un-talkative. He would release her from her confinement and expect dinner on the table in a quick manner. Never mind that the kitchen was essentially bare. She often found herself longing for the stocked one back at the café from before. What food he did steal and bring home was horded when he wasn't paying attention, only eating tiny amounts to try and keep her strength up. Generally, this was a good time because she could move around the house again and he wouldn't really bother her. The ability to move fast was long gone as she was nearing the end of her pregnancy and she quickly tired. Mostly though, she avoided anything that could trigger her labor at this point.

When bedtime came she would once again be banished to her room while he slept. Finding sleep wasn't easy at night with him near and troubled dreams seemed to find her quickly. After a restless night morning would come and the cycle would begin again. The days were leaving her physically and emotionally drained, hungry for true nourishment, but somewhere she found a determination.

Kanda's words about putting the past behind her and making a new life for her baby rang in her ears every day. Through the memories of her new family, which she was forced to leave behind; she refused to give them up.

Was Kanda alive? Were they looking for her? Had they given up? Did they blame her for what had happened? She had brought pain to someone that meant more to her than her own mother and it broke her heart to think that she might never see them again.

Over the last couple of days she worried because he had become more restless and easily agitated. Her goal was to simply steer clear of him as much as possible, but she knew it was about money and he had to be running dry of funds very fast. This morning the rain drizzled outside and she was startled awake by thunderous beating on her door. It wasn't a normal wakeup call this time instead he was demanding her to get up and ready quickly. She felt the hairs on her neck stand up.

"What's wrong?" She asked him in a soothing voice.

"Get dressed, we're going to town."

Town? She didn't even know where they were and he was taking her around other people? They had arrived here by back roads and in the middle of the night leaving her clueless as to where they were. She quickly slipped on the one dress he had brought her and pulled her hair back in a ponytail. When she entered the living room he had a gun in his hand.

"If you do anything, and I mean anything to draw attention to us I'll shoot you right in that big fat belly of yours. Do you understand that?"

Shocked and terrified she could only nod.

"Good. Now, we are going to a phone where you will make the call."

Again she nodded, only this time there was a tiny internal glimmer of hope. She only needed the call.

Once in the car she remained quiet as he mumbled to himself and repeatedly hit the steering wheel. They left a long driveway through the woods to emerge back on the double lane blacktop road. A sign they passed said 5 miles to Pendleton. She ran the name through her head trying to figure out where they were. With the next sign there was a shape and with shock she realized they were in Northern Oregon. The first stop wasn't even near the town, only to a small run down gas station along the road. However, it had a payphone. That was all he wanted at the moment. Pulling up right beside it he parked so close she couldn't even open her door.

"How much can you get us?"

That was a loaded question she had no intention of answering truthfully. "Uh, I don't know. Kindle keeps my books."

"How much do you think?"

She ventured to guess a number. It needed to be enough to satisfy him, but not enough that he no longer needed her. "I can try to get five hundred."

It wasn't enough for him, but he huffed and nodded at the number. She had guessed well and knew it was much safer for him to think that it was a lot of money for her to sacrifice.

"Roll down the window and here." He passed her a coin for the call.

She dialed carefully and he moved to the outside of the car and stood beside her door. Jerking the phone from her hand he held it between their ears.

"Office of Kindle and Meyers," the cheerful voice greeted them.

She took a deep breath. "This is Emily Jackson. I need to speak with Mr. Kindle please."

There was a pause then, "Yes Mrs. Jackson, hold on please."

"Emily?" She knew the voice instantly.

"Yes, it's me."

"Where are you, are you okay?"

Even she was a bit surprised at the inflection in his voice. Suddenly she felt the end of the gun pointed at her abdomen as the tip pressed into her skin, a not so subtle reminder for her to not slip up here. She tried to add lightness to her voice, "Yea, I'm fine, still waddling."

Then more serious, "I was able to talk him into letting me go."

"Where are you?"

"I'm not ready to come home yet. There's just too much going on and I need that vacation we talked about."

He paused. "Of course, understandable. Do you need me to wire you some money?"

"Yes, I don't know if I have enough, but can I get five hundred?" She said a silent prayer that he understood what she was trying to do.

"Hold on," he said then the phone was quiet for a minute.

"Yes, this one time I can get that too you."

"Thank you Kindle. I have a wire code for you." She took the paper from him and read the long code that allowed for secure transactions.

"I have it. The money will be available in an hour."

"Thank you and maybe I can see you at the Opal auction just after October," she said casually.

"That would be nice. _Please,_ take care Emily."

Only she would have noted the subtle change in his voice. "I will. Goodbye."

"Goodbye."

Slamming the phone down on the hook he returned to the driver's seat and pulled back onto the main road. For a while nothing was visible except for forest until more buildings gradually appeared and then finally a small town emerged. She almost felt like crying to see people walking on the streets, sitting on benches in front of stores, children playing in the central park, and talking friends and family. They were so close, just within reach to help her and her baby yet they might as well have been a million miles away.

She wouldn't risk it. She couldn't risk _her_. He pulled just past the town square and into the parking lot of the local bank and simply sat in the car. After waiting the hour in the hot car she was exhausted and overheated.

"Let's go and don't forget our agreement."

She was fine with it now having already set the plan in motion for her freedom and safety. It was just a matter of time and patience. Walking into the bank he held her tight to his side with the gun pressed into her through his jacket. There was no doubt in her mind that he would follow through with that plan.

As she provided the password information to obtain the transfer she hid the smile that wanted to escape. He was an idiot and that was playing well to her advantage. Finally she was feeling more and more in control and less of a victim in this situation.

"Thank you," she told the teller with a smile.

"You're welcome Mrs. Jackson, come back again soon."

He snatched the money out of her hand as soon as they turned from the counter. "Oh we will, don't worry." He shoved the cash into his pocket quickly then exited the building. "You did good in there darling. Now, just hold it together until we get back home."

Knowing help would be coming soon led to confidence which led to bravery in her. "Can we go in the market? I'll behave I promise. I'd just like to get some things to make us a nice dinner." She flashed him a smile and let her baby blue eyes sparkle.

He wavered for a moment. "Okay, but make it quick."

Crossing the street they passed a few town folk that greeted them with a smile and a genuine hello. Emily beamed back at them, nodding her head and returning the hello's.

"Since when are you Miss social?" He asked sarcastically.

"Just trying to blend in."

She did hurry in the market gathering supplies for the house and some food items to last a few days. He stuck close and never seemed to relax so she did nothing that he might confuse with drawing attention. Checking out was uneventful and soon they were back on the road heading home. The quiet in the car provided her time to plan the next step. Getting away from him was only the first part.

Kindle hung up the phone from the money transfer and began making the other calls necessary to deal with Emily. In that short conversation she had told him what state and city she was in, that she was still being held hostage by her ex, and finally that she had not had the baby yet. He knew that time was short and even though Emily would want the Gage family to know, it wasn't in his plans.

After leaving town Nick stopped by the payphone again and jumped out of the car leaving Emily unsure what was going on. Something was up with him and she wished to be a fly on the wall more than ever before. Pressing her ear to the door she could only catch the tone of the conversation not the actual words. One thing was sure; there was fear in his voice.

So, what would make mean ole Nick so afraid? He returned to the car and went straight to the house.

After he slammed the car door hard enough to make Emily think the window would shatter he sped out of the gravel lot and drove to the house without further conversation. This was one of those times she was afraid of him and wisely chose to keep quiet.

Once in the house he looked at his watch and kept looking out the window. She finished putting the groceries away and tried to stay out of his line of anger. Needless to say she nearly jumped when she turned around and he was standing just behind her.

"Pack up, we leave in 1 hour."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What?"

"Do what I said!" He screamed at her making her flinch.

She struggled to hold the tears in. This wasn't what she expected at all. But she got no answer only his harsh hands dragging her to her room and slamming the door behind her. Pulling out the bag from the closet she put in the very few items she had accumulated along the way. As they pulled away from the tiny house she knew they would come looking for her only to find it abandoned.

In silence tears ran down her cheeks.

Sitting in his office he was ready for the call that announced the man's arrival. Standing up, he greeted him with a handshake and gestured towards the chair across the desk.

"Please, have a seat."

"What did you learn?"

To the point, Kindle liked that. However, he didn't like the man sitting in his office. "She gave me her location for the moment."

"What does that mean?" The other man asked moving to the edge of his seat.

Kindle leaned back. Two could play at this game. "He will move her as I'm sure you have already been informed."

He looked annoyed. "Don't play me Kindle."

The older man chuckled under his breath. "I'm too old for games and much too smart for them. We have a deal and I'm sticking to it." He reached into his desk drawer pulling out a manila envelope and slid it across the desk to the other man.

Watching him take the package he rocked back again in the large leather chair. "The information to find them is in there and feel free to count. It's all there."

He finger flipped through the stack of large bills in the envelope and reviewed the slip of paper. "How the hell am I supposed to find him if he's moving her again like you said?"

"You will be contacted so I suggest you be ready, the timing has to be exact on this." He leaned onto the desk and got a serious look on his face. "And let me reiterate that if anything happens outside of what we agreed upon you will be held personally responsible."

The man in the chair swallowed and was visibly shaken. "You tell me where she is and I will take care of it."

Kindle smiled. "Good. I'm glad we have this understanding."

He stood up, envelope in hand and left without further discussion. He now had the information he needed. The next trick was to pull this off and stay alive at the same time. Kindle could threaten all he wanted, but just like everyone else involved Mullins was looking out for himself and to hell with anyone that got in his way.

Emily was more disheartened than she had experienced in a long time. While Nick sat on the hotel bed and counted the money again she went to the bathroom and started a bath. The fast food he had bought her still sat on the dresser untouched. She didn't want to eat, or sleep, or cry anymore. As she lowered herself into the warm water she felt the familiar and comfortable sensation of withdrawal. It took her away from the despair, the pain, and the feeling of everything being lost. So quickly things had changed and the little control she had gained was just as quickly gone. Kindle would send help and she wouldn't be there.

She rubbed her stomach. "I know you will be here soon baby and I'm so scared for you and for me. I tried to save us…" Tears blocked her speech while she simply sat until the water was cold.


	28. Chapter 28

WHITE OUT

Some see a hopeless end, while others see an endless hope. ~Author Unknown

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Your encouragements are like filled water balloons to Chet!_

* * *

><p>Chapter 28<p>

"Roy, how's Kanda holding up through all this?" Hank asked as they sat at the kitchen table.

"Some days are better than others. I just feel like there's something I should be doing."

Hank nodded his understanding then glanced out into the bay. "And John?"

Roy shook his head. Where Kanda struggled with the depression and loss Johnny had been growing more and more angry over it.

"He's holding a lot in."

They both heard one of the boxes hit the ground with a bang.

"I get that impression." Hank said with patience behind his tone.

Chet came through the door. "Man, he needs a punching bag at home Roy."

"We all do."

"No word at all?" Mike asked passing Roy and Hank a cup of coffee.

"Nothing. That's the worst part of it all. Even the detective we met in her apartment has stopped returning our phone calls." Roy rested his elbows on the table. "Nine days."

"Nine days, it's been longer than that Roy," Hank replied puzzled.

"No."

They looked up to see Johnny come through the door with loss etched into his furrowed brow. "She's due in nine days."

Johnny never spoke of her in the past, never voiced the possibility that she wasn't alive, and refused to consider she had delivered the baby alone with that monster as her only companion. He refused to give up and anger burned deep inside that someone, no, that anyone took her away from him, them. He knew his refusal to stifle the resentment made his sister sadder, frustrated his friend and partner, and was beginning to affect his work. It lived with him every waking moment and when sleep did find him it was full of dreams about her and dreams of pain that he struggled to forget.

Work days came and went with both medics doing the job they were called to do. Rescues were no easier and due to their professionalism, no harder for the most part. No one could complain about them being on the job though their 51 family knew the pain they were feeling in silence.

"Need help with those boxes?" Roy asked.

"Sure." Johnny moved back out to the bay.

Roy pulled out another box and opened it up. "I thought maybe we could go by Rampart and get the stock then grab some lunch."

Johnny nodded. He appreciated his friend's efforts to make each shift go smoother. Yes, Roy had been watching him like a hawk and it didn't really bother him, but at the same time he kept an eye on his friend. Roy was being the strong one, the balance on the scales between anger and despair. He didn't allow his own feelings about what was going on to peek through too often. Johnny knew, and even more deeply, Kanda knew.

_STATION 51 WOMAN DOWN….._

The squad pulled up to the apartment complex and Roy frowned. He knew of this place. Rundown, never maintained with rescues that often related to accidents from broken equipment. Working their way down the hall they had to dodge torn cardboard boxes and scattered bags of trash.

Johnny reached apartment #334 first and knocked on the door, "Fire Department!"

With no answer he knocked again, this time harder, almost hard enough to make Roy wince. However, it elicited a cry out from inside. Johnny tried the handle only to find it locked. Within a minute Marco came up behind them as Hank motioned for him to hit the door. With one butt of the axe head the door jumped open and everyone entered the living room.

To Roy's surprise it wasn't dirty; actually it was amazingly clean compared to the world on the other side of the door. But it was sparsely decorated with little belongs and hardly no furnishings. Hearing her cry down the hall the crew followed Johnny and Roy into the single bedroom to find a woman lying on a mattress on the floor. The only other things in the room were a few boxes and clothes scattered around.

"Help me," she huffed.

Roy looked to Johnny wondering if he could handle this right now. Normally when they responded to a woman in labor he let Johnny handle the delivery, but this time he wasn't so sure.

"Easy there, what's your name?"

"Kate," she said between her panting.

"How far along are you Kate?" Johnny asked the panting woman. His voice was calm and assured in his paramedic mode.

She grabbed his arm, "I can't breathe!"

"Don't be afraid we're here to help. Now listen to me. Take a deep breath with me okay, in," his coaching was right on par and Roy relaxed as he opened the bio phone.

"Chet can you grab some vital signs for me?" Roy asked.

"Marco, you and Mike stay by the engine." Hank said knowing he didn't like this neighborhood much either.

Johnny continued to coach and ask questions. "How far along are you?"

"I'm due in two weeks. What's wrong with me?"

Johnny smiled., "You're okay. Let me see how close this baby is to coming okay?"

Placing a drape over her legs he gently checked her and with a quick glance to Roy he raised his eyebrows.

"She's crowning."

"Roy, heart rate is 140, respirations 45, blood pressure 90/50." Chet reported.

He didn't like the numbers, something was wrong. "Chet, let's put some oxygen on her."

"Rampart, we have a female, approximately 23 years old. She is in active labor with the head in crowning position. She states she is 38 weeks gestation and there have been no complications with this pregnancy. BP 90/50, heart rate 140, respirations are 45 and labored, even between contractions."

"Is there anyone we can call to be with you?" Johnny asked as he got ready for a birth.

She shook her head. "Just me."

Roy continued. "She is complaining of chest pain. We have started oxygen."

She screamed then pushed down as Johnny tried to help her control her breathing. Chet sat up towards her head and helped hold her head up with contractions.

"That's it, you can do this."

"I can't breathe, I can't breathe!" Her voice was full of panic now.

"This baby is right here. You can do this." Johnny encouraged knowing that nothing was stopping this delivery and the last thing they needed was a half delivered infant.

Roy noted the orders and quickly worked at establishing an IV. He glanced up to Hank. "Cap can you bring the monitor and defibrillator?"

Hank and Johnny both looked at him.

"Sure." He pulled out the HT and called for Marco to deliver the items needed.

Chet reached to hold the fluids as Roy got her leads in place and ready.

"Breathe Kate, breath for us." Roy chanted as he held the bio phone in one ear listening to the very concerned doctor on the other end.

She cried and pushed and cried then pushed again. Johnny called for more. Her breathing was hard but she followed the directions of her body and bore down with everything she had. Johnny focused on the baby now as the head appeared and he wiped the face clean. He consciously tuned out the busy sounds around him. Next, he gently rotated the head and with firm pressure downwards and encouraged the first shoulder to appear.

His words of coaching changed to a conversation with the baby that was slowly making its way into the world. After the first arm delivered the next shoulder and arm came quickly followed by the rest of the baby. When the rest of the body emerged he breathed a deep sigh and held it in his arms.

He looked up with a big smile on his face. "It's a girl!"

Only then did he realize what was really happening. Roy had already placed an esophageal airway and Chet was beginning the manual ventilations. Marco reached to turn on the monitor which revealed the flat line of her heart function. Hank had replaced Roy at the bio phone as the medic began the chest compressions. Johnny quickly dried the screaming infant and cut the cord. Once she was wrapped up in a blanket he handed her to Marco for safe keeping.

His expression was of _what happened?_

"Think it's a massive pulmonary embolism." Roy huffed as he compressed.

"Two amps sodium bicarb, epi IV," Hank said as he relayed the orders.

Marco consoled the little girl as he watched his co-workers fight to save the mother's life. The compressions continued, several rounds of medications, and two cardio conversion shocks with no response on the monitor.

_Get her here now!_ Brackett ordered over the phone.

With heavy hearts they placed her on the stretcher, continuing the ventilations and compressions while Johnny and Roy climbed into the ambulance with her. Marco passed the infant to Johnny and saw a look in the young man's eyes that elicited a prayer for his co-worker. He turned to see his Captain behind him and it was a silent understanding that this would not bode well for the medics.

In the trauma room they pushed more meds, traded out on compressions as exhaustion took over and assisted Early in her intubation. Nothing changed and her flat line cardiac activity refused to respond.

"How long?" Brackett asked Dixie.

"Forty five minutes Kel," her voice remained reserved and professional.

"Time of death 1242."

As the little one let out a blood curdling scream Johnny walked over to the radiant warmer and picked her up as he struggled to soothe her. It was as if she knew her mother was gone and she was now alone in the world. Holding her close he whispered into her ear and the cries subside into a peaceful sleep.

Roy walked up beside him. "You okay?"

Johnny looked up, his eyes red and holding back the tears. "She's all alone and thinks that no one is there for her."

He was talking about the baby and Roy knew about Emily at the same time. He could see it in his eyes and wished more than anything he could fix the world for all of them.

* * *

><p>It had been less than forty eight hours since the phone call had been made and Nick's sudden decision to move them. She had no idea what he had done with the money as he stood in the hotel room door yelling at the owner about the bill that needed to be paid. Grabbing her by the arm he jerked her up and stomped out of the room and down the stairs while she struggled to keep her feet on the ground.<p>

The angry man behind her continued to shake his fists, that is until he saw her expression. Only then did he take pause at what was unfolding before him, but before he could move, they were in the car and driving away. As the city lights disappeared behind them she thought again of Kindle and her faith in him.

It was irrevocable. He would get her out of this, somehow.

Being in the back seat she laid down using her hands as a pillow. Her ankles were swollen, her feet throbbed and her back ached. Rubbing her stomach she whispered to her daughter, "Not yet beautiful, not yet." Darkness brought a peace to her and she eventually drifted off to sleep with the quiet hum of the engine. Dreams now were about the ranch, her home away from home, and the beauty there. Images of Kanda continued to haunt her, but something whispered to her that she was okay and that was what she held onto with all her heart.

* * *

><p>"He will try to cross the border with her and that can't be allowed to happen."<p>

Mullins hated conversations with Kindle. The man's power was nearly equal to the other one that would be yelling at him next. One wanted the ex-husband, the other wanted the woman and he was stuck in the middle of two powerful men with very different agenda's. "You were right though, he's on the run and I doubt he will slow down long enough to even get more money."

"Yes, and the reason you should be off the phone with me and doing your job."

"I'll let you know when it's done."

He hung up with Kindle and returned to his table to sip his coffee. Four tables away a man ate in silence, one hand stiff and covered in scabs. At the table behind him two more men quietly drank their coffee and waited patiently for the correct timing.

Just outside in the parking lot the tan sedan was parked in the furthest line of cars and unoccupied. Mullins had watched Nick enter the roadside café alone and until they knew where Emily was they couldn't make a move. He knew what the scum bag was capable of and being a part of this complicated operation would take finesse to avoid being caught holding the proverbial bag.

They watched Nick get up, pay the tab and exit the restaurant. As he got in the car he pulled out and headed north again. Kindle's access to 'hard to get' information was intimidating and Mullins knew that crossing him was just as dangerous as crossing his primary source of 'extra' income. He was beginning to think being an informant as a side job was not a good choice in life.

Climbing into his car, he casually pulled out and followed the sedan while watching a second car pull out behind him. There was no way to shake those guys and seeing how they answered only to Kindle he had to play the 'cop' role for as long as possible. Get the guy and a big debt of his own would be paid off; however, getting the girl bought his security and escape from the tangled web he had woven.

* * *

><p>Kanda tended to the new foal with as much love as she could muster for the day. She knew they needed her, but her heart was split now and it was hard to focus on a lot of day to day activities. Offering the wobbly baby a handful of hay she smiled at its distrust and shyness watching it teeter back to its waiting mother. Everything about it led to thoughts of Emily and a million questions that went unanswered.<p>

She hated how quiet it at become here, at work, and even when around Johnny and Roy. Everyone was afraid to talk about it, afraid that saying her name would result in another emotional breakdown of some sort. She had even heard Roy talking with Johnny about the nursery and how maybe it was more harmful to leave everything there. That one she had fought tooth and nail. There was no way they were going to tear it down like Emily had never existed.

She didn't know how, but some part of her felt that Emily was still out there and desperately needed them. Then again she had felt so many emotions that she had no idea what was right anymore and that left her frustrated to no end. With a deep breath she returned to the house knowing several things that needed to be done before bedtime. A new load of laundry got started, the living room tidied, and with her stomach grumbling she finished up with kitchen duty.

Johnny was helping Manuel finish passing out hay bales while Roy and the kids were settling in for the night in their own house. Once in the kitchen she put up dishes then as she cleaned off countertops she mindlessly flipped the wall calendar to the next month. She stood frozen at the giant circled day. Her finger then slowly traced the circle that Jenny had eventually turned into a smiley face.

"I wish we knew the name she had decided on."

Kanda turned around to find Johnny leaning in the doorway. "Yea, it would be..." She paused. "Do you think …." She didn't know how to finish it. The questions were endless and impossible to answer, is she alive, is she happy, is she trapped, is she hurting, is she still pregnant, is she a mother yet?

"We will always wonder. I just hope that someday we'll find out what really happened to her," he said softly knowing his sister's pain was deep.

Roy had told her about the rescue and the new mother they had lost. She also knew that Johnny never spoke of it and she had left it at that. It was easy to see and feel the pain he carried every day and whether he realized it or not she saw the love he had developed for Emily. For each of them the loss had touched them differently all the way down to little Jenny.

Letting out a deep breath she straightened up and as always now shifted the conversation away from the topic that hurt. "Well, I'm beat so I'm gonna turn in. It's an early work day tomorrow."

"Okay, me too. Roy's coming out to help me finish up that backline water repair in the morning."

"Okay," she went past him with a pat to his chest. "You two be safe."

* * *

><p>Morning rounds were hectic seeing how the pediatric ward was unusually full for this time of the year.<p>

"Dr. Gage?"

She turned back to the resident and realized she hadn't heard a word he said. "Continue." No reason to let him know how distracted she felt today and she wasn't exactly sure why. He continued his review of the chart adding his own personal reflections of why a five year old would climb into a dryer hoping it was a time machine to the Jetson's home.

"Commentary isn't necessary or welcome Dr. Kenneth. He needs a CT scan today and follow up renal labs in the morning. Next." She walked off leaving the surprised group behind her to rush and keep up.

After making it through thirteen patients with short patience and endless distractions she dismissed the group and headed to her office. Staring at the phone she felt like her mind was on the edge of knowing something and it was driving her nuts. She almost called Roy and Johnny but knew they wouldn't be in the house to answer yet. It wasn't them though and she was going to feel distracted until she figured out who she was supposed to call.

Knowing she needed to get out of her office she headed down the hall with her thoughts consumed over the nagging that tugged at her inside. When she stopped at a door she suddenly realized she was looking at the entrance to the chronic pediatric ward. These rooms held children with problems that required long hospitalizations of weeks and often months at a time. She had patients here, but they wouldn't be seen until later afternoon rounds. Moving down the hall she knew where she was drawn too and what she would find. The door was simply marked Baby Knell. Inside was a large metal crib that held a tiny infant with no home or family. Reaching down into the crib she softly ran her hand down her back as she slept and watched her stir then settle again.

"She's a beauty isn't she?"

Kanda turned around to see one of the pediatric nurses. "She sure is." There wasn't enough in her anymore to explain to this nice nurse how this infant symbolized someone they still hunted for and tried to not lose hope over.

"Great news for her though."

"What's that?" Kanda asked.

The nurse seemed to bubble over with excitement. "We just heard this afternoon that she's being adopted by a couple that has three other children. They apparently are thrilled to get her."

Kanda was touched. "That is wonderful news." She stroked the cheek of the little one. "I'm so glad she has a home."

"We are too. We hated to think of her being all alone in the world."

A tear threatened to emerge.

_Dr. Gage to ICU 4 STAT, Dr. Gage to ICU 4 STAT. _The overhead intercom blared at her.

Running to the patient's bedside all thoughts of a no longer alone infant or mystery phone call left her mind as she focused on the medical task at hand.

Hours later with a stable patient and all rounds finished she was ready to go home and stopped by the nurse's desk on her way out the door.

"Night ladies, hope it stays quiet for you," she said as she dropped off a tray of cookies.

"Thanks Dr. Gage!"

"Hope you enjoy them." She was worn out and more drained than usual.

"Hey are you any good at cross word puzzles?" One of the nurses asked.

"Not really, but what is it?"

"Well it's a six letter word and we have an n.d.l. and e."

One nurse hung up the phone. "I'm telling you it's dwindle."

"Well, that's too many letters," she started rhyming. "Mindle, sindle, windle, kindle."

Kanda came to full attention, "What did you say?"

"Um, mindle, sindle, let's see, and windle."

"And kindle," laughed one nurse. "Maybe you can come up with some real words next time. Right Dr. Gage?"

When they looked up she was already gone.

Kanda couldn't get home fast enough and had to be careful with her lead foot to not get a ticket. Kindle! That's who she needed to talk to. She didn't know why but she was sure now that she had to make contact with him immediately.

Running in the door she nearly ran to the phone in the kitchen totally bypassing Johnny and Roy in the living room watching TV.

"What was that about?" Johnny asked as he stood up.

"I don't know." Both men headed down the hall and found Kanda frantically searching through a stack of papers.

"What are you looking for?" Roy asked.

"I need his number, where is his number?" She turned to them and was frantic now. "Did you put it somewhere?"

Roy was concerned now, "Whose number?"

"I could feel it all day and I knew but I didn't know and it was driving me nuts then they said the crossword puzzle and it rhymed and I really knew!" She was flinging papers all over the kitchen now searching cabinet drawers.

Roy took her by the shoulders. "Kanda look at me!"

She stopped and realized they were looking at her like she had lost her mind. "Oh God Roy, he knows, he knows where she is. Kindle!"

"What?" Johnny nearly shouted. "How do you know that?"

She wrestled from Roy's arms and kept talking. "I don't know I just do, it's a feeling and I can't figure it out right now much less explain it, but he knows and I can't find the number." She turned to them. "Please help me."

They no longer questioned, they searched, looking at each scrap of paper strewn on the desk for the one that held his name. She was growing more frenzied and without even realizing it, they were too.

"There are papers by the phone upstairs," Roy said and watched Johnny run down the hall and up the stairs. Within minutes he was back down.

"Is this it?" He passed a crumbled paper to her.

As she unfolded it she grabbed the phone and started dialing. With a grunt of frustration she hung up at the no answer.

"If that's his office number he won't be in until tomorrow."

She sat down and tears started to fall. "We're so close Roy I can feel it."

Johnny wanted more information now though. He knelt down beside her. "What's close sis, are we close to finding her or is she close to us?" He knew that sometimes her visions were unfocused and he hoped to help her calm down long enough to see more clearly.

She shook her head. "I don't know, I just don't know."

"Close your eyes," he said softly. "Take some deep breaths and relax for a minute."

She closed her eyes and focused on his voice knowing her mind was too chaotic to think clearly about anything at the moment. Kindle was still the dominant thought. "Kindle is all I feel."

"It's okay. We can't do anything right now, but we will leave first thing in the morning for his office."

Knowing nothing more could be done she resigned herself to the dreaded wait. Soon morning would come and they would have some answers.

One way or another.


	29. Chapter 29

WHITE OUT

Let your tears flow and where they go, let your sorrows follow. ~Dodinsky

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Funny happening to me this weekend. I was taking an Advance Life Support course and the teacher was a fireman/medic/nurse with lots of stories to share. _

_Teacher: I know ya'll are too young to remember good ole Johnny and Roy, but they made me all excited to be a fireman when I was young. I couldn't wait to pop those medication caps and put paddles on someone's chest and zap um!_

_Me: Smile...thinking...oh if you only knew :)_

* * *

><p>Chapter 29<p>

Mullins followed the car while carefully keeping his distance on the two lane road. It gave him time to think about what the next few hours would bring. He knew the ones in the car behind him would break off on their own first chance they got. Their contempt for him was painfully obvious. They would follow their orders just as he would follow his, each looking for their own piece of the action. No matter how much he tried to look at the last six months of his life he couldn't figure out how he managed to get himself such a disastrous mess with the mob. Bills needed paid, his kid needed braces, the ex-wife was demanding more alimony, the mortgage was past due on both houses and somehow he managed to take the wrong offer when it came up.

Glancing in his rearview mirror he contemplated on ways to throw them off track or maybe even bribe them, but managed to just curse under his breath knowing their pay was probably more than he made in a year. Yea, that would be Kindle's security in all this.

When the sedan turned off onto a dirt road he continued past as well as the other car. About a half a mile up the road they pulled to the side and got out and he opened up a map.

"It's a dead end, must be a house up that way," Mullins said.

"We don't move until dark." The other man said.

Mullins just grumbled. He would wait and follow them in, get the girl, get Nick and try to set things back to normal in his life. However, if this didn't go smoothly he had already decided that he wouldn't be the only one that paid the price.

Nick came in and threw the greasy bag at her and locked the door back before she could protest. Her days of getting to move around the house were gone and the confinement was getting old. They say the walls don't close in on you but she would be ready to argue that fact very soon. He was running scared from something, _what_ she didn't know only that his temperament and mood had gone down the tubes since the phone call after the bank visit.

Opening up the bag she gagged at the smell before she even pulled it out. Grease caked French fries and a cold hot dog for dinner sounded repulsive and she tossed the bag into the trash can along with several other bags she had rejected. She was hungry and uncomfortable and knew that nourishment was needed for them both. However, no discussions could be held with Nick any longer. His level of agitation was constant now and as with other evenings she could hear him throwing things in the other room. The dress tie wrapped around her twice since her weight was down and she felt worn out after doing nothing all day. The little cracked mirror in the bathroom dismayed her as it revealed the dark circles under her eyes and pallor to her skin from being inside for so long. She simply crawled into her bed and prayed he would get too drunk to remember she was there and leave her alone tonight.

* * *

><p>Her dreams had been unpredictable and she dreaded even closing her eyes anymore. Exhaustion racked her body and she was feeling weaker by the day. Nick dragging her around from place to place was pushing her mind and body beyond the brink of tolerance. Tossing and turning at night was normal now, but when the sensation of claustrophobia invaded her sleep she struggled to resist it. But this time she couldn't get away and woke up gasping for air. A surge of panic went through her when she realized it wasn't a dream but instead a hand was covering mouth in the pitch black of night. She fought against him as she bordered on desperation even though her strength failed her quickly.<p>

Then the voice whispered into her ear. Instantly she relaxed and the hand was removed. The man she didn't know easily picked her up then opened the door into the living room. The floor was covered with beer bottles and she was surprised that Nick was nowhere to be seen.

"Did you?" She couldn't say it.

"No, he's not here."

"He has a gun."

"So do we."

Nothing more was said as she was whisked through the door, into the warm night air, to a waiting car. The other faces there were just as unknown and she felt a surge of fear go through her as she curled up on the seat and the doors were locked.

Then she heard gun fire.

* * *

><p>Under the cover of darkness Mullins cursed out loud. "Damn it! Are you two TRYING to get me killed?"<p>

"We are finished here." The man said.

"Oh no you're not! You're not leaving me with this mess to clean up!"

The man put his gun into its holster and closed the truck of the car. When he looked back to the agent there was distain on his face. "Our orders were clear Agent Mullins."

"To hell with your orders," he waved his gun towards the man dressed in black. "I don't plan on anyone leaving here until I get what I want."

The man shook his head. "This is regrettable Agent Mullins. Mr. Kindle will be disappointed in your decision."

* * *

><p>Morning came and when the nicely dressed receptionist stepped off the elevator she was taken aback by the presence of the two men and a lady who waited in the hallway. Scooting past them she opened the door to the office and moved to her chair behind the front desk where she proceeded to greet them with a smile.<p>

"How may I help you this morning?"

"We need to see Mr. Kindle, it's an emergency." Kanda said.

"Oh I'm so sorry. Mr. Kindle is on vacation this week."

She held her ground even though Roy thought he was going to have to catch her when all breathe seemed to have left her.

"Look, this is an emergency and it involves Ms. Emily Jackson. Now, I know that you are aware of who she is so I need you to pick up that phone and call him right now."

The young lady was left speechless. "I…"

Roy stepped forward now, his voice reserved and soft. "We realize you're only doing your job and we appreciate that, but I don't think he's going to be surprised at our call."

She thought for a moment about what they had said. "I can put in a page to him. It will then be up to him whether to respond or not."

Roy knew that was the best they could ask for at this point. "Thank you."

She went to a small typewriter machine and began typing. After a moment she turned back to them, "If you would like you may have a seat while waiting."

Kindle hung up the phone and smiled. Finally, something was going right in all this chaos and weeks of planning were beginning to pay off. Feeling his pager vibrate on his hip he looked at the message and narrowed his brow. Now? He didn't have time to deal with this so called family Emily had attached herself too. The young woman had encountered many through the last few years who spent enormous time and energy trying to get what they wanted out of her.

Every time someone from her family popped up he had been able to deal with them pretty easily, though it was still annoying and time consuming. This new family though, she had refused to listen to his advice and he'd not been able to figure out what power they held over her to keep her close to them. Now, finally he would be able to get them out of the picture for good. He picked up the phone and called the private line to his office.

They moved to the waiting room but no one was able to sit and relax. Kanda went past the picture window of the city below and attempted to distract herself by taking interest in the pictures that were hung along the walls. She slowed and studied them trying to understand how it all fit together. When the phone at the desk rang she was pulled out of her reverie.

The lady reached across the desk and passed Johnny a piece of paper.

"He asked that you meet him here."

"When?" Johnny asked.

"Now, he is waiting for you."

They left the office building, walked about three blocks then rounded the corner to find an eclectic sidewalk café complete with umbrella tables. Kanda immediately recognized the older man sitting at a table with a cup of coffee in front of him. They joined him as he gestured for them to sit down.

For a moment no one spoke with each unsure of how much the other knew. Kindle was still a bit surprised at the page and the demand for a meeting by the trio and planned to use it to his advantage.

"Is she okay?" Kanda asked with an anticipation she could barely contain at this point.

His first reaction was genuine surprise at her question. He expected demands for information, complaints about being left in the dark and a litany of stories about how much they missed her and needed her back. This simple, unselfish question made him pause. The question was also one that spoke of knowledge. Of knowledge that only he held right now. Unfortunately there was too much on his plate and mind right now to deal with them. He paused and took a deep breath. His eyes reflected something that put them all on edge.

"I was notified, just before you called that they found Emily."

The three of them seemed to freeze in place as they studied his excellent poker face. Roy felt Kanda's fingers entwine with his.

"And?" Roy asked in the silence.

"They were found in a remote abandoned house in Washington very close to the border. The FBI entered the house and helped Emily get out."

Kanda's hope soared, they helped her get out. "So she's okay?"

"Unfortunately, Nick fought back and there was gunfire."

Roy was glad they were all sitting as their collective breathes became still. "What happened?"

Kindle pushed his coffee to the side and took her other hand which rested on the metal laced tabletop, but she was already shaking her head whispering _no no no_.

"Emily was hit in the crossfire." He paused. "I'm very sorry Dr. Gage. She didn't make it."

Roy grabbed Kanda as she swayed in the chair pulling her into his arms. There were no screams or heaving sobs only stoic silence from her. He knew she was in shock and he struggled to hold it together for her.

Johnny was seething. "Crossfire? Why wasn't she being protected?"

Kindle had practiced the story in his mind, but for some reason the next lines didn't seem appropriate. He paused and quietly studied the doctor who seemed to be in shock and the one who loved her offering comfort though he clearly was also distraught. He had to force himself to focus on what needed to be said.

"It was the middle of the night and things, well things didn't go according to the FBI's plan."

Johnny stood up and pushed the chair back until it clattered against the ground. With a deep breath and through gritted teeth he asked the next painful question.

"And the baby?"

Kindle lowered his head. "She had not delivered yet. They are both gone. I'm very sorry for your loss."

So, that was it. Months of building a love for someone, weeks of hunting for her for it to end like this. They were all in shock as Kindle excused himself and left the table. Roy saw him look back with a strangely empathetic glance, then he was gone.

They had begged and prayed for an answer and now Emily was gone.

Johnny stood, his breathing heavy as he struggled to stay composed in the public venue. Looking down he could see the shaking of his sister as she cried quietly into Roy's shirt. Never did they expect this or anything remotely like it when they left the house this morning. Kanda had felt positive that Emily was okay. He knew that her connection to Emily had left her confused and even rattled at times, but this time she seemed so sure.

"I'll get the Rover," he said softly knowing that she wouldn't be able to walk back to the office building parking deck.

Roy held her in his arms and felt his shirt grow wet with tears knowing this would devastate her as it would affect them all in the days to come.

Johnny slowly walked to the parking garage his mind numb and his entire chest hurting. When he exited the elevator he stopped cold seeing Kindle standing by the truck.

"Mr. Gage?"

He was wary and approached the vehicle with caution. Emotions were torn between downright despair and utter rage. "What do you want?"

Kindle eyed the young man carefully still expecting him to demand something from what Emily had left behind. Somehow a part of him though felt strength from Johnny's anger. Looking into his eyes he suddenly realized that in another time, perhaps another path in life he would have like this person. Yes, he might have even liked him for his Emily.

"It was very difficult to have to tell you that news. I hope you understand that."

Johnny didn't want to talk about it. He didn't want to even think about it because he was sure if he didn't get home soon his heart would break in two. "I have to get my sister."

"John."

He paused before opening the door. "What else do you want from us? You made it clear you didn't like us." He threw his hands up. "You win now so can you just please leave us alone."

Kindle put his hand on the door before Johnny could close it. "There is more to what has happened than you are fully aware of." He internally struggled with what he was doing.

"What is that supposed to mean?"

Kindle shook his head. "Take your sister home and take care of her. I will contact you soon with more information."

Now Johnny was just lost. What the hell was that supposed to mean? He looked up again at the sound of footsteps leaving. In that moment of watching Kindle walk away he felt the urge to run and tackle him, to hold him down and force him to explain why this happened, why an innocent mother and child died today and he sat around sipping coffee and lurking in parking decks. He hated the man, hated the connection he had with Emily, and hated that he seemed unmoved by the news of losing her.

Climbing behind the wheel he punched the dashboard so hard his hand hurt and he didn't care. Fighting the tears of anger, pain and loss he began to work his way back to the others.

Reaching the ranch Roy had to carry Kanda in. She had cried until she had fallen asleep and he put her straight to bed before moving downstairs to find Johnny standing in front of the fireplace. He was staring at Emily's finished painting of the farm house.

"I can't believe she's gone."

Roy sat in the chair beside him not really knowing what to say at this point. "It doesn't seem real yet."

Johnny reached up to lean on the mantle and winced at his hand. Roy noticed right away and stood up.

"Did punching something help?"

"No." Johnny grunted out.

"Let's get it some ice on it."

Without protest Johnny moved to the kitchen with Roy and sat at the table while a bag of ice was fixed and passed over to him. They sat in silence and reflection of what the last few months had given them.

"Do you think they will let us see her?" Johnny asked.

Roy shrugged. "I don't know. We're the closest to family she has really. I think we should be the ones helping with the final arrangements."

"I just don't want her to be alone through this too."

Roy nodded his agreement, unable to say the words anymore.

Morning came and found the family groggy, heavy hearted and dreading the phones calls that needed to be made letting others know what had happened. Roy called Hank knowing he would update the crew then called the hospital knowing they would want to be updated also. The conversation with Brackett had only brought up new questions to Roy's mind that he knew eventually would have to be answered if anyone were to eventually find peace with this.

Upstairs he could hear Kanda up and moving around though she had remained quiet with her thoughts so far.

"I don't understand," Johnny said as he slammed down the phone.

"What?" Roy asked.

"I called Mullins number and they said he no longer works there. What is that all about? And they won't give me any information about what happened or where she is." Johnny was bordering on driving to the station and throttling someone and Roy knew it.

"I wonder if Kindle would know."

Johnny looked up and realized that he never told Roy about Kindle being in the garage waiting on him. He briefly filled him in on what happened and that Kindle would be contacting them.

"Maybe that's what he meant." Roy pondered.

He shrugged. "I don't know, maybe."

"He lied to us."

They looked to the stairs as Kanda came down them then sat on the couch by Roy.

"Who lied sis?"

She looked at them. Her eyes were puffy from so much crying and there was heartache written all over her. "Kindle, he lied to us."

"Why do you think he lied?" Roy asked as he held her hand.

"I'm not real sure exactly, but something isn't right. The story he told isn't right about what happened. I think he's hiding something."

Johnny ran his fingers through his hair. "I knew I didn't like that guy."

Roy wasn't convinced. "What would he have to hide?" He knew the news about Emily had hit Kanda harder than any of them and now he was growing concerned about her ability to accept it.

"Maybe he wants her money." Johnny blasted out.

"Whoa now Johnny. We don't have any reason to think he had something to do with this." Roy saw the resentment and anger brewing. It was clear Johnny needed someone to blame and someone to pay for what happened. "First we need to find out exactly what happened okay?"

That wasn't what his friend wanted to hear so he turned and headed out the front door slamming it in his wake. Kanda flinched at the noise.

"I'll go talk to him," Roy said.

"No, give him some time. This has been a lot to process." She said softly.

The rest of the afternoon went by quietly with each lost in their own thoughts and attempts to support each other. Roy sat on the swing with Kanda soaking in the warm afternoon sun and gentle breeze when he saw a car coming down the road towards them. It was Dixie and Roy was relieved at getting some help and support for Kanda. He wasn't use to her being so quiet and it put his internal sensors into overdrive.

She climbed out of the car and headed up the stairs, the tears she had already shed still leaving her eyes red.

"Roy." She reached to hug him and felt the warmth she generated.

"Thanks for coming Dix."

"Of course. When Kel called I knew I couldn't just sit around at home." She moved to the swing and sat beside Kanda, taking her hand in her offering of comfort.

* * *

><p>Kindle sat at his desk with his head in turmoil. He kicked himself for meeting John Gage in the garage no longer sure what the right decision was. In one hand he held Emily's birth certificate, in the other her death certificate which would be official when it left the office.<p>

What should have been a simple decision before had now become more complicated than he ever dreamt was possible.


	30. Chapter 30

WHITE OUT

Absence from whom we love is worse than death, and frustrates hope severer than despair. ~William Cowper

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thanks for all the comments and messages. Some of you are pulling things together now._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 30<p>

The man looked at the slumped over body beside him in the backseat of the car. He knew she needed medical attention, but his directions had been very clear. Get her and deliver her to a secret location. He gently nudged her.

"Are you okay?"

She pulled herself from the light sleep she had fallen into. "Yea, I'm okay." She said as she tried to focus on the darkened world that was flying by. "Where are we going?" The two men had given her no information so far.

"Mr. Kindle has set up a safe house for you. You will be there in a few hours."

She looked at the mystery rescuer who eyed her with concern. "And Nick?"

"The FBI is pursuing him now."

That clearly wasn't what she wanted to hear. "You mean you didn't find him?"

He watched fear cross her features. "You will be kept safe Miss until he is found. Mr. Kindle has made all the arrangements."

Just knowing he was in control took the fear from her. It was part of the arrangement that no one would know where she was, for as long as she desired or needed. This time it would be until either this little one decided to enter the world or they had caught up with Nick, which ever was first. The lights outside began to grow more frequent and soon she realized they were at a landing strip at an airport so small it only had one building. A private plane was waiting for her and if apprehension didn't cloud the whole situation she might have giggled with the stealth of it all.

Flaunting her money was never her style. It was there when she needed it otherwise it was safely invested for future needs. The only thing she had learned along the way was to be safe. Once, when Maggie was very small she had received anonymous letters that scared her almost into seclusion. It was then that she and Kindle had come up with a safety plan and although she later learned it was a jealous family member she forever realized that the life she had now came with risks. Kindle took those risks seriously and she did nothing to weaken that drive in him. It offered her security to know that he would put her life as a top priority. There wasn't a spoken explanation for her faith or his dedication but never did she doubt his intentions.

"Thank you," she told the nice mystery rescue man.

"Good luck Ms. Jackson and baby Jackson," he smiled then disappeared back into the car.

A new set of hands helped her up the flight of stairs and into a comfortable seat. Within minutes she was reclined back with a soft blanket and the plane was in the air. Fatigue wrapped itself around her and sleep found her quickly.

When she was awoken, the sun was up and she realized she had lost track of time. The plane had already landed and was parked at another small airport. The flight officer placed a bulky silver suitcase on the table beside Emily and opened it up to reveal a radio communication phone. When it was set up she placed the call with anxiety. What had truly happened down there? Where was Nick, and more than anything where was her family that she missed so much?

"Emily?"

"I'm here." Her voice was weary now as exhaustion from the days of torment lingered.

"Are you okay?" His voice was laced with worry.

"Yes. Where am I going?"

"I can't disclose that over this connection but you will be safe."

"Kindle please tell me, Kanda?"

There was a pause. "She is fine Emily, just fine."

A sob came out as she fought back the tears at the news. Kanda was okay, thank God.

"When I can I see them."

"Emily, your safety is my only priority right now. Do you understand that?"

Longing quickly turned into concern. "Of course, but what's wrong?"

"They never stopped looking for you, they never gave up."

Again she fought back the tears.

He continued. "I needed them to stop looking for you until you were safe."

Her heart skipped a beat. "What did you do?"

"They think you did not survive the escape from Nick."

Her heart sank. They thought she had been killed. She couldn't imagine how that affected them and the heartache they were going through. "Not that way please, not that way. Why?" She asked through her tears.

"You know the answer to that question and why it must be this way."

She didn't want those details. She didn't care what he had done to get rescued her anymore. The joy in her escape was returning to her family and he was telling her that wasn't even possible and the thought of having her baby alone broke her heart. She whispered a please to him through her tears before the connection was lost. As the phone case was removed and replaced with a hot breakfast she curled up and put the blanket over her head so the tears wouldn't be seen.

She was once again alone.

* * *

><p>Phone calls had been nothing but frustrating as no one would give them any answers. They had managed to learn that Nick was still on the loose and that just fueled their fire for information. The local police station repeatedly claimed no knowledge since it had turned the case over to the FBI. The FBI refused to discuss the existence of Mullins and the pursuit of Nick, and in the middle of it all Emily seemed to have vanished from the face of the earth. No amount of begging, pleading or threatening had managed to give them any results.<p>

Johnny had just returned from riding, an escape that gave him time to think and clear his mind some, when he exited the barn to see a strange car in the driveway. Dusting off his jeans he came around the corner of the house to see Kindle standing on the front porch alone. Instantly his blood pressure shot up. In the week since delivering the news of Emily's death they had been devastated by the loss and the aftermath of chaos.

"What do you want?" His voice was angry and harsh.

"It's time we talked."

Part of Johnny didn't want to hear anything the man had to say. If Kanda said he lied to them then Johnny no longer trusted him any further than he could pick him up and toss him. Roy and Kanda heard the commotion and came from the back yard to join Johnny at the stairs.

"Mr. Kindle," Roy greeted him with great reserve.

"I need to speak to you all."

Kanda didn't say anything as she opened the front door and led them to the living room. Each took a seat quietly and the air was thick with feelings of grief, anger, and hostility.

"Maybe you can tell us what the hell is going on around here." Johnny demanded. "Why can't we get any answers from anyone? It's like she disappeared off the face of the planet."

Kindle put his hands together, resting his fingers on his chin before he spoke. He knew this had to be handled carefully.

"Did Emily ever share with you how we met?"

Johnny didn't care about that, he wanted answers. "What does that have to do with anything?"

"Please Mr. Gage. This is important."

With a huff Johnny leaned back into the chair and slung his foot up to rest on his knee.

Kanda spoke softly and with caution. "No, she never spoke of it."

"I knew Emily's mother before she was born and had always been aware of her growing up and the concerning issues she faced. When she was about 15 I chose to take a more active role in her painting pursuits and financed her schooling."

Kanda remembered something that had gotten her attention earlier. "The paintings in your office are hers."

He smiled and once again was amazed at the woman's insight. Soon she would put it all together if he wasn't careful. "Yes. Those are Emily's paintings from school that she sent to me. When her mother grew ill she privately asked me to be her guardian if anything should happen to either her or her husband." He carefully watched each of them. "The fact that I had training as a financial officer and became a lawyer placed me in the position to watch over her and then her business as she grew older."

Kanda narrowed her eyes and focused on the man in front of her. There was something there that she had not yet figured out, but felt on the verge of it.

Johnny didn't stay quiet long enough for her to concentrate any further on it. "Well, seems that you didn't do a very good job of keeping her safe this time did you?"

Kindle inwardly flinched. "It was disturbing when he re-entered the picture. I always knew his motives though I grossly underestimated his determination."

"Exactly what were his motives?" Roy asked.

"The man has always been about money, greed, and power. He unfortunately had a bad gambling habit and managed to find himself in debt to some very corrupt and powerful people."

Johnny just shook his head. "He just wanted her money?"

"Sadly yes."

Kanda held her head down. "So he wanted money and she paid the ultimate price for it."

"Well, not exactly."

That caught them off guard. Kanda tilted her head a bit. "Exactly what does that mean?"

"As I have said before, I will keep her safe no matter what I have to do to accomplish that."

_Will?_

Roy picked up on it immediately. "_Will_ keep her safe?"

Kanda gasped leaving Johnny to look between the two.

"I've come to find you have a very astute perception Dr. Gage. It's very intriguing in fact."

Kanda starting crying and Johnny stood up. "What's going on?"

Kindle looked at him and let a small smile peek through his formal stance. "Emily is alive and well."

Johnny nearly fell backwards into the chair and he could only manage to stutter out, "What? How? What?"

"We found her with Nick actually on the day I met with you. You caught me off guard knowing so much and pursuing her relentlessly. I had to make sure she was completely safe before letting anyone know, including you. It did truly distress me to have to lie to you but it was the only way I could think to make you stop hunting her."

"You've known for a week?" Roy was irritated now. "Do you know what you put us through?"

He watched the tears run past Kanda's huge smile. "Emily and I have a plan that keeps her safe in emergencies, but until now we have never had to use it. Honestly, until I met with you at the café that morning I had no intention of ever letting you know she was alive. My plan was to change her identity and keep her safe from all of her insane relatives. But then, you came to the meeting and for the first time I could see that you cared as much about her as she does about you."

"She's alive." Johnny was still stunned. "Where? Where is she?"

Kanda's eye pleaded with him. "Please, can we see her?"

This was going to be harder than he anticipated. "She is somewhere safe and still very afraid that Nick will find her. I can no longer exclude the possibility that he will never stop hunting for her."

Roy gestured at them all. "We'll keep her safe."

"Like you did the last time?" Seeing the hurt in their eyes, especially Kanda's he instantly regretted his words.

"Look, I'm very sorry. You took excellent care of her and I realize that you had no control over what he chose to do. Just because she is out of his grasp his desperation is not diminished. And because of that she must be kept safe from him."

"What is she so afraid of?" Johnny asked.

He looked into Kanda's eyes with a gentleness they had not seen before. "She's afraid of him but more than anything she's afraid of him hurting you." He then looked at them all. "She was devastated that one of you was hurt and she has chosen to put herself into hiding until he is caught to keep you from further danger. At first, yes she wanted to see you and was very upset with me for how I handled the situation. See she didn't know what I had told you until after the fact, so please do not blame her for it."

"And now?" Roy asked.

"Being alone isn't her true desire, but to her your safety is more important. She has forbidden me to tell where she is."

This was too complicated for Kanda. "What about the baby?"

"She hasn't delivered yet."

"Please don't let her be alone when the baby comes." Kanda pleaded with him now feeling a new fear emerge.

"I have medical care for her when the time comes for her delivery." His own frustration came through for a second. "Trust me, I hate that she is alone through this also."

Kanda was up now on her feet. Enough was enough. "No! She can't do it alone. She needs us there with her." She looked at Johnny and Roy.

Johnny stood up with her. "She's right. If she can't come to us, then take us to her. We will see her through it."

He looked to Johnny. "You gave her a gift, yes?"

He sat back in the chair. "Yea."

Kindle smiled. "It's the key."

"Key to what?"

"I agree with you all. I can't be there with her or it will destroy the illusion of her death to those she is hiding from." He nodded his head. "She has spent most of her life alone and I don't want her to face this without love and support around her. John, I know that Emily shared more of her past with you than anyone in her existence. I can't tell you where she is, but that gift is the key."

"Wait a minute," Johnny said standing up. "What do you mean?"

He put his hand on Johnny's shoulder. "Think about it son and you will figure it out. Then go to her. "

Then he turned and left leaving them speechless.

"What was that all about?" Johnny said to Roy.

"I feel like I'm in a James Bond film," Roy replied back with frustration.

Part of Kanda was beginning to unravel the relationship Kindle had with Emily and the trust she first had for him was stronger than ever. "He wants us to find her but he isn't allowed to tell us where she is."

"Then how are we supposed to know?" Johnny asked.

"Where's that picture?"

* * *

><p>Emily awoke tired and a little achy. Perhaps it was the old mattress she debated with a deep stretch to awaken tired muscles. After ambling to the kitchen she pulled out a kettle and began to work on making some tea. Leaning against the counter she peeled an orange and bit into it savoring the sweet scrumptious flavor. Nutrition had been on the back burner in the last few weeks and had left her weakened. Her pampering, vitamins, and supplements had been a world away. Now though she focused on everything that went past her lips and seemed to not be able to get enough of the healthy nourishment that the kitchen cupboards had been stocked with. Once the kettle whistled she took her tea and moved to the couch put her feet up and contemplated what they day would hold for her. Smiling at the desk she still was very glad to see a working phone and radio with generator back up. Her fears of being stranded in the past were put to rest as Kindle checked on her daily with reassurance that she was being kept safe and she could contact him at any moment with any need.<p>

She knew her due date was in just a couple of days and Kindle apparently had a doctor lined up to deliver her princess and a helicopter on call to transport her quickly. Though she missed her family she was finding a new peace at being a free woman again and took pleasure in the simple things like food, sunshine, clean clothes, and access to the outside world when she needed it. More than once she had passed the phone and almost picked it up to call them and beg them to come be with her, but she resisted determined to keep them safe this time. There was no way she would let her selfishness put them in harm's way.

This place had been musty, creaky, anciently old and so full of memories when she first arrived she could scoop them up into her pockets. First thing she had done was open up the windows and doors to let the beautiful fresh air in which had made unpacking the numerous boxes a relaxing task. She had to chuckle, leave it to Kindle to be so dang thorough. It seems he had sent her everything and maybe even a kitchen sink. Although the cabin had been thoroughly cleaned and stocked before her arrival she had taken her time setting up the basic needs of the kitchen and bedroom, then the bathroom. After fixing herself a snack she sat on the porch swing and suddenly felt pangs of being homesick as she remembered the wonderful evenings on the ranch swing with Kanda at her side.

The journey here had allowed her to catch up on some information that she so desperately needed to know. First and foremost Kanda was okay, healed up and was back at work. They had never stopped looking for her and for that she was the most touched. Never had anyone cared enough to hunt her down to all corners of the earth, until now. Also important she had learned that Nick had gotten away and had headed, they thought, to Canada in escape. It was obvious that Kindle was still holding back on information regarding the pursuit of him and she found it easy to release that worry to someone else for a change. Kindle desired her to stay safely away for a little bit longer until they had their hands on him and with that logic she couldn't argue.

She wanted them to know where she was and she desperately needed them with her. But Kindle's argument was valid. As long as they remained in the dark they were safe. Nick had found them through her and her longing for their faces took a backseat to her needs.

"Soon little one, soon." She rubbed her belly as she hummed a lullaby until she fell asleep in the swing.

* * *

><p>They sat in the living room with the painting propped on the fireplace as each one studied the individual pictures in the mural.<p>

"He did this on purpose," Johnny said. "To drive us insane and leave him alone."

"No." Kanda said as she eyed the collage. "He wants us to find her."

"It would have been a lot easier if he just gave us an address."

She looked at Roy and chuckled. "I think that's exactly what he did. Don't you see?"

They looked at her with blank expressions.

"She spent her whole life running from those who didn't care about her, from people who only wanted to hurt her. Finally she grows to trust us and that past comes back to hurt us. She's pushing us away, but he _knows_ she needs us. I think he desperately wants us to know."

"So it's in the picture." Roy said as he stared at it.

She pointed to the first picture. "This is her grandmother's house where she spent a lot of time, right?"

Johnny shook his head. "She couldn't be there. She said it burned down a few years ago."

"Maybe it really didn't."

They looked at Roy. "Possible," Kanda said. "I'll check the archives. Do we know where it was?"

"Not exactly, somewhere in the Rockies is all I know. How are we going to find that out when her family won't even talk to us?"

"Okay, something for our list. Next is this picture of her and Maggie at a park. What park?"

Roy knew this one. "That's the little park across the street from her apartment." He shook his head. "Could she be hiding in plain site?"

"No, I don't think she would go somewhere that obvious but it gets added to the list."

"This is the oak tree in the front yard so we can mark that out. This cabin in the snow, she said was something she painted on vacation in Germany." Kanda sat down dismayed. "If she's in Germany we'll never find her."

"So we have her grandmother's house, some German house, and her apartment." Roy said with a frown.

Roy looked at Johnny. "You take her apartment and anything possible in the surrounding area, Kanda and I will check the library archives and records for family homes." He looked at his watch. "Let's meet back here by six."

By dark they had regrouped at the house empty of information and disheartened by their lack of ability to figure it out. Kanda fixed them a quick dinner and as they nibbled without interest and stared at the picture.

"I'm sticking with the theory he wants to drive us insane." Johnny mumbled.

Kanda paced the floor then put the plate down on the table. "He said you could figure it out Johnny, so it's here somewhere. Ugh, I can't even eat right now."

Johnny looked at his plate of food down then also set it down. Standing up he walked over to the picture and ran his finger over the snow covered cabin. "Germany."

"Johnny, we can't go to Germany." Roy said with food in his mouth.

"Ya know, one day we were sitting on the back porch and she told me all about how her grandmother cooked the best German food she had ever eaten. And how she loved visiting Germany after her grandmother was gone because she missed the food. That's what inspired the painting."

"So, did she tell you where the house is?" Kanda wasn't sure how this was going to help.

He paced the floor and shook his head as he continued to think it through. "No, only that her grandmother had a German heritage and she even taught her to fix her favorite dishes for cold winter nights." His face lit up like he had just discovered the secret to the universe and in a way he had, their own private universe.

"You know where she is." It was a statement from Roy not a question.

"This cabin might not be her grandmothers, but the food was served on snowy night's right here in California."

"Oh Johnny, she went back to the cabin?" Kanda was on her feet now too.

Johnny looked at his watch. "If we hurry we can make it at sun up."


	31. Chapter 31

WHITEOUT

Love me and the world is mine. ~David Reed

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off, and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 31<p>

Mullins stood outside the hotel door, gun drawn and counted to himself. On three he kicked in the door and pointed the gun around the room only to find it empty.

"UUUGGHH!" He growled with the endless frustration that this hunt had taken him on. Nick seemed to always be one step ahead of him and the pressure to find the degenerate was growing now. The elusive man was his ticket out of the association he had formed with the largest crime family in LA. Kindle was supposed to make the process easier and he remembered the conversation clearly.

"_Why should I do any business with you?"_

"_You're the one on a one way street to the bottom of a river, not me." Kindle replied, inwardly smiling at the cliché it painted. "Your job is to give them Nick and they will," he cleared his throat, "forgive your failures."_

_Mullins shifted nervously in his seat. "I could lose my job over this."_

_Kindle shrugged. "I'm not threatening you with anything Agent Mullins. I also am not the one that you failed. My involvement in any of this is solely for the information you can provide and the safe rescue of someone very important to me. I am simply clarifying the situation you have created and offering a solution that is beneficial for us both."_

_He thought hard about the offer. Kindle got the girl and he got Nick. "Okay, but I have to work under the radar on this."_

"_Understandable. I am working on locating them now; however, I suspect that soon she will be calling."_

_Mullins laughed. "Why would he let her call you?" He knew enough about Nick to know that he was just another moron on the gambling debt train to hell, but surely he wasn't that stupid._

"_The fact that he will eventually require money is an easy assumption."_

_Whatever games Nick played didn't affect the fact that he was at a dead end of options and his own life was now on the line. "Okay. We have a deal Mr. Kindle. You tell me where they are and I will make sure she is delivered safely, then Nick is mine."_

He hunted through the room for clues to his next destination and smiled when he found a piece of paper that had dropped between the bed and the nightstand. Tucking it into his pocket he headed back to LA knowing exactly where Nick was headed. The trick was getting to him, before he got to her.

* * *

><p>Emily was up early and felt the most rested that she had in weeks. A good swift kick from her daughter sent her straight to the bathroom and she found herself feeling energized for the new day. Deciding to use her energy to clean up the cabin a bit she set out new sheets for the bed and even unpacked a newly delivered box marked 'Little Princess'. That one actually brought a big smile to her face to think of Kindle writing that.<p>

Inside were baby blankets, booties, hats, and even a pack of diapers. She put them into the diaper bag that was also enclosed and set it by the door. The next bag she packed was a small duffle bag with a change of clothes for her along with some personal items. It went beside the diaper bag. Hands on hips she self-proclaimed readiness for the big event.

The morning passed quickly and feeling a craving for pasta she put some water on to boil and rinsed off a few baby carrots and beans to steam later at lunch. Knowing that the old stove was very slow to heat up she decided to wander outside and soak up some much needed vitamin D.

Leisurely making her way down the driveway and unaware where she was headed the broken off trees and cleared brush at the side of the road took her by surprise. This was where their truck had left the road and tumbled down the side into the ravine below. Standing on the spot she knew it was illogical to think that Jeff was still down there. They had recovered his body and even had the funeral long before she had awoken from her coma; therefore closure had been hard for her in the days that followed. Finally, being here she felt a chance to truly say goodbye and put that part of her life behind her completely.

She grabbed a tree branch and took a couple of steps off the side seeing a small rock ledge to sit on. Her sense of balance was pretty warped but she managed to more or less butt scoot her way down to the firm landing. With her feet hanging off the edge she sat and closed her eyes in a silent farewell to the man she almost married. Leaning back she crossed her legs, took a deep cleansing breath and enjoyed the beautiful view.

After endless days of being locked away in a bedroom she once again remembered how much she loved being here with a new appreciation for the feeling of independence. Well, almost that is. Soon she promised herself to find her way back to true freedom and control over her life. With earphones and her little music player she closed her eyes and let it regenerate her heart and soul.

* * *

><p>Johnny knew the path easily now and as they pulled past Buck's place the anticipation was growing by leaps and bounds in the vehicle. Traffic delays had almost given them all ulcers from the stress, but they were finally almost there.<p>

"How far from here?"

"You're as bad as the kids Roy." Kanda laughed at him though there was no denying the joy they had all felt at this point.

The road turned from paved to gravel and Johnny knew he was getting close. The last time he was here the road was buried under snow but he remembered the edge on one side and the tree line on the other. In another few moments the cabin came into view in the distance.

"There!" Kanda pointed.

They knew it was the right place when they saw the windows all open and the lights on. Johnny pulled up to the side of the house, parked and they all jumped out nearly running to the front door. Kanda wiped her palms on her pants legs as the anticipation built. They had waited so very long for this moment and it was almost a dream to her. With a couple of knocks and getting no answer she eagerly opened the door and made her way inside.

"Hello?" They moved into the living room.

"Emily?" Johnny called out.

Roy turned off the water that was rapidly boiling and put the pot to the side. "Well, she's gotta be somewhere close by."

Johnny stood motionless in the living room unable to believe the transformation the place had undergone since his last visit here. The desolate, depressing and abandoned cabin was full of life now complete with pictures on the walls, plants adorning every corner and a sense of home that it was missing before. She had brought it back to life.

"Look," Roy said as he pointed back to the door.

Kanda picked up the diaper bag and smiled. "Well, she's ready."

"But where is she?" Johnny was tired of waiting and about to overflow with anticipation to see her again. "I'm going to check outside."

Roy took Kanda's hand and with a lift in their steps they followed Johnny down the porch and into the yard.

When she awoke this time there was a moment of pure panic until she realized not only where she was but when she was. Gently rubbing her stomach she turned the music off and took a deep breath filling every cell with the sweet aroma of evergreens and wildflowers.

"Don't worry princess, we will come back soon. This place is going to be an important part of your life." She whispered.

With a last look at the majestic mountain side she knew other duties called her back to the cabin and with a new sense of peace she was ready for her future. Dusting off her pants she decided the next task was getting back to the road. As she stood on the rock she wondered what in the world possessed her to think climbing down here was a good idea to begin with.

Looking up to the road she saw John standing here with a wide eyed shocked look on his face. The feeling of déjà vu was surreal and she instantly decided that end of pregnancy exhaustion must lead to delusions.

"Haven't you learned yet that cliffs are not our friends?" The hallucination said to her.

She smiled at the beautiful sound of his voice almost thankful for how real it seemed. Shrugging she decided to play along knowing that if her heart needed to see him bad enough to make her brain create him, she wouldn't protest too much.

"Well, if I wasn't seeing things I'd climb right up there and tell you how right you were."

His laugh seemed to sing in her ears. "Well, if I'm a hallucination then what are they?" He turned and suddenly Kanda and Roy came up beside him.

Her breathing hitched as she tried to decide if she was dreaming or not.

"Emily?" Kanda said in shock and concern.

Emily froze and felt unable to take the next breath as her heart raced.

"John?"

He shook his head as his eyes and smile filled with joy. "Yes Em, it's really us."

Tears ran down her face. "You're here? You're really here?"

"We're really here Emily." Kanda said as she wiped the tears away. "Now the question is why you are down there?"

Emily couldn't think anymore as her body and brain started scrambling to get up to them. There was no focusing on the impossibility of the task only the immediate and overwhelming need to see them, touch them and confirm that they were real.

"Whoa, whoa there," Roy suddenly said as he and Johnny hurried to get down to her.

When Johnny's feet landed on the rock platform she surprised him by pulling him into her arms for dear life. "You're really here." She kept whispering over and over. "Really here."

He gently pushed her back some and brushed the hair from her face. "Yes, and boy are we glad to see you! Now, are you okay?"

She nodded quickly, "Yea".

His chocolate eyes sparkled. "Then let's get you back to solid ground."

Roy was halfway down and got a firm grip on a branch reaching the other arm out to catch her arm. Once she had a stable grasp on Roy and he pulled her up to his level spot she wrapped her arms around him and quickly kissed him on the cheek.

"Still trying to make sure you're real," she said with a giggle.

He blushed. "Anytime young lady." His head shook slowly with the amazement that she was really standing in front of him. After all they had been through and finally she was really here.

Johnny scooted past Roy back to the road and helped her up the next few steps. Before she could even get the dust off her hands Kanda grabbed her up in a hug that nearly lifted her off the ground.

Emily laughed this time as she hugged her back. "I can't...how?...this...it's just incredible!" She felt like she was stumbling over her words since nothing could truly express her overpowering happiness. "I've missed you guys so much."

"You sure you're alright?" Roy asked concerned. "Did you fall?"

"No, I mean yes I'm fine. No, I didn't fall. I thought I could reach the platform, but apparently forgot about the getting back up part."

"Let's get you inside," Kanda said as she put her arm around Emily's waist and walked with her.

Emily leaned her head against Kanda and breathed in the sweetness of her orange blossom shampoo. "How in the world did you find me?" Suddenly the fear of them getting hurt returned and she stopped abruptly causing everyone to freeze as she pulled away from Kanda.

"You shouldn't be here. It's not safe." She was shaking her head hastily.

Johnny stepped up to her and took her hand. "Em, it's okay. We can take care of ourselves and they will have him in custody soon."

She still didn't understand and her brain was now flooded with endless questions. "But I don't understand how did you even know to come back here?"

Johnny tapped his temple. "Logical reasoning."

Knitting her brow at him, "Kindle?"

Roy chuckled and nodded yes from behind Johnny's back.

Then she realized that it no longer mattered and she accepted the aching need for them to be there as it overwhelmed any other emotion she could possibly have. Her heart told her it was time to be reunited with her family while her head balanced the fact that as adults they would get through what ever happened next together. She squeezed his hand and nodded as they turned and continued the walk to the cabin.

She slowly took the stairs up feeling the ligaments of her belly stretch and once inside Kanda led her straight to the couch. Roy went to the kitchen to fix her something to drink while Johnny pushed the ottoman up under her feet.

Kanda's keen eye had already been working on the assessment of how she was doing from the first moment she saw her. It was easy to note the weight loss which seemed to once again leave her frail and weak appearing. However, the dark circles under her eyes couldn't dull the radiance that was shining from her now. It was also more than a visual assessment that Kanda recognized an even bigger change in her now. Instead of being dead inside and trying to function outside she now seemed to glow with self-confidence.

"How's our princess doing?" Kanda said as she felt her stomach.

"Well, she does a good job of kicking me awake every morning." Then she spoke softer. "I think she's okay in there, I mean, he never let me see a doctor." A shadow of sadness seeped into her furrowed brow speaking volumes as to how hard the last few weeks had been on her.

"Well you have a doctor now," Kanda winked at her. "Tomorrow we're bringing you back home."

They saw her hesitation as worry fought to work its way back in. Johnny sat beside her. "We know you're scared and after all you've been through we can't blame you one bit. But Em we want to help you through all this."

A soft smile escaped. "I'm still speechless. You're here. You came for me."

"That's what families do." Kanda said as she cupped her hand along Emily's cheek.

For the next few hours they sat around while Emily shared some of her journey as a hostage, the places they had hid, her confinement, and his general anger towards everything in life. Johnny had to work to keep control of his anger towards the man that wanted to hurt her, while Roy was amazed at her endurance and strength through it all. Kanda however was nothing short of proud and overjoyed.

"I'm so sorry about what Kindle told you." She held her head down. "I can't imagine how that felt."

Kanda patted her hand. "Our grief started the day you were taken from us. Kindle's words were meant to stop our feelings." She smiled, "But he underestimated us."

Emily was none the less deeply touched. "Trust me; never again will he misjudge what you mean to me."

Johnny moved a cardboard box over and sat on the fireplace. "Good cause I was really starting to not like that man."

She laughed. "He's definitely not easy to get to know." Then she got more serious. "But he's a good man and important to me."

Kanda nodded her head. "Yes he is and we understand that too."

In the moments of quiet Emily realized that Kindle had done exactly what she needed when she needed it. It always seemed to be a knack he had with her through the years and she was suddenly very grateful for him being a part of her life also. Now with her new family back beside her she would have to think hard of how to express her thanks to him.

Their first dinner back together around the table was full of laughter and hearty appetites as they updated her on the happenings at the farm, the kids, and the antics of Chet at work. She felt so blessed at hearing how the 51 family and even her friends at Rampart had missed her and worked so hard to find her.

When clean up time came she offered to help but was banned from kitchen detail and instead helped Johnny and Roy pack up some things she wanted to take back with her to the ranch.

"Thanks John," she said as he placed a picture of her and Maggie in her hands.

"Anything else you can think of?" Roy offered.

She shook her head. "No, thanks though. I really appreciate your help."

"I still can't believe this is the same place." Johnny said as he moved between the rooms. "How did you get all this done so fast?"

"Oh trust me, when I got here I was in no shape to do anything but sleep."

Johnny's clenched his jaw silently only imagining what condition she had escaped in.

"This was Kindle's work. I had some boxes to unpack but for the most part everything was done before I ever arrived."

"Well, it looks great." He ran his fingers over the window pane on the front door remembering how he had to get into the cabin when he was desperate to save her life that cold night.

She walked up beside him and leaned on the door. "I had given up on this place just considering it a place of haunting memories that I was desperate to run away from." Running her finger along the same pane she looked up to him. "You saved me that night, in more ways than one."

He blushed and inched back a bit. "The fact that I even found you at all shows that it was meant to be. We made it back. Em, I….."

Roy hollered from down the hall. "Johnny, can you grab these boxes?"

Emily smiled and moved over to the kitchen where Kanda was busy preparing the food for travel in the morning. Johnny sighed and shot her a grin as he headed down the hall to help Roy.

"You know we wouldn't have found you if it wasn't for the picture Johnny made for you." Kanda said as she passed Emily some hot tea.

"Oh really?" Then she tried to remember all the pictures. "But I didn't make a picture of this place." She was confused now.

"Well, he was a good listener to your stories and put two and two together. I would never have guessed we would wind up back in this neck of the woods though."

Emily laughed. "I bet. I spent many years here with family outings and it holds so many memories. Before I wanted to escape them all, but now I realize how much they mean to me." She rubbed her swollen belly. "I want her to have great memories of this place like I do."

"Can't think of a better place," Kanda said as she took a closer look at the little mother to be. "I know you're probably worn out little momma."

She took a deep breath. "Yea, I'm pretty beat."

Kanda walked with her down the hall while Johnny and Roy moved to the table and began discussing the plan to head out at first light. When Kanda rejoined them Johnny had some questions ready.

"Her due date is tomorrow, you think she's okay to travel?" Roy asked Kanda.

Kanda knew they had to weigh options. "She's dropped and I think the baby is close to coming. I remember her telling Kaila that her first baby came fast so I don't expect anything different this time. I think getting her off this mountain and closer to the hospital is a top priority right now."

Everyone agreed and after a few last minute preparations to close the cabin behind them they headed to get some rest.

Emily lay in bed and couldn't wipe the silly grin off her face. It seemed that all her uncertainties fell away when she looked up and realized that they had come for her. They hadn't hunted her down for items, or money, or a piece of her sanity. They actually came for her with love and devotion generating an astonishing joy that she had not felt in years.

As the cabin grew quiet she made a last bedtime run to the bathroom and looked into the living room to see Roy and Kanda on the couch watching TV exactly as they should be, together. The room across from hers held a twin bed and there she found Johnny sound asleep on his back with his arm resting over his forehead. She was thankful for many things that had happened in the last year, thankful for surviving their snow disaster, and for the life that grew inside her. But, the thing she now realized more than all that? She was thankful that it was John that found her on that fateful white day. He was right, things happen for a reason and now she had a family that she loved and loved her back. Despite all they had been through they had made it back to each other again and that made all the bad endurable.

Settling back into bed she knew that sleep was important and it took a while to find a comfortable position to ease the back pain the seemed to persist all evening.

* * *

><p>After tossing and turning for what seemed like hours she sat up reaching around to rub her aching back and decided to make a bathroom trip. There was nothing like the endless trips to the bathroom and it was something she would not miss about being pregnant. Everyone said it was practice for the up and down trips after having a new baby so she never really complained about it even though it was still annoying at times. The sun wasn't up just yet and not exactly sure what time it was she decided to try and sleep a bit more.<p>

When the morning came it was another beautiful clear day. Johnny stood on the front porch sipping coffee enjoying the cool mountain air.

"I still can't believe how much happened from when I was here the last time."

"A different world for sure," Roy said as he joined him. He watched Johnny grow quiet and thoughtful knowing his memories of what they endured had yet to fade for his friend. "You've come full circle."

Johnny nodded. "Yea, pretty much I guess."

"You did good Junior."

He smiled, "Thanks partner."

"When you two are finished being all reflective out here I've got breakfast ready." Kanda called out the door.

They sauntered back in and joined her at the table.

"Emily up yet?" Johnny asked. He found he couldn't wait to see her again almost like he was still trying to convince himself that she was really there.

"Yea, I heard hear stirring a little bit ago." Kanda said as she placed a plate of eggs and toast on the table.

Emily stood in the bathroom frowning at her puffy eyelids and reading the label on some sore muscle cream. The back pain was constant now and she was feeling very uncomfortable over all, a sharp contrast to her high energy surge the day before. She could hear the voices down the hall and knew everyone was up and like them she was anxious to head back home.

Waddling down the hallway she found herself now breathing with the pain. Labor with Maggie had been fairly classic with hard contractions that make you perfect your primal scream technique, but this was different. She could feel her stomach getting tight but it was hurting in her back. Kanda would know so she headed to the kitchen. The problem was that each step the pains worsened and her breathing got deeper. By the time she reached the end of the hallway she recognized the sensation. They were sitting around talking and laughing when she stepped into view.

"Good morning sunshine," Kanda said with a big smile until she saw Emily's face. "Emily?"

The others looked up to see her holding her back and breathing deeply.

"Umm guys, I think it's time."


	32. Chapter 32

WHITE OUT

Before you were born I carried you under my heart. From the moment you arrived in this world until the moment I leave it, I will always carry you in my heart. ~Mandy Harrison

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the great words. Remember hearing from you guys is as important to me as the Roberts Rules of Order is to Brice ;)_

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 32<p>

They all hit the floor at the same time.

Kanda gently guided her to the couch while Roy dodged out the door to grab the small medical bag from the Rover they had brought with them. Johnny had her other arm and helped her to ease onto the couch, putting a pillow behind her head.

"When did the contractions start?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Really I'm just now feeling them and lots of pressure, but my back's been hurting since yesterday." She looked to Kanda with worry, "I didn't know that was labor, it wasn't like this with Maggie." She took some deep breaths and moaned loudly with the next pain.

"Kanda." Her voice escalated in pitch.

"You're doing great Em, just breath with them," Johnny held her hand and coached her.

Roy pulled out the blood pressure cuff and with a quick meeting of the eyes with Kanda confirmed that things were moving fast. Emily tried to relax back on the couch as Kanda covered her with the blanket then donned some gloves. "Let's see what this princess is planning."

With care and gentleness she did the exam as Emily took deep breaths. "Well, she is definitely coming today," she said with joy. "Good thing we're all packed up and ready to go," she laughed.

"Okay," Emily continued to breath. "What's next?"

"Let's get you to the hospital." Roy said as he packed up the medical bag supplies. The medic was in full force and he wanted her out of the woods and into a hospital as soon as possible.

"But Kaila?"

"I'm sorry Emily," Kanda started, "There's no way you will make it to Rampart and I really don't want to deliver a baby on the interstate. The local hospital will have someone on call to help us."

"Okay. Kindle has help ready for me. We can call him. His number is right beside the phone." Then the next contraction forced a strong moan out of her. "I think we should call him now," she panted.

Roy moved over to the phone and dialed the number written on a pad beside it.

"Kindle." Apparently it was a direct line to his office and his tone was formal.

"Mr. Kindle, this is Roy DeSoto."

"Emily?" His voice instantly changed to one laced with concern.

"She's okay, but in active labor and we need to get her to the hospital as fast as possible." There was no hiding the sound of urgency in his tone.

"I will call for transport. They will land at the store just below her cabin and drive up to get her."

"We'll meet them at Bucks." Roy could hear her crying out with contractions. "How long?" He knew time was working against them at this point.

"Twenty minutes."

Roy took a deep breath. "Hurry."

"Roy?"

"Yes?" He answered feeling a mounting frustration that seemed to have no quick release.

"Please take good care of her," his voice softened, "She means more to me than you could ever know."

He was taken aback by the depth of the man's caring. This was more than a benefactor or guardian looking out for a client. "We will. Just hurry please."

Things moved quickly as Johnny and Roy grabbed bags and loaded up the Rover. Kanda made sure the stove was off and quickly shoved the food in the refrigerator.

"Let's go," Kanda said trying to still her own pounding heartbeat.

The ride to Buck's store wasn't far and it was the safest place for the chopper to land. They just had to get her there. Emily waited on the couch until the last minute with Johnny talking her through every contraction. He took her arm and helped her to a sitting position and as she panted through the contraction he seriously questioned the ability to move her at this point. Standing up she gasped and looked down to the floor. By the time his brain registered that her water had broken she let out a groaning scream calling Roy and Kanda back into the house with panic on their faces.

"I don't think we're gonna make it," Johnny said, now a bit stunned.

Emily was now moaning heavily through her teeth now and Kanda knew the signs of her bearing down.

"We need to get her to the bedroom." She said hurriedly while her planning shifted to what would be available here for the delivery.

In one swift motion Roy picked her up and carried her down the hall and to her room, laying her gently down on the bed. Kanda got into position to check her again and when the look of concern crossed her face Roy picked up on it instantly. She reached up with her other hand to palpate her abdomen as she tried to feel for the position.

"Emily, has she been real active?"

"Yes, she likes summersaults," she panted between the quick breaths.

All eyes were on Kanda now as she reached again to confirm what she felt. "Well, it seems that this little one wants to enter the world feet first."

Johnny's heart seemed to miss a couple of beats. "She's breech?"

Kanda nodded, "She sure is. I seem to have a pair of feet in my hand."

Roy stood up. "Do we have time to get to her to the hospital?" This was bad, this was real bad. It was a complication when attempted during any natural birth and all his mind could picture was the woman that recently died in his hands.

She shook her head quickly as Emily screamed out again. "Nope, she's coming right now." She looked over to Roy. "I'll need something to tie off the cord and cut it."

Roy quickly left the room. He had items to track down and an emergency phone call to make.

"What's wrong?" Emily cried.

She looked up at Emily's worried face. "Don't worry honey; it's going to be alright. Second babies tend to come much faster so we're about to have a baby."

Her panting was hard and erratic. "I can't breathe!"

Kanda's voice remained calm and patient with her. "I want you to breathe through the next few contractions and let her come down just a bit more okay? Listen to Johnny, Emily."

Johnny sat beside her on the bed his back effectively turned against Kanda as he leaned in close and locked eyes with her. "You can do this Em I know you can. Breathe with me. That's it in….out, breathe Em, you're doing it."

Emily focused on him as if he was her lifeboat in a vast empty ocean, but the pain and feeling of panic was engulfing her in rapid sequence.

Roy re-entered the room and placed the needed items beside her on the bed. "Turned?" He asked with great hope.

A quick shake of her head let them know it wasn't going to happen.

"Okay Emily, it's time. I need you to give me some good strong pushes okay?" Kanda directed her as she continued to manipulate the baby's position.

She nodded quickly and took a deep breath as she focused on Johnny's each word. Pushing with all her might she remained tense and panting when the contraction was over.

"I can't breathe!" Her voice was full of panic and the look between Johnny and Roy knew they were sharing the same horrific image.

Fighting down the fear that threatened to take over Roy knelt beside Emily and spoke softly to her. "You're doing great Emily. We're right here and you're going to be okay. I need you to slow your breathing down for us."

She tuned into the voices around her and relaxed her breathing and her body. "That's it Em, you're doing great. Slow deep breaths." Roy continued to encourage her.

Johnny kept one hand on her abdomen and could feel the tightening underneath the skin. "Here comes another one Em, look at me okay?"

Her eyes locked on him again. "Yes."

"Breath, that's it, breath for me, now push!"

Their voices remained soothing but firm with directions to handle each contraction as it came. With guidance her breathing became in synch with the contraction and she was able to close her eyes and rest between them.

"She'll be here soon Em. You're doing perfect." Johnny cheered her on as he felt his own excitement grow.

Perspiration beaded on her face and chest, her hair now damp from the effort she was exerting. "You're here, that's all that matters. I think she was waiting for you," she said as she looked at each one of them.

Kanda again palpated her belly. "Good Emily, very good. A few more pushes like that last one and she'll be here."

Roy placed a wet washcloth on her head as he stood ready for anything Kanda might need. The next two contractions really seemed to work Emily hard as Kanda steadied her grip on the emerging feet.

"Okay Emily, this is it" Kanda encouraged her.

Roy watched the feet begin to emerge and thanked the heavens above for Kanda being with them. If they couldn't be in a hospital then at least they were all with her now. Her concentration was intense as she worked to guide the baby into the world.

"Come on Emily, push honey, push." Her voice was firm and more intense now.

Johnny's volume rose as Emily's cries grew more intense. "You can do this Em, push!"

Suddenly Kanda looked up. "Stop Emily, stop pushing for a minute."

"Breath Em, breath for me," Johnny encouraged not letting the eye contact break. "That's it, focus on me and breathe."

Roy stood beside Kanda and could see that her entire body was out, except for the head. His heart sank seeing how limp she was.

"Emily, listen to me," she said sternly. "I need you to push with everything you have left. I know you're tired but she has to come out right now. Emily PUSH!"

Maybe it was excitement to see her, or the fear she felt at what reflected in Kanda's eyes, but Emily bore down with everything she had left to give. Her ears rang with all their voices pleading for her to push harder and with a final scream she collapsed back into Johnny's arms.

Then there was silence.

* * *

><p>Nick had searched for them with no luck and his frustration was at its peak. Walking down the busy sidewalk he growled at those who bumped into him ignoring the shocked looks on their faces. He didn't know how she had done it, but this was all her doing and he had no intentions of letting her get away with it. His eyes darted all around him endlessly wondering if the police were following just behind him at every juncture making his life utterly miserable. Normally he wouldn't brazenly cruise the streets like this, so open and public but one thing he had discovered in the last few days was who is pursuer actually was. It wasn't really the police department, not even the FBI. It was a single man, a man he despised, not necessarily for who he was since Nick had never met him before. It was for who he worked for. Nick was livid all the way through knowing this man had a personal mission to hunt him down and return him to the one place he had been running from. Hell, jail was a better alternative than what this corrupt cop planned for him.<p>

He still had a chance. It was slim, but he wasn't going to let go of it just yet. He could wait. And Hide. Tucking his self into a small alley he crouched down behind a dumpster knowing he was close and he would come back. He only had to wait.

* * *

><p>Kanda picked her up and placed her on Emily's stomach while Roy tied the string around the cord and cut it. Emily's body heaved with sobs of exhaustion and anguish, her eyes still closed in fear of what they would see.<p>

"Emily look." Kanda's voice was soft and tender.

Emily quieted her tears a bit and painfully opened her eyes. She was there, lying on her chest, her daughter and she was beautiful and perfect with open eyes wide open looking at her.

"She's too quiet," she said, afraid to touch her.

Kanda took a towel and rubbed her back, drying her off and their ears were filled with the lusty lungs of someone protesting her backwards and ungraceful entrance into the world.

Emily began crying again only now they were truly tears of joy. "Shhhh, don't cry baby, its okay." She pulled her up closer as Roy snuggled a blanket around her.

Kanda couldn't help but cry with her. "She's perfect Emily, absolutely perfect."

She really was. Her index finger traced along her forehead, down her soft and moist cheek to the perfectly little pouty lips and she marveled at her beauty. Her fist was already in her mouth in search of food and her blue eyes bright with life. She twirled her finger in the delicate locks of blonde hair smiling at the wonder of her.

"You were incredible Em," Johnny said as he placed his finger into the tiny hand. He had assisted many births as a fireman and then a medic but this was different in a way he never thought was possible. Even though the tiny life in front of him wasn't his there was a place in his heart instantly filled with love for her.

"She needs a name you know," Johnny whispered to Emily.

Emily nodded as her fingers brushed against the soft cheek and tiny nose.

"Welcome to the world Miss Catherine Rose Jackson."

Kanda gasped and Johnny smiled. Catherine was Emily's grandmother she loved so much and Rose was Kanda's middle name.

"Emily." Kanda didn't know what to say.

Emily took her hand. "That's what families do."

* * *

><p>Johnny leaned back in the rocking chair, cradling the sleeping Rose in his arms as Emily slept beside him. So much had happened in the last few months that it left his head spinning. A vacation that turned into a struggle to survive with a stranger delivering him from a white out of death followed by a friendship that had touched their hearts in a way no one could expect. He mused on Kindle, a man of confusing means that had gone from unknown, to judgmental, to bad guy then full circle to benefactor of unbelievable proportions. It was obvious the man cared about her and his reference to Emily's mother had stirred a list of new questions in Johnny's brain that he careful tucked away for future reference. He learned long ago to trust Kanda's intuition when it came to people. So if she felt he was a good man then he would believe in her faith, for now. They still had a psychotic ex on the loose and that worry had never left his mind and just thinking about him made Johnny's blood boil.<p>

Rose stirred and yawned effectively redirecting his thoughts to something more pleasant. Then he looked to Emily resting so peacefully in an unfaltering faith that she was being cared for. Sadness gripped his heart and he grimaced trying to figure out what caused it. But he knew, deep down. She would leave soon. She had her own home, life, work, and being at the ranch was just temporary. The thought of her leaving wasn't terrifying to him, but he knew that her not being a part of their lives was painful and he never wanted to go through that again.

Roy stepped in the room quietly to check on Emily and silently chuckled at his partner in the rocking chair. "How's she doing?"

Johnny beamed then whispered. "Both sleeping like babies. What happened to the chopper?"

"Buck left a little while ago to let them know she'd delivered and we'd be there in just a little bit."

He nodded back, "Thanks."

"Enjoy pally. We'll head out in about fifteen minutes."

With that Roy left and Johnny went back to his humming.


	33. Chapter 33

WHITE OUT

Don't ever save anything for a special occasion. Being alive is the special occasion. ~Author Unknown

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thank you so much for all the great words._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 33<p>

Dixie pressed her fingers to her temples as she silently battled the headache from Hades. The ER had been slammed for hours with an endless stream of patients. Everything had come through the doors from major trauma to finger splinters and she was sure that the most demanding families had been the ones with the splinters. One definitely expects busy days in a high level trauma center, but some days the petty issues seem to weigh you down faster than others. Looking down the hall she had nurses and orderlies working quickly and quietly to bring the unit back up to par in the aftermath of the shift.

"Quite a day," Joe remarked as he plopped his last chart into the completed stack with a thud.

Brackett came up behind him with another stack of papers. "You can say that again." He leaned against the desk and tucked his pen safely back into his pocket. "Maybe we can catch a break for a while."

Joe chuckled. "And what will we do with _all_ that free time?"

"Oh please fella's don't say another word or you're going to curse us." Dixie begged.

"Sorry Dix, we just don't want you to get b..," Joe started but the look of intense evil that shot from her eyes stopped him dead in his tracks before he could finish the word.

That word. It was the one word that universally had been known to bring hospital departments to their knees when uttered by someone with not enough to do. Joe took his finger and zipped his lips shut even though the smirk remained.

She eyed him with a frown. "I'm willing to do anything just see the end of this day. So don't push your luck."

Kel laughed this time. "Well, I'm definitely too tired to argue with you so you win."

"Good," she grumbled. "That's exactly how it should always be."

He lifted an eyebrow at her. "Is it now? Is this a new Dixie rule we don't know about yet?"

"Watch it Kel or I have a feeling she will find something for us to do."

Dixie didn't crack a smile. "Trust me, I can."

When the phone beside her rang they all nearly jumped.

"Emergency room, Dixie McCall." She paused to listen then looked at the doctors. "Oh hey Roy, is everything okay?"

That had their attention. Her brow furrowed. "Sure hold on."

"Kel, Roy needs to give report on a patient." She passed the phone over.

"I didn't realize he was on duty tonight." He said as he took the phone.

"This is Brackett, what do you have Roy?"

The other two watched his expression go from a frown to a smile as his eyes cut over to them. Closing with a 'see you soon' he hung up.

"Exactly what was that all about Kel?" Dixie softly demanded to know.

"Well, apparently Roy isn't on duty but managed to be out of town and find a patient."

Joe smiled. "He and Johnny are pretty good at that."

"Yea they are Joe. The patient is stable and they will be here in ten minutes."

"Ten minutes? I thought you said they were out of town?" She asked now completely puzzled.

"They're coming by chopper. Care to stay for a bit longer and greet them?" He asked with a reserved smile on his face.

She eyed him warily. "What's going on Kel?"

He wrapped his stethoscope around his neck and moved down the hall towards the exit.

"Kel?" She said following him with Joe hot on her heels. She couldn't see the smile on his face.

He was grateful for the sound of the helicopter roar to drown out her endless questions as they braced against the strong draft of the blades. The stretcher was wheeled right up to the side door and all Dixie and Joe could see was the exiting of Roy, then Johnny and much to their surprise Kanda. Now Dixie was downright worried. Something major had happened to have them all here and they had already been through more than anyone should be expected to endure.

They lifted the figure onto the stretcher using their bodies to block the powerful gusts from the patient as they moved closer to the ER doors. When they reached Dixie she looked into the eyes of each one and was confused by their looks of not sadness but complete and utter joy. Then she looked down at the patient on the stretcher, now visible from the crowd that gathered around her.

Dixie was speechless. It was Emily, their Emily and she held a baby bundled in her arms.

"Emily?"

The young woman smiled and took Dixie's hand feeling happiness at seeing her too. They moved her down the hall and into an exam room where everyone shook hands, grinned harder than they thought possible and tried to answer the barrage of questions that filled the room.

"I don't understand Roy," Kel said in amazement. "What happened?"

"It's a long story doc, but the basically they put her in hiding since he is still on the loose. Mr. Kindle just told us how to find her and as soon as we got there she decided to have a baby."

Joe and Kel shook their heads. They'd seen a lot of miracles in the world of emergency medicine, but bringing someone back from the dead after a week could only happen to this group. Both would swear that if family could beat the odds it would be this one.

"She's absolutely beautiful Emily," Dixie said as she took Rose and gently un-wrapped her for vital signs.

Rose's eyes seemed to assess Dixie and with a soft sigh she relaxed and sucked on her fingers.

"Don't worry little one I won't keep you from momma long," she replied to the cherub face.

Kel stood beside Emily. He wasn't close to her like they were, but he had seen her through the hardest fight of her life and was grateful for the pure contentment radiating from her now.

"Looks like you did an excellent job Ms. Jackson." He flashed a warm smile.

"Thanks Dr. Brackett. Is Rose doing okay?"

He looked over to see her now in Johnny's arms while he tickled her cheek with his finger and whispered in baby talk to her.

"I think it's safe to say that she's doing just fine."

Emily watched Roy with his arm around Kanda as she leaned on his shoulder while they talked to Joe, both looking so at peace and happy now. Dixie stood with Johnny as they oohh'd and ahh'd over the newest addition, while Kel tried to sneak in for an exam. This group was her family and more than ever she was grateful to be back where she belonged. Home.

Johnny carried Rose to the nursery for admission while Emily was moved to a post-partum room for rest and recovery. Roy placed another call to Kindle to update him on their arrival and that everyone was doing well. When he returned to Emily's room Kanda and Johnny were in discussion over what the next plan of action would be.

"I'll be okay," she insisted. "They'll keep a close eye on her and me both."

"They," Johnny scoffed. "Anyone else find it creepy how they just suddenly appear?"

He looked back out to find the two men still providing matching doorframe pillars of security right outside the door.

She laughed. "It's only until they have Nick."

He wasn't exactly pleased with her ease at the situation and non-chalantness over the ever present guards. "Well, I don't care. I'm not leaving you here alone tonight." Johnny said stubbornly and plopped down in the chair.

Kanda stood over him in a mildly threatening manner with arms crossed and a sisterly scowl. "Unless you want to help her with breast feeding all night I suggest you get out of my chair and go home Tee Tonka."

He thought about it for a minute and with exaggerated resignation got up. "As long as one of us is here," he mumbled in defeat.

Kanda and Emily both laughed.

"Ha ha," he scoffed. Then his voice softened. "I'm glad you're home Em."

"Me too John, me too."

"Get some rest we'll come by and see you tomorrow between calls."

She nodded. "Thank you, for everything. Both of you."

Roy reached down to accept her hug, while Johnny managed to steal a kiss on the cheek before letting her go. Shortly after they left Rose was rolled in via crib and placed in her mother's waiting arms.

Kanda turned to the nurse. "She'll be staying in the room with us tonight. Can you let the nursery know?"

The nurse hesitated. "That's not hospital policy Dr. Gage."

She could tell the nurse was nervous about the repercussions. "It's okay. If you bring me her chart I'll write the order myself. This mother and baby have been through a lot and separating them now isn't best for either one."

The nurse smiled and was instantly more comfortable with the backup order on the chart. "Of course, I'll be right back."

With orders tucked away and Rose sleeping peacefully after her feeding Emily nestled down into a deep sleep while Kanda rocked the newest princess in the family. Humming a gentle lullaby she realized that things were once again right in the world. Soon they would all be home and things could finally return to normal.

"Just wait til you see your nursery Princess, you're going to love it," she whispered.

Rose burped making Kanda laugh. Maybe she should say their new normal.

* * *

><p>Nick stayed close to his target and kept a close eye on routine and schedule for future need. His stomach grumbled and reaching into his pockets he pulled out the last of his money, three quarters, a dime and a nickel. Cussing that trouble making ex-wife of his he changed his attention to the women walking along the street, especially those who strayed too close to the nearby alley. He only needed enough to last him a little bit longer since he now had a plan. The cop chasing him would be closing in on him soon and Nick didn't have any plans to run again. Nope, this was it, it was now or never for him.<p>

Emily hung up the phone and looked at the faces of concern in the room.

"What did he say?" Kanda asked knowing it was Kindle she had been talking to.

"Well, the FBI has been tracking Nick and they thought he was heading to Canada."

"Em?" Johnny was worried about the look in her eyes.

"They're pretty sure he's changed direction."

Kanda took her hand. "He's coming here."

Emily nodded and looking at the healing scar on Kanda's forehead she felt like crying. "I'm so sorry," she whispered.

Roy looked at the room of people that were important to him. "There's nothing to be sorry for. This time we'll be ready and prepared."

They had already been discussing her discharge plans knowing her hospital stay would be short since she was doing so well. Emily had already refused to go back into hiding knowing she had to face Nick and end this craziness once and for all. Enough was enough and she wanted him caught and put away for good.

The next two days were quiet. Johnny and Roy worked with frequent stops at Rampart for supplies and Rose checks. Kanda also continued to work, but spent her nights with Emily helping her get around and with baby care. When time came for her discharge the paperwork was completed and mother and baby were loaded into Roy's car, headed to a place that Nick would never have the common sense to track her down at.

The neighborhood was nice, full of trees and kids playing in yards. Roy pulled into the driveway and they worked their way to the door with Emily's bags. A smiling Dixie greeted them with open arms and helped Emily get comfortable on the couch while placing little Rose into a bassinet she had borrowed from a neighbor.

"I will never be able to thank you enough for this Dixie," Emily said.

She passed a cup of hot tea to her new guest. "It gets way to quiet around here I'm very glad for some company for a change."

"I know it's a lot to have one visitor much less two especially when one tends to cry every couple of hours for food." Emily sipped the soothing tea and smiled.

Dixie laughed. "I'm pretty sure that precious darling won't cause a bit of trouble. So stop worrying. Here you both are safe and you're only job is to rest and enjoy being a new mother. "

"I think I can handle that," she said as Johnny picked up the fussy tyke.

"Um, I think this is a lunch call Em."

Emily and Dixie both looked at each other and smiled seeing that Johnny was still not the least bit comfortable with the feeding arrangements.

* * *

><p>He watched the man enter the office building and knew that it was time to put his plan into action. Nick despised him, labeling him as nothing more than a nurse maid to her, at her beck and call like a trained dog. Useless in his eyes, but the man had money and that made him valuable at the moment.<p>

If Kindle didn't give him the money then he was going after that baby. One way or another he was going to get Papa Rina off his case. Just a few more thousand dollars and they wouldn't try to sink him to the bottom of the river. Besides, next trip to the tracks, he wouldn't lose. He was sure of that.

Entering the building through the parking deck using the service entrance he quickly found the door to the maintaince department. Quickly locating the small locker room he found a shirt and slipped into it then ran his comb through his greasy hair. With a quick check in the mirror he smiled quite pleased with his brilliance. Taking the service elevator he emerged on the destined floor and looked around for anyone around that could become in the way. As expected for this lunch hour all was quiet.

The office door was locked but easily opened with the master key and he quietly let himself inside. The reception desk was empty and he worked his way down the hallway. However, he was shocked to hear more than one voice coming from the office. By now he knew the other voice that came from behind the closed door and his fury grew from deep down. How could this be any more perfect? He asked himself.

Drawing the pistol he went to open the door.

Johnny and Roy's shift began with the latest updates on the little momma except this time they had some pictures to share.

"Sure it's a girl Johnny? You _do_ know how to check those parts right?" Chet said with a serious tone.

Johnny creased his forehead. "Chet, you just aren't right, you know that?"

Hank smiled as she looked at the picture. "She's a keeper for sure. How's Emily doing?"

"Good, doing good Cap."

Hank passed the picture to Marco next and slapped the medic on the back. "Welcome back Gage."

Johnny looked at him like he had lost his mind as his Captain returned to his office.

"What was that all about?" He turned to ask Roy.

Roy just shrugged though he knew exactly what his Captain meant. The old Johnny was back with them again. "Guess he just really missed you this weekend."

Marco chuckled while Mike cleared his throat leaving a very confused Johnny to set the table.

"Aye Amigo she is muy Bonita."

Even Johnny could translate that. "Thanks Marco, she sure is, isn't she?"

"So when do we get to meet her Johnny boy?" Chet asked as he helped Mike put lunch on the table.

His brow furrowed a bit as the reality of her still needing to be protected shadowed the joy of the last few days. "Soon. We're just waiting to hear about Nick first."

Mike passed the picture back to Johnny. "We understand Johnny; she's worth protecting at all costs."

Johnny just smiled. Only Mike could use few words to sum up everything he felt.

_STATION 51. SHOOTING REPORTED AT THE TANDEM OFFICE COMPLEX, 7TH FLOOR, SUITE 741. POLICE HAVE BEEN DISPATCHED. TIME OUT 11:44._

The engine crew grabbed coats and climbed onto the truck as their Captain confirmed to call and passed the slip to Roy in the squad. Johnny fastened up his coat and took the slip from Roy as he mentally plotted out the quickest route to their destination.

As they pulled out he read the information out again to his partner.

"What's wrong?" Roy asked quickly noting that Johnny seemed uncertain about something.

He shook his head. "I don't know, but doesn't this address seem familiar to you?"

Roy thought carefully as he navigated the busy streets of LA. "Not off the top of my head, why?"

Again Johnny just shook his head. "Guess we'll see when we get there."

When they rounded the last corner and pulled in front of the large office building they both instantly knew where they were and more importantly, they knew exactly where the office was. Both eyes met and they realized the next thing and spoke at the same time.

"Nick!"


	34. Chapter 34

WHITE OUT

A pessimist is one who makes difficulties of his opportunities and an optimist is one who makes opportunities of his difficulties. ~Harry Truman

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 34<p>

Kindle glared down at the man sitting in front of his desk, his hands clasped together with steeple fingers resting against his chin. "This mess is your fault and you're going to clean it up."

Mullins threw his leg off his knee and leaned forward, furious. "You are NOT leaving me holding the bag on this Kindle." He had tracked Nick across three states and back again with him staying just on the edge of being caught. The operation of a quick and discreet apprehension had turned into a multistate fiasco leaving him empty handed. He had to hunt Nick, alter evidence to keep others off their tracks, and still keep looking behind his own back for someone hunting him.

"I beg to differ Detective Mullins. I held up my end of the bargain. I am not responsible for your inability to capture one delinquent of society." The rocking of his leather chair reflected how relaxed he was during the conversation, in direct opposite to the detective.

"I got her to safety just like you told me to do, and then your men left leaving me to capture him on my own."

"Yes, I appreciate what you did for Emily, it saved her life."

"So you owe me." The inflection was fierce, but the subtle hint of desperation was easily heard.

He fought the urge to 'tsk tsk' at the man. "You made your bed Detective Mullins, now you must lie in it."

Mullins struggled to not hyperventilate knowing that things were falling apart rapidly. If he didn't get Nick into his personal custody before the tracking FBI agents found him then his payment would be in default and that was not a position he desired to experience. Straightening up in his chair he pushed the false air of confidence forward.

"It's a big bed Kindle. Remember he's back and we are both back to square one now."

The smile behind his words was smug and it only made Kindle press his lips closer together with frustration. "Emily is very safe and will remain that way until he is caught. Surely a man with your training can manage to handle someone as dim-witted as Nick."

Mullins shifted in his seat. This wasn't working and he had to figure out a way to convince the man it was in his best interest to help him. The problem with Kindle was the man was cleaner than white rice and what dealings he did have with less than worthy citizens he managed to keep highly private. So private in fact the agent had failed to turn up anything to bribe him with. For now he was stuck and knew he had drawn the short straw in the discussion.

"I'll keep you posted," he said with a deep sigh.

Kindle smiled.

Outside the door Nick heard the voices and the longer he listened the more infuriated he became. Turning the knob quietly he pushed the door open letting it slam into the back wall so hard the nearby picture hit the floor and puncturing a hole in the wall.

Kindle stood up with shock registering on his face to the point that Nick even smiled. Mullins didn't move.

"Well, isn't this nice to see that so much attention is paid to little old dim witted me." His tone was thick with loathing sarcasm. "How about it now Kindle? Exactly how stupid do you think I am now?"

Kindle cleared his throat as he slowly lowered himself back into the chair. His first thought was that the man was smart enough to pick lunch time and how grateful he was that Sara wasn't at the front desk right now. He eyed Nick finding him filthy and obviously without any interest in cleaning himself up along the way back to LA. This was a man at a point of desperation which made him bolder than anyone would have expected.

"Welcome Nick, please join us." He gestured to Mullins. "I don't think you've been formally introduced to Agent Mullins have you?"

Nick scoffed and ran his fingers through his greasy hair as he kept the gun steady on the pair. "Names don't mean jack to me. I know what he is."

A laugh erupted from Mullins. "And exactly what is that?"

Moving behind the other chair, placing it between him and the other men Nick leaned on it as if he was having a fishing conversation with his buddies. "I'm not pretending what I am, hiding nothing behind some wall of fake honor. You're the lowest of them all traitor. You'd sell your soul for a few bucks and right now that's all I am to you."

Kindle eyed the clock knowing lunch hour was winding down fast and the halls would become busy again outside. "Well, right now you are in my office so I am assuming you need something from me."

Mullins blanched, but wisely chose to remain silent.

"It's a simple deal. I need five thousand and I will stay away from Emily and that baby."

Mullins shot a look to Kindle suddenly worried that the man would take the deal. Sure it would fix things between Nick and the mob, but would still leave him screwed. Without thinking he jumped up and Nick reacted.

In the next few seconds more than one gun went off.

* * *

><p>Johnny and Roy were on edge as police cars pulled up in front and behind them. They had been called in on shootouts before, but that never made the next one any easier. Not only did they worry about each other's safety they now were concerned about the building before them and the one person they knew that worked in it.<p>

Vince moved up beside them. "I need you two to stay behind me until we find out what's going on."

The two medics looked at each other with the unspoken question of how much they should tell the officer. Before either had a chance to speak they were moving forward.

The sidewalk in front of them had already gathered a crowd and neither saw the broken glass all over the sidewalk until they stepped into it. A quick glance upwards revealed nothing as they passed through the doors and headed to the elevators. Both looked back to see Hank and the crew running up behind them.

"Hank, I need your crew outside. The window from that floor is shattered and I'm not sure what kind of rescue we're looking at right now." Vince quickly told him.

Hank nodded. "Just let us what you need." He quickly motioned to the others as they all exchanged looks of 'be careful' before moving to their position in the melee.

Johnny and Roy moved inside the elevator with Vince and two other officers they knew as Conner and May. The air of anticipation was thick and wary eyes glanced to each other while the floor numbers flashed past three, four, five, six, and then seven. Small talk was nonexistent as the HT's buzzed with continual reports regarding suspected activity and movement plans.

When the ding sounded indicating their destination had arrived Vince looked at the medics and mouthed _WAIT _which was reinforced with the hand motion that moved them further against the rear of the elevator. Silence greeted them as the doors opened and May turned the elevator key that locked it on that floor.

Leaning to the far side of the elevator Johnny could see the door to Kindle's office, it was closed and Conner silently turned the knob and pushed it open. As the officers entered the room and disappeared from his view his eyes cut to his partner, wide with worry and anticipation.

Suddenly shouting permeated the hallway in front of them.

"GET DOWN ON THE FLOOR NOW!" They heard someone scream, assumed to be Vince.

"DON'T SHOOT. DON'T SHOOT." The voice pleaded in a high pitch yet almost abnormal tone causing the two men to look at each other again.

"PUT THE GUN DOWN AND GET ON THE FLOOR."

It appeared to be a battle of wills at this point. The next sound was oddly out of place. Someone laughed, not a cute laugh, but a deep hearty belly laugh.

"DON'T MOVE!" This time Vince's voice was easily recognized. "STOP WHERE YOU ARE!"

The gunfire that followed shook Johnny and Roy causing them to step back, nearly tripping over the boxes. Conner came running towards the elevator door, nearly out of breath and motioned them to follow him.

"Hurry!" He called before disappearing back into the office.

Grabbing boxes the men leapt out of the elevator and ran down the hall not knowing what they would find. Rounding the corner into the office reception area the first thing they saw was Vince gripping his arm and bleeding. Johnny went straight to him first. Roy continued down the hall following Conner into the main office.

"You okay?"

Vince moved his fingers to let Johnny assess the wound. "Just hit me in the arm. Lucky for me he was a bad shot."

Looking closely he could see the entrance wound in the man's upper arm and located the exit wound in the back of the bicep. "We'll at least the bullet is out. What the hell happened in here?"

"Crazy SOB. I think he _wanted_ us to shoot him."

"Who?" Johnny asked with baited breath as he got out supplies to clean the wound.

But before Vince could answer May came down the hall, his hands covered in blood. "Roy needs you right now."

"I'm okay," Vince said offering reassurance to Johnny that it was okay for him to leave.

Johnny grabbed the box and followed the officer. When he turned into Kindle's office the scene was a blood bath. Roy was standing over Kindle who was sitting in his chair, slightly slouched down while Roy held pressure to his bullet wounds. May was doing chest compressions on another man who Johnny didn't see until he moved around the desk. Bile reached his throat when he recognized his face and quickly his eyes went to Roy.

Roy was in full professional mode at this point and knew his partner would struggle through this call more than any he had in a long time. "I've got him. Call Cap and tell him we need all our equipment and help up here fast." Roy could see the second of hesitation in his partner's eyes. "Go help with the arrest victim," he gently directed.

Johnny numbly nodded and watched Conner indicate he would call for help. Next he moved to the floor where he opened up the drug and IV box. "Keep up the compressions," he said methodically. Without delay he bent down and gave the victim rescue breaths then sat up and quickly placed leads on his chest, gave breaths again, then pulled out IV supplies.

Roy had already opened up the biophone and began to lower the older man's body to the floor. Kindle was now positioned right beside the other victim. He looked up to Roy, his breaths were ragged and labored as the blood poured out of the two gunshot wounds.

"Let him die."

Roy took a deep breath and spoke softly to the man. "I can't do that. I need you to relax and let me help you."

He looked up and saw his Captain and crew standing in the doorway with the same shocked expressions that had been on their own faces just moments before.

"Cap, we need two ambulances. Marco I need you over here, Chet you and Mike help Johnny."

Hank pulled out his HT. "Station 51. We need another ambulance at this scene."

_10-4 51 _it squawked back to him.

Hank knelt down beside Roy. "What happened here?"

"Nick decided that I was his next meal ticket." Kindle said through a wet nasty cough.

Marco pulled an oxygen mask over his face while Roy quickly got an IV going then picked up the phone.

"Rampart this is squad 51, do you read?"

_We read you 51, go ahead_. Brackett replied.

"Rampart we are at the scene of a shooting. Victim one is male, aged 56 with a gunshot wound to his right upper abdomen and another to his right upper chest. I have pressure dressings to both sites but estimated blood loss is over a thousand cc's. Vitals are pulse 140, respirations 28 and blood pressure 80/50. He is pale, diaphoretic but is alert and responsive at this time. We have him on oxygen due to labored breathing."

_51, do you see exit wounds?_

"Negative Rampart."

_IV LR wide open until that blood pressure stabilizes, continue the oxygen and pressure dressings. Transport as soon as possible._

"IV LR, oxygen and transport Rampart, 10-4. Hold on for the next victim."

Mike took over the compressions while Chet began ventilations. Johnny scooted over to the phone and looked into Kindle's eyes with an unspoken empathy for what they were both enduring.

"Rampart. Victim two is a male, 30 years old with a single gunshot into the left upper chest. CPR is in progress. There is no pulse or blood pressure. Sending you a strip on lead 2."

_10-4 51. Epinephrine and bicarb 1 amp now, begin IV LR at 100cc/hr_.

"Epi and bicarb 1 amp, IV LR at 100. 10-4."

Without looking into the man's face he carried out the orders with no change noted in his condition.

"No response Rampart."

_Repeat the Epi IC now_.

Johnny pulled out the long syringe and needle, checking the medication and without feeling shoved it into the man's heart. The monitor remained flat line. After another two rounds of medication Brackett ordered the patient loaded and brought to Rampart.

As they loaded Nick onto the stretcher Johnny knelt beside Kindle. "How's he doing?"

"Not very good," Kindle answered between struggled breaths. "John?"

Johnny leaned in closer to hear him. "Yes?" He saw the condition the man was in. His wounds were critical and his blood loss significant. He owed it to Emily to listen to what might be the man's last words.

"Top desk drawer….folder….take it."

Johnny didn't understand. "What is it?"

"Information about Emily…..please."

"Okay, okay, just relax. I'll get it."

Johnny stood up and moved around to the back of the desk and pulled open the top drawer. It was full of miscellaneous papers, but he easily found the manila envelope that lay inside. It was sealed. He returned to Kindle's side as Roy worked to start another IV before the next stretcher was brought in.

"I have it."

Kindle nodded. "Good. If I….if I….don't make it….it's for Emily." He grabbed Johnny's hand. "Please son…take ….care of ….her and Rose."

Suddenly the impact of the scene around him began to shake him as he understood exactly what the man was asking of him. Next to him he knew his friend was watching him with concern.

"I will," he stuttered.

Kindle tried to clear his throat without success and his voice was thick and raspy now, "Mullins?"

They looked at him, then at Nick who lay lifeless on the stretcher as they moved it out of the office. Roy leaned in closer, "Mullins is here?"

"Yes, he…. shot…. Nick."

Hank cleared his throat. "Someone went through the window after you went up the elevator."

Then Johnny got it. "He shot Vince."

"Vince got shot?" Hank and Roy said at the same time.

"He's okay, in the arm. He's in the waiting area." Johnny said quickly.

"Cap?" Roy said and Hank instantly knew what the medic needed.

"I'll check on him."

"Thanks."

The second stretcher came up behind them interrupting any further thoughts or conversation. Johnny moved out with Nick while Roy stayed with Kindle on the way down. Vince joined them in the elevator with a bandage being wrapped around his arm with Marco and Hank's assistance.

Down below the area had already been marked off by the police revealing Mullins crushed body. Seven stories down didn't make a pretty site and Roy had to look away as the questions about what had happened continued to build in his mind. His next glance was to his partner. He knew it would be an incredible task of Johnny to stick with Nick and continue to work at saving his life, but he also knew that Nick was already dead from a direct hit into his heart.

"I'll ride with him," Roy said with compassion as he helped set boxes in the back of the ambulance.

Johnny shook his head. "No, I'll follow this through." He saw the deep etched lines in Roy's forehead. "I'm okay." He finished as he climbed in behind the attendant.

Roy simply nodded and sent his friend a reassuring smile feeling pride in his strength through it all.

Johnny returned the nod, but seemed devoid of any real emotions. As he moved to take over ventilations the ambulance attendant began compressions so Mike and Chet could head back to the engine. Hank closed the door and with a loud slam of his hand it pulled out first.

Roy climbed in with Kindle knowing the man was going downhill fast. There had been no improvement in his vitals and deep shock was quickly setting in despite the fluid bolus's and attempts to stop the flow of bleeding.

Hank handed him the bio phone. "We'll help with things here for a bit then be right behind you."

Roy nodded his thanks to his Captain and with a heavy heart of all that had happened watched the doors close as they pulled out behind Johnny. Kindle hadn't spoken anymore. Now comatose Roy felt that the only answers they would ever receive about Emily were now in Johnny's hands, in that mysterious envelope.

What secrets about Emily did this man hold? He could understand Nick coming after him, but how did Mullins fit into all this? His thoughts were pulled back to the man in his care when he heard him gasp. Reaching for a pulse he called to the attendant.

"Full arrest."


	35. Chapter 35

WHITE OUT

I don't care how poor a man is; if he has family, he's rich. ~M*A*S*H, Colonel Potter

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

* * *

><p>CHAPTER 35<p>

Roy quickly surmised that the first ambulance with Johnny and Nick had already unloaded and moved out of the way for their arrival. Pushing past the entry double doors he rode along the side as he continued the chest compressions almost oblivious to the passing hallway around him. His patient was almost immediately flanked by Dr. Early and Morton as the orders for x-rays, emergency medications and lifesaving cardiac drips were shouted out.

Moving Kindle onto the treatment table he was quickly intubated as the nurses worked at switching over IV fluids and hanging new ones. Morton went straight into his head to toe exam and then proceeded to obtain the lab work they needed.

The first rhythm visible on the ER cardiac monitor was V-fib and Mike prepared the paddles and proceeded to deliver the shock.

"Sinus rhythm," Joe reported with an unspoken relief that was felt by everyone assisting in the code.

Roy backed up in an effort to be out of the way at this point and was startled when he nearly ran over Johnny behind him. A pensive look and quick shake of his head told of Nick's death even though Roy knew the man was dead before they ever left the building.

Johnny cut his eyes to the older man, "Him?"

Roy lifelessly shrugged with his eyes downcast to the floor. "Looks bad. He's lost a lot of blood."

Brackett moved in behind them and instantly began working alongside Joe and Mike to stabilize the older man and determine what the next steps of care would be.

Seeing that the room was full of competent hands Johnny and Roy moved out and walked down the hall to the nurse's desk. They found Dixie tending to Vince who was sitting in a wheelchair.

"Vince, how ya doing man?" Johnny asked with genuine concern.

"No major damage. Apparently the bullet went straight though. They got me patched up quickly."

"With the condition of everyone else that came in, you're damn lucky." Brackett said as he came up behind them all. His expression was worn, his eyes fraught with concern dealing with the weight of an over busy trauma unit.

"Oh, I know. It could have been a lot worse for us entering the scene. How are the other two doing?"

Johnny looked at Vince, his voice distant from any true emotion at this point when it came to the famous ex-husband. "Nick didn't make it. Direct hit to the heart apparently."

Dixie, who had been part of the resuscitation and having no idea who he was, visibly paled. "That was Nick?"

Johnny nodded. "Room four is Kindle."

This time it was Kel's turn to be shocked. "Kindle? Emily's Kindle?"

Again, Johnny nodded.

Joe now understood the questions in everyone's eyes as he approached the crowd and overheard the conversation. "We've got him stable enough for surgery. Their taking him up now, but he's very critical."

Johnny looked to Roy. "Think I need to call Em."

Dixie covered his hand with hers. "Johnny, I would wait. This is going to upset her so much and she's alone with Rose right now."

Instead, Roy reached for the phone and dialed. He knew exactly who Emily needed to see her through this.

"Kanda? Hey. Yea. Something's happened. No, me and Johnny are okay. It's Kindle; can you come to the ER? Okay, see you in a minute."

Johnny's deep sigh was one of relief knowing she was on her way down. Kanda would provide a calming air at a time when he felt like he was about to fall apart. Nick was dead. Kindle was dying and they had no idea how Mullins fit into the picture now. Emily was going to be devastated and with her being post-delivery this was going to hit her especially hard.

Yes, he needed his sister right now in a big way.

They moved down the hall to the doctor's lounge and within minutes Kanda came bursting through the door with panic in her eyes. Roy had said they were okay, but she knew that something in his voice said things were very far from alright. She was taken aback by the looks on the men's faces.

"What happened," she said as she sat down beside Roy on the couch. "Are you okay? Johnny?" The doctor in her was doing her own head to toe assessment of both men to make sure they were alright.

Roy took her hand. "We're not hurt. There was a shooting at Kindle's office and we go the call to it. "

"Oh my God, a shooting? What happened?"

"Nick happened!" Suddenly Johnny was mad as his feet hit the floor. He was furious that one man could wreck so much havoc in the world, in his world. "When he couldn't find Emily he went to Kindle for the money." He circled the dining table with hands waving with each word. "And apparently everyone had a gun."

She gasped and noticeably became ashen. "Nick?"

Johnny froze at her reaction suddenly regretting his outburst about Nick knowing what she had been through. He moved beside her on the couch.

"I'm sorry Kanda."

Roy sighed knowing he didn't have all the answers either. "That agent Mullins was there too."

Kanda sat back. "Mullins? Why was he there? Nick, he's back here?" Now she was added to the list of confused ones. She looked lost.

"We don't know," Roy said with a sigh.

"Then it's time to find out and end this. Where the hell is Nick?"

Roy turned to her. "He didn't make it."

She froze. After all they had been through, after what he had done to her. Her voice became a whisper now. "Dead?"

He continued as he took her hand in his. "We're not sure exactly who shot who at this point, but he died from a direct shot to the heart," he shook his head.

"Too many questions," he said softly.

She was floored and her brain struggled to piece together all they were telling her. "And Kindle?"

"He was shot twice and is in surgery now. He arrested on the way here." He met her beautiful brown eyes with his. "He's might not make it through this and we don't know how to tell Emily."

She leaned back on the couch in shock. "Nick is dead?" It wasn't really a question as much as a clarification of the barrage of information she had just received. She looked at them both. "I'll go get Emily. She would never forgive us if we kept this from her."

Johnny didn't like that idea; his instinct was to protect her. "She can't handle this right now."

Kanda stood firm. "It will be hard, but we'll stand by her and help her through it. He's just too important to her and she'll want to be here waiting with us."

Roy stood up beside her. "Just drive safe. He'll be in surgery for a while I think."

She kissed him deeply reflecting how the deaths of others made her even more thankful he was here safe and alive. Her hug to her brother was just as compassionate of how they all were feeling. "She'll be okay. She's strong Tee Tonka."

Kanda disappeared down the back hall towards her office while the others moved down the main hall heading to the surgical waiting room. Quickly they saw Hank and the crew come through the ER doors.

"Cap." Roy greeted him.

"How's everyone doing?"

They quickly filled them in with as much as they knew about for now. Hank put them available at Rampart in an effort to keep them close to Emily and able to offer her support while he took the crew back to the station. His request to keep them posted was voiced with heartfelt concern and thusly greatly appreciated.

Once they were alone again they moved upstairs, poured some old coffee from the small pot that was available and began the long dreaded wait.

In his hand Johnny held the sealed envelope.

* * *

><p>The soft lullaby filled the silence of the little bedroom only interrupted by the squeaking groans of an old rocking chair now working with vigor again. Her fingers trailed along the perfect little face and looped around soft curls as Rose whimpered and stirred in her arms.<p>

"What's wrong my baby? This is so unlike you little Rose and I wish you could tell me what's wrong."

She returned to her rocking and whispered her lullaby feeling the precious bundle in her arms relax finally and drift off to sleep. Her own eyes closed, but she found it hard to allow her mind to rest feeling her own unknown discord.

The knock on the door caused her to almost jumped with surprise and she quickly laid Rose in the bassinette and warily walked to the door.

"Emily, it's me Kanda."

The smile came easily as her body relaxed while she unlocked the door. Her eyes lit up seeing the surprise visitor. "Kanda!"

Kanda's arms wrapped around her and hugged her tightly. Too tightly and Emily immediately read the embrace as one of desperation. She tried to pull away. "Kanda what's wrong?"

She was greeted with tears and her anxiety mounted at an alarming rate, "Johnny? Is it Johnny?" She wanted to shake the woman now. "Kanda, please tell me!"

Taking a deep breath she finally spoke. "Johnny's alright. It's Kindle, something's happened."

Emily suddenly felt weak and her body swayed as she reached for the chair beside her. Kanda took her arm and guided her to sit down. "Breath Emily, breath."

Looking up as the tears threatened to flow she searched her eyes for some sign that things would be okay through all this. "What happened?"

Kanda sat down beside her and took her hand. "There was a shooting in his office today. Johnny and Roy were the ones called to help, but he's been hurt badly and is in surgery right now."

Emily's world swirled around her as she tried to focus on Kanda's words. "He was shot?"

"Yes. I will get Rose ready then I'll take you to the hospital with me. Is that okay Emily?"

Unable to speak anymore she simply nodded and watched Kanda disappear into the bedroom. Within a few moments she re-emerged with a stocked diaper bag and baby Rose in her arms, still sleeping.

"Can you walk?" Her voice was soft and caring.

The young mother nodded and stood up taking Kanda's hand and allowed herself to be lead out of the apartment and to a fate that was riddled with questions and unknowns.

Johnny paced the floors like an apprehensive tiger, restless and uneasy while Roy sat with his head in his hands. Dixie had already come up and made a fresh pot of coffee for them. They all knew the familiar feeling of helplessness when one waited for news. Their HT's had mercifully remained quiet and though they were grateful they also knew it wouldn't last much longer.

Roy's hope was that Kanda and Emily would arrive soon and that someone would be there when news finally did arrive.

With each ding of the elevator they searched the faces for the two they anxiously awaited. However, it was the call of the HT that beat them to the punch and the two men departed in silence. They were grateful that Emily wouldn't be alone.

"We'll be back as soon as we can," Roy told Dixie as they passed her desk.

"Sure thing Roy. I'll keep a check on them too."

"Thanks Dix."

Feeling more numb than afraid Emily moved off the elevator with Kanda and made her way to the waiting room. They were not alone while anxiously awaiting news, but all the others were strangers so she stuck close to Kanda and held Rose securely like an anchor to reality.

Kanda knew that she had told Emily the minimal information and debated while they waited about putting more on her shoulders regarding Nick. Since her return the now free mother had remained quiet in regards to how she felt about what the man had done. They had heard about the journey in terms of logistics, but the expected anger had never come through.

Would she be happy Nick was gone? Would she grieve for him?

Those questions were simply added to the list and Kanda resigned herself to holding the course over Kindle first. One assault on the psyche was enough for Emily to deal with for now.

Johnny and Roy being absent was expected though she was disappointed they had been called away. Even though they felt she was the steadfast strong one of the family right now she would have given her farm just to have them with her.

Rose began to stir and for a while their thoughts were diverted from the crisis at hand as they were captured by the adorable whimpers of the tiny tot. Moving to a quiet corner Emily discreetly began to nurse her as she unconsciously hummed a lullaby that had become their routine.

Both were caught off guard when Brackett knelt in front of them, "I wanted to update you myself." His voice was soft and gentle.

"Thank you Kel," Kanda replied while Emily remained silent.

"One bullet passed through his abdomen, just barely missing his liver. There doesn't seem to be a great deal of damage there. The second bullet hit him in the right chest, puncturing his lung. We're repaired the lung and removed the bullet, but there was a great deal of blood loss."

Emily began trembling and tried to stay focused on feeding Rose instead of the words she was hearing.

"How bad?" Kanda asked, getting directly to the point.

Kel hung his head down for a second then looked at them both. "We got him through the surgery. But between the cardiac arrest and blood loss he is very critical." He took a deep breath. "I don't expect him to make it through the day."

Kanda silently squeezed Emily's hand when a quick glance revealed the quiet tears that were running down her cheek. "Thank you Kel. When do you think we can see him?"

"He should be in the ICU in about an hour. There won't be a response, we have him in a medically induced coma for right now, but you can see him."

She nodded as he stood up and paused to clasp her hand in his for a moment before disappearing again down the hallway.

"Emily?" She said in a very gentle manner, as if speaking to a child.

"I'm okay," she said even though her voice shook. "I just wish I could talk to him before …" She leaned her head against Kanda's shoulder and began to cry.

"I know hon. I know. We won't give up yet, okay?"

Tucking the baby back into her blankets they gathered up their things and began the trip to the ICU waiting room on the next floor.

Before they could even sit down the elevators opened up to delivery Johnny and Roy to their sides. The men had already gotten a quick update from Brackett in the ER and knew the news wasn't promising. Roy sat beside Kanda in quiet contemplation while Johnny sat beside Emily taking Rose into his arms.

Emily leaned her head against Johnny's shoulder and closed her eyes with a deep sigh as Roy and Kanda moved to the coffee pot station.

"How much have you told her?" He asked.

She shook her head. "Only that Kindle had been shot. She took it so hard I just didn't know if she could handle it all at once."

"Agreed. Maybe we should see if he survives this."

She leaned on the counter sipping the warm black coffee. "We can't wait long. She'll hear it from someone else if we're not careful."

In agreement, he nodded. Yes, soon they would have to lay all the cards on the table in an effort to figure it all out.

Her head rested on his shoulder as Rose slept in his arms. Johnny's own mind was still in shock from all that had happened when he heard Emily finally speak.

"Was it Nick?"

He sat like a statue for a few seconds while his eyes darted to Roy, but he was in conversation with Kanda and not paying them any attention at the moment. How much did she already know?

Another deep breath from her was felt against his arm even though she never looked up at him.

"I guess that's a yes."

"Yes," he whispered to her.

She stayed silent for a few moments.

"Where?"

He wasn't sure what she was asking. "Where what?"

"Nick, where is he now?"

There was no anger in her voice only a sad resignation to the events that seemed to surround her existence. Again he looked up with mild panic in his eyes and this time Roy immediately saw it. Johnny watched him nudge Kanda then they both moved over to them.

Kanda put on a warm smile. "Emily? Would you like some coffee?"

Emily sat up and shook her head. "Where's Nick."

A quick look to Johnny and she knew there was no avoidance at this point. "He was in the office during the shooting." She watched her reaction, but the young woman's eyes seemed distant. "He was shot too Emily."

Emily blinked. "Where is he?"

Roy took her hand. "He didn't make it. He was shot in the heart."

Emily leaned back from them and seemed lost in thought when she finally spoke. "Good."

There was no emotion to the word, just a statement of fact from her and for the first time they were left speechless.

Nurse Parks broke the reverie by announcing they could come back two at a time to visit. Emily stood up and reached for Rose. Johnny passed her over and stood up with her.

"I can go with you Em."

She shook her head. "No, I want to go alone."

Kanda was concerned. "Are you sure Emily?"

"Yes," she replied devoid of emotion and moved through the doors leaving them behind.

She followed the nurse into the ICU room and choked back a sob as she looked down at the barely recognizable man before her. Monitors were beeping, the ventilator was cycling, cords and tubing were everywhere. Sitting in the chair provided for her she took his hand in hers.

"Oh Kindle what have you done? I know this was all about me and as usual you stepped into the line of fire for me, literally this time. How am I supposed to deal with all this without you helping me through it? How can I do all that you do?" She held onto Rose as she laid her head onto the bed beside his arm.

"Do you know that Nick is gone? Were you the one that had to shoot him? There's so much I don't understand." Tears ran down her cheek. "Please don't leave me now. There are just many questions."

Rose stirred in her arms. Standing up she unwrapped the blankets around her and pulled back the bed sheet. Gently she tucked the baby into the crook of his arm smiling as Rose nestled against him and returned to sleep with a sigh of contentment.

"I want you to hold her before it's too late. She's here because you were the one that made it possible for me to even be safe again, and that made her safe." She ran her fingers along Rose's eyebrows and down her nose.

"I think she has my father's nose," she whispered to him as she laid her head down on his arm, beside Rose.

"Never doubt how much I love you and what you have meant to me. Never worry about what you told me or what you chose to protect me from. Rose will grow up knowing who you are and how important you were to us both. I may never have answers to all my questions, but my heart tells me a lot, and I'm at peace with that."

Standing up she put her arm around him and Rose. Kissing him on the cheek she then rested her head on his chest. She was now oblivious to the monitors alarming in the background; it was just her, her daughter and him.

"I love you Dad."


	36. Chapter 36

WHITE OUT

The imperfections of a man, his frailties, his faults, are just as important as his virtues. You can't separate them. They're wedded. ~Henry Miller

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Thanks so much for awesome responses I got. Wow, what motivation! This is the last "chapter", the Epilogue will follow soon._

* * *

><p><em><strong>THE LETTER<strong>_

Pulling the squad into the bay both men simply sat after the engine was turned off. It had been the longest day either could remember in a long time and they were emotionally and physically drained. When they managed to pull themselves out they were instantly greeted by Hank.

"Can I see you two in my office?"

They numbly nodded and echoed each other's 'sure Cap' replies.

Hank leaned back in the chair making a careful assessment of the men and friends in front of him. His call to check on everyone had led him to Dixie who updated him. Even though the man wasn't technically family he understood how this would impact them all in regards to Emily.

"Dixie told me about what happened. Guys, I'm really sorry he didn't make it."

Johnny sat in the chair by the desk. "Thanks Cap."

"How is Emily holding up?"

Roy leaned against the wall. "As expected I guess. She seemed kinda stoic when we left and Kanda is worried about her."

Hank nodded. His intuition was right on in regards to the situation.

"Dowell and Brice are on the way in to relieve you two."

Their heads popped up in surprise.

Hank continued. "As soon as they arrive, go home and take care of your family. Let me know if there is anything we can do to help."

Relief washed over Roy knowing they would be there to support Emily instead of Kanda bearing all the weight tonight. "Thanks Cap, this means a lot to us."

Hank waved his hand. "No thanks necessary. Families help each other."

Johnny simply nodded and managed a little smile for his thoughtful Captain.

* * *

><p>Kanda pulled the covers up onto Emily, who was already fast asleep, then quietly proceeded downstairs to the nursery to find Rose being rocked by Roy. She couldn't help the smile that tugged at her cheeks seeing the man she loved so much holding something so precious. He had been through this with two children already, but it was easy to see how naturally it came to him.<p>

"Hey," she whispered.

He looked up and smiled with a finger to his lips in a silent Shhhh to her. She nodded back, having no intensions of rousing the little gem. Once he had placed her into her crib they both left the room and walked to the kitchen. Roy sat down at the table while Kanda poured them some coffee.

"How is she?" He asked as he sipped the soothing liquid.

"Sleeping. Poor thing."

He nodded. The memory of pulling her off Kindle so they could run the code still tore at his heart. They had heard the Code Blue alert and within seconds a nurse was out in the waiting room calling for help because Emily wouldn't leave the room. Johnny and Roy had rushed in only to find her refusing to let go of his hand. Rose was still tucked between his arm and his side. Johnny whispered to her continuously while he pulled her fingers free from him and Roy took Rose from the room. Once in the waiting room she quietly asked for Rose back and no longer cried but simply waited in silence until they heard what the outcome was.

The crying woman in the room was Mrs. Margaret Kindle, his wife who had arrived just a few minutes earlier after receiving the news while visiting her mother in San Diego. Kanda noted with curiosity the lack of questions in the woman's eyes regarding all of them waiting alongside her.

Perhaps she already knew of them?

Joe Early delivered the devastating news regarding the failed resuscitation and how hard they had tried to save his life. His compassion was heartfelt as the wife wailed in grief and Emily softly cried in Johnny's arms.

The moments after that were a blur. They were left alone in the waiting room as his family went to see him. Kanda offered Emily some time with him, but she refused, saying she had already said her goodbyes. As Kanda took her and the baby home they had returned to work knowing their shift must be finished. There weren't enough words for Roy to express how much it meant to him to work with such a close knit group and a Captain that understood them all on good and bad days.

Now Kanda and Roy sat at the table while Emily slept from exhaustion.

"When will Johnny be back?" She asked.

Roy leaned back in the chair, his elbow propped up on the back wood slats. "He should be back soon. Dixie was meeting him when she got off shift and there wasn't much stuff to pick up."

Kanda nodded back and yawned. It had been a day from hell and she was exhausted too.

"Why don't you go on to bed, I'll wait for him and lock up." Roy offered.

"Geez, it's not like I'm 15 mom."

Johnny wearily sat at the table with them looking downtrodden and defeated. Still Kanda smiled at his wisecrack. It showed her that her Johnny was still down there somewhere.

"Just glad to have you back home is all." She passed him some coffee.

"Hell of a day." He mumbled as if reading their thoughts.

They sat quietly around the table in the silence until Johnny pushed a large manila envelope to the center of it.

"What's this?" Kanda said as she spun it around to see the writing on the front.

_For Emily Jackson_

_In the event of my death._

She gasped. "Where did you get this?"

Johnny pointed at it. "Kindle made me take it at the office before we left. I think he knew then."

The implications pulled at them and as their eyes found each other they worried how much more Emily could handle.

Kanda gently pushed it back across the table to him and took a deep breath. "It belongs to her and tomorrow we'll see her through it. Maybe she can finally have some peace in her life."

* * *

><p>Rose's wailing woke up Kanda enough to see that the sun was up and it was time to get the day started. Slipping on her house shoes she pulled on her robe and headed down the stairs thinking she might be able to keep Rose from waking up the whole house.<p>

The nursery door was already open and she saw Emily standing outside peeking in. When she saw Kanda approaching she quickly gave her the quiet sign and pointed into the nursery. With a little shifting they could both watch the show.

"Hold your horses, I'm coming." Johnny said as he held a diaper and lotion in one hand and clothes, wipes and a clean sheet in the other.

"Horses….really, like you could hold horses at your age. Course we do have plenty and could test the theory ya know." He leaned down to her. "What would you think about that huh? Mommy won't let me take you riding yet, but she will have to give in soon." He shook his head. "Can't grow up near horses and not learn to ride early."

Rose wailed.

"Okay, okay, I'm coming and with no horses, I promise."

Rose continued to fuss as he talked but the loud crying had stopped as she watched him.

"How can something so little make such a disaster?" He muttered to himself and to her as he put all the items on the changing table.

Picking her up with his hands under her arms, supporting her head, but carefully avoiding the entire lower half he held her out at arm's length and walked to the table.

"Good Lord Rose, I think this is a little dramatic for someone your size. Was all this really necessary?"

Once at the table he discovered he had left no room for her amongst all the needed items.

"Well, um, let's see here," he said as he tried to push the sheet and wipes to the side with his head only managing to shove them off onto the floor.

The girls stifled the giggles that wanted to erupt.

Finally he had a place and laid her down.

"Wow Rose, you definitely do not smell like one at the moment. If I smelled like that I'd be crying crocodile tears too." He took a soft cloth and gently wiped her face off.

Somehow he managed to remove her clothes with only two fingers and promptly dropped them in the diaper pail while he pulled out about twenty wipes and began to scrub her down like she was the squad after a drive through the mud.

"Gotta get every corner here. No, no, don't be embarrassed, it happens to the best of us. Here, want this?"

They couldn't see what he handed her, but apparently she didn't like it and let loose another scream of protest.

"Okay, okay, fine, geesh. Don't get your diaper in a wad, here, you can have this."

She was instantly quieted as he continued.

"Now, that's better." He worked at putting new clothes on her and when done he picked her up and smiled at her.

"Now, there's the sweet girl that is a rose." He pushed everything on the changing table off into the diaper pail to deal with at another time. "Let's go find your momma cause you'll go hungry with me kid."

Kanda and Emily quickly darted from the door and sat down at the kitchen table looking innocent. Johnny came through the doorway with Rose in his arms and a giant smile on his face.

"Good morning ladies."

Kanda smiled. "Good morning, and what has you up so bright and early?"

He walked over to Emily and passed Rose to her, only after planting a tender kiss on the tiny cheek.

"I had no idea that lungs so little could pack such a punch at 6am."

They both laughed at him.

"What?" They looked privy to a joke he was left out of.

"Thank you John for getting up with her." She stood up. "We'll be back in a few minutes."

Kanda got up and began breakfast. "Where's Roy?"

"He was up before me out at the barn helping with morning chores."

Kanda shook her head. "What's gotten into everyone around here?"

He smiled a genuine smile that she hadn't seen in a very long time from her little brother. "I guess it's just a new day sis."

She understood the feeling. There was still grief for the loss of Kindle and they would all attend the funeral, but with Nick gone it seemed like a giant weight had been lifted off their shoulders in the last twenty four hours.

The smell of breakfast brought Roy to the back door and Emily with Rose back to the kitchen. They gathered around the table and relaxed around home cooking and fellowship with family. Emotions were still guarded a bit, but the air of stress and tension seemed to be leaving the house and all were grateful for that.

"I'll find out the funeral arrangements today," Kanda said as Roy helped her clear the table and wash dishes.

"Okay, Johnny and I have a long weekend off so we will hang around here to help you catch up with the to-do list."

She smiled and leaned in for a quick kiss. "Thanks hon."

They heard a clearing of the throat and turned to see Johnny at the door holding the envelope.

"I think I need to give this to her."

Roy nodded. "Want me to go with you?"

He shook his head. "Nah, I got this. Just wanted to let you know since I have no idea what's in here."

Kanda wiped her hands on the dish towel signaling she was finished and Roy took her hand leading her through the house.

"We'll be on the front porch if you need us." She told him.

Johnny stood outside the nursery door and listened to her singing to Rose and said a silent prayer that what he held wouldn't do any further damage in her life. There had been enough of that and it was time for her to be able to move on.

He gently tapped on the door and she looked up from the rocking chair and motioned for him to come in. The smile he pulled up was halfhearted and she instantly picked up on it.

"Is everything okay John?"

He sat down beside her. "When we went to the office and found out about the shooting Kindle was conscious and talking."

He heard her breathing hitch.

"His only thoughts were of you Em."

She smiled softly as her eyes watered up. "Thank you."

"He asked me to take this envelope and give it to you." He passed it to her.

Reading the front writing she took a deep breath.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

Shaking her head she smiled. "I'll be okay. Just give me a few minutes."

Reluctantly he nodded and rose to leave.

She caught his hand. "Thank you, for everything."

Leaning down he gave her a tender kiss to the cheek and squeezed her hand. "We're here for you Em."

Emily put Rose down in her crib as she slept peacefully and without worries. Taking the envelope she tore open the sealed end and with shaking hands pulled out the documents that it held.

An hour later she emerged from the nursery to find them waiting anxiously in the living room for her. Her eyes were red from the tears and she sat down beside Kanda passing her the envelope.

Kanda took it, unsure what to do. "Emily, this is between you and him. We respect your privacy."

Emily shook her head. "I know everyone has questions and these papers answer them, for the most part. You're my family now and I have no interest in keeping secrets from you. I would like you to read them please."

"Are you sure?" Johnny asked. Even though he was dying to know what was in there he would never break that trust with her.

"Yes," she said with confidence. "If you would Kanda, read it out loud because I have some questions too."

Kanda opened it up and pulled out the papers.

Paper one was a hand written letter from Kindle to Emily. She noted it was written two days prior to his death.

_My Dearest Emily,_

_I have prepared this packet of information for you in the event of my death, so I will assume that it has come to pass and I am no longer there to take care of you. In this envelope you will find all your documents regarding your accounts and how to handle them. I always did this for you because I wanted to, but now it is up to you to take over your wonderful business. Everything you need and all the wisdom I have to offer is documented here for you._

_The hardest part of saying goodbye is I feel the need to share with you some information about your past and how it is affecting your present. I am writing this letter to share with you four undeniable truths. They may surprise you; they may also hurt you, but I tell you this dear Emily, let not anything you find here stop the beauty you hold inside you. _

_The first truth begins with a story about a young man who was brash, arrogant, self-centered, and never seemed to do anything right. His days were full of self-regard and he counted his female conquests as if trophies for the wall. One day one of these girls came to him and told him of a pregnancy and his self-centered world began to crumble around him, but even more shocking was her decision to abort the baby. Although he had no concept on how to be a father he begged her to not go through with it. Nine months later a child was born and at the demand of her mother the infant was placed with an adoption agency. He was never allowed to see her. Years later he tracked her down, to a middle class family in California and tried to get her back, but it was too late and the adoptive family refused to allow him to be involved._

_Emily, you were that child and I was the stupid young man._

_From the moment you were born I loved you even when I didn't realize what love really was. Having you taken away left a hole inside me that college, law school, and any amount of success didn't take away. When I found you again and got to see the beautiful young girl you had become I knew I couldn't rest unless you were happy and protected. _

_Therefore, the second truth is your adoption and although they raised you, they were not your birth parents. Your mother was killed at the tender age of 25 in an auto accident and it drove me even stronger to locate you._

_The third truth is something I am not pleased with myself over though it was necessary at the time. My separation from you didn't end with finding you because your adoptive parents would not allow me access to you. At that point I was in a position to access secrets that I knew would work for me. I'm not proud of what I did, but I also would do it again if it meant being closer to you. I found out your adoptive mother had an affair. I used this knowledge to blackmail her into letting me into your life._

_I became a "family friend" and ultimately your guardian and benefactor. Over the years the knowledge I held was no longer an issue as your mother could see I only had your best interests at heart. I knew the death of your brother was very hard on you and the following years of your mother treating you differently was unfortunately related to the fact that he was her birth son and you were adopted. Her resentment wasn't fair and I stepped into a stronger protector mode at that point of your life. It was then I dictated that you would be sent to art school knowing you needed to get away._

_I never dreamt that you would find Nick and fall in love so young and could not have foreseen the horrors he would bring into your life._

_However, Maggie was a blessing to you and when she was killed my grief was almost unbearable. Then when I almost lost you….I don't know if you could ever realize the pain I felt when you almost died on that mountain._

_I also never imagined that Kanda, Roy, and John would become such an integral part of your life and I ask for their forgiveness at my willingness to do anything to protect you, even run them off. It's a very good thing they don't scare easily because I know that right now they are with you and helping you through my departure._

_The fourth truth is more of an unknown to you but greatly affects you. Your mother had an affair with a man that was unimaginably cruel and heartless, who used her and abused her in terms of emotional and physical pain. If I had known her then the man wouldn't have lived long enough to move to the next woman. Another shock in my life was dealing with him later in my efforts to rescue you from Nick. _

_That man was FBI Agent Mullins._

_There were no ethics or morals inside him and thankfully he was too stupid to ever put together who you were and an affair from years past. I had no qualms with using him to my purpose in finding you and his connections with the FBI served me well when I needed them. _

_My warning to you is to avoid him at all costs in the future. I know he has already been removed from the FBI department due to selling secrets to the mob and they are hunting him down, but never forget his motives are only self-serving. The world will be a better place when he is no longer a part of it._

_My only worry is Nick in your life and me not being around to help you deal with him. Please let Roy and John help and protect you until Nick finds other pursuits in his miserable existence to distract him._

_These truths are not what define you my dear. Only know that as your father I have always loved you, always tried to protect you, and did everything possible to help you have a good life. Your mother loved you too. She was just young and afraid. The only thing she knew to do was to try and give you a better life. Your adoptive parents loved you despite their faults and failures and please know you were never responsible for their deaths. _

_And lastly, Maggie will always be with you and now you have beautiful Rose to bring the joy of life back into your heart._

_I love you very much Emily and hope that after you process all this information you will be able to move forward and give Rose everything you want her to have. _

Kanda put the letter down and sat, along with the others, in stunned silence. A quick glance at the remaining papers revealed them as bank documents regarding Emily's different accounts around the world. There was a copy of her original birth certificate listing Kindle as the father and an old photo of her mother as a beautiful young lady, with long blonde hair, sitting on a swing with a big smile on her face and a very pregnant stomach.

There were several pictures of Emily as a young girl and teenager with Kindle at school events, art exhibits, him and her at her wedding, and a picture of him holding Maggie.

Quiet tears ran down Kanda's face as she passed the pictures to Johnny and Roy. It surprised her when Emily took her hand. She turned to find a peaceful smile on her face.

"I think I've known deep down for a while that he was my father. It just kinda made sense."

"Are you okay?" Kanda asked through her tears.

Emily nodded. "When I went to see him after the surgery that feeling returned and it seemed to crash down on me. Like, how could I have not known? I told him I loved him and called him Dad, right before his heart stopped beating."

She took the picture of her and him standing in front of one of her gallery openings. "He was always there for me and I'm grateful for that time with him. Being adopted is okay too. I mean it's kinda funny I always felt out of place unless I was with my grandmother." She almost chuckled. "Now I know she really wasn't."

Kanda shook her head. "No she was, in every way you needed her to be she was your grandmother, just like he was your brother. You loved them and should never let those memories go."

Emily hugged her. "Thanks."

Johnny stood up. His mind was still sifting through the four truths. "So he used Mullins to find you because of the abusive affair he had with your adoptive mother years before?"

Emily pulled out more papers, old handwritten letters and some typed. "These are some of the communications between my dad and Mullins. It was my dad that put two and two together and used it to his advantage. The poor man never realized why."

"It's official. We are a soap opera." Johnny said as he ran his fingers though his hair.

Emily and Kanda laughed.

Kanda then embraced her in a bear hug. "Pretty much yes. The only difference is this one is going to have a happy ending."

EPILOGUE TO FOLLOW


	37. Chapter 37

WHITE OUT

When the world says, "Give up,"  
>Hope whispers, "Try it one more time."<br>~Author Unknown

_These good fellows don't belong to me but I promise when I'm done to pick um up, dust um off and with a kiss on the cheek return them safely home._

_A/N: Well, if any story could take on a life of its own, it was this one for sure. It was a great ride and reminds me how much I truly love writing and you guys made it so much fun to keep going. Thanks for everything! Hope to see you soon again._

* * *

><p><strong>EPILOGUE<strong>

"Come on Johnny, will you hurry it up?" Chet whined as Johnny pulled hoses to the tower.

"Keep your socks on will ya? Or come down here and actually do some work." He grumbled back.

It was a hot full sun southern California type of day and they were working up a sweat getting the job done even though evening was drawing near. An unusually quiet day of runs Cap had them scrubbing the stationhouse from top to bottom and the last thing Johnny wanted to hear was Chet whine.

"Mike's cooking spaghetti and the phantom does NOT like to miss those kinda dinners."

Johnny shot a look at him.

"Hey, just saying." Chet clipped back.

Johnny stopped and put his hands on his hips. "You know, if you'd try helping instead of running your trap maybe we won't be late for dinner."

Chet hopped down and pulled several loops of hose onto his shoulders as the real fear of missing the best supper of the week threatened his existence.

Roy popped his head out the door, "Johnny, Emily's on the phone!"

Johnny jumped up off the ground like a wound up spring was under him taking the arm full of hose loops and tossing them to Chet without looking. As he dashed back into the bay he left Chet twisted up in hose up to his chin yelping for help.

Hank appeared around the corner and scowled at the fireman. "Kelly, will you quit goofing around and get this mess cleaned up? Dinner's ready." Then turned and strolled into the kitchen knowing they were the only ones that saw the smile on his face.

Johnny ran to the phone and almost danced with anticipation while Roy tried to finish his conversation with her. "Come on Roy, give me a chance."

Roy laughed knowing that every time Emily called he was like a little kid again.

"Emily?"

"_Hey John! How are you_?"

"Good, good. Still coming home Friday?"

"_Better believe it. Rose misses you guys so much_."

"Awe, well, we miss her too. How's London?"

"_It's_ _rainy and miserable as usual. I'm ready for southern California again trust me_."

"Make sure you give Kanda the flight information."

"_Yes Sir, I will. Hey, I have to go now, but can't wait to see everyone_."

"Us too Em. Love you."

"_Love you too John, see you soon_."

He hung up and turned around to see the entire crew sitting at the table staring at him.

"What?" He said as he pulled up a chair.

Roy chuckled. "You know she's only been gone four days partner?"

Johnny swirled his fork in the noodles. "I know that, don't you think I know that? Doesn't mean we don't miss Rose though."

"Uh huh, Rose." Marco smarted. "Sure that's all?"

"Well yea, and Emily too, of course." He shot his attention back to Roy. "She's home for a month this time, what do you think about going up to the cabin next week on our stretch off?"

"I'll have to see what Kanda's work schedule is but sounds good to me."

"London this time huh?" Marco said. "Is this a new gallery?"

"No, she's trying to purchase some warehouse space to possibly open up an art school."

Hank was impressed. "An art school? That's really great."

Roy swallowed his mouthful of noodles. "Saturday right?" He said to everyone at the table as Chet stumbled into a chair and started grabbing dinner as fast as he could.

Everyone nodded the confirmation regarding the gathering as they finished up the meal.

"So, she still has to travel a lot huh?" Chet asked.

Johnny nodded. "Seems like all the time, but she's really taken control over the business like a tiger."

"And Rose does okay with all the travel?" Hank asked.

"She sure does, seems to love every minute of it. We're just glad she found such a reliable Nanny to help her out when she's away."

Hank smacked him on the shoulder as he got up and took more bread out of the oven. "I'm just glad that things are finally going well for her. She's been through a lot."

"She's a trooper and getting back into her art has really helped her cope with everything." Roy added.

"I just wish she didn't have to travel as much as she does," Johnny said in a quieter voice.

"Maybe she just needs someone to help her put some roots down," Mike mumbled under his breath.

Johnny's head shot up, "What?"

Roy chuckled; very sure he heard exactly what Mike had said. "Just finish your dinner Junior."

Johnny shrugged and kept eating leaving the others unsure if he was really oblivious or just choosing to be.

* * *

><p>Emily sat in the grass, Indian style and held the fist full of flowers as she looked over to Rose who sat in her car seat, babbling and playing with her Winnie the Pooh stuffed bear.<p>

"Poppy can see how much you've grown Rose. When Maggie was your age I made fun of him trying to change her diaper. I think he managed to get poop everywhere but in the diaper pail. But hey, you have John now for that, don't you." She giggled and reached over to tickle Rose's bare feet making her squirm in the seat and make faces.

"Give the flowers a kiss before we leave them for Poppy baby."

She held the flowers to Rose's face and laughed as she tried to grab the stems and eat the petals. "No, no, your dinner's at home, so just give those back."

She took a deep breath as she looked at the words engraved before her. "I still miss you every day dad. I hope you hear my conversations since I tend to babble a lot with you. It's really hard to believe that so much has happened in this last year. More than once I had given up in my life, but people kept coming into it and showing me another way. First you saved me from my past, John," she sighed, "John saved me from myself then Kanda and Roy saved my Rose for me."

She leaned back onto her hands. "I visited the cabin this week with Rose and I won't ever let it go out of my life. When John and I went there a few months ago for a kinda anniversary of our struggles I finally felt like those holes in my heart had healed. The world of white memories are tucked away and now the place holds good memories for us. And don't worry; there will be many more stories to share with you I promise, good stories."

"Things are going great for Rose and I and work is keeping me busy. I got a new house for us to have here in LA, it's a great place and between it, the cabin, and the ranch Rose has the best of many worlds now."

Sitting back up she rested her elbows on her knees. "John, Roy and Kanda are also doing great. I really don't know what I'd do without them. Johnny is anxiously waiting until Rose is old enough to ride a horse, but don't worry, I'm making him hold to a walk right now with her. Roy and Kanda are still dancing around and I'm still working on that one." She smiled.

"Jenny has become a wonderful babysitter and mother's helper with Rose. You should have seen her teaching Johnny how to give her a bath. I'm not sure who wound up wetter, Rose or them two," she laughed out loud and Rose smile at her. Chris has taken to helping Kanda run the ranch more and more. He has quite a business head on his growing shoulders for his age and I think he would have impressed even you."

"It's been nice getting to know Margaret since that day we lost you. She's been super sweet to Rose and I have to admit dad that it really touched my heart that she always knew about me, that you never kept me hidden from her like a dirty little secret."

She took a deep breath. "I hope you don't mind that we kept going. I mean I know you would want it that way but sometimes it's still hard and I feel guilty that so many lives were lost and I walked away with so much." She rubbed her moist eyes. "I went back to keeping a journal this year and it already seems full of our crazy days and fun times. I'll bring it with me next time because boy, do I have some great stories to share with you."

She paused knowing it was time to go, but not wanting to say goodbye.

"Thank you dad, for everything."

She laid the flowers down in front of his headstone. "See you next time."

Turning to Rose who had managed to fall asleep in the warm sunshine she sneaked in a kiss then picked her up.

"Let's go home baby doll. We have company tonight."

* * *

><p>The front of the house was modest with a porch that held bright hand painted pots full of colorful flowers and blooming vines that climbed the front posts seemingly reaching for the sky. Inside the walls were adorned with paintings from Emily's favorite artists and a few that she did with people that were special to her, including several by her and Jenny. The furniture was modest and comfortable with muted colors of yellow, oranges, reds, browns and greens throughout the prints while toys, scooters, wagons and stuffed animals littered the floor all around.<p>

The back was a wall of pure glass panels that stretched from one corner to the next revealing the wide porch, bright green grassy lawn and sandy beach front beyond. It was beautiful, comfortable, and home in every sense of the word.

Jenny and Chris worked on a sand castle as the gentle waves rippled on the shore as Roy looked on from a lounge chair, while Kanda helped Emily set up the tables. Hank was in charge of the grill while his Emily helped set out the food and their girls followed Rose all over the house keeping her out of trouble as much as they could.

"Johnny the banner is in the top drawer of the desk, can you grab it?" Emily asked as she passed by with a handful of food items.

"Got it," he said with a smile. After he grabbed it and stretched it out he passed it to Marco.

"Hey man, can you fit that between the balloons?"

Marco chuckled at the sight of Johnny being as giddy as a child at Christmas over today. "Sure can. Chet catch," he said as he tossed the other end to Chet who was standing in another chair.

Good thing the tape was in his mouth as he reached out to catch the banner. "Thanks for the warning pal."

"Yea, careful Marco, we know how bad he is at juggling." Johnny jibed at him.

Chet tossed him a scowl, but couldn't hold the expression seeing the pure joy on his friends face.

The last thing in the check list was music and Johnny wandered over to Mike who was fiddling with the new stereo system. It looked a bit daunting to Johnny.

"You got this figured out yet?" He asked.

Mike looked up at him. "Of course, it's easy."

Johnny tried to nod with some semblance of assurance though he had no idea what Mike had rigged up. "Of course it is." His brow wrinkled, "does it work?"

Mike laughed and showing Johnny his right index finger he then reached to push one button. Instantly the house and back porch was filled with the upbeat sounds of country music that sent toes to tapping all around.

Standing in the living room Emily looked around at how great everyone had pulled together to make this possible. Declaring it ready to go she called for everyone to join her in the dining room.

The dining room table was huge and could easily sit ten people and was quickly circled by family and friends. Emily stood next to Johnny, who held Rose.

"I just wanted to say thank you, to everyone, for being such an integral part of making this amazing day even possible." She felt her eyes grow moist. "My primary wish for Rose was a life of joy and love." Her eyes circled the table, past the 51 family and their families, the ER doctors and Dixie, then to Margaret who seemed to be enjoying the fellowship around her. "Looking around at this group of family and friends I don't see how she could have anything less."

Looking over to Johnny he sat Rose on the table in front of her cake. The blue polka dotted bow that gathered up some curls matched her smocked sundress and when she saw the cake in front of her she clapped her hands and beamed.

Dixie had made the cake which had a three dimensional Winnie the Pooh sitting on a picnic blanket then surrounded by roses. In Pooh's hand was a number 1 candle lit and ready. Seeing the joy of the little princess made Dixie chuckle with delight.

As they sang happy birthday her little shoulders swayed and her body danced with them making everyone cheer and clap with her.

Emily leaned in and told her, "Blow out the candle Princess."

And with more slobber than wind she helped her mother blow out the flame and then proceeded to lunge forward and grab two fists full of cake, much to the resounding laughter and joy that surrounded her.

Emily laughed and hugged her. "Happy First Birthday my sweet Rose."

Darkness had fallen, the party had been cleaned up and guests had returned home as Johnny rocked a sleeping Rose with his own eyes closed reveling in the quiet moment. Emily put the last of the cake away and leaned on the kitchen island using the same moment to reflect on what incredible joy her life now held. She felt strong, confident, and in full control of her world around her. But more than anything, as she watched John and Rose, she realized she had found all that she ever needed in life, a family to love and that loved her back.

He opened his eyes and smiled to see her watching them. "I think she's out for the night."

Emily reached down to take her. "Partied out, it's a good way to go."

He nudged her away with a smile as he stood up. "I got her."

Rose snuggled up against the crook of his neck with her face, securing her position of comfort as they walked. He glanced around.

"Where's Roy and Kanda?"

Emily nodded towards the back yard.

Beyond the grass and sidewalk lamps their silhouettes could be seen as the full moon reflected off the crashing waves behind them. The outside stereo could still be heard playing a soft Caribbean beat as the cool night breeze rippled around them.

Johnny was tired, but felt so utterly content. When he turned to look at Emily he was caught off guard by her expression.

"You look like the Cheshire cat, what are you smiling so big about?"

"Do you think it will ever happen?"

Johnny looked out again and knew what she was referring too. "Yea, I really do."

…..but that's another story…

A/N: Laters, baby!


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